Category: Encouragement

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Wisdom Wednesday

According to the World, Things Will Get Worse

“Oh, just you wait.  Things will get worse.  Trust me.”

If I could sum up the words that have been spoken over my generation in the recent months, it would be these three sentences. I’d never thought that just three short years after my graduation, my dreams would be attacked so much.

In my last few weeks of college, my classmates, professors, and mentors poured courage, peace, and strength into my heart.  Their message was clear and it was good: “God has great plans for you.”  I fully believe it then, and I fully believe it now.  My college friends encouraged my hopes of traveling the world and meeting people from various cultures.  They pushed me to use my gift of and passion for writing (even when I didn’t want to admit that my dream was to be a writer).  They noticed my joy and guided me to live with the joy of the Lord as my strength.  They walked with me through my raw emotions; they accepted me for who I was, but they loved me too much to let me stay there.  Because I was surrounded by encouragement, love, and support for four years, I thought my time in college would prepare me for a lifetime of constant encouragement, love, and support from the world.

Within a few months after graduating, I learned the harsh reality that the world is actually cheering for my failure.  In a world where comparison prevents us from celebrating along with other people, where statistics scream in our faces that we will never be successful, and where people’s interests and obsessions change in the blink of an eye…it is so easy for us to believe that there is no point in fighting for success, because in the end, it won’t matter anyway.

For those of us who are looking for approval from anyone other than God, we are looking in the wrong place.  We have big dreams, but people are jealous of our success and want to rob us of our joy.  We want to go places, but the media portrays the world as a scary place, and tells us that we should just stay in our warm cubby holes and talk to people within our comfort levels.  We want to be the talk of the town, but even that video that went viral became old news within a week.  We want to fight for ourselves to matter, but in the end, the world shoves it in our face that we don’t.  So…what’s the point?

The point is: when we live for the world, we mean nothing, but when we live for God, our legacy will last for eternity.  God is happy to see us succeed, especially when we surrender our lives to Him.  He is not jealous of us, but jealous for us; He does not compete with us, but in His perfect will He orchestrates all things to work together for good…and He wants you to be a part of His plan.  God knows the statistics of this world, but He can do the impossible; the God who fed over five thousand people with five loaves and two fish can take your hopeless, implausible dreams and use them to change the world.  And while the interests of this world are fleeting, God’s attention is always on you; He never leaves you or forsakes you.

It would be absolutely wrong to say that I haven’t received any encouragement after graduating college (or even that college was void of any discouragement).  But I must say that the world is harsh.  While it is said that there is a 50/50 chance of a marriage flourishing or failing, why would anyone want to tell a newly married couple that is enjoying marriage to just give it a few years until they are sick of each other?  After a college graduate spends four years and tens of thousands of dollars pursuing a degree that she enjoys, why would anyone want to tell her that she’ll never get a decent job with her head in the clouds?  In the confusion of our politics today, why would anyone tell a young person who has been studying current events that his political views are illogical and that he will never understand?

I can’t control the world around me, but I can control how I respond.  I was inspired to write this post to encourage millennials, as I have heard many people from other generations talk down to us as if we will never be successful until they conform to the standards of the “older people.”  But I believe that this message can encourage others  who have big dreams that have been squashed by their peers.  I don’t seek to bash anyone, but rather to encourage the people who have lost their hope.

I speak to my generation, the millennials, the young folks, the kids who apparently aren’t quite adults but are definitely not kids.  This is my message to you: Do not give up.  Rise against the negative voices that have been spoken to you.  Life will not be easy, but things do not have get worse.  Enjoy the season you are in now.  Use the strengths that God has given you now.  Do not wait until things get better.  Do not be afraid of things getting worse.  Life is a process, and you will figure it out.

Above all, know that God is cheering you on.  The same God who will never leave you or forsake you inspired Paul to write these words to Timothy: “Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity” (1 Timothy 4:12).  May this verse sink deep into your heart and encourage you to persevere in the midst of hopelessness.

According to this world, things will only get worse, but according to God’s Word, there is hope even in the tough times.  God has great plans for you, but it involves trusting Him and putting your faith into action.  Be encouraged: you are not doomed to a life of failure, but you are promised a life of hope and faith when you commit to follow God’s plan for you.

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Church

Learning from Little Ones

Every week, I have the opportunity to teach a small group of girls about their worth in Christ.  When the world tells them that they are too young to fully understand what it means to be a friend of Jesus, these sweet little ones show love in a more beautiful way than anyone I know on this Earth.

In my group of GEMS (Girls Everywhere Meeting the Savior) girls this year, we have been learning about love: how to love and be loved by God, how to love others, and how to love ourselves.  I have such a diverse group of girls, not just in race and body type, but also in personality.  My girls are from all over the world, and their hearts reflect a multitude of different backgrounds, upbringings, and cultures.  I have enjoyed watching them interact with one another and watching them grow closer together.

Unfortunately, because of all that was going on in my personal life this year (ie, planning a wedding, working a full-time job, navigating a new apartment, finding an efficient way to commute to work), it was honestly a struggle for me to make it to GEMS each Monday.  On my way to the church, while running at least ten minutes late, I would pray that God would empower me with His strength, because I truly did not have strength on my own for the fifteen energetic girls that wanted nothing more but to tell me every intricate detail of their days.  I would drive into a parking spot, take a deep breath, and open my door, unsure of what would happen next.

