Before I got married, I lived in a house full of women. The only man in the house was our male cat, Tyler. Given the fact that my mom, my sister, and I lived in close quarters together, we would talk about everything. My mom was a nurse and had a lot of unique experiences, so I felt comfortable asking her for advice about pretty much everything. My sister knows a lot about fashion, and she loves to encourage people, so I always send her pictures when I’m shopping to see what she thinks of my outfit. I’m a great listener, and I like going deep with people emotionally, so both my mom and my sister have had great chats with me about their feelings, their faith, and how to resolve conflict. We were a great team, and we worked together really well.
My mom was the first one to get a man and cause a shift in this woman-only house. Not even six months later is when I met my husband, and a few months after my sister started dating her now fiance. While in the honeymoon stage, we all focused very seriously on our partners like we were supposed to do. Although we were close before, and still were close while we were focusing on our relationships, we made boundaries of not sharing our personal problems with each other.
My mom started dating her boyfriend in August 2014. I started dating my boyfriend in June 2015. My sister met her boyfriend in August 2015.
My mom got engaged in April 2015. We got engaged in December 2016. My sister got engaged in December 2017.
My mom got married in September 2017. We got married in November 2016. My sister is planning her wedding now but is getting married soon.
After being married for about a year and a half, I’ve learned one thing: I still need my mom and my sister. I still need to ask my mom advice or even just vent to her. I still send my sisters pictures of my outfits that I’m trying on at in the fitting room. I still call them all the time and catch up with them.
As much as I love my husband, he wasn’t meant to be my everything. God gave him to me to be my life partner and journey sharer. But God also gave me such lovely friends and family members that have made my journey easier as well.
My husband craves time with his guy friends, so I know this is not just a woman thing. He enjoys going over his friend’s house and spending time with them. As a woman, I expect to have the same type of relationship with my female friends. I love calling one of my friends from college who lives out of state but knows just what to say to make me feel better. I love talking to my friends who are walking through life with me; I’m able to go on adventures with them and laugh about our struggles, knowing that we are not alone in our battles.
Every relationship has a place. Without stepping on your husband’s toes and on your marriage, invest in the other relationships in your life. I warn you: do not gossip to your friends/family members about your husband, but talk about how you’re feeling. Whether the world wants to believe it or not, women and men are different and have different needs. While men want to help, they’re not always able to meet our every need. Even if the women in your life can’t fix the problem, they can walk through it with you while you figure it out in time.
It’s important to build that relationship with your husband, but don’t forget about the other people in your lives. If you have friends that are married, do not gather around and bash your husbands together. Instead, share your struggles with each other so that you can all discover that you are not alone. And enjoy the bond that God has given all of you as women!
Photo by Joseph Pearson on Unsplash
Elisabeth Warner 