Categories
anxiety

Finding that work-life balance

My husband and I got married after knowing each other for a year. We could have waited until we had our finances in order, but we decided that we’d rather work together to make money than establish our own separate budgets only to combine them in the future. Two and a half years later, we’re debt free, in a decent apartment situation, and we’re putting money away for a down payment for our house. And we wouldn’t have it any other way.

But sometimes, it’s easy to put our goals in place of the motivation behind our goals.

What do we need for a house? Money. And what do we need to get money? A job. In order to get what we want, we need to make time to work. We love our jobs, and we’re both doing what we love, but at the end of the day, our most important priority is to have a safe place for us to call home. We work so we can afford our apartment and so we can put money away for our future. We started this marriage on the same page, and the excellence we perform at work is motivated by the fact that we have the same goals.

But when my head hits the pillow at night, I forget that the reason I put in so many crazy hours at work is because of the person sleeping next to me.

People tell me that living on Long Island is crazy, but I believe it’s crazy to live anywhere in the world. Everyone I talk to seems to be busy. Our schedules are packed. But why?

As I’ve been talking about on Wednesdays, I’ve abandoned my to-do list. I did this because God wants me to choose what is better (see Luke 10:37-42). What is better: checking items off my to-do list, or loving my husband? I know the answer is my husband, but sometimes my actions don’t reflect that answer.

In our busy (ugh, I hate that word!) lives, what can we do to find that perfect work-life balance?

  • Remember your why. Life coaches and goal-setters talk a lot about our “why.” It’s our motivation for doing what we do. Before knowing what our goals are, we need to know what our ultimate desires are. Matthew 6:33 says, “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” In our marriage, we want to use our money, our resources, and our talent to give glory to God. That is our primary goal. Since God commands us to love our spouses sacrificially, our secondary goal is to be united as husband and wife, to become one. Whatever we do flows from our desire to be united and to glorify God.
  • Make time for each other. I’ve always said that if you don’t have time, you make time. In a way I can’t explain, when I give God my day and seek Him first, like Jesus tells us to do in Matthew 6:33, I discover I have more time. The things that are on my to-do list suddenly don’t matter anymore. When I take on a biblical perspective of my life, I realize my husband is important! Therefore, I start to make time for him. Put a date night on the calendar. Do something that involves talking or creating, not just watching TV or a movie.
  • Use visuals.
  • Pray with and for each other.
  • Celebrate.
Categories
anxiety

What happens when you abandon your to-do list?

Last week, I wrote about abandoning your to-do list and giving God full control of your day. Did you try it? How did it go?

At the time of writing this post, it’s been six days since I’ve let God rewrite my to-do list. For one, I feel much more peace and joy. I’m disgusted at how much I do, and I’m making changes to my schedule to do a little less of the crazy stuff and a little more of what I actually enjoy.

But of course, not everything is sunshine and rainbows. I was 10 minutes late to work today, and I still have a pile of dishes to do before I go to bed tonight. I’ve learned through submitting my schedule to God that He is not a genie. He doesn’t exist to make my life easier or more enjoyable. So, I’m not always going to get to work on time (as a side note: this is not a sign of irresponsibility; my job doesn’t care if I’m late). I’m not always going to have a clean house. I’m going to do what is best for me, for my family, and ultimately for the glory of God, in each moment.

In Luke 10:38-42, we find a story that people often use to talk about slowing down and spending more time with God. Martha has a house full of guests in her home, so naturally, she is doing the chores and preparing the meal. Her sister Mary, though, is sitting at the feet of Jesus, clinging to His every word. Martha complains to Jesus Himself that Mary is not helping, and she asks Jesus rather forcefully to make Mary help her.

But Jesus, the Great Teacher, decides to teach Martha a lesson.

“‘Martha, Martha,’ the Lord answered, ‘you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed–or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken from her.'”-Luke 10:41-42

What Martha was doing wasn’t wrong, but what Mary was doing was better. Truthfully, this small portion of Scripture taught me so much about my adulthood.

