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Wisdom Wednesday

Be All in…Until It’s All Over

The summer is halfway over, and I am moving on to different seasons in my life. I have been waiting to finish my TEFL certification class. My seasonal retail job is almost over. My English conversation class is having its last meeting this Wednesday. I’m going to be tutoring a woman for a few hours a week. Great things are happening!

Lately I’ve become more demotivated at my job because I know that I am leaving soon. You can only fold clothes so many times before you realize that you’re really not making a huge difference working there. Yesterday, as I was cleaning a clothes rack for the tenth time, I realized that, at the beginning of the summer, I was so joyful and excited. Because of my job, I’ve paid off a chunk of my school loans already, and I’ve still managed to see my friends for the most part. My job was a gift from God to financially support me and to spiritually grow me. In the beginning of the summer, I had prayed before work, skipped into the mall with a huge smile on my face, and helped customers like it was my favorite hobby. As a result, my co-workers would be encouraged, and they would comment on my positive attitude.

As my job became more and more of a chore, I began to lose sight of the fact that my job was a blessing. I would count down the hours until I could finally clock out and do what I wanted to do. However, as a result, I wasn’t as encouraging to my co-workers. I did not want to help customers. I became more irritable about this temporary season, that I knew would not last forever.

Moving from clothes rack to clothes rack, I meditated on the fact that I was not as motivated as I was when my manager first gave me the job. I realized that I had forgotten that God was the one who had truly blessed me with a job. I saw my job more as a trial and distraction than as a task that God had given me to accomplish. During the hot summer days, God had told me to work as hard as I could. I felt him leading me to push myself to help the store reach its full potential. I knew that I could not change the whole store or compromise my boundaries, but I also knew that my positive attitude and hard work was making a difference in at least one person’s life. Each day, a different person would come up to me and thank me for helping with something. Each day, God confirmed that I was at that store to do more than simply make money.

In these last few weeks that I have working there, I want to remember the joy and energy that I felt when they first gave me a badge and locker key. I want to go above and beyond what is comfortable for me and make a difference in someone else’s life. God has not released me from this job yet, so I will continue to do what he asks me to do until I clock out for the last time. I’m going to be all in, until it’s all over.

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Book Update

How to Write a Good Blog Post

I’ve been trying to keep up with my blog, but in reality I have no time or motivation for writing. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE writing. However, I have begun to lose that zeal that I felt when I graduated college. When I graduated, I was full of good ideas. I had no problem dishing out a 500-word blog post per day. I wrote to my heart’s content, having plenty of time and energy to write both this blog post and my 5-page journal entries every night. It was great.

But then responsibilities kicked in…

I am thankful for my part-time job. I am thankful for my TEFL certification class. I am thankful for my observation and conversation classes. But I have had no time to write.

Still, my passion has not left me. I still want to write. I still want to encourage others with my voice. So what do I do?

Here is what I have discovered about being a writer/teacher/student/woman/daughter/worshiper:

  1. I’m writing for me. Sure, I want to encourage other people, but when I write, I’m using my voice, not the voice of what others tell me. People may get offended at my voice. People might think my voice doesn’t matter. And obviously, I might have to change my tone, depending on my audience. However, writing truly comes from the heart. If I don’t have the opportunity to express what is on my heart, my writing is just not going to be good. So…I’m finding my voice. And that’s OK.

  2. It’s going to take time. One time, my mom asked me how long it takes to write a blog post. It actually only took me four hours to write, edit, and submit a blog post. But now that other meaningful activities take up my brain’s attention, the time it takes to come up with a blog post has increased drastically. By the time I have a good idea, I don’t even have the energy to write it down. It’s going to take time. And that’s OK.

  3. I have high expectations of myself. I work a lot. I teach about an hour away from where I live. I study and prepare for my weekly homework and for my teaching practicum. And I still expect myself to whip out a blog post for the whole world to see. The way my life is set up right now, that’s not going to happen. I’m going to have to take breaks. I’m going to have to learn my boundaries. I’m going to have to make my posts a bit shorter 😛 And, you know what? That’s OK too.

I’m human, and I’m figuring it out. I put so many responsibilites on myself that I don’t know what others expect of me. But for now, I’m finding my voice. I’m writing to communicate a message. I’m learning to be patient. I’m learning to be OK with my pace of writing. I’m ready to be used by God through my writing.

As usual, although I’m venting and coordinating my thoughts, I hope that this post encourages you. To all those people who want to write but don’t have the time, energy, or motivation: you can do it. It’s possible. Don’t give up; start small and keep going. To all those people who are writing but feel like they’re writing is going nowhere: don’t stop. Even if only one person reads your insightful blog posts, that’s one person who has been influenced by your work. That is definitely worth it.