Most weeks, the girls have so much energy and joy that they cannot sit still.  While I try teaching them about respecting one another by listening to one another, they talk over me and make side conversations with other girls.  Despite me asking if they understand what I require of them, and they nod, not even a minute later, they begin another side conversation with someone else.

Occasionally, their attention span cannot last the full ninety minutes we meet.  We work through a book, and when I explain the Bible story to them, some of them whine, “This is boring!  When can we play a game?” Then, when I play a game with them, a clique of girls fold their arms and sit in the corner.  “I don’t want to play a game,” they complain, “I just want to sit by myself.”

Sometimes, I wonder if the girls are really learning, since they are not responding in the way that I expect.  Other times, God surprises me, and I have no choice but to thank Him for His good work.

Last week represented the growth that God has developed in the group throughout the year.  We had a new girl show up, and, knowing my group had been meeting since September, I did not know how the other girls would handle a new person.  I was afraid of what would come out of their mouths, or even if she would be ignored.

Before we had snack, I had the girls line up against the wall.  I told them that we had a new girl, and I instructed the girls to each introduce themselves.  “We have been together for almost a whole year!” I explained after the final girl introduced herself.  “This girl seems very nice, but she doesn’t know anyone here.  You are all friends now, but she doesn’t have any friends yet.  Can you please include her in your games?  Can you please make her feel like she is welcome?”

The sweet little girls giggled, looked at each other, and screamed: “WELCOME!” As if on cue, they all walked up to the girl and gave her a group hug!  Then, as I escorted the girls to get snack, one of the girls told the new girl that she could sit with her.  The new girl was so welcome into the group that she didn’t want to leave when her mother picked her up!  What a blessing.

We played some games, but we always close the night with prayer.  Obviously, to protect their privacy, I won’t share their specific prayer requests, but I must say that they were real.  They were not petty requests that we would expect of children.  They were genuine prayers for their families and their schoolwork.  I asked if a girl would be willing to pray for everyone.  A girl who is very knowledgeable in the Bible but had never prayed in the group before expressed interest.  I encouraged her to step out of her comfort zone and pray as she felt led.  She remembered everyone’s prayer requests and spoke with such confidence.  Since I met her, God has transformed this girl from isolated and insecure to cheerful and sociable.  Now, to see her use her cheer and confidence to encourage others was such a blessing.  To make it even better, one of the girls who had a prayer request went up to the person who prayed and thanked her for praying for her situation.

As I mentioned in my last post, our church had a women’s conference this weekend.  We learned that we can only fully be satisfied in God’s love.  We learned that we must filter everything that happens to us through the lens of the truth that God loves us.  We learned to encourage one another and fight alongside one another as we face trials and temptations in this life.

After what I saw in my group last week, I am fully convinced that God can teach any child at any age about His incomparable, unfailing love.  At age seven (on average), these kids have already begun to understand what it means to fight with one another instead of against one another.  These kids have already begun to understand how much God loves them, and how true beauty comes from the heart (thus, that they are extremely beautiful!).  These kids have already begun their journey of trusting Christ as their best friend.  And I am honored to be a part of it.

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Church

The Strength of the “Weaker Vessel”

I pray that this blog helps you to find your strength in Christ.

This weekend, our church had been blessed with the opportunity to have a women’s conference, where 650 women came to listen to a famous female Christian speaker share God’s Word with us.  God opened my eyes to the women volunteering all over the building before and during the event, promoting the event via social media and our church bulletin, contacting vendors and food suppliers, wisely discerning how to properly spend the church money, and herding hundreds of women around the church, all with smiles on their faces.

In 1 Peter 3:7, Peter describes women as “the weaker vessel.”  In a society where women are worthless unless they can do the same things that men can, we don’t like to read this in the Bible.  In the context in which it was written, there is a general consensus that Peter was referring to women being physically weaker than men.  I have no problem admitting this, as my husband can simply put his arm around me to prevent me from moving.  To go slightly off-topic, I wanted to point out that Peter mentions this phrase to demonstrate that men should respect us as the weaker vessels, instead of using their strengths to abuse us (so he’s basically saying that domestic violence and physical abuse is a sin, and that men who do this are completely at fault).

However, I write this blog to shine a light on the women in my life that, although the Bible describes them as “the weaker vessel,” are strong in their own way.  They may not have the same roles as men in their households, in churches, or in society, but they have a different type of strength that does not go unnoticed.

When I look at the women in my church, in addition to the hundreds of women who serve and mentor in a wide variety of ministries (including the wonderful women I work with in the church office!), I see four women who support the men who pastor our church.  Each of our four pastors has spoken from the platform or has taught a class that I have attended, and each pastor has mentioned the value of his wife and what she does for him (as well as for the church).  God holds teachers of His Word at a high standard (see James 3), so pastors need people to hold them accountable.  Our pastors can attest that their wives have spoken the truth in love to them, and have warned them against making mistakes that they would regret.  The pastors’ wives pay attention to detail; they have the patience to do paperwork, prepare the behind-the-scene efforts for events, and handle the stresses of caring for a big church without breaking their character.   In addition to dealing with their everyday lives (whether it’s homeschooling children or helping relatives that live in various states), these women also offer friendship to women in our church.  The pastors’ wives are always willing to help their families and to the church, and they do it all with the joy of the Lord as their strength.