Now that I’m responsible for making my own schedule, I constantly have a choice. Do I read the Bible, or wash the dishes? Do I spend time with my husband, or go to a prayer meeting at church? Do I enjoy the beautiful day outside, or do I vacuum? Do I call a friend, or do I write a blog post? All of these are good things, but in each moment, I need God’s wisdom to decide which is better.

So, when I decide to let God tell me what is better to do in each situation, it changes me. Here are the symptoms of letting God have control in my life:

  1. I feel less in control.
  2. I want to control those around me.
  3. I realize the magnitude of God.
  4. (I have more in my journal, so we’ll see).
  5. Time passes more slowly.

I had a to-do list because I wanted to be in control of my day. While it’s important to be responsible and plan, it’s also wise to pray and ask God to help us prioritize.

Categories
Marriage

I’m writing a marriage devotional!

My husband and I appreciate all the love and support we’ve received on our Marriage Monday posts. They will continue as long as we continue to have adventures to share!

I’m excited to announce that I’m working on a marriage devotional! Crazy how it happened. My novel is done (praying about publishing it – ANY advice is welcome!), and I was ready to enjoy the weekend on that Friday. Lenny and I pray every night before bed, so when he prayed that night, he prayed that I would finish my book over the weekend.

When he said, “Amen,” I said, “Lenny … I finished my book already.”

He said, “Oh.”

But when my head hit the pillow, God nudged me to work on another book, a book He had stirred in my heart on our honeymoon! Over the weekend, I took out my study Bible and started doing some research. The fun has already begun!

So, my marriage content energy will be spent on writing this new book, but as more exciting adventures happen on my writing journey, I will keep you in the loop.

Other than that news, we have nothing new to report. Even if we did, you know how we like to keep our lives private! We’ve been spending more time together and talking more. As we mature, we grow closer together, and that’s the way it should be.

Categories
anxiety

Abandoning My To-Do List

As a former Administrative Assistant, I enjoy my to-do lists. Checking off those little boxes makes me feel like I accomplished something today. I often like to cross things off my list, so I have a sense of truly conquering that task.

But, a couple of weeks ago, God convicted me about my to-do list.

First of all, it was too long. Unattainable. There was no way I was going to get everything done on my list in one day.

Second of all, my priorities were all out of order. God should be first no matter what, but truthfully, I was stuffing Him into my schedule whenever and wherever I had room. I would get into my car, late to work, after rushing from bed to front door, and realize that I didn’t even think of God in the morning.

Finally, even though I thought accomplish tasks would make me feel, well, accomplished, it made me feel empty. I believed having a busy schedule meant I was important or that my life had purpose, but it made me feel more insignificant and meaningless than ever. Was my life really all about what fit on a small piece of paper?

So, God called me to do something about my to-do list.

He called me to throw it away.

For a type-A perfectionist, that is the scariest thing you could ask me to do. Get rid of my to-do list? Run the risk of leaving tasks undone? Gulp Give up CONTROL? Why would I do that?

Well, of course I would do that. God is in control, and even if I thrive on control and perfectionism, I know I have to learn not to be perfect and not to have control. It’s hard, but I’d rather be in God’s will and not in control, than without God and left to my own devices.

But, I decided I was going to start with one day, and if it didn’t work out, I would go back to my to-do lists.

If you’re wondering how that day went: it’s been three weeks, and I haven’t stopped!

For the sake of those who may be considering letting God have control of your day, I’ll give you the details of how I saw God work. I started my first day reading the Bible and writing down what stuck out to me. Then, I would pray to God, that He would guide my day and make it clear where He wants me to go. Throughout the day, I would think about what I have to do, and I would remind myself that God is in control.

Because I trusted God, I learned about the power of provision, the blessing of community, and the joy of rest and dwelling in His presence. I made it to work on time (normally I don’t); had a focused, productive day at work; finished a freelance project I was working on; colored in my adult coloring book; dealt with a difficult person without totally freaking out but while maintaining my boundaries; and swallowed some sad news without stuffing my feelings or falling apart.

Nothing surprises God. My life is completely in His hands. He sees it all, and He knows. He’s in control.

Before I charge you to try this, I want to give you a quick crash course on how to hear from God. If you’re not familiar with the voice of God, you need to be careful not to mistake your own voice for the voice of God. Something may make sense to you, but it might not be God.