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Wisdom Wednesday

first world problems

I’ll be honest with you: there’s a lot in my life that I can complain about. My job has made it almost impossible to see my friends. My homework has made it almost impossible to find time to breathe. My teaching practicum–which is required for my class–is located about 40 minutes away from my home…without traffic. I’m not in control,  and it makes me want to complain.

There’s a popular hash tag on twitter: #firstworldproblems. This usually implies that there is a problem someone has that normally would not be a problem, but because we have become so spoiled and dependent on stuff,  the situation is a serious crisis. A first world problem could be that my phone died while at my friend’s house, or that we ran out of chocolate pudding so now I have to eat jello for dessert. Hey, at least you HAVE a phone. Hey, at least you HAVE dessert. Even more,  at least you have food!

It seems that we have begun to take these gifts, these blessings, for grsnted. We expect our cell phones to work at all times. We expect dessert after every meal. We expect our jobs to perfectly fit into our schedules. We expect homework to take ten minutes. We expect control, and we expect instant results.

Unfortunately, that’s not the way the world works. There just aren’t enough resources to support everyone’s desire. That’s why we have to sacrifice. That’s why we can’t always get what we want. That is…we  can’t always get what we expect.

But you know something? God will always give us what we NEED. One thing God always offers us is joy. Even if we don’t see the positive side of a situation at all, God can provide the joy that we need to propel through it. Even those without food or money can feel the hope, joy, and love of the Lord. I have every reason to be happy.

I have a job; in the crazy economy, at least I have a way to pay off my loans. I’m preparing to teach overseas; the fact that my homework us challenging and time-consuming gives me hope that it will prepare me well for the future. I LOVE what I am doing for my teaching practicum. I have the ability to see God’s faithfulness as he provides a parking spot for me, and he practically clears the way so that there is no traffic when I drive during rush hour. Life is nothing like I expected, but it’s everything that I could ever want…and more.

So instead of focusing on what I don’t have, I’m going to be thankful for what I do have. If I’d focus on the negative, I’d miss the blessings of the positive.

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Wisdom Wednesday

Introduction: Why to Avoid the Pity Party

After reading the devotional that I discussed in my previous post, I realized that the world has a lot of negativity and stress.  It seems almost overwhelming.  It’s like there’s a huge pity party, and everyone is invited.

There’s negativity in the news, in the work place, and even in the home.  It’s socially acceptable to complain about everything and anything that makes us mad.  But then again, why would you want to spread negativity?  Isn’t it better to be positive?  Yes, but it most definitely takes work.

For the next few days, I will be discussing the positive effects of, well, being positive.  I will use examples from my life to talk about why it is better to look on the bright side of things.  I will also talk about how being negative can hurt yourself as well as hurt others.

Thanks again for your support and encouragement on this blog.  As always, feedback is greatly appreciated.

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Books

Review: 40 Days to a Joy-Filled Life

Like I said in my series about anxiety, this devotional came to me at an appropriate time.  Now, people who know me would say that I am joyful most of the time.  However, I still had my moments where I would get angry and would let depression rule my day.  Right before I ended this past semester of college, I had just experienced joy, and I was learning how to be joyful on a consistent basis.  My friend’s mom came up to me and said, “I think you would really like this devotional.”  Here was a way for me to learn how to sustain my joy!

Based on the book The 4:8 Principle by Tommy Newberry, this devotional emphasizes the importance of controlling our emotions.  Newberry discusses that emotions do not just happen; they are caused by situations and thought pattern, and they ultimately affect our actions.  Each day, Newberry uses ideas from Philippians 4:8 to help his readers change their thought patterns.

The reading for each day is not so short that you are bored, but not so long that you are wondering when it will end.  At the end of each day, Newberry also includes a challenge to help the lesson stick.  He will ask the reader to write a positive statement down or ways that the reader can improve his or her thought patterns.  Some of the activities are a bit redundant, but the repetition of the activities allows for positive habits to form.

Overall, Newberry’s message is that it takes energy and effort to remain joyful in this negative world.  This quotation truly sums up the message of the devotional: “The word emotion is 86% motion.”  In order to be joyful, it takes action, practice, and accountability.  Newberry uses the techniques that he practices on his clients in order to promote credibility in his devotional.

Just like joy, what you put into this devotional is what you will get out of it.  There may be times where you don’t feel like doing the activities at the end, but just fighting through and dedicating fifteen minutes of your day to the activity will help you to feel more joyful on a daily basis.

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Book Update

Just Keep Writing!

