5 Ways to Choose Joy This Holiday Season

It’s the most wonderful time of year…except when it isn’t.

How does it feel to see everyone celebrating around you, doing all the Christmas things and getting everything ready to spend time with loved ones, but you’re dealing with:

• overwhelming feelings?
• the loss of a loved one?
• strained relationships?
• unhealthy expectations?
• nagging depression?

I’ve been there. In fact, this is the first year that I’ve really been excited for Christmas in a long time. Not because things have changed. Each year comes with its own blessings and struggles. No, it’s because this year I’ve decided to choose joy.

I have to be honest that a post like this is challenging to write. I don’t want to downplay the stuff all of us are going through. If you lost someone recently, celebrating Christmas without him or her is devastating. How does it make sense to put on a happy face and forget about it? That’s not what I want you to do at all. I hope the tips I share will help you put your grief in its proper place so you can get through this month and maybe even find something to celebrate.

At the same time, I don’t want to put a wet blanket over people who really do get excited for Christmas. I’ve met a few lovely friends who decorate their houses the day after Halloween. Our Christmas decorations were up the week after Thanksgiving this year, but the year before that, we put up our tree on Christmas Eve! If this is your favorite time of year, enjoy it. But understand that there are people dealing with seasonal depression and/or traumatic events in December, so don’t be surprised if you run into someone who’s not as excited as you.

If you’re struggling this year, or know someone who is, and you want to be joyful, here are five tips to help you choose joy this holiday season:

1. Acknowledge How You Feel

The first step is to name how you’re feeling. I’ve learned through dealing with anxiety and going through the toddler stage of parenting that it’s important to put a name to your emotions. You may even be feeling two different emotions at the same time. Maybe you’re excited for this time of year, but you feel guilty because your loved one isn’t here to enjoy the holidays with you. Maybe you’re looking forward to seeing your family but you’re disappointed that your finances aren’t where they should be, so you can’t go all out on gifts this year.

Whatever you’re feeling, write down all your emotions or say them out loud. Welcome them. Feel them. Cry if you have to. Scream, take deep breaths, or go for a walk to release your anger. Grieving is healthy, and it’s a necessary step to moving forward in your life.

2. Spend Time with Others

Sometimes just sharing how you feel can help you feel better. You’re not alone. There are people all around you who have similar struggles, blessings, and reasons to be thankful. I’m not saying you have no right to complain, but you do have people available to give you the support you need.

If you’re feeling alone, here are some places where you can find a community:

• Your family: If you have a healthy relationship with your family, awesome! They’re your people. Enjoy spending time with them, and if you’re struggling, reach out to them and be honest about how you’re feeling. You can also be a listening ear and shoulder to cry on for people in your family who are feeling lonely or sad this season.
• Your neighborhood: Sometimes, all it takes is for you to leave your house to make a friend. I made a friend literally across the street from my house while walking my baby in the snow about two years ago. Make friends with the people who live next to you, across the street from you, and around the block from you. Go to local events your village or town hosts.
• Your church: I was just talking with some of my friends about how I never felt a deeper sense of belonging than when I joined my church. I accepted Christ about 19 years ago at this point, and I’ve been at the same church since. I know there’s been a lot of hurt around church lately, but I want to encourage you to try it again. Join a small group. Do life with other believers. Pray about if it’s time for you to come back to church and be part of God’s larger community.

3. Reflect on Seasons Past

I have to admit that decorating my house for Christmas is actually one of my favorite parts of the season. It’s a lot of work getting all the stuff out of my attic and down to the main level, but I love looking through all the pieces we’ve collected over the years: the ornaments our family members have given us; the gifts my husband and I have given each other; and the heirlooms our families have passed down through generations.

My favorite decoration is a little bear ice skating. The bear has a magnet on it that allows it to skate around the pond. The magnet is wearing off, but the music takes me right back to when I was a kid. My grandma would decorate her house for Christmas, and she’d fill her basement with toys and other gifts for us. My grandma has been in heaven for almost 20 years, but I still remember how I felt when I had Christmas at her house.

Now, when Christmas is hard to celebrate, I remember the warmth I felt at my grandma’s house on Christmas. The times I’d go to the diner with my dad on Christmas morning. The presents. The family. The hugs.

4. Make New Traditions

If you have trauma or loss surrounding your Christmas traditions, it may be challenging to celebrate them this year. “Daddy always used to put the star on the Christmas tree, but now Daddy isn’t here.” “We always used to kiss under the mistletoe, but finding out about the affair makes me not want to go anywhere near that spot in the house.” If your traditions are more painful than joyful this year, work on making your own traditions.

One year for Thanksgiving, my mom, sister, and I didn’t have turkey. We didn’t have sides. Instead, we had chocolate cake and biscuits, and we did improv. To this day, we still look back on that as one of our favorite Thanksgivings.

If you’re having a rough year, don’t feel the pressure to do it all. If your family doesn’t normally do traditions, maybe try participating in some this year. Go for a drive and look at the lights around your neighborhood. Bake some delicious cookies. Send some Christmas cards. Or…cuddle up with a blanket and take a nap. That’s a holiday tradition I’ll gladly support (and participate in)!

5. Worship

There’s a reason the Psalms are filled with commands to our own soul to bless the Lord. It doesn’t come naturally to us! But since I’m a follower of Christ, God wants me to worship Him, no matter how I feel. God is still good, even when I don’t feel it.

If you’re a follower of Christ, make some time to pray and read the Bible. I’ve found that saying the words in the Bible out loud help me feel better.

Conclusion

I’m not a therapist or a medical professional, but I know a thing or two about anxiety from personal experience. These tips are meant to help those with mild generalized anxiety disorder, or mild holiday blues. If you feel the need for extra support, help is out there!

Whatever you do this month, I pray you can choose joy this holiday season!

YOUR TURN: What are you most looking forward to this season?

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Personal updates!

1. I’m still writing the draft for book 3! I have the bulk of Original Thought written, with a few chapters titled “Add More to This”. My critique group has been helping me come up with ways to fill in the story through their questions. I was hoping to finish the first draft by the end of the year, but I might have to do a little more writing in the new year!
2. The Instagram algorithm is confusing! I’m slowly growing my reach on Instagram, but most people are as confused as I am about how to make it grow. I just keep posting and engaging in other people’s posts. Hopefully something clicks soon. There’s a reason I wrote a post about an Internet shutdown; I’m not tech savvy at all 🙂 Hopefully the WordPress algorithm is more in my favor, and brings the right people along!
3. My book series is on sale on Amazon: For the month of December, my books are on sale for 25% off. Now’s your time to get it! Check out my book page to find out how to get In Real Life and Human Again.
4. Please write a review! If you’ve read my book before, please leave a review on Amazon and/or Goodreads. Writing reviews allows other readers to find my book!
5. My blog post schedule is random: I was going to write this post last week and schedule it, but I figured I’d have time to write it later. That was definitely wishful thinking! I was hoping to have a blog post out every Monday, but I can’t commit to that 100%. I’ll do my best!

Thanks again for checking in! Tune in next week for another encouraging blog post.