I want to encourage some singles who may be wondering why God isn’t answering their prayers for a husband/wife. While I’m not God and I can’t speak for Him, I can speak of what God taught me during my time as a single woman.
I had a crush on a different guy from the time I started preschool basically until shortly before I met my husband. I just wanted to know what it felt like to be loved and to have a person. Unfortunately, whenever I liked a guy, he did not like me back, and whenever a guy liked me, I did not like him back. There would be days where I thought the guys that I liked actually liked me back, and I would get super excited that maybe I’d finally get a boyfriend. Then I’d find out that he had a girlfriend, or that he was just trying to be friendly. I would spend several weeks wondering why I wasn’t good enough for him, and what I had to change so that he would like me. After those weeks were over, I would get over him, and then another guy would come into my life.
During this time, I was still following God. It wasn’t like God was punishing me, or that I was pushing God away because He wasn’t answering my prayers. I still attended church, I still read the Bible, and I still sought fellowship with other believers. I knew God was in control, and I loved Him, but the desire for a boyfriend was like a constant poking at my side. When I would have moments of loneliness, I would put on some worship music and cry. I wouldn’t even have words. When I did have words, I would journal pages and pages about my loneliness, ending with the reassurance that God loved me.
I clearly remember the day when I was done.
I was in church, sitting with one of my best friends. We sang “Revelation Song.” Although I’ve sang this song hundreds of times, these words from the chorus stuck out to me: “You are my everything, and I will adore You.” I broke into tears realizing that Jesus really was my everything. I had been placing my faith in a boyfriend for so long that I forgot where my faith actually belonged.
In that short song, I prayed that Jesus would have my heart. I told Him that He could have it all. I told Him I would wait as long as He wanted me to wait for a boyfriend. I was content having it be just me and Him.
That Tuesday, I met my husband.
I was so in shock that God had sent me a man so soon that I didn’t trust my husband at first. I thought he was a distraction from the plan that God had for me. But, after praying and seeking counsel from friends and family, I realized that God really did send this guy for me. We quickly got engaged and married, before I could even blink. And God has used him to heal me from my past and to feel the love that God intended for me to have.
When my husband and I sit together in church, he’ll put his arm around me. After seeing couples together in church, I’d always wanted a guy who would put his arm over my chair. A few weeks ago, God revealed to me that’s what He was doing when those other guys I wanted wouldn’t chase after me. He had His arm around me, protecting my heart from the guys who didn’t love me in the way He intended.
So, if you’re discontent in your singleness, let me encourage you to think of your relationship with God like the featured image: walking through life with your father holding your hand. She’s got the doll in her hand, but her focus is really on her father, and on what is in front of her.
Our God is jealous for us, and He desires us to treasure Him above all else. Remind your soul that Jesus truly is your everything. And watch how God works in your life.
Photo by Carly Rae Hobbins on Unsplash
2 replies on “Wrapped in His Arms: My Story of Singleness”
Thank you for exposing your feelings in writing this. I remember the first Valentine’s Day after I was saved. My ex husband had ended our marriage two weeks before. Even though the divorce was a deliverance, I felt like love obviously wasn’t for me. At work there were more Valentine’s Day flowers delivered to coworkers than I’d ever seen before. Of course, working in the mother/baby department didn’t help! Grateful husbands and fathers lavished their beloveds with piles of gifts wrapped in shiny red heart paper and airborne red heart balloons. Looking at all those men, I realized none of them were like someone I wanted. I wished I was Jesus’ Valentine.
Then it occurred to me that I could as HIM! Soon afterward, my relationship with him blossomed. The more I learned about him, the more love I felt from him. In time, he taught me to trust him. Trust was my main stumbling block in relationships.
Eventually he asked me to trust him when it came to marriage. He didn’t ask me to trust whom he sent. He asked me to trust he was the one who sent him. He taught me both the man and the woman should “love up” toward him, not across toward each other. He would then hold that love over both of us, in his care.
He was right.
[…] Wrapped in His Arms: My Story of Singleness I remember being single and literally crying my eyes out some days because I felt so alone. But I realized during those difficult days that I’m never alone. […]