That’s what I tell myself every day.  I created this blog not only to give hope to other people through my experiences, but to also experiment with my writing skills.  Since I have started this blog, I am thankful to have had opportunities to write articles for other blogs.  I am experimenting with different writing styles, such as reviews, short stories, and poems.  I also write in my journal every day!

As I’m experimenting, I realize that I will not be posting things every day.  I will try to do the best that I can, but because I do other things besides writing, I will not be able to sit down and write on a daily basis.  But I will continue to have articles of different genres.

If you have any ideas or feedback, please let me know.  Thanks so much again for the support!

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Books

My Take: Decision Making and the Will of God

This past month, I have had the privilege of reading Garry Friesen’s Decision Making and the Will of God.  At this time in my life, I have to make a lot of decisions that could greatly affect my future.  This book came to me at a very opportune time through one of my college professors.  My professor explained that this book has caused great controversy among the Evangelical Christian community. Some people only read the first part of the book, become angry, and then stop reading altogether.

Before beginning my review of this book, I would like to preface this by saying that I only read the second edition of the book.  Apparently, the first edition was more abrupt in its arguments, but in the second edition, Friesen prepares his readers for what he is about to do.

Summary

Decision Making and the Will of God discusses how to make wise decisions in order to follow the will of God.  This sounds like a traditional book that agrees with the view that most Christians have: that God has an individual will for each human being. Friesen starts his first third of the book explaining the traditional view using the example of a college graduate who wants to marry a girl; she is a great girl, but she wants to work in Africa, and the college graduate is not sure if he wants to move to Africa.  The college graduate speaks to a pastor about this issue, and the pastor gives him a lecture on the ways to make decisions according to the traditional view of decision making in the church.  The pastor explains the importance of reading the Bible, seeking wise counsel, and looking for open doors in order to find out God’s will for his life.  Now, Friesen does not seem to disagree with the means of finding out God’s will, and nor do I. However, there is one disagreement that Friesen makes obvious throughout his book: God may have a moral will (what he expects from those who follow him) and a sovereign will (an unknowable plan that affects all of history and beyond), but God does not have an individual will (an individual plan for each person).

Throughout his book, Friesen is very careful to respect the fact that the majority of Christians hold to the view that God has an individual will for each person.  He calls this will “the dot.”  According to Part 2 of his book, the dot does more harm than good. Friesen spends a few chapters discussing the problems with searching for the dot.  When Christians spend all of their energy trying to find this dot, they become discouraged and, even if they make a wise decision, may end up feeling guilt as if they had made the wrong decision.

Instead of waiting on God’s individual will, Friesen suggests using wisdom.  God has given us all that we need to make good decisions, through his word, through his Spirit, through other believers, and through our logic.  In the last section of his book, Friesen includes specific ways that we can use wisdom to discern the will of God in various areas of our lives.  These areas include entering the ministry, dealing with conflicts among believers, and deciding whom to marry.

His conclusion is like cold water on a steaming pan.  He makes sure that he does not offend anyone with his arguments.  As a matter of fact, he states his acceptance of those who agree with the traditional view of the will of God.  In his final paragraphs, he justifies why he published this book, even though he knew it would offend some people.  He gives three reasons: 1) Romans 14 says that we will all have differing opinions, but we must be accepting of each other’s beliefs and use Scripture to determine our own beliefs on certain issues; 2) he does not imply that he has suddenly discovered the truth, but he is convinced that this way of determining the will of God is Biblical; 3) even if Friesen does not convince his readers to agree with him, this book will help to strengthen the traditional view by looking at it from another perspective.

I very much appreciated the layout of the book.  Although it is lengthy (which I did not mind), Friesen summarizes the main points at the end of each chapter.  He is also very aware of the fact that his book may not get good reviews.  He is walking on thin ice by attacking the method that many Evangelical Christians use to discern the will of God.  However, Friesen includes a “Frequently Asked Questions” section at the end of some chapters, so that he can better explain himself.

My Take

Interestingly enough, I had read this book when my pastor was doing a sermon series on decision making.  Knowing that this book probably was going to differ from what my pastor would say, I decided to read them both and then form my own opinion about decision making.  After reading the 423-page book and listening to the seven-week series on decision making, I believe that since God is sovereign, he has a plan for each person in his sovereign will.  If we read the Bible, pray, seek wise counsel, and use our logic, we can determine what steps to take.  However, I think that if we use all of those methods, it is impossible to make a wrong decision.  I’m not saying that we will miraculously know the right way; I’m saying that I don’t think there is a right way or a wrong way.