I’m also blessed to have such powerful women in my family.  My mother has used her strength to take care of me and my sister as a single mom, not only providing financially for us, but also mentally and emotionally.  I’d always lived in a clean house that she’d worked tirelessly to maintain.  She has done a great job of encouraging me in my writing, helping my sister in her career path, and being a source of guidance and care to the young women in her life who have had traumatic experiences.  My mother-in-law has used her strength to give excessively.  Between bringing food to her family while they are at work, to offering advice to those around her, she is always willing to give whatever she can whenever she can.  Plus, she raised my husband, and that’s kind of a big deal!  My “stepmom” has used her strength to raise my older brothers and sisters, and she has blessed me by treating me as her own daughter.  She is a lovely grandma to my nieces and nephews, and she makes every effort to share God’s blessings with everyone she meets.

My older sisters (including my sister-in-law) have used their strength to take care of the next generation and raise intelligent, respectable children.  In a society where most parents are absent or negligent, it is such a blessing to see mothers who are truly invested in their children.  My younger sister has used her strength to support her boyfriend, and to help her friends and family hold it all together.  Whenever I’m struggling, I know I can turn to her for a listening ear and for encouragement; I know most of her friends can say the same.  I’m so proud of how mature she has become.

My friends all use their strengths to multitask the innumerable events that they have in their schedules.  Whether they are married with two kids and a dog, they are trying to get pregnant, they are house hunting, they are planning weddings, they are wrestling with their feelings in a season of singleness, or they are involved in various ministries, they possess power that allows them to do it all without going absolutely insane.

Although women are not created to do everything, the women in my life do everything that they do well.  My life would not be the same without these women encouraging me and sharing with me the blessings that they have received from God.

It is time for us women to celebrate our strengths instead of focusing on our weaknesses.  We are not less valuable than men because we do not have the strength that they possess.  We are not more valuable than men because we can supposedly do everything.  We hold a different kind of value because we have a strength that men do not possess.  We have been created by God to give life, not just with our bodies (as that time of the month always reminds us!) but also with our words, our presence, and our actions.  

God has used the encouragement that I’ve received from my family, friends, and women at church to revive my dead, weary soul.   I cannot tell you how many times I’ve felt peace by simply having a woman stand by my side during the moments when I’ve been the most broken.  Their generosity has broken down the walls of my heart and allowed me to receive without fear of rejection and disappointment.  Truly, every strength that the women I know possess, is life-giving.

What life-giving gifts do you possess, and how will you use them to reveal God’s strength in you?

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Wisdom Wednesday

We Are Filled…But With “Stuff”

These past few weeks have been emotionally draining.  As a result, I’ve been short-tempered, I’ve shed a few tears, and I’ve shut down on a few occasions.  As one who enjoys analyzing my feelings, I have been trying to figure out why I’ve been like this.  I’m a generally upbeat and positive person, so for me to express feelings of apathy and irritation is quite uncommon.

I was sort of going through the motions until a guy cut me off on the way home the other day.  I’d given him the signal that I was changing into the left lane, and since he slowed down, I figured he was letting me cut in front of him.  As soon as I made it into the left lane, however, he suddenly honked the horn at me, swerved around me, stopped quickly enough to ask me “WTF (spelled out) is your problem?”, and then proceeded to cut in front of me.  As if he could hear me (or even care that I had an answer), I shouted back, “I was trying to turn left to get onto the parkway, but then you decided to change your mind and almost get both of us into an accident!”  I realized in that moment that there was no reasoning with a guy as angry and irresponsible as him, especially since he was already out of earshot.  I spent the twenty-minute car ride angry that someone would treat me like a roadblock, like an object that was simply in the way.  I impatiently stopped at every light, desiring more than anything just to make it home.  I was spent, I was finished, I was…empty.

In the busyness of this life, it is easy to believe that we are filled.  We turn down plans because we have such a full schedule that we cannot bear to have just one more hour-long activity tacked onto our week.  We roll our eyes at the mounds of dirty dishes and the mountain of laundry waiting to be cleaned, because our living space is full of our possessions (especially when you’re living with a spouse and you both brought items from your childhood into your tiny apartment and you have nowhere to put anything).  We grab our phones because it our message inbox is full, and we need to contact our friends. We eat so much, that we are full for about an hour, but then we indulge in even more food.  But when we stop to think about it, what is our life filled with?  Stuff.  Not things.  Stuff.  A disarray of unnameable items that don’t have a distinct category.  Everything (friends, family, time, ministry, work, possessions, marriage) all ends up in one pile of stuff.  And when we don’t deal with the way this stuff affects us, it creates stuff in our hearts: bitterness, anger, greed, and insecurities.

You see, the problem with the driver was that he brought up stuff in my heart.  He brought up my insecurity about driving, my inability to stick up for myself, and ultimately, my insecurity of not being good enough.  This is stuff that I had buried deep within my heart, that I could not deal with because of my other stuff: my busyness, my responsibilities, and my lack of energy.

I wrote this post because, quite honestly, I’ve dealt with a lot of stuff already.  I’ve prayed and grieved through many circumstances that have happened in my life as well as sins that I have committed.  I’ve asked for forgiveness from God and others for past mistakes, and I have accepted forgiveness for what others have done to me.

So…where is this other stuff coming from?  Was it always there?  Did I not pray hard enough when I prayed to get rid of that stuff in the first place?