God does not contradict His Word. As you read His Word, you begin to understand His character and what He expects of His people. Although the Bible does not talk about cell phones and cars, it does talk about how to interact with others and how to honor God with our resources. As we study the Scriptures, we gain wisdom, and that wisdom can help us make decisions that honor God.

The Holy Spirit is our Wonderful Counselor. When we accept Christ as our Savior, the Holy Spirit dwells within us and guides us. Please listen when you feel that tug in your heart going in one direction. I’ve found that if God gives us commands, and we don’t follow them, we drift further away from His voice, and His voice becomes muddled with the voices of those around us.

Knowing that letting God guide your day is both terrifying and healing, you should give it a try. If you’re scared to let go of control, just give God one day at a time. I promise you, your day may feel out of your control, but you’ll have more peace than ever.

Leave a comment if you tried this!

Photo by Plush Design Studio on Unsplash

Categories
Book Update

The Wait is Over!

Thanks so much to my faithful followers who have continued to read and share this blog! I created this blog to be a joy for me and for my audience, but it was becoming a burden. Between my novel writing, my part-time job at a publishing company, and chores (yay for adulting!), my blog couldn’t really get the attention that it deserved.

While on my hiatus, I’ve learned to make time for God, to “go deep,” and to invite God into my plans. A couple of weeks ago, we had an awesome prayer night at our young adult ministry. It was dedicated to making time for God. As a creative, I spent most of the night playing with clay, drawing pictures, and writing psalms. I had a blast! However, it reminded me that God is in control, and that even rest is necessary for me to be successful. I’m an achiever, and I have my to-do list, but maybe I need to add “rest” and “going for a walk” and “coloring” to my daily tasks!

I’ve also been listening to a great podcast called Write from the Deep, by Karen Ball and Erin Taylor Young. They are both novelists who have helped me find the core message of what God wants to write through me. In a nutshell, my message is: God is faithful even when all has failed me. That is my testimony, and that is what I hope to convey in my writing of YA dystopian, which involves creating societies where chaos is the only thing that’s constant. Even in a dystopia (the opposite of a utopia), God is in control.

During this time, I also finished my novel, joined a critique group, and have been waiting to see next steps for publication. My friends gave me wonderful feedback, and my writer friend recommended that I join a critique group to meet other writers in my genre. So far, I’ve met a couple of people who write my genre, and I’m looking forward to connecting with them and seeing their work!

Along with that, I’m going to start building up my newsletter! I honestly didn’t know what to do as a novelist, but I’m going to start writing short stories. I may also advertise novels in my genre that I enjoy, depending on what I find. To get book updates and all things fiction, click here to join my newsletter!

Finally, I’ve considered publishing a non-fiction book, since I already seem to know how to talk about topics such as marriage and anxiety. However, I have to do research, not just for the book, but about how that affects me as a novelist. I’m more about showing my readers how to have healthy marriages or how to overcome anxiety, than I am about telling my readers what to do. Maybe after writing a topic on my blog, I can write a short story about it. Sound good?

Thanks again to all of my faithful followers who have checked up on me the last couple of weeks. Since I’m able to schedule posts in advance (thank you, WordPress!), I’ve gotten a running start, and have published a month’s worth of posts in advance. You’ll be seeing new content about marriage, anxiety, and what God is teaching me.

Comment below if you have any exciting updates to share!

Categories
anxiety

I’m Taking a Break!

I just wanted to update you all that I will be taking a break from my blog to focus on free writing. I can’t wait to tell you all about it when I’m finished!

I’ve been studying the topic of soul care, and as I’ve asked the Lord how I can better take care of my soul, I felt that the Lord was leading me to focus more on the inward places of my heart. To be completely honest, my writing has felt surface level, and part of that is because I’m afraid of what my audience will think of me. I also don’t want to give too much information, to a point where you’re cringing and wondering, Why did she just say that? The only cure for that is to learn to listen to the voice of God, and to pray about what He wants me to write. So, I’m going to take the next couple of weeks to write from my heart, in my journal, and away from the public eye. I’m also going to be making some minor changes to my novel and sending it out for approval!

