Tag: life

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Marriage

This will RUIN your wedding…if you let it

So much planning, so many details, all go into that one special day. The first day of the rest of your life. Oh, so much can go wrong. But will you let it?

The truth is, anything can ruin your wedding. We live in a fallen world, and we interact with imperfect people. Think about all the people in your family (and in your future spouse’s family). Do you really think that, just for one day, they could be perfect? From experience, let me tell you: the answer is no. They are all still the same people, just wearing fancy clothes and welled up with emotion. So, there’s even more margin for error than usual, because everyone’s emotions are up in the air.

The key is not to let anything ruin your special day.

So, the photographer shows up late, the decorative flowers show up as the bride is walking in, Uncle So-and-So had too much to drink and is now making a fool of himself, and somebody will say something that will make you wonder why you married into this family. Or why you were born into it. Or why you hang out with the people you do.

My husband and I…well, we got married relatively quickly, so we didn’t really have expectations. Until other people did and we realized our expectations were not their expectations. Then chaos ensued. But instead of focusing on what went wrong, we focused on the beautiful day that God gave us.

First and foremost, Lenny and I were dedicating our marriage to God. The church ceremony was beautiful, and (from what I could see) there wasn’t a dry eye in the room as emotion welled up throughout the sanctuary. I was marrying the man of my dreams. My husband was marrying the woman better than his dreams (his words, not mine!). It was an abnormally warm day, at sixty-five degrees in the beginning of November. Our venue was right on the water, so the pictures were beautiful and our guests enjoyed walking around outside. The food was delicious (whatever I was able to eat in my dress!), and I was able to see friends and family that I hadn’t seen in years. And, of course, I felt incredibly beautiful in my dress, and everyone who met me on the receiving line was quick to remind me of how beautiful I looked.

When I focused on what went right instead of what went wrong, whatever petty drama happened in the background stayed there. In the background.

I don’t tell you this to rain on your parade. I tell you this to prepare yourself for what is to come. If you’re imagining a day where nothing goes wrong, you’re imagining a day that doesn’t exist on this side of Heaven. There is a perfect wedding coming, but it won’t be in this lifetime, and it will be between the perfect Bridegroom (Jesus Christ), and His sanctified Bride (the Church). Until then, embrace the day that God has given you and enjoy it. All of your planning was not in vain. Now that it’s all done, take this one day to rest, breathe, and celebrate your union with the man (or woman) of your dreams!

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Categories
Marriage

The Beauty of Letting Go

Why do we have so many fights with our spouses? Why do we keep having the same arguments over and over again?

Because we don’t want to let it go.

I could stop right there. But I don’t want to let it go. I want to hold on to my anger, my hurt, my rightness. My husband can’t get away with saying something like that to me! After all the times I have been so nice to him, how could he speak that way to me?

Oh, right…I haven’t been very nice to him.

I thank God that He lets my sins go. As far as the east is from the west does he remove our sins from us (Psalm 103:12). Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross gave us grace, which means that God does not hold our sins against us anymore. Praise be to God!

Since God forgave me, why is it so difficult to forgive my husband?

We all have excuses about why we say the things we do. We don’t mean to hurt our loved ones, and yet the wrong words come out all the time. From a women’s perspective, I admit that I use more excuses than my husband because I tend to have more times of the month that I’m irritable. But finally, after nearly two years of marriage, I’ve learned to shut my mouth long enough to listen to my husband. He’ll tell me he had a long day of work, and then he’ll say something totally rude to me about an hour later. He’ll tell me that he didn’t get enough sleep last night, and then a few minutes later he’ll give me an attitude. No, he doesn’t usually come out and say, “Sorry, honey, I just had a long day at work and I’m having a hard time controlling my tongue” (because who actually says that when they’re so tired they can’t even make sense of reality?). But I’ve learned that his insults are out of character for him, so I can make an assumption that he’s probably just having an off day.

Although he doesn’t have the same excuses as me about why he’s irritable, he has every right to be tired, hungry, or upset. I can’t expect my husband to be happy all the time, even though he’s happy most of the time. When he’s not at his best, my response is to let it go.

Through devotionals and YouTube videos we’ve been watching online, we’ve learned the importance of letting go. When we hold on to grudges, they can actually put up a wall between us. We may have decided we will never separate, but even if we are together on paper, we can be separate emotionally. On a daily basis, we strive to remove any obstacle from between us so that we can thrive in our marriage and maintain our closeness.

It’s important to let it go. I want to be right, but I would rather be united with my husband, physically and emotionally, than right. Obviously, if the negative comments and insults become continuous, we would have to have a conversation about it. However, if I know he’s having a bad day and he hurts me, I can let it go.