Jesus taught His disciples about keeping our souls free from stuff.  In Luke 11, Jesus explains that when an unclean spirit leaves someone, the spirit looks for another place to go.  When it doesn’t find any place, it goes back to the person it left.  If the spirit finds the place clean and tidy, he will go in and call several others to dwell there with him (see vv 24-26).  We think that we have to clean up our lives in order to be free from sin.  The reality is, we just need to be filled.

God uses trials and various circumstances to reveal to us what is truly in our hearts.  When I thought God was revealing my lack of forgiveness or my insecurity, He was revealing something much deeper…

He was revealing that at the depth of my core, I am an empty cup just waiting to be filled.

The Bible describes humans as vessels, containers that are meant to be filled, that are meant to contain something.  That’s why we strive to be filled, since we are aware that there is an emptiness deep within our soul.  But God is not the only one that can fill us.  We can also be filled with junk.  We can be filled with the greed of this world, with complaining, with habitual sin, and with overindulgence.  Just because we are filled does not mean we are content.  The Holy Spirit is the only “soul-filler” that can truly satisfy; the other things we chase simply leave us empty after a while.

The events, people, and attitudes we encounter may seem good, but if God has not called you to them, they just become white noise in the background of your crazy life.

My week is typically filled with laundry, washing dishes, working 9-5, food shopping, women’s conferences, church meetings, catching up with friends, eating dinner with family, and lots and lots of driving.  I used to look forward to the weekend because that’s when I would get a break.  Now I’m just praying for a break to show up somewhere!

My attitude this week reminded me that I need to cut back from some of the stuff that I have on my plate.  This week, I am making a conscious effort to pray about where God is leading me.  That may involve making my schedule more empty.  That may involve making my friends list a little more scarce.  That may involve simply developing a more eternal perspective on the tasks God has given me.  That may even involve taking part in different activities that I enjoy, instead of activities that drain me.  Whatever happens, removing the stuff from my life will allow more room for God to move in my life.

What is the stuff in your life?  I challenge you to take time each day this week to do a heart check.  Is there an area in your life where you are feeling dissatisfied?  Ask God what you need to surrender to Him.  Is there an attitude, a sin, unresolved conflict, or unforgiveness that you have been storing in your heart?  Be honest with God about how you feel (even if you have to confess that you don’t want to change your behavior, deal with the conflict, or forgive the one who hurt you).  Giving up the stuff in your life will be risky and very possibly uncomfortable, but when you finally let go, that is when God can fill you with His ever-satisfying love, peace, and grace.

Categories
Wisdom Wednesday

Silence is Golden

Every Easter, a different aspect of the story stands out.  It’s as if everything I read, every word spoken by a pastor, and every conversation I have with others come together and speak a message that God wants me to reflect on each year.  This Easter season, I realized a lesson that is so important for this generation…

Silence is golden.

In the world today, people are fighting to let others know their opinions.  When people don’t get their way, they will scream and shout until everyone is practically throwing things at them to get them to shut up.  Two people can be talking at each other without having a conversation. All that matters today is being heard.  As it is said, the squeaky wheel gets the grease.  The one who does the most complaining, and the most explaining, will be the one who gets attention, and who ultimately gets what he or she wants.

But that’s not the way that Jesus left this Earth.  You see, Jesus had all the power in the world to do whatever He wanted.  When the rulers of the law hurled insults at Him, Jesus had the wisdom to know how to defend Himself.  He could have used His words to hail thousands of angels to come to His side and destroy any accusation made against Him.  But the mode of attack that Jesus chose to use…was silence.

Our Savior, on the day He could have glorified God by showing the world His power, putting to death any form of doubt, opted not to fight back.  He opted to glorify God by doing what we least expected.  He gave darkness five minutes of fame.  All along, Jesus knew that His power would overcome, so He didn’t have to defend Himself against His mockers.  He already knew that it was impossible for them to kill Him, so He willingly let them give it their best effort to try.

In a world that is screaming at us for attention, we must find a way to disconnect for a few minutes and recollect our thoughts.  In a society that makes it difficult to keep up, we must find a way to be content with our current situation for just a few minutes, instead of starving for something different.  In a place where the one who yells the loudest gets the biggest prize, we must find a way to listen to the faint whispers of those who have a message we need to hear.

Those who are truly powerful don’t have to prove their power.  They just have to be themselves.  Instead of trying to prove ourselves with our words, let’s allow our actions to speak for us.

Categories
Wisdom Wednesday

The Story of the One Who Didn’t Fail

Easter.  A holiday where the only consistent memory I have is putting on a pretty new dress, piling into the car with my family, and sitting in a crowded church ready to hear the story yet again.  This story changed the world, one desperate heart at a time.  This story made me cry for days after seeing it reenacted on stage.  This story begs the question: If this happened during my lifetime, which character would describe my reaction?

What would we do if the Easter story took place today?  What would we do if Jesus showed up, performed miracles, and spoke truth to a hurting world?  What would you do if the crowd shouted to crucify him, and they asked you to join them?

We always try to identify with the people who were there, the people whose names are now just words on a page but whose stories are so…relatable.  Women can identify with one of the Mary’s, who went to visit Jesus at the tomb or who sat at His feet.  Men can identify with John, the beloved disciple, who took care of Jesus’ mother after His crucifixion.