When I was deciding where to go to college, I used the traditional view to find out where God wanted me to go to school.  I ended up choosing a very nice school based on open doors, talking to other people, and reading the Bible.  However, when I went there, I did not like it.  I was very uncomfortable, and I did not feel close to God.  It was very expensive, and I could not afford it.  After a semester, I decided to transfer.  For a long time, I wondered if God was angry at me for making the wrong decision in choosing that school.  But after reading this book and thinking about it, I don’t think I made the wrong decision.  I don’t think there was a wrong decision.  I believe that God was telling me to go to college, but he gave me the freedom to choose where to go.  Then, when I was not comfortable, he gave me the freedom to choose a different school.  In both cases, God blessed me; even if I had stayed at my first school, I know that God would have been fine with my decision.  There are some people who sit around and wait for God to light up the sky and tell them what he wants them to do.  I do not deny that God does that sometimes.  There is Biblical evidence of God giving “signs” to people who are seeking his will.  However, I also believe that sometimes God calls us to choose.

One thing I would add to Friesen’s argument is the extra emphasis of faith.  As much as I agree that we have the freedom to choose our lives (as long as we pray, read the Bible, etc.), I also believe that there is an element of faith in each decision.  We may use our logic to choose a job, but it may be a better decision to pick a job that pays less than to take the job that has an aggravating boss.  In that case, we would trust God to provide financially.  Even though our logic may say “Go for the job that pays more” or “Go for the job that makes you more comfortable,” God may sometimes prompt us to go places that are not comfortable.

As I’m making decisions, I will not ignore the importance of using wisdom.  There will be leaps of faith involved, but I believe that God has given me the logic that I need to make a decision that honors him.  I am thankful that Gary Friesen has published this book; now I have a different perspective on decision making.

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Conclusion: Choose Joy

I said all the prayers they asked me to pray. I went to counseling sessions, and my counselor told me that I had a very good understanding of myself (basically telling me that I didn’t need a counselor).  I took anti-anxiety medication, ate healthy food, and exercised daily.  But at the end of the day, I was still anxious.  I thought that I had failed God, since everyone told me that anxiety was a sin.  I thought that God had failed me, since everyone told me that God is a healer and does not let his children suffer.  After a whole journey of faith, after having God strip me of everything that I once held dear so that I could cling to him, I still woke up in a panic.  Didn’t God want to heal me?  Didn’t he see how much I was in pain?

The night before I went on a retreat, I did not get any sleep. Irrational thoughts, that I knew were irrational, raced through my head.  What if the retreat center is on a mountain and I can’t breathe because of the thinness of the air?  What if I get food poisoning?  What if someone drops me off and then forgets to pick me up?  What if the other women in my room do not like me?  What if I end up having to share living space with a difficult person?  On and on, the ridiculous thoughts came.

I gave up on my attempt to sleep.  I sat up in my bed. “God, I don’t get it.  I’m doing everything right. I know these thoughts are wrong.  I have trusted in you, I have prayed, and I have given you everything. What are YOU doing?  Why are you making me suffer like this?”  I felt like God was asking me, “Do you trust me?”  I had to think about it.  God had been faithful throughout my entire life.  Why would he be unfaithful now, when I needed him the most?  Maybe he had a greater plan than what I had planned.

The next day, a group of us left for the retreat center.  The ride was pleasant, as the people in my car were optimistic.  We appreciated every aspect of the ride there, even when we got lost.  When we arrived, our friends were there to greet us and encourage us.

At the end of the retreat, I was not healed of anxiety.  Instead, God blessed me with joy.  I was so excited to have joy that I forgot about being anxious.  I realized that anxiety was a choice.  Although it feels overwhelming, we can choose not to let anxiety win.  I was waiting for anxiety to just stop; I was waiting for God to heal me.  Instead, God wanted me to fight against anxiety.  Those irrational thoughts did not come to me for the first time that night.  I had established a thought pattern that resulted in anxiety when I was a child.  It took me to my breaking point to fight against those thoughts I believed.

I learned that when I feel overwhelmed, I can choose joy.  At a very appropriate time in my life, my friend’s mom gave me a book that reminded her of me.  It was a devotional by Tommy Newberry, called 40 Days to a Joy-Filled Life.  This book has helped me put the rubber to the road and fight anxiety with joy.  Just like anxiety is a choice, joy is a choice.  Newberry writes: “The word emotion is 86% motion.”  Emotions are caused by choosing to think a certain way.  The choice is ours: do we choose to focus on thoughts that give us anxiety, or do we choose to be free in joy?

Sometimes, when I feel a panic attack coming along, I just put on an encouraging song and I start dancing.  By the end of the song, my anxiety looks so insignificant.  When I’m not in a position to dance, I will color, write, or spend time with friends.  Since I recognize that I have a choice over my emotions, I no longer allow myself to think irrational thoughts.

