About a year ago, my husband (who was my fiance at the time) woke up with a serious migraine. He had never had a migraine before, so his mother and I brought him to Urgent Care to make sure he was okay. The physician gave my husband a shot that was supposed to help his headache, but ended up making him nauseous. I wanted to be there for him, but I have a fear of throwing up that makes it traumatic for me to even listen to someone gagging. Knowing this, my husband told me to leave the room because he felt like he was going to throw up. I didn’t want to leave him. I wanted to prove that I could be there to support him. I wanted my love for him to be stronger than my limits. I wanted everyone to know that I was willing to be my husband’s everything.
But the minute he started to gag, I involuntarily bolted out of the room before he could start vomiting.
The rest of the day, I felt so guilty for leaving him there. He ended up having to go to the hospital because they couldn’t figure out what was wrong with him. When I found out, I was on my way to my sister’s house to celebrate Father’s Day with my family. There was nothing I could do but pray and enjoy my time with my dad and siblings. Eventually, I did get to see my husband in the hospital, bring him some pizza, and keep him company.
This may be an extreme example, but God used this moment to teach me a valuable lesson: I’m not meant to be my husband’s everything. God used my husband’s parents, the doctors, and our family members to minister to my husband in a way that I was not able to at the time.
It’s a cute idea to say that my husband completes me. But do you realize what that looks like? Just think about what it would be like for my husband to be everything for me. He would be a mind-reader so that I feel understood, a fitness instructor to motivate me to work out, a literary coach to make sure that my writing is top notch, a pillow for when I can’t sleep at night, my alarm clock for when I want to sleep all day, my chauffeur, my chef, my resume-builder, and of course, the guy that helps me know I’m loved!
So basically, if my husband were my everything, I would have no responsibility, and I would have no need for anyone else in my life.
But that’s not how God created us.
You see, my husband can’t be my number one, because God is my number one. God is the only One who can complete me. Colossians 2:10 says that I are complete in Christ. Second Corinthians 1:3 says that God comforts me when I need to be comforted. Matthew 22:37 says that I am to love the Lord with all I am first, and then I love others and myself. The love that I have for my husband is just an overflow of the love that God has given me. God is love, and I love because He first loved me.
A relationship with God is most important in order to find contentment, peace, and joy in your life. Only after establishing your relationship with God can you then have a successful relationship with your spouse. If you try to put your husband first, you will end up looking to him for things that only God can perfectly give you.
An example of this in my own marriage is quality time. My husband and I spend plenty of time together, but I still get sad whenever he leaves for work or whenever he wants to see his friends. It’s obvious that quality time is my love language! When I feel lonely and expect my husband to stay home with me, I take out my Bible or my journal and I pour my heart before the Lord, knowing that He will never leave me or forsake me.
Gaining insight from other people also helps my marriage in addition to my well-being. I have a small group of women that I can call when my husband just isn’t understanding girly issues. My husband has friends that understand his love for video games and can just chill with him. When we spend time with other people, we take the load off of each other, and have more to talk about when we actually do spend time together! (For more information, check out my blog on separation here).
May you be united to the Lord in love and peace, and may your union to Him bring you even closer to your spouse!