We want to be the people in the story who didn’t mess up, who were triumphant to the end.  We want to be the ones who pushed through the crowd and begged the officials not to crucify Jesus.  We want to be the ones who believed in Jesus and understood what He was doing for us in that very moment.

There’s only one problem with this desire…No one in the story fits that description.

The truth is: we all fall short, just like every person in the story of Holy Week.  

Two of the most famous failures of this story are Judas’s betrayal of Jesus, and Peter’s denial of Jesus.  Judas was one of Jesus’s disciples, one of the people that Jesus let into His inner circle.  Judas had a front-row seat to all of Jesus’s teachings, witnessing all of His miracles and hearing the testimonies of those Jesus had affected.  Even after three years of this, Judas’s heart was still as cold as ice, and his love of money kept him from being transformed by the love of God.  He sold Jesus out for a couple of pieces of silver.  When he finally realized the stupidity of his decision, he threw the money on the ground of the temple, “went away,” and hanged himself (see Matthew 27).

Peter had a very special relationship with Jesus.  Jesus blessed Peter to be the leader of the new Church.  Jesus called Peter to walk on water with Him, in the middle of the sea.  Jesus allowed Peter to see His healing power, as well as to understand the mysteries of His teachings.  Peter made a vow to never deny Jesus.  He even swore that he would be willing to die with Him.  But even after three years of knowing Jesus, Peter rejected Him in front of a handful of strangers, only to avoid his opportunity to die with Him.  One could feel the dagger thrust through Peter’s conscious as his Lord turned around and looked right at him, seconds after he denied knowing Him (see Luke 22).

Unfortunately, we are much more like Judas and Peter than we would like to admit.  We want to be the ones to stay with Jesus until the very end, but we mess up before we even get close to the finish line.  We wake up each morning, ready to live for Jesus completely, but we fail before we even leave the house.

We want to be the heroes in this story, but the true hero is and only can be Jesus. 

Jesus was the only one in this story who didn’t fail.  He was the only one who was beaten, mocked, and scorned, and still came out victorious through it all.  Jesus was the one who offered opportunities of redemption to both Judas and Peter.  If there was one thing that the disciples must have learned by spending so much time with Jesus, it was that He was in the business of forgiving those who least deserved His love.

Judas believed he was least deserving of the love of Jesus, and instead of running to the beautiful forgiveness of Jesus, the only option he saw in front of him was to end his own life.  He missed out on the chance to be redeemed and transformed by Jesus because he was too busy looking at his own sin.

Peter also believed he was least deserving of the love of Jesus.  However, his story differs from the story of Judas in that Peter did not run from Jesus.  As a matter of fact, when Jesus’s tomb was rumored to be empty, Peter literally ran into the tomb to make sure that Jesus had actually risen from the dead (John 20:8).  What a beautiful picture of repentance: running right toward the Savior, knowing that there is no better place to turn.  Jesus encounters Peter and reaffirms His plan for his ministry.  Jesus forgives him, as if he had never denied Him in the first place.  Peter did not look at his own sin; rather, he looked at the miracle of Jesus’s life-giving power.  As a result, Peter was able to receive the grace for which Jesus died and rose again.

So, how do you fit into Holy Week?  The question isn’t “Will you mess up?”  The question is: “When you mess up, will you allow your failure to define you, or will you trust Jesus to forgive you?”  Let Jesus be the hero of this Easter story.

Categories
Marriage

The Power of a Nagging Wife

“Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife.”
-Proverbs 21:19

I said I wouldn’t do it.  I said I would never nag my husband.  I told myself that I would never try to control him, that I would trust him and let him be his own person…

…If only he would pick his socks up off the floor!  Why do I have to clean up after him?  He sees me washing the dishes all by myself, and yet does not offer help.  I feel like I have a checklist and I’m the only one checking anything off!  Why doesn’t he do what I want him to do?

Lately, the idea of being a wife of “a gentle and quiet spirit” (1 Peter 3:4) has been sticking with me.  In a world where women are fighting and yelling to demonstrate their worth, it is difficult to know what being gentle and quiet looks like.  I mean, I have good ideas.  I want to be heard.  So why not push my way to get what I want?

Nagging my husband gives me a false sense of power.  As a woman who spends hours of her day taking orders from various people at work, the idea of bossing around my husband is, quite honestly, enticing.  The nagging voice of society telling me what I “should” do pops up every time I have a free hour.  And I try pushing that voice onto my husband, to take the load off myself.  But he is a man, and he is able to shut that little voice off and go about his business.

And that’s exactly why my husband doesn’t follow my agenda: he has his own!  He works the same hours that I do, taking orders from various other people at his job.  He drives forty minutes in traffic to get to work each morning, and then fights the afternoon traffic to make it home for dinner.  Then he either has class, homework, or some kind of ministry at the church.  Finally, after a long day of running around and exhausting himself, all he wants to do is play a game on his computer for an hour to unwind.

While I’m understanding that this is the way life is for now, there’s a part of me that just wants him to do things my way.  He says he’ll clean up after dinner, but several hours go by and the dirty dishes are still left in a mound in the sink.  He says he’ll make time for me, but I watch him sit in his chair and play video games while resentment builds up inside of me.  I’ve come to believe that it is valuable to voice my opinion and to tell my husband what I want and expect. It is up to him to decide what to do with that information, but if he doesn’t responding the way that I want, that’s when I start yelling.  That’s when I start telling him to get his act together.  That’s when that whiny tone creeps into my voice and discourages my husband from “obeying me.”  That’s when I start nagging.