Emotions don’t have to just happen; you can be proactive in your thinking and in your feeling.  Choose to believe what God says about you.  Choose to believe the truth.  Choose joy, and you will overcome anxiety.

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The Truth of My Victory: Losing it but Winning

When I went to college, God taught me how to be dependent on him.  After praying and seeking wise counsel, I felt God wanted me to go to a college that was away from my family, my boyfriend at the time, and my comfort zone.  Still, I put up walls and tried to maintain control of my own life.  I made friends, but I wouldn’t let them know the real me.  I clung to what my church taught me, what my hometown had taught me, and what I had learned on my own.

My perspective changed when I arrived at my first class.  My professor taught us ideas that were contrary to my beliefs as if they were fact.  I even argued with him, proving valid points, but he would defend his arguments with quotations from philosophers, theologians, and other scholars.  This was the first time that someone had succeeded at deflating my pride, and it certainly was not the last.

I tried transferring to another school.  Expecting a perfect world, I tried to run away from my problems.  My problems with my boyfriend, however, did not go away. My jealousy of other people did not go away. My anxiety and anger did not go away. God put difficult people in my life to grow my character.  He showed me that life was not going to be perfect, that I wasn’t going to be perfect…but that it was OK.  Having a boyfriend wasn’t going to fix my problems.  Simply believing a set of beliefs wasn’t going to heal me.

As I learned more about the consistency of God – of his unchanging, unfailing love and faithfulness – I learned more of the truth that God will not change, even when my circumstances change.  I learned the truth about what God thought of me, that he loves me and he believes that I am worth knowing.  Despite the opposing voices that have kept me from pursuing my dreams in the past, God has always been encouraging me.  Finally, I learned that my past is definitely in the past.  I have been set free from the darkness that once ruled my life – the anxiety, the chaotic household, and the people who told me I would not succeed in writing – by God’s love and faithfulness.  However, I would have never learned that on my own.  God was the one who taught me that. He strategically placed the right people at the right time to break down my pride and be willing to listen to him.

To conclude my personal testimony, I want to let you know that God is the one who saved me. I want to publicly thank God for teaching me the truth.  I thought that it was me against the world.  I thought that I had no hope.  But in ways that only God could show, I learned that I have a hope and a future.  I have a reason to fight.  I have a reason to be free.

God has promised to give peace to all who ask for it.  If you have asked for peace, he is faithful to give it to you. If you’ve done all the right things, keep waiting.  God will reveal more about himself, about you, and about the world around you in his timing.  He will teach you ideas that you could never learn on your own.

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The Truth of My Victory: When Circumstances Change

When I came back from my trip, my circumstances changed drastically.  My mom began to follow God because she saw how much he had changed my life.  My stepfather left the house, which made the house peaceful again.  I was able to let go of the need for a boyfriend.  I was so thankful that God had saved me, both spiritually and physically.  I enjoyed the peace and the euphoria that ensued after the trip, even at home.

Although everything was better, there was a fear that my past would repeat itself.  What if my stepfather came back?  What if my mom changed her mind?  What if God changed his mind?  I had every reason to be happy, but instead, anxiety continued to live rampant in my life.  I would have dreams that my stepfather would walk back into the house.  I would question the motives of everyone around me, wondering if they were really being nice to me.  Was the past really in the past?

Because I could not believe in the good that was happening around me, I could only see and hear the negative.  That was the year that my teacher accused me of plagiarism, crushing my dream of being a writer. Although I gave up on being a writer, I was still in an AP English class with students that I was convinced did not believe that I could succeed.  The feeling of being in a dead-end road came back.  If I wasn’t a writer, who was I?

Although I never showed it, I had a bout of depression.  I still went to church and had a smile on my face, but I never told anyone how I truly felt.  Instead of pursuing my dreams, I tried to please God by pursuing a career in the church.  I played the violin, and I enjoyed playing in the church orchestra, so I considered leading worship at the church. However, as much as I love music, after being involved in every type of music program – both in school and at church – I could not imagine studying music and then playing music for the rest of my life.  I went on another trip with my youth group to Texas, and the only thing I was sure of was that I wanted to use my life to bless others and to glorify God.

It was difficult not having a definite plan for my life.  My life was in the hands of God, and as much as I loved the freedom, I did not like the unknowing.  It was impossible to know God’s will for my life, no matter how hard I tried to discover it.  Yet something kept telling me to come back.  I have heard of people giving up on God, but I felt that I could not do that.  God had showed himself to me in a mighty way, and I could not ignore that.  I held on, trusting God and continually asking for his guidance.