I have a few friends that like to juggle. One time, while I was bored, I picked up some rocks and taught myself how to juggle. After observing my friends, I thought I was a pro. Later, I told one of my friends how great I was at juggling. He watched me as I threw three tennis balls around, feeling like an expert. “How am I doing?” I asked hopefully. “You’re doing it wrong,” he told me flatly. He grabbed the balls from my hands. “This is how you do it.” I stared as he juggled with such ease. As he threw the balls into the air, he shot words of advice in my direction. Now, I knew I should not have been upset. I had only started. I am sure that with more time, practice, and guidance, I could learn how to juggle.
Lately, it seems like my life has been a juggling act. Now that I have graduated, my life is not structured. People ask me, “So… what have you been doing?” I feel like they expect an answer like, “I’m getting my master’s in the fall” or, “I got a journalism position in the city.” But instead, I tell them the jumble of activities that I have been doing to occupy my time. I just started working at JCPenney again. I’m writing a blog. Next week, I’m starting a TEFL certification class. In October, I’m going to Haiti for a week. I’m visiting friends over the summer in different states. I applied to work as a page designer for a local newspaper. Hopefully, if I plant enough seeds, something will bloom into a career…or at least a way to pay off my loans. When I pay off some loans, I’ll look into getting my masters in something. These activities are not related to each other. I’m simply looking at my skills, passions, and interests, and making the most of the fact that I have no obligations until my loan payments start in a few months.
As I answer the question – “What are you doing with your life?” – it feels like all the pins that I’ve been juggling are falling to the floor. I feel like something is not right. I watch other people and wonder why their lives look so orderly. Part of me wonders if life will always be this way. Without college, will my life be in a constant state of confusion and uncertainty? Since I trust God with my life, I know that I am in good hands, but I am looking for the light at the end of the tunnel. I am waiting for life to make sense again.
Transitions are allowed to be chaotic. It’s OK to be in a period of uncertainty. If you have trusted God with your future, you are in good hands. Before you have any obligations, I encourage you do what you love. Use your gifts and passions to help someone else. Trust that what you plant – your talents, skills, and energy that you put to use – will eventually grow into something fruitful. Keep trying; with practice, guidance, and time, we can master this juggling act!
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