Having only been married for about five months, I’ve learned very quickly that nagging does not work for me.  I mean, did it work for our parents when they would ask us to do anything?  As a kid, even if I really wanted to help around the house, as soon as one of my parents told me to do it, I instantly didn’t want to do it…simply because they asked!

So, I began to pray for my husband.  I began to ask God to intervene, to reveal what was wrong with this situation.  And, thank God, He showed me that the problem was my unrealistic expectations.  I was expecting my husband to join in on my crazy roller coaster of cleaning, making plans, and spending time with me, while he was already riding a roller coaster of his own!

Now, I know my husband is not perfect.  There are things that about him that I would love to change.  There are things about him that I’m sure God would want to change.  But I need to let God do the changing.  God does not need my help.  I need to let the Holy Spirit do what only HE can do in my husband’s heart.  Why nag when the Holy Spirit will quietly and gently speak to his soul, telling him to do the right thing, not my agenda, but the Lord’s? 

That’s where the idea of having a gentle and quiet spirit comes into play.  When I simply shut my mouth and pray, I’m allowing the Holy Spirit to work.  I’m allowing my husband to take responsibility for his actions, to make healthy (and unhealthy) choices all on his own.  I’ve already told him multiple times how he can help me.  He knows what I expect from him.  I don’t need to remind him.  He’ll do it when he can.

Unfortunately, the perfectionist in me has to leave the mound of dishes in the sink until my husband finally has time to clean them.  I may have to leave his dirty socks on the floor until he realizes that they shouldn’t be there.  I may have to spend some time alone before he’s refreshed enough to have a deep conversation with me.  But without a doubt, I will have to stop trying to control each situation and give each situation to God.

For the past few days, I’ve adopted this attitude of letting God take control.  I’ve kept quiet about some things around the house that aren’t clean.  I’ve left the dishes in the sink after my husband promised to clean them.  And after waiting a few minutes, hours, or days (whatever it takes), I see him realize what needs to get done, all on his own, and do it all by himself.  To me, that is worth more than him following my orders.  He made the decision because he also cares about the condition of our living space.  And for that, I am grateful.

After I see my husband helping me, I always thank him.  I don’t criticize him for doing anything the “wrong” way (which is my way, of course!).  He really enjoys when I appreciate the things he does for me.  It makes him want to do more on his own.  And it is a reflection of how God speaks to him: gently, quietly, and affirmingly.  As a woman who wants to reflect Christ in my marriage, I seek to speak to my husband the way that God would speak to him.

It looks like, when I finally decided to stop trying to change my husband, God has begun to change me!

Categories
Marriage

When It’s OK Not to Wait

In 2014, I wrote a blog post about waiting. I had brought up some interesting points about how waiting reveals who we truly are, and how waiting doesn’t have to be boring. Now, in the present, I have everything I had wanted when I had written this post.  Shortly after writing that post, I had been offered a job as an Administrative Assistant, a job I never thought I would have, but I feel was created for me in this season of my life.  A few months after that, I met a man that swept me off my feet, a man who broke the walls down I had built around my heart.  This man helped me move into my first apartment several weeks after we had started dating.  Five months after that, he asked me to marry him.  We had an eleven-month engagement period, all the while advancing in our jobs, finding a place to live together, and making new friends.

These two years of my life have been an answer to the prayers that I had prayed in the waiting period.

My husband and I dated for six months before getting engaged.  In the middle of our six-month dating period, my boyfriend confessed to me that he was planning on asking me to marry him very soon.  I thought to myself, what’s the rush?  But I sought out the wisdom of those older than me, and their response was the opposite: Why the wait?   While driving to work one day, I heard a speaker refer to Joshua 1:7, where Joshua receives instructions on how to lead the people: “Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go.” In that moment, God used that verse to tell me: “If I’m calling you somewhere, do not doubt!  Go for it!”

On the day that signified our sixth month of dating, my boyfriend pulled out a ring and became my fiance.  Since we had gotten engaged in December, we wanted to take the time to enjoy the holidays before diving into wedding planning.  Then, in February, we decided to sit down and plan a wedding date.  We had two options that worked for us: wait two years and get married in February of 2018, or wait a few months and get married in November of 2016.

The conflict I had felt before our engagement came up again.  Our initial thought was what’s the rush?  But then I felt an even deeper conviction over the second question….Why the wait?  

I mean, really, what would have been the reason for us to wait?  The reality was: we were already in love with each other.  If we had waited any longer, we would have compromised our morals and potentially given up on each other.  We had already developed a mindset of working together, so why would we wait to start officially living life together as a couple?

The only two reasons that came to our attention were: 1) We didn’t have enough money; and 2) I was intimidated by the idea of entering into a covenant relationship with someone I was not allowed to leave.  After serious praying and discussion, we realized that those reasons were motivated by fear, and not by faith.  We decided to set our date at Saturday, November 5th, a mere nine months away from the day we had set it.

As a result of not waiting, we as a couple had seen many blessings.  We were worried about the finances, but after ditching the unnecessary stuff and asking for help from others, we were able to have a very affordable wedding.  Now that we are married, we are able to live together as a committed team, faithful to one another.

