Categories
Marriage

1 Corinthians 13: Living Up to the Vows

“If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.”
– 1 Corinthians 13:1-3, NIV

Last week, my pastor shared a sermon on love. He referred to the chapter I shared above, the chapter that is recited at weddings but that people don’t think about on a daily basis in their marriage. When I realized that, it broke my heart, especially because my friend recited this passage at our wedding. During that sermon, I did a serious heart check. Do I love my husband in the way that Paul writes about in 1 Corinthians 13? Does our marriage reflect the love that God wants us to display in marriage?

Although it is a cute poetic passage to read at weddings, what does it actually mean to live out the words that are written within 1 Corinthians 13?

The first three verses give us a clue into where our hearts should be. We can do all the right things, but if they are not done in love, we have wasted our time. In marriage, this looks to me like sacrifice of self. I’m giving my spouse everything I own because I want him to have it, not because I want to look good. I’m encouraging my spouse because I want him to succeed, not because I want to show off my word skills. I’m praying for my spouse and putting God first in our marriage because God is worthy, not because I think God is a genie that will grant all my wishes if I just say a few prayers.

Paul was writing this letter to a church that had glorified lust and greed instead of love and sacrifice. This letter was more than just about marriage and lovey-dovey feelings; it was about creating a new culture that elevated God more than the fleshy nature of human beings. In our marriages, we should seek to elevate God above our selfishness, our pride, and our stubbornness. We do that by putting our spouses first (before ourselves), doing a daily heart check, and surrendering those icky parts of us that cause us to put love on the back burner.

During the next few weeks, I will be sharing how the different adjectives given in 1 Corinthians 13 can be practically displayed in marriage. If you would like to contribute to the conversation, comment below (or on Facebook/Twitter/LinkedIn/Instagram) about how you, your spouse, or someone else you know has exemplified 1 Corinthians 13 in your/his/her marriage. Then pray this week about how you can best show love to your spouse and to those in your sphere of influence.

Photo by Marcus Lewis on Unsplash

*Update: I’ve been working on my book hardcore lately. They say that once you write your first book, the others just flow out of you. I’m waiting for that! Until then, I’ve been chiseling away at the free writing that I had done a few months ago, in order to create a masterpiece that will glorify God and inspire young adult women to find peace in the midst of their anxiety. So, I will be posting every other Monday and Wednesday, instead of every Monday and Wednesday, in order to make more time for my novel writing. This week I will post on Monday, and next week I will post on Wednesday. If you have an Instagram, feel free to follow me @elisabethmwarner, as I have been sharing how pursuing wellness has helped me control my anxiety.

Categories
Marriage

What are You Fighting For?

Being married has been a source of healing from my past. Divorce, promiscuity, and affairs run rampant in our culture, but because of Jesus, we don’t have to live like that anymore. However, one of the silent killers of marriage, which we always have to guard against, is a little thing called gossip.

Call it what you may. Putting down your husband. Choosing sides and asking your relatives to do the same. Harboring bitterness. Venting. Seeking advice from people who delight in evil. Justifying your actions by bouncing your ideas off of someone else.

Or, my personal favorite, just joking around.

I’m convinced that while gossip does not cause divorce, it definitely doesn’t help a marriage stay together. One piece of advice I’ve heard from a lot of people is not to share your problems with your parents. Your parents will always be on your side, not your marriage’s side, so you will always win when you ask them to nurse your wound. But the point of marriage is not to win; the point of marriage is to stay married until death do us part.

Right before I got married, my mom told it to me straight: “If you ever get so mad at your husband that you don’t want to go home, don’t come here. We’ll just send you back home to your husband so you can be reconciled.” Her advice not only showed her support of my marriage, but it also put the responsibility on me and not on her to fix my marriage.

Of course, during the honeymoon stage I didn’t think I could ever be so mad at my husband that I would want to spend time apart from him. However, through the stresses of life and the arguments that make my blood boil, it has been tempting to pick up the phone and call my mom. Just to vent. Just to justify if I’m right. Just to bounce my ideas off of someone who cares. But I can’t sugarcoat it. Gossip is gossip, and I should never put down my husband when I’m talking about him to others.