I make it sound so easy. It’s only not easy because we have complicated it. We live in an age of entitlement, when everybody has a right to be right. We all want to be rewarded for our actions and opinions. I have a hard time letting to when I want to prove my husband wrong, but most of all, when I want to protect myself.

If you find yourself in this place, remember that the Lord is our defender. God is our strength and shield. You don’t need to prove yourself in order to be protected. When Jesus was about to be crucified, he had multiple opportunities to prove himself. He even said that he could call a legion of angels to save him (Matthew 26:53). However, he chose to trust in God. No matter what you face, big or small, it is not as big as what Jesus endured for us. We have nothing to prove; we can show love to those around us without having to protect ourselves.

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Categories
anxiety

The Teacher is Here and is Looking for You

Waiting does not come easy for me.  Thoughts rush to my head about what could happen rather than what is currently happening at the moment. I think about all the different scenarios and try to get a plan based on where I think things are going.

Waiting prolongs the process. Waiting interrupts my rhythm. Waiting is not fun.

Jesus had a different perspective on waiting. The story of Lazarus (John 11) serves as a great reminder when I am suffering with anxiety caused by waiting for my plans to produce fruit. In the waiting process, God is growing my faith and redeeming the brokenness of my heart.

Jesus grew the faith of Mary and Martha when their brother Lazarus had died.  He waited four days after Lazarus had died to come visit them. I’ve heard the reason for this is that the Jews believed a soul hovered over the body for three days before going to Sheol. So at this point, Mary and Martha believed that their brother was gone.

When Jesus casually strolls up to see Martha, her response is blunt and honest: “If you were here, my brother would not have died.” Although it looks like she’s reprimanding Jesus for not being at her side when her brother was sick, she is actually exercising great faith in that she knew He could have healed her brother. She also was honest with how she felt. She wasted no time with pleasantries as she expressed her sadness and anger at Jesus’ obvious delay in helping her brother. Jesus has a conversation with her that grows her faith, and as you’ll see later in the story, He ends up fulfilling the desires of her heart.

But lately, God taught me something special about this story, the beautiful news that is for me and for you. Martha went to find her sister. I noticed that Mary, the one who had sat at Jesus’ feet, the one who had chose “what was better,” did not meet Jesus when He came to visit. She was at home. Does that mean she had chores to do, that since Jesus had disappointed her that she wasn’t eager to sit at His feet? Does that mean that she was speaking to those who had come to give their condolences? We’re not completely sure, and I may be reading a lot into it, but she demonstrates a different attitude from how we had seen her earlier in the gospel of John, sitting at His feet and soaking up His words.

Mary is about to hear the news that could melt her heart of stone.

When Martha looked for her, she said: “The Teacher is here and is looking for you.” Jesus, the one who had taught Mary how to trust in God, was looking for her. He wanted her to sit at His feet again. Only this time, He would be teaching her through example.

Even when we are obedient to God, diligent to sit at His feet and learn from Him, He still may have a waiting period in His plan for us. In the midst of our waiting, God is right there with us. The one who teaches us is waiting for us to trust Him. The one who loves us is looking for us as we wander around, waiting for our next step. He is waiting for us to sit at His feet again. He is waiting to grow our faith. He is waiting to do the impossible in our lives.

As we all know, Jesus does the impossible for Martha and Mary. He brings back Lazarus from the dead. Despite their lack of faith, and despite the fact that Lazarus had been dead for several days, Jesus is able to perform this wonderful miracle.

What are you waiting for? Let me encourage you that nothing is out of God’s ability. Jesus, the teacher, the one who wants you to grow from this experience, is here, and he is looking for you. Put yourself in a position where He can find you. Sit at his feet, and listen to his teaching. It is only a matter of time before He will do the impossible in your life.

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Categories
anxiety

Afraid of Success

In the beginning of the summer, I started my career as a freelance writer and editor. I didn’t sign a contract, nor did I get any sort of salary or benefits. My husband and I made the decision to start my business up from the ground.

Over these last couple of months, I’ve had plenty of doubts. What if my book never gets published? What if no one ever gives me business? What if people hear my pitch, see my passion, and still reject me? What if I never make another dime in my life?

As Sophie writes in Letters to Juliet: “‘What’ and ‘If’ are two words as non-threatening as words can be. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life: What… if? What, if? What if…?”