If I had hesitated for even a second to jump on the plan that God had for me, I could have missed the blessings I was able to see in this season.  God is sovereign, but He does not force us to follow Him.  Sometimes He asks us to wait, but sometimes He asks us to move. The Bible portrays waiting as an exciting and growing time.  However, when it’s time to move, suddenly life changes drastically.

In today’s world, it is difficult to know exactly where God is leading us.  But once we learn that God is calling us to make a move, it takes faith to obey Him and go. If you are in a season of waiting, and you feel God calling you to take a big step of faith, here are some tips to remember:

  1. Don’t settle. When I first felt God leading me to date my now-husband, I still wanted to make sure that he met my standards.  We met at the diner one day, and I told him that I expected our relationship to be Christ-centered.  I told him that God was #1 in my life, and I wanted to make sure he was okay with that.  Not only was he okay with it, but he also said that God is #1 in his life as well.  In that moment, I realized that there was nothing in the way of us dating.  We had similar interests, and we had the same spiritual goals.  After years of waiting for the right guy to come around, I jumped on the opportunity to be with a guy that met all my standards.  You do not have to settle either.  Know what you want, and reveal the desires of your heart to God.  Whether it’s a job or a potential partner or a house, wait for what you want.  Your standards may not be met in the way you expect, but if God is actually calling you to make a decision, He will provide exactly what you need.
  2. Find Accountability.  This was a deal breaker for me.  I had had feelings for guys in the past (obviously not as strong!) but I wanted to make sure that the mushy gushy butterflies in my stomach weren’t dictating my decision.  Both my best friend and my mother, people who were outside the situation but who knew me, encouraged me to date him.  These two watched me grow up, go through the frustrations of crushing on guys, and then find a man that actually made me happy.  In order to make that step of faith, find someone who has walked with you and is willing to give you an honest evaluation of the situation.  It is possible that this person is not your friend, but a parent, a teacher, or a pastor.
  3. Pray.  This should clearly be the first step that we take.  However, I think sometimes we use the phrase “I’ll pray about it” as an excuse not to answer God’s call.  That’s why it is important to have standards and accountability.  You have to know what you are praying for, and you have to pray for it.  You have to know what God’s voice sounds like.  You must first abide in Him, and He will direct your paths.
  4. Understand that it isn’t going to feel right at first.  In my first few weeks of marriage, I have enjoyed every moment. However, there is this feeling that something isn’t right.  I wonder when things are going to go back to normal.  Then I remember: this is my new normal.  I don’t know what it’s like to be married because I’ve never been married before.  I’ve been to weddings, and I have family members who are happily married, but I have never experienced it for myself.  When God calls you to do something different, it will feel different.  But different does not necessarily mean wrong.  Trust that if God is leading you, He knows what is best for you.
  5. Enjoy it.  As we were preparing for our wedding, everyone’s advice was the same: “Make sure you stop for a moment and take it all in.”  It happens so fast.  After months of planning, in a few hours, it’s all over.  We did not have time to get upset at the little slip-ups that took place.  We did not have time to worry or get upset.  We only had time to enjoy it.  If we took time to do anything else, we would have missed the blessings that God had for us that day, the blessing of feeling His love and remembering our love for each other.  In life, it is so easy to overthink things.  Whether God provides a job for you, or a house, or a new man, it is tempting to question.  Is this really God’s will for my life?  Do I even deserve this?  Will this be taken from me?  And the answer to all of those cannot simply be answered.  The truth is: life is short, and things in this life do not last forever.  As Solomon writes in Ecclesiastes, God calls us to enjoy our blessings while we have them.  Instead of questioning why you have them, thank God that He has answered your prayers.

For those in a season of praying and waiting, do not give up!  It does get better. For those who feel that their season of waiting is over, do not delay! Enter into the promise that God has given you.  No matter where you are in life, God is with you, and He is able to provide just what you need.

Categories
anxiety

The Thrill of True Hope in a Holy Night

“You better watch out, you better not cry. You better not pout; I’m telling you why. Santa Claus is coming to town.”

On Christmas Eve, my sister and I would run up the steps and bang on the front door to Grandma’s house. Grandma would open the door to her warm, carefully-decorated house, and as we thawed from the wintry cold she would click her tongue and regretfully inform us that, just like every year, we had just missed Santa Claus.

We little girls knew that even if we missed him, he had brought us presents. After dinner, we would rip open our presents and enjoy the thrill and anticipation of each new box. My hope was in knowing that there were still plenty of boxes to unwrap.

All around me, cameras would flash and conversation would erupt over the latest news and the funniest jokes of the season. My family members would coo over the gifts I received.

Finally, my hands would grab the final gift under the tree. I would slowly rip off the paper, savoring the last bit of excitement of the evening. I would open the box, and the fun would be over.

With the last present opened, the party would cease. Family members would rub their eyes and call it a night. We would all hug each other, pack up our cars with new stuff, and go home.

Each year, I would go home feeling empty. Did we really wait all year just to go over Grandma’s house, open a few presents, and that’s it? After all that anticipation, I didn’t even get to meet Santa Claus.

“He’s making a list. He’s checking it twice. He’s gonna find out who’s naughty or nice. Santa Claus is coming to town.”

I did the best I could to be a good child. If I really thought about it, I didn’t know what was good or bad, and I didn’t know what Santa Claus really thought of me. I just did whatever my parents told me.