This message is for two people. First, to spouses: do not develop the habit of going to your parents or other family members to bail you out of your marital problems. If they want to offer you advice, that’s wonderful! Definitely take it, especially if they have a healthy marriage that you want to exemplify in your own marriage. However, don’t go out of your way to put down your husband so that you could prove you’re right, because when you do that, you both lose

Second, family members, parents, or close friends: Do not stick your nose in your loved ones’ marriage. If you want to give advice, it is the responsibility of the receiver to put that advice into practice. Don’t force them to conform to your way. If they come to you for advice and end up putting their spouse down, try to say things to encourage your family member to love his or her spouse again. I don’t care if it’s your son or daughter, your sister or brother, your niece or nephew, your cousin, or a close friend; if you attended their wedding, you made a promise to help them when they are struggling.

I know from experience that it hurts to see a family member fighting with his or her spouse or significant other. I personally want to stick up for my own flesh and blood. However, if the couple is married, that means they made a promise to God to honor one another and to maintain their union to one another in Christ. Help them keep their commitment, instead of telling them to give up on their marriage.

Photo by John Pearson on Unsplash

Categories
Marriage

Baby Steps

We have no news. And that’s okay
My life doesn’t always have to be on display
I don’t always have interesting things to say
But I love my life; nothing I would change

I’ve said this many times before, but being a millennial newlywed couple is hard. Social media makes it nearly impossible to enjoy your own marriage. And when you finally have good news to post, people get excited for a few minutes and then move on to the next best thing.

Did you ever notice how excited people get when a baby takes even one step? The baby is never a professional walker at first, but each step is exciting and new. Even when the baby falls, we encourage him to get up and try again. It’s amazing how, as the baby gets older and becomes an adult, we forget the excitement of each step that follows after our first.

The motto of my life is to find contentment in the now. I’ve lived much of my life waiting for the next thing. I’ll be happy when I graduate high school. I’ll be happy when I leave the country. I’ll be happy when I get through this semester. I’ll be happy after going on the mission trip. I’ll be happy when I graduate college. I’ll be happy when I get a job.

But I’ve had all of those things, and the things I wait for never satisfy me. They only steal my joy of what is right in front of me.

Let me tell you about what is going on right in front of me. My husband and I have been cooking together. We have been slowly unpacking our stuff from our apartment. We are advancing in our careers. We’re making decisions to eat healthier and be more active. And we are still very much in love.

We’re taking baby steps; each step is small, but it is forward.

Ultimately, our contentment is found in God. As I shared last week, when we put God at the center of our lives, He helps us. God has helped me find joy in life. If I don’t have joy, what is the purpose for what I am doing? Placing my hope in God has allowed me to give the little things in my life permission to be what they were made to be. When things don’t go my way, I’m not shaken. But when things go great, it’s just icing on the cake.

If you are waiting for the next big thing to happen in your life, I encourage you to praise God for the baby steps that you’ve taken so far. What are five things you are thankful for right now? What are three things about this season that are unique to any other season you’ve undergone? What victories has God allowed you to experience this past week?

Let’s all celebrate together as we take little steps on this walk of life!

Photo by Marc A. Sporys on Unsplash

Categories
Marriage

Lift Your Hands to God

I forever want to brag on my husband, so this post is going to do just that, while of course giving glory to God. It’s easy to say nice things about a husband who truly loves me and who makes me feel so special on a daily basis!

My husband treated me exceptionally well this weekend. He surprised me by planning a date night for us on Friday by making me dinner and dessert. This weekend truly showed me that I married the right guy. I’ve never doubted that he truly is the one for me, but there are moments when he exceeds my expectations and makes me extremely happy.

Yesterday, I went to church with my husband. He is in the choir, so I usually sit in a spot where I can see him. During the choir song, I looked up and saw my husband, worshiping freely and joyfully. At one point in the song, he raised his hand as a declaration to his belief in the words of the song. The song was about giving all the praise and all the glory to God. In that moment, God spoke to me: “No matter how many nice things your husband does for you, that is the reason why he is your husband.”

In other words, without our unwavering devotion to God, our marriage would not be as wonderful as it is now.

My husband and I do not have the perfect life. We fight, we exhaust ourselves, we criticize other people, and we compare. But when we have our eyes fixed on Jesus, we realize that in the midst of the disappointments, in the midst of the failures, in the midst of our insecurities, we have hope that God will give us strength to overcome. No matter if we fight or not, God will give us both clarity to stay united with one another. No matter what decisions we have to make, God will give us wisdom to trust His plan and to make decisions according to His will. No matter what we do, God will bless us in our marriage, because we have made a decision to glorify Him in our marriage.