To be honest with you, I’m not pursuing this career path for the money. I’m doing this because I love to write, and you can’t put a price tag on what you love. On a laborious commute home about a year ago, I heard a sermon from Craig Groeschel, during his series “Divine Direction.” His intro wasn’t related to his sermon (it was more of an announcement), but what he said stuck with me. He asked the congregation if they would be willing to keep their current jobs if they were guaranteed $10,000 more. Then he asked if they were guaranteed $20,000, then $100,000, then $1 million. Some people would violently nod their heads in agreement, but to me, the money isn’t worth it if you don’t like what you do. Time is also a valuable resource, and if you spend 40+ hours a week doing something you don’t like (in addition to the hours you spend thinking and talking about your job), you’re wasting your time. I thank God for the opportunity to do what I love, without looking at my salary.

Although my fear of failure is slowly dissipating, these last couple of weeks, I’ve realized that I have a fear even deeper than my fear of failure. I have a fear of success.

I’ve dreamed of staying at home as a writer since I was six years old, before I even knew it was possible. All I knew was that I loved sitting on my computer all day and typing stories. I loved to write, and as God came into my life and changed my heart, I started to love encouraging the hopeless with my writing as well. Given all the enemy threw at me to make me unsuccessful, here I am, in the battle arena, waiting to mount onto the victor’s pedestal.

What if all the hopes and dreams that I’ve wanted to see come to fruition, aren’t as great as I think they’re going to be?

Despite what Shia LaBeouf may say, it often is better for your dreams to be dreams. Dreams can be whatever you want them to be, with no interruptions. Once your dream is voiced, it suddenly clashes with reality, and now you have to deal with the rubber meeting the road, the flying car crashing onto the paved road on the ground.

That is the same for my writing. My dream is to be a published author with tons of books, traveling and spreading hope to my adoring readers, for the glory of God. I want to make a living as a writer. I totally believe that’s possible, but what if it’s not all that it’s cracked up to be? What if my dream isn’t as beautiful and wonderful as I had always hoped?

The joy in this message is that our success is never going to be as satisfying as we expect. God has given us a passion for Him and for His kingdom, for Heaven. While we can enjoy a taste of the blessings He has for us in the next life, nothing on Earth is ever going to satisfy us apart from God. All we can do is work as hard as we can for God, and to pursue the dreams that He has birthed in us. Through prayer and wise counsel, you can find that dream job, and you can be successful, no matter what you do. And you don’t have to be afraid of success or failure.

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Categories
Marriage

My Husband, My Accountability Partner

This week, my husband further helped me to be the person that God wants me to be. God has gifted my husband to see things about myself that I could not even if I looked in my bathroom mirror (that lighting exposes everything!). After a little over three years (of being together), my husband can already see my limits and knows how far he could push me beyond them.

I didn’t want to have my first panic attack in front of Lenny until we had been engaged. At least. But how long was that honestly supposed to last? Really? I had my first panic attack in front of him the week after we made it official. I lasted one week without having a panic attack. Looking back, that’s pretty impressive, but that panic attack definitely wasn’t the classy lady that my boyfriend (at the time) expected me to be. God has shown me that He did not allow me to hide my anxiety from Lenny because He wanted to use Lenny to help me find healing. There is healing in community, when we bring our brokenness to one another and allow them to pray for us and meet our needs. Lenny started doing that for me after a week of dating.

As we’ve gotten to know each other and have shared our hearts with one another, we’ve both pushed each other to be more of who God wants us to be. I’ve gotten to see the culmination of our accountability through this week. Our week started with Lenny encouraging me in my career, which led me to apply for a handful of freelance jobs and to write a couple of prompts on a website I’ve joined. Our week ended with Lenny comforting me on line for a water slide.

I hate waiting on stairs. I was totally fine while we waited on the ground, but once we got to the very middle of the stairs, I couldn’t breathe. I begged Lenny to take me off the line, but I knew he wasn’t going to do that. I could tell he was frustrated with me because I picked the worst time to have a panic attack. I don’t blame him. Although he’s great at calming me down, he’s still human. He was hot, thirsty, and impatient after baking in the sun waiting for a five-second ride. He was not about to hop off the line, so he calmed me down and helped me survive the rest of the trip up the stairs. (Spoiler alert: We made it!)

I’m speaking from my own experience, but I also help Lenny accomplish his goals. Over the years, I’ve encouraged Lenny to apply for his first job, walk for college graduation, and stand up for himself. He has told me on more than one occasion that he would not be who he is today without me.

We not only hold each other accountable as individuals, but also as a couple. We read the Bible together and pray that God would keep us united. The other night, we wrote down our goals we’d like to accomplish as a couple. We attend church together every week, and we attend a small group together during the school year. At our wedding, our pastor had told us that it is impossible for us to be apart when both of our eyes are fixed on Christ. When we have the same goal, to honor God in our marriage, that goal will draw us closer together.