The fact that I received presents every year confirmed that I was doing something right. Still, I didn’t think a few nice presents were worth following a bunch of boring rules.

What I really wanted was some love and attention. I wanted to be noticed not just for what I did, but for who I was. I wanted a reward that satisfied me. Santa Claus could only offer me toys that made me happy for a few days.

“He sees you when you’re sleeping; he knows when you’re awake.  He knows when you’ve been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake!” 

Someone, somewhere, was watching me. I had a perfect image to uphold. If I made a mistake, that would be the end. And that someone watching me would remember my mistake forever.

Around Christmastime, kids care if Santa Claus is watching. But ONLY during Christmastime do they care. I have never gone to the beach on a hot July day and heard a parent threaten her kids with the notion that they may not get Christmas presents.

All year round, kids need constant attention and tender loving care. They don’t need a list of rules to follow; they need a loving protector who will watch them and guide them.

At the age of twelve, I met the One who I needed. For my whole life, I had thought that this someone was like Santa Claus, waiting for me to mess up so he could stop giving me presents. I thought He was distant and that He hated me. I thought He could never love such a stupid worthless failure like me.

But I was wrong.

“O Holy Night, the stars are brightly shining. It is the night of our dear Savior’s birth.”

As a child, I knew that story of Jesus coming to Earth. That was all it was to me, a story. As I learned the Christmas story in church, I didn’t know that one day this story would change my life.

As I entered into my tween years, I tried to control my life. In the end, I developed an anxiety disorder and lost complete control of my body and the world around me. Looking back, everything was chaotic.

I tried to make sense of it all.  I tried to express how I felt. I was surrounded by people, but I was all alone.

I desperately needed help. I would sob alone in my room, looking up at the stars brightly shining in the sky, begging someone to hear my prayers.

“Long lay the world in sin and error pining, ‘til he appeared, and the soul felt its worth.”

When I was twelve, my dad dragged me to church to attend youth group with people my age. On that night, I heard the Christmas story in a way that I had never heard it before, in a way that completely transformed my life.

The story went like this: God humbly left His heavenly throne to become a small baby that would grow up and learn about human struggles. He would heal people and share about how much God loved them. He would die a death that He did not deserve so that we could have access to God again. He would rise from the dead to prove that He is stronger than death.

Jesus came to Earth to show how much He loved us, not to show how high and unattainable He was. On that night, I accepted Jesus as my Savior. My pastor taught us a prayer, and I believe God heard it.

God showed me who He really was. He cared about me and looked out for my well-being all year round. He forgave my sins, and even though I still make mistakes, he reminds me every day that He loves me too much to hold my sins against me.

After choosing to follow Him, I’ve learned that I am valuable. Since He appeared, my soul has felt its worth.

“A thrill of hope, a weary world rejoices, for yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.”

Since I made the decision to follow Jesus, each Christmas means something to me.  We exchange gifts, and I remember the most special gift I have ever received.

Instead of feeling empty, I feel complete. Instead of feeling alone, I know the ever-present God is with me. Instead of longing for more, I remember that God is everything I need.

The past broke me and made me forget my worth, but today is a new day, a new and glorious morning.

“Fall on your knees, and hear the angel voices: O night divine, O night when Christ was born.”

What if Christmas meant more than opening gifts and waiting for Santa Claus to show us whether we have been good or bad? What if God really did come to Earth? How would your life be different if you truly believed that Jesus came to this Earth to give you hope, to fill you completely and to show you your true worth?

God came to your world to show you how much He loves you. He is offering you a free gift that will satisfy your soul. You have a choice: will you accept it, or will you be content with that small thrill of anticipation year after year?

Photo by freestocks.org on Unsplash

Categories
Wisdom Wednesday

What Difference Does it Make? Part 4: Shelter

We are moving to the element of a community about which I know very little. But this topic is what inspired me to think about third world countries in a different light. This topic caused me to question whether the American, first-world way is the only acceptable way. It changed my perspective on what is necessary for survival.

In 2010, the earthquake in Haiti destroyed many homes and public buildings in Port au Prince. As a result, numerous families found residence in tents. There are currently several tent cities in Haiti, including Cite Soleil.

Because people lived in tents, there was very little protection. Many people were kidnapped, raped, and/or killed. Strong winds and pouring rain would invade the tents, making it impossible for the inhabitants to get comfortable.

Many people still live in tents. Struggling to survive, they pray for someone to intervene and help them relocate.

Our team worked in a resettlement village. Everyone living there used to live in tents, but the government asked them to move into homes. Our bumpy bus drove past the small cement buildings. We knew there was no running water. There were barely windows! How could that be considered good living?

As we talked about it, a woman who had grown up in Haiti shared her insight. Most Haitians did not know what American houses look like. Haitians do not aspire to have large mansions. Most people in Haiti just want protection. They want shelter from the heat and from the rain. These cement houses, albeit small, provided for the needs of these people.

Again, I know the least about this topic. But I want to start a conversation. What IS necessary for survival when it comes to shelter? Do we need air conditioning or heat? Do we need running water and sewage?

The concept of shelter caused me to take a step back and rethink my American values. What if the things we consider wrong or bad are actually just different? To fix Haiti, do we need to buy every Haitian family a nice house?

How can we help Haiti? Does Haiti even need our help?

Even several days after coming back from Haiti, I am still wrestling with these questions. It may take longer than I thought to answer them.