So, how do you put God in the center of your marriage? First of all, pray. When I say pray, I mean be totally honest with God. If you do not normally pray, tell God how you feel. If you are frustrated with your husband, tell Him. If you are happy, thank Him. Start with honesty. Then, listen. Read God’s Word, listen to some sermons, and seek wise counsel from godly people you know. Prayer is a conversation with God. Not only does it involve talking to God; it also involves God talking to you.

Now, what I just described is not unique to married people. Everyone needs to pray and read the Bible in order to grow in their faith and in their relationship with God. But that’s what you need to have a healthy marriage. You need faith in God. You need the love of God in order to love your spouse when you don’t want to love him. You need the peace of God when you are both struggling in a busy season. You need the joy of God when you go through tough times. Really, in order to have God in the center of your marriage, you need God at the center of your life.

If you are already doing this as an individual, great! As you both become one, you will experience some friction as you both have unique ways of worshiping the Lord. Even your quiet time with the Lord in the morning may get interrupted. But God is not just a God who requires excellence; He is also a God of grace, grace that will see you through the confusion and discomfort in the beginning stages of your marriage. Even in the friction, seek God, and trust Him to make you one. After all, He brought you two together; He knows how to keep you together too!

Photo by Jeremy Perkins on Unsplash

Categories
anxiety

Clutter Wears You Out

We covered in the last post the idea that clutter negatively affects your mental health; it adds unnecessary stress to your life and causes a loss of concentration and an increase in mental fatigue. In this post, we will discuss the effects of clutter on your physical health.

Your Muscles and Your Breathing

It takes an unnecessary amount of physical labor to move your stuff out of the way while you look for the stuff you actually need. I just spent an hour replacing our cardboard boxes of junk with plastic bins of junk, and then lifting them off the ground to get the junk out of the way. Out of sight, out of mind. Well, sort of. This junk has affected my arms, all the muscles that are involved in lifting and moving items (cue medical friends!) and of course my breathing since it takes a lot of energy to move these things. Although you rarely think of it, clutter physically makes you tired.

In terms of time clutter, when we pack up our schedules, we have to run from one activity to the other. Since I live further away from where I work now, I feel the urge to speed when I’m cruising from home to work, and then work to whatever night activities I have. Instead of giving 100% to one activity, we spread ourselves thin and give 10% to ten activities. I pack my schedules so that I have no time to breathe in between activities.

(Hey, let me pause this for a second and give YOU a minute to breathe. As I wrote that word before, I took in a deep breath, and it felt so good! Deep breath IN through your nose…hold it…deep breath OUT through your mouth).

Anyway…financial clutter also physically exhausts you because you have to work harder to get more money. That could mean working overtime and getting less sleep. That could mean driving from one job to the next day in and day out. That could mean more physical labor at work to build up your weekly inventory quota. Taking the time to budget could seriously give you more energy and make you more productive.

Decluttering and Physical Health

You can turn the decluttering process into a workout! I know my friends that work out at the gym are totally cringing right now. However, I don’t have time or money to work out at the gym, so I have to get creative when it comes to making a workout that actually works. Think about the physical activity it takes to move your stuff from one place to the next. Do some squats and pick up some boxes. Do some bicep curls and throw your unwanted items into boxes. Any amount of clutter you can purge will allow you to have more energy to do what you love, including working out at the gym.

Physical Health and Anxiety

Since my blog is for those who suffer with anxiety, it is also fit to mention that exercise helps with anxiety by allowing you to have a positive outlet to releasing the negative energy that anxiety brings. By having more energy and feeling more awake, your mind will be alert and will not be subject to the schemes of the enemy of our souls. Next week, we will discuss this topic more as we discover how decluttering improves our spiritual health.

Photo by Maria Fernanda Gonzalez on Unsplash

Categories
Marriage

Seasons Repeat

I cannot believe it is already Spring tomorrow!  It felt like it was just Christmas. Spring is my favorite season, since I was born in Spring, and I absolutely hate the cold. During this time, I am intentional about the time I spend outside and the enjoyment of the warmth, because I know that winter will be back again in a few months.

You have been with me during my first year of marriage and beyond as I’ve learned to be a good wife to my husband and to honor God in doing so. Since God has allowed me to gain so much insight and wisdom early on in my marriage, it is tempting for me to say that I’m an expert in marriage (if you laughed out loud, I know you thought that about yourself too!). But as I’m beginning to see, just as Christmas comes every year, marriage consists of unique seasons that cycle between a husband and wife multiple times throughout their lives.