If you have benefited from this blog thus far, here are some ways you can stay connected with me:

  • Read my content from the last couple of years. I’ve been writing on this blog since 2014! I’m sure there’s something you haven’t read yet.
  • Share my posts with those around you. You might have been blessed from reading one of my posts, but maybe you have a friend or family member who could use some encouragement as well.
  • Leave a comment! I’m literally fishing for compliments. Please leave me a note of encouragement to let me know that you’ve been blessed by my blog. Your motivation is the fuel that keeps me going. I’d also love to hear if you have any topics you’d like me to discuss.

See you soon!

Categories
anxiety

Crazy Favor

The other day, I went to a Chinese auction, completely not expecting to go to one when I had woken up that morning. It was my mom’s ticket, but she was unable to go, so she gave it to me for free. Since I’d had a panic attack at work, I wasn’t sure I’d be up to going. But my sister was going, and one of our good friends was hosting the event, so I slid out of my comfy pants, put on my jeans, and drove twenty minutes to the auction.

I didn’t want to stay at home and “rest,” because I’ve learned that just because I’m home doesn’t mean I’m resting. I’ll find stuff to do, like wash the dishes, put clothes away, or organize my closet. As a matter of fact, while I was listening to a podcast about how to deal with burnout as a writer, I was putting clothes away! There was no way I was going to get any rest at home, so I figured that a little getaway might be good for me.

When I finally found my sister in the crowds, we caught up, put our stuff down, and placed our tickets for the auction. For those who have never been to a Chinese auction, there are multiple prizes you can win. When you walk through the door, they hand you a sheet full of about twenty tickets. You can place as many tickets as you want in the box/bag for whatever prize catches your eye. They had some nice prizes, so I put a handful of tickets in a couple of good ones.

Although I wasn’t set on winning any particular prize, my sister had her eye on this kitchenware set that contained bowls, servers, and plates. I imagined her winning this prize, and seeing the excited look on her face putting it into her car.

Finally, it was time to give away the prizes. We excitedly held our tickets and leaned over the top step. Our friend read each ticket number, and no matter who won, my sister and I clapped for them. Then, we reached a prize where I had put in a couple of tickets. Wow, wouldn’t it be great if I won? Long story short, that night, I won not one, not two, not three, but four times! I felt so guilty that I had won multiple times, especially because I was only allowed at the event because of a sheet of tickets that my mom paid for me (and a sheet of tickets my sister also paid for me).

Anyway, that night, I learned about the favor of God. We don’t deserve it, but when we receive it, we receive it with gratitude and praise. Sure, I strategically placed the tickets in, but I wouldn’t be there if it wasn’t for my mom giving me the ticket. People were criticizing me, which reminds me that people might make me feel guilty for having the blessings that God has given me.

Oh, and by the way, my sister did get that prize. And despite all four prizes I won, the best was seeing the look on her face and hearing her excited squeal as she ran over to receive her prize. I imagine that’s why God loves to bless us. He loves it when we show gratitude for what He has given us. He loves to show us favor.

Romans 8:28 tells us that God works everything out for the good of those who love Him. God’s favor means that in each and every situation, He is looking out for our best interest. It’s amazing to me that God can have both our individual situations and His grand design for the universe in mind.

As I’ll share more next week, the favor of God does not always look the way that we expect. The day after the Chinese auction, my husband and I woke up to no hot water, and snow coming down fast and hard while I had to bring him to work early. I know I have no right to complain when there are people around the world without hot water, cars, or jobs, but when I’d a wonderful experience like I had the other day, and then the next day I’d hit all those road blocks, I started to wonder, Was I wrong about God’s favor? Next week, I’ll be sharing more about what I’ve learned. Until then, share your thoughts below:

What does the favor of God look like to you? Where have you seen God’s favor in your life?

Photo by Fancycrave on Unsplash

Categories
Marriage

Praying for Your Spouse

Today, I was in a stressful situation at work that sent me into panic mode (which rarely happens at this job, thank God!). I sent a quick text to Lenny and told him how I was feeling. He sent me a text back that he was praying for me. Just knowing that he was on my side and that he cared enough to lift me up in prayer made my anxiety seem less intimidating.