Your spouse is your life partner, your life coach, your accountability partner. While your spouse shouldn’t be your only accountability partner, what better person to have help you grow than the one who knows what your morning breath smells like? Lenny knows pretty much everything about me, even things I don’t know about myself, and as we discover new things together, we learn how to deal with them in time.

Your marriage should improve you and your spouse as individuals and as a couple. If it does not, maybe you can have a conversation about what’s working and what’s not. Start by creating some goals that you would like to accomplish in your individual lives as well as in your marriage. Here are some prompts to get you thinking:
-Where do you see yourself (and your family) in 5 years?
-What would your dream job be, and is it something you want to strive to get?
-What are you going to do to improve your marriage on a regular basis? (eg, date night, joining a small group, praying in the morning, etc.)
-If you don’t have children, when do you want to start a family, and how many kids do you want?
-If you have children, what goals do you have in raising them?

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Categories
anxiety

Choose Your Battles

Since I’ve had to go through some tough love recently, I have some tough love for you, friend:

If you can’t control your anxiety, your anxiety will control you.

In 2014, a dear friend of mine prayed for me and encouraged me with this word: You’re stronger than you think. I have never forgotten that, because it was something I didn’t believe. I think that I’m weak because I have anxiety. But that’s a lie. Anxiety does not have power over me. I am stronger than my fear by the grace of God.

When facing my fears, I choose my battles. There are some fights I’m not willing to engage in, where I let anxiety be my excuse, but there are some fights where I take out my biggest weapon and attack it head-on.

One of those fears is being on stage, being the center of attention. My best friend just got married this weekend. I was so incredibly happy for her, and I was blessed to be one of her bridesmaids. However, I couldn’t shake the fear of standing on the steps at the front of the church, where anyone could be looking at me. Leading up to the wedding, I realized that this fear was totally selfish. This was my friend’s day, not mine. Not a single eye was looking at me during the ceremony, and that’s the way it should be. Instead of letting the fear stop me from enjoying the ceremony, I filled my mind with the reminder that I was doing this for her, and for her and her husband’s commitment to God. By standing up there, I wasn’t just facing my fear; I was displaying to her and to everyone else that I supported her union to her husband and that I believed that God is at the center of their marriage. That is something worth fighting for.

Another one of those fears is flying. My fear if flying is debilitating. Most people get scared going through security, but I’m scared once the cabin door is shut and we have no way out until we land on the other side (even just writing that made it difficult to breathe!). On the flight, I shake uncontrollably, my muscles tense up, and I usually end up crying. Like, ugly crying. However, I love to travel. I want to see the world with my husband and my family. My husband’s family also lives in another state, and we have to fly to see them. When my grandfather was alive, he made a vow that he would never fly because it scared him too much. I cannot and will not do that. So I do whatever it takes to mentally, emotionally, and spiritually prepare myself for the flight. I remind myself that whatever is waiting on the other side of the plane is worth the panic attacks.

Some anxiety is not worth fighting. I don’t go on roller coasters because the five seconds of thrill I’d feel conquering my fear is not worth day-long stress I would feel leading up to the experience. I don’t go on high ropes courses or go bungee jumping or sky diving because I’m afraid of heights; I have given up on the desire to add those things to my bucket list.

When you’re panicking, ask yourself: If I fight my fear, will it be worth it? My criterion for choosing my battle is: Will conquering my fear help me and my loved ones? Choosing to fight against my fear of being on stage helped me to celebrate with my friend and to show my support for her. Choosing to fight against my fear of flying helps me to enjoy God’s creation and to spend time with my loved ones. Although it may take time to fully overcome my fear, chopping away at the wall of fear a little bit at a time will eventually make the wall crumble.

You are indeed stronger than you think. God has great plans for you, and He will give you strength to fight each battle that comes your way. Today, try to conquer fear a little bit at a time. If you need help, reach out to a friend. I’m always here if you need prayer or encouragement!

“For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” -2 Corinthians 10:3-5

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Categories
Marriage

Where is Hope Found?

In modern English, hope has become an empty word. For example, when one says, “I hope everything works out,” there is no substance behind those words. The hope is not based on facts, circumstances, or even prayers! Therefore, when Paul says Love always hopes, what does he mean?

I love learning other languages, so I’m thankful for the resources out there that can make Greek and Hebrew (the languages the Bible was originally written in) easy to understand! In Greek, the word hope is elpizó, which means “actively waiting for God’s fulfillment about the faith He has inbirted through the power of His love.” In this meaning, the hope has substance. Love always active waits for God to fulfill his promises.