Thanks be to God, newlyweds and seasoned couples alike have benefited from my blog posts.  These couples go through similar seasons and need similar advice. While newlyweds may be learning how to communicate and how to become one for the first time, seasoned couples need refreshers on the basic things they’ve learned through multiple counseling sessions, marriage retreats, and days of living together.

We’ve only been married for one year, four months, and two weeks (but who’s counting?), but we can already see that we need refreshers. Even though we’ve acquired so many tools for our marriage, we have to juggle these tools in the real world. Between having jobs, seeing family, and completing household chores, it is easy for these tools to get lost in the sauce. That’s why we have to intentionally make time for our marriage and continue to build on the foundation we formed in the beginning.

In each season, there are aspects of our marriage that are great and aspects that are not so great. In our current season, we have found it easier to communicate and open up to each other, but we haven’t been spending as much consistent time together as we used to when we were in our first months of marriage. Seasoned couples still need to make time for their spouses. “Expert” couples still need to practice their spouses’ love languages. Couples in each season of their lives still need to know how to have healthy conflict and how to check in with each other. It is helpful to do an evaluation every week or so to see what is working for your marriage and where you need improvement.

There are difficult seasons and there are smooth seasons; there are busy seasons and there are boring seasons. However, don’t fall into the trap of thinking that you have overcome a step in your marriage, for there is always room for improvement.

Photo by Joshua Hoehne on Unsplash

Categories
anxiety

Decluttering Your Mind

Did you ever look at your closet and realize that you have nothing to wear?

The reality is: you have clothes to wear.  You actually have too many clothes.  When you scan your closet, all you see are clothes that don’t fit, clothes that are out of season, or clothes that you just don’t want to wear.  Therefore, your brain meshes all your clothes together into one blob that your mind has labeled “insignificant,” even the clothes you want to wear.

When we talk about clutter, we don’t just talk about material clutter; we also have mental clutter, time clutter, relationship clutter, and financial clutter.  In this blog post, I will cover material, time, and financial clutter.

Material Clutter
Material clutter increases stress and decreases the ability to focus.  The stuff that we accumulate screams for our attention, begging us to notice it.  The senses that your clutter stimulates run around in your brain, leaving you mentally exhausted.  These objects also stimulate your memory, since they were special to you at a certain season of your life.

With material clutter, start small.  For example, declutter the clothes in your closet.  One thing I’ve found especially helpful is putting your items in one spot where you can see them all at once and sorting the items into piles.  Most people suggest having a “keep” pile, a “donate” pile, or a “trash” pile.  Others also suggest having a “maybe” pile for the items you have that you don’t want to trash yet.

Time Clutter
The word “busy” has started to leave a bad taste in my mouth.  I have something to do every night of the week; my schedule is mentally exhausting.  Despite what our culture may suggest, we need time to rest, and we should not feel guilty for creating some free time into our schedules.

My friend Christa Hutchins has some great resources about bossing our time around and not letting our schedules control us.  What I’m about to describe isn’t exactly Christa’s system, but I wanted to give credit where credit is due.  To declutter your time, draw seven boxes with each box representing a day of the week.  Write down all your required scheduled activities, such as work.  Then, on the side, write down the activities that are not scheduled but are important to you, and how long you think it will take you to do these activities.  After that, write down the amount of free time you have.  It is up to you to schedule free time for yourself, quality time with your family, or anything else that fills you.  If your free time is less than the time you need to get things done, it’s time to prioritize and reevaluate your task list.  Take out the items that are not as important, or reschedule them for what you have more time.

Financial Clutter
Did you ever wonder, Where did all that money go?  The Bible even says that if you’re not careful, money will grow wings and fly away (see Proverbs 23:5).  My husband and I have gotten a lot out of Dave Ramsey’s financial plan, and much of it has to do with creating a budget.  The template is exactly like your time budget.  Write down how much money you make each month.  Then, write down the scheduled bills that come out of your bank account.  Use the remainder to set an amount of money you will spend on clothes, food, and other necessities.  As you spend money throughout the month, write it down on your phone or in a notebook.  After a few months, you’ll start to see where all your money has been going, and you can make adjustments to your budget accordingly.

Conclusion
So, what are you willing to get rid of for the sake of your mental health?  Ultimately, you need God’s wisdom to know where you are spending your time, money, and resources inadequately.  Your first step is to surrender your stuff, your time, and your finances to the Lord.  Nothing is more important than He is, and since He wants to be first in your life, He will help you make that possible.