Every night, before we kiss each other goodnight, my husband and I ask each other, “How can I pray for you?” Making that intentional time to pray for my spouse has helped us stay close by reminding me what is going on in his life. It also continually brings our relationship to God, who ultimately gives us success in our marriage.

In the beginning of this blog series, I told you that it’s tempting to pray for God to change our spouses. That’s why we have to remember to pray for ourselves first. Jesus says that we must examine the plank in our own eyes before trying to remove the speck from someone else’s (Matthew 7:5). When we pray for our spouses, an attitude change needs to take place; we need to develop an attitude of humility. If you come to God as if you’re perfect, you will try to manipulate God into fixing your spouse. However, if you remember that you are just as in need of grace as your spouse is, you can approach prayer for your spouse in a way that actually helps him to change.

A couple of years ago, I shared about how much I wanted to control my husband, but how controlling him doesn’t work. If I tell him what I want him to do, eventually, he does it. I’ve learned over the years that Lenny is more laid back than I am, so while I want things done now as if the world is going to end tomorrow, Lenny knows that they don’t have to get done right now. I wanted to change this about my spouse, but I realized that he has been teaching me how to rest. Instead of having a neat house and being a nervous wreck, I’ve found comfort in having a little mess if that means I’m less anxious.

In this moment, there’s a pile of clean clothes on our couch that need to be hung up and put in our closet (and while I always joke about my husband leaving his socks on the floor, this is a real story!). Although it’s bothering me that there’s a mess within a fifteen-foot radius of me, I’ve learned, through my husband, that typing this blog post for you and doing what I love (writing!) is more important than having a clean house. I’m not going to be a slob and leave my stuff everywhere, but I am going to recognize that sometimes, there are more important things in life than being tidy.

I share that story with you because, if I had nagged my husband and prayed to God for him to want to do the chores more often, I would have never learned how to rest. That’s why searching our heart is so essential for praying for our spouses. We don’t want to pray for God to fix our spouses, but for God to bring out the best in our spouses.

In this case, when I would pray for Lenny, instead of praying for him to help me around the house every once in a while, I could thank God that he feels safe in the home that we’ve created, and that he would continue to carry God’s peace everywhere He goes. My perspective has changed. I’ve noticed that he likes to work when he can, but he knows when to rest. I need to continue to learn that as well.

So, in praying for your spouse, I would encourage you to think about what draws out the best in your spouse. Pray for a new perspective for your spouse, and maybe what is bothering you about your spouse is actually a good quality. God can use what is different about your spouse to change you as well.

Photo by Caroline Veronez on Unsplash

Categories
anxiety

Pessimism is NOT Realistic!

I generally tend to be optimistic. However, in light of my optimism, people tell me that I’m sometimes unrealistic. And when people look at the negative side, they tend to tell me that they’re just being realistic.

One day, when I was in college, I looked outside and said, “Wow, it’s a beautiful day outside. The sun is shining, and the clouds are white and puffy!”

Without hesitation, my friend said, “Yeah, well, it’s going to rain tomorrow.” So, basically, the sun isn’t going to last.

This short scene from my college days reminds me that “pessimistic” is not a synonym for “realistic.” I chose to focus on the positive, that it was a beautiful day and that the sun was shining. My friend chose to focus on the negative, that the sun wasn’t going to last and the rain was coming tomorrow. Both were true, but which one did I choose to focus on? The one that made me happier.

Life is all about perspective. For example, my apartment is both a great place to live and a terrible place to live. Our little home is clean, spacious, and affordable, but we also have noisy neighbors, and it’s a little far from our friends and family. Everything I told you is real and true, but because our apartment is neutral, I choose to focus on the positive. We truly are blessed to have such a great place!

