The Real Truth of My Victory (Part 1)

Over these past few days, I have been discussing about how I have overcome anxiety.  Between working retail and taking a TEFL certification class, it is has been difficult to remain consistent these days.  I feel like I am supposed to share more of my personal story of how I overcame anxiety.  I will be splitting my story into segments so that it is easier for me to write and for others to read.  Enjoy!

I hear so many people claiming that they have the cure for anxiety.  Doctors prescribe anti-anxiety medication to even those who do not have a diagnosed anxiety.  Nutritionists boast that they have found a super food that is all natural and can cure any disease.  Pastors preach sermons that have the same Bible verses about how to have peace, claiming that anxiety comes from a lack of faith and from sin.

I tried praying harder.  I tried counseling.  I tried all of the techniques that people told me would help.  But I still woke up with a racing heart and troubled mind.  I became discouraged.  It looked like everyone else could live in peace but me.  There was no hope for me.

Everyone else seemed to have a handle on their lives. I was the only one struggling to survive.  Normal people could go to work without having a stomachache.  Other people could take a test without having trouble breathing.  But I was the weird one.  I was the one who overreacted, who didn’t understand, and who wasn’t understood.  While I spent time with friends, I could not concentrate on the moment.  I tried convincing myself that I wasn’t going to mess up, that I wasn’t going to give anyone proof that I was a failure.  If I made one wrong move, everyone would know that I wasn’t perfect…and that wasn’t okay.

I have been talking about how to overcome anxiety. Since I was little, anxiety seemed to have overcome me.  Anxiety was a rock, and I was being crushed underneath it.  All my life, I heard the negative voices around me telling me that I would never amount to anything.  It is interesting that I won awards as a child for being good at reading and writing, and that two of my teachers wanted me to skip to the next grade, but I could only remember the people who trampled on my dreams.  No matter what achievements I made, I could not hear someone cheering me on, telling me to keep going.

I used anxiety to feel in control.  However, anxiety became a reminder that, at the end of the day, I was still a failure and I was never going to have a happy ending.  Anxiety was a result of my dead end life.  I had no hope for my future, but I had no way out of the life I was living.  It’s like I was stuck.  I was not going to get anywhere, but I still felt the urge to try.

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