As I did last week, I give you permission to let go of those things that are holding you back, that are distracting you, and that are getting in the way of the things you really enjoy.  Do not let any obligation or any feelings of guilt stop you from finding freedom from all the clutter in your life.

Photo by Carolina Heza on Unsplash

Categories
Marriage

Aw, I want one!

It is amazing how quickly we can go from being happy for someone’s success to being bitter about what we don’t have. Your friends that are your age have a house, so you want a house. Your friends that are your age have babies, so you want a baby. You forget the plans you make with your spouse, and the visions that God reveals to you about your future, when you focus on what everyone else has.

Since a lot of women around me are having kids (there’s definitely something in the water!), everyone else has been asking me when it’s my turn. It’s crazy that right after a pregnancy announcement, someone will turn to me and ask if I have any news too, as if I would steal that woman’s thunder. But to be honest, when I see what everyone else has, I’m tempted to wonder why God hasn’t called me or my husband to be part of this baby bandwagon. My husband and I have a plan and that we are working on our marriage before we take any next steps, and that God has given us peace about this plan. However, the baby showers, gender reveal parties, and birth announcements on Instagram cause my peace to waver a little bit sometimes.

We see the picture-perfect family, the picture-perfect marriage, the picture-perfect house, and the picture-perfect children, and we want those things for ourselves. We don’t see the hard work and dedication that goes into keeping a marriage afloat and into raising a child to be obedient. We don’t see the fights, the slamming of doors, the screaming and saying things that you should never say to your husband. We don’t see the snotty faces, the sleepless nights, the times that you wish you could take back what you said to your child. We don’t see that God has chosen a different path for us, a path that perfectly aligns with His story for our lives.

Ultimately, if we looked down deep into our soul, we want happiness on our terms. We want a husband that we can control, that will perfectly fit our every need. We want a child that we can snuggle, that will be everything we’ve ever wanted and more. Whatever we lack, we think that will make us happy. But only God can truly satisfy our soul, and any desire we have that is not from Him distracts us from what He has for us.

I saw a skit that represented the blessing of God. A woman receives a gift that God had hand-picked for her: a soda can. The woman is so excited to receive the soda can from God that she tells everyone she knows about her precious gift. However, her excitement instantly vanishes when she sees what God has given her friend: a soda bottle. She begins to wonder if God really loves her, and what she did wrong to only receive a soda can.

The woman in the story missed the point; it’s not about what God gives you, but about the fact that God loves you enough to give you a gift that He carefully picked out just for you. You may not have what your friend has, but you have what God has provided for you for this season, and for that reason, you can rejoice.

Pray that God would renew your joy for the things He has given you. Think of five things that you are thankful for in this season right now, and thank God for giving them to you. When your friends share their good news, be happy for them, but don’t forget that God is doing wonderful things in your life too. You don’t have to have what your friends have in order to be content; you only need to have what God has provided for you during this season of your life.

If you truly are discontent about an area of your life, be honest with God about it. Tell God how you feel, and ask God to show you the plans that He has for you. God will show you your heart, your faith (or lack thereof), and where your treasure truly lies.
“Take delight in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.” -Psalm 37:4

Photo by Caitlyn Hastings on Unsplash

Categories
anxiety

Decluttering and Anxiety

Decluttering is the art, yes the art, of getting rid of all the junk we have that’s just been lying around.  I think when you’re first married, people just dump stuff on you because you don’t have anything.  Of course, you are desperate and need these things, but you can only have so many measuring cups and random little boxes.  After a while, this stuff just becomes trash you want to get rid of ASAP.

While preparing for this move, decluttering has drastically changed my life.  Although it took us several weeks to sort through our stuff, it made moving so much easier in the long run.  To be honest, we did bring some junk with us to our current apartment, but as I’ll explain in the coming weeks, I’ll be going through that a little bit at a time.

Thanks to this Pinterest article for making me aware of the fact that clutter can actually cause anxiety.  All the stuff triggers your senses, wears you down, and makes you feel like life is out of control.  I want to give every single thing the attention that it deserves but I can’t.

So decluttering helps me take ownership of the things that I can control, the things that I  can give attention.  The other things can be donated to other people so that they can give them the attention they deserve.

Hebrews 12:1 says, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us to throw off everything that keeps you from running the race of faith.”  Notice how it says everything that hinders and sin; that implies there are other things that aren’t sin but are keeping us from running our race.  If I’m running a race and I’m trying to carry all my stuff with me, I would get worn down and probably want to give up!