By definition, optimism is: “the belief that good ultimately predominates over evil in the world.” On the other hand, by definition, pessimism is: “the belief that the evil and pain in the world are not compensated for by goodness and happiness” (both definitions are from Dictionary.com). So, in essence, pessimists believe that the evil in the world outweighs the goodness. While the world isn’t perfect, I know that God has given us power to overcome evil with good (Romans 12:21). God is good, and He is the all-powerful, Almighty God. There is no power greater than His. To believe that God is not enough to overcome the evil in front of us, is to be a true pessimist. It doesn’t sound too faithful, though, does it?

Ultimately, we don’t know the future. Only God does. If we claim that our situation will definitely get worse, we are taking the place of God. Sure, our circumstances can make us believe that the future isn’t bright, but God is in control. Whether it rains or shines tomorrow, let’s thank God for the sunshine He’s put in our lives today.

Photo by LIU HSUAN YU on Unsplash

Categories
Marriage

Prayers for the Impossible

Three years ago, I wrote a post on Facebook:

“Sometimes we go through impossible situations so that we could truly know and believe that nothing is impossible with God.”

How appropriate for the conversation I want to have with you today about impossible prayers!

Think of the impossible situations in your life. I want you to really think: If God could answer any prayer in my life, what would I pray for? What fears would He remove? Which ways would He provide? Which miracles would He perform in your midst? Which blessings would He pour out on you?

Maybe you’re saving for a house, and your budget is tight. Maybe you’re pregnant, and you don’t know how you and your spouse are going to do this whole parenting thing. Maybe you have a house full of kids and you are still overwhelmed. Maybe God is calling you to start a ministry or serve in your local church, but you feel totally under qualified. Maybe you just aren’t on the same page as your spouse, and the happily ever after you expected is never going to come true for you.

Whatever impossible situation you’re facing, God can make a way. God is healer. God is provider. God is our wonderful counselor.

It’s not a prosperity gospel thing to say that nothing is impossible with God. He can and will answer the impossible prayers that we pray. He wants us to trust Him with the obstacles in our lives, especially if He is calling us to go through them.

Steven Furtick said in his book Sun Stand Still, “…if the size of your vision for your life isn’t intimidating to you, there’s a good chance it’s insulting to God.” God wants us to come to Him boldly, fully believing and expecting Him to do the impossible in our lives. If you are a follower of Christ, you are living by faith daily. And when you follow God and learn to listen for His leading, He will not lead you astray.

The same God who fed five thousand with five loaves and two fish can provide for you and your family.

The same God who multiplied the oil in the empty jars of the widow can give you everything you need to take on this next step of your life.

The same God who made the Sun stand still (a scientifically impossible task) can still the storm raging in your heart right now.

The same God who sacrificed His Son for us, and raised Him to life, will resurrect and restore your broken relationship.

When praying for the impossible, I must warn you that it will be uncomfortable. You might feel spoiled at first, or even unworthy. But remember that in Christ, who is our Great High Priest, we can have boldness and confidence to approach the throne of grace, to find mercy and help in our time of need (Hebrews 4:16).

With that in mind, begin to pray for the impossible task that God has called you to accomplish:

Name the impossible. Put a name to what you want God to do. Really, think about the most impossible situation that comes to mind, something that aligns with what God is currently working on in your life. I gave you some suggestions above. For us, it’s having direction, provision, and unity of heart for our next living situation. Be specific, not because God needs to know the desires of your heart, but because you do.

Ask God. It’s that simple. Truthfully, if God has put this desire in your heart, it is part of His will for you to have it. It may not be exactly what you expect, but it will be exactly what God intended for you. Simply ask God for whatever you listed above.

Do I have a part to play? We need to take responsibility for the impossible situations that God has called us to overcome. Using our example of saving for a house, we’re not just sitting around waiting for a check to come in the mail. Lenny and I are both working and tightening our budget so we’re saving as much as we can each month. It’s not that God can’t give us a check in the mail, but He wants us to be invested in the life that He has given us.

Find accountability. I find it powerful to speak the impossible prayer to a friend. That way, you’re not just asking for it from God; you’re believing for it by declaring it to someone else. Over the weekend, I told a couple of my friends about our exact plan for saving for a house, and how we wanted God to provide. My friends each stated their agreement with our prayer, and now I know they are all praying for us as we take on this task.

Photo by Giorgio Parravicini on Unsplash