God also calls us many times in Scripture to be good stewards of what we have.  If I have thirty shirts that I’m never going to wear sitting in my closet, I’m not being a good steward of my stuff.  If I kept all these shirts, my closer would be packed and I would have to move everything else around to accommodate space for these shirts.  I also am depriving the opportunity for someone who needs a shirt to have one.

Over the next few weeks,  I will be talking about clutter and how to get rid of it for the sake of your mental, physical, and spiritual health.  I am no expert, but I can tell you from a lady who is completely new at this how easy it is to declutter.  I’m going through this process with you, and I already feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

Before I write anything else, I want to give you permission to declutter.  You can get rid of that blanket that your great-grandmother made for your cousin’s uncle’s wife’s daughter that has somehow gotten passed down to you.  You can get rid of those report cards from kindergarten that basically said you know how to spell “C-A-T.”  And yes, you can get rid of those pants that you’ve been saving for when you lose those extra pounds!

Take a look at a space in your house, whether it’s a room, a closet, or a small area, and look at five items that you can trash, donate, or give to someone else.  Before I even write about how to declutter, you will already have begun the journey!

Photo by Dan Gold on Unsplash

While this picture does not represent clutter, I did not want to give anxiety to my readers by putting up an anxious picture.  Here is what our space should look like without all the clutter!

Categories
Marriage

Marriage on Autopilot

My husband and I have some exciting news.  We just moved into our new apartment!  We are so incredibly blessed and we are so thankful for all the help that we received from our friends and family with the move.  We ultimately thank God for providing this place for us after we looked for weeks to find the right living situation.

Before we moved, we had a lot of packing to do.  The packing involved decluttering, mustering up some boxes, organizing our stuff in designated boxes, filling up the U-Haul with all our stuff, taking the stuff out of the car and bringing it into our new apartment, and eating pizza with our friends after we (edit: they) finished all the heavy lifting.  We still have to unpack and clean a bit, but are taking it one box at a time.

After working really hard the past few weeks, move-in day was an absolute breeze.  All the hard work that we had put into the packing process helped us to have a better handle on what is normally a crazy day.  It was like we were on auto-pilot.  I realize when I am stressed, I sort of turn off my emotions and just go.  It makes it easier to focus on what I’m doing instead of how I’m feeling at the moment.  Then, after we get through everything, no matter if I’m happy, sad, angry, or whatever, I start hysterically crying (be prepared for a blog post when that day comes!).

I feel like marriage can be like that sometimes.  I know I’ve talked about how you have to make time to connect with your spouse and there are times when you have to remember why you fell in love.  But after moving, I have been thinking about how some moments just require you to move without thinking, to just get the work done.  You just need to get the boxes inside your new home.  You just need to get to your destination when you’re on vacation.  You just need to get your kids to school in the morning.  You want to be intentional in those moments, but with the nature of how quickly things need to get done, you are sort of in go-mode.

We should not be like this most of the time.  While there are families that move often, most people are not moving out of their house every day.  While people are busy and schedules are packed, our spouse should not come second to these experiences.  These experiences where we are on auto-pilot should be the exception, not the routine.

During our routine, we should be pouring into our marriage, so that when we are on auto-pilot, our love and respect for each other should be ingrained into everything we do.  Create healthy habits every day so that when the stress comes and you find yourself slipping away from your emotions, you can still fall back on those habits. These habits include praying daily for your spouse, controlling your anger, speaking clearly, being thankful for one another, and being quick to forgive.  During those stressful times, these habits will be like a breath of fresh air to your situation.

When we are stressed, the last thing we want to do is be nice to anyone.  As the most impatient person I know, I can be very short-tempered when I have multiple items on my to-do list.  Unfortunately, I don’t practice those habits that I shared when I’m feeling stressed, except praying a quick “God, I need you.”  That’s why I try to keep my stress to a minimum.  The people I love do not deserve to be disrespected, misunderstood, and taken for granted.  I need to practice love, patience, and self-control in every situation, and I can cultivate those fruits in both the calm times and the storms of life.

While we want to constantly have lovey-dovey feelings for our spouses, the reality is that life gets in the way sometimes.  Instead of acting like storms and busyness will never happen, we need to prepare ourselves for when they do.  Make time to connect and relax most of the time, and when you anticipate life is about to get stressful, create a plan that will help to minimize stress.  Ultimately, trust God to prepare you for what is to come.

Photo by Mitchel Boot on Unsplash