We live in a culture that is generally negative. People always have a reason to complain, and they take every chance they can to voice their critical opinions to us. Hope is a rare commodity.

However, Biblical hope has even more substance than the positivity that we crave in our world. In Romans 8, Paul talks about Biblical hope. The same word elpizó is used in this text to describe our expectation of God fulfilling His promise to redeem the world:

“We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently” (Romans 8:22-24).

This entire chapter of Scripture has been viewed as a champion chapter for believers. We know through Romans 8 that there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (v. 1). We know that God has adopted us as His children, removing our fear of man (v. 15). We know that God’s Spirit testifies with our spirit that we are children of God (v. 16). We know that we are more than conquerors through Him who loves us (v. 37). We know that nothing can separate us from God’s love (v. 38-39).

If this doesn’t instill hope in believers, I don’t know what does!

Although this was a fun Bible lesson, this post is on marriage. How can we hope in marriage? In my opinion, when we have a heavenly perspective, nothing else matters. When we know that we already have the best future waiting for us in the next life, when we know that we can live fulfilled lives by walking with God’s Spirit and obeying His Word, when we know that we will all be united as one body at the resurrection, suddenly my problems don’t seem so big anymore. Suddenly, I don’t care about how much money  we have in the bank or in our retirement. Suddenly, I don’t care that my husband leaves his dirty dishes in the sink. Suddenly, I don’t care that I’ve been having trouble losing weight. Because in the end, everything will work out, in the most beautiful and glorious way that any of us could ever hope.

I know a few of my readers have experiences way worse than the ones I’ve mentioned, like trying to conceive or facing bankruptcy or dealing with affairs. I don’t want you to think that I’m downplaying your trials. However, I do believe more than anything else that God is bigger than any trial you may be facing. At the end of the day, when you place your life in His tender loving care, He will see you through your storm. Right now, I know, the pain is unbearable and the storms make everything so unclear. Yet, when you look back on your life, those difficult trials that you face together (Paul describes them as momentary afflictions in 2 Corinthians 4:17-18) will be like a bad hair day.

The hope that Christ offers us is an anchor for our souls (Hebrews 6:19). Anchor your marriage in the hope of Jesus Christ, and He will see you through every storm.

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Categories
Marriage

Kindness in Marriage

While writing this series, I tried to think of which characteristic describes my husband the best. Out of all the attributes of love listed in 1 Corinthians 13, my husband is mostly kind. He has a sweet demeanor about him, and everything he does for me exudes love. He wakes me up every morning with a kiss. He makes me lunch and thanks me for cleaning the house. Before leaving for work, he always gives me a kiss and tells me he loves me. If there’s an accident on the way to work, he lets me know where there’s heavy traffic and which roads to avoid. Throughout the day, he’ll text me just to tell me he’s thinking of me. When he comes home, we’ll eat dinner together, pray for each other, and kiss each other goodnight. There is no doubt that my husband loves me. These may seem like little things to some people, but that’s what kindness is: finding ways to actively display your love.

Based on a combination of definitions from dictionary.com, kindness flows from a desire to do good to others. Kindness is an action. While patience invokes an image of sitting quietly, waiting for a wish to be fulfilled, kindness stirs up the image of holding the door open for someone or presenting a gift. Even a smile, the act of contorting one’s face to a pleasing and attractive expression, involves an action. Kindness is not meant to sit still, but to move. Kindness is not meant to be kept within, but to be shown.

As the wonderful band dc Talk taught us back in the 90’s, “luv is a verb.” The way love is displayed is through kindness. You cannot be kind without love, and you cannot show love without kindness. We all know how to show kindness, but it’s not always easy. After a long day of work, you may be short tempered. Instead of showing love to your spouse, you are unkind. You snap, you insult, you make a rude comment, or you explode. By being unkind, you are withholding love from your spouse.

With that in mind, when you are interacting with your spouse, consider how you can best show love to him/her. Go out of your way to make dinner, give him a kiss, or bring home a special surprise. If you are like me and your fatigue makes you grumpy, be honest with your spouse. “Hey, sweetie, I had a long day at work. I’m sorry if I’m not myself tonight. I love you and appreciate you!”

You don’t have to spend a lot of time, money, or energy to show kindness to your spouse. While I’m sure they would appreciate a surprise vacation, a massage, or a fancy dinner, your spouse will also appreciate a home-cooked meal, a hand-written love note, or a simple compliment. I even consider it kindness when my husband listens to me vent without interrupting. I show kindness to him by speaking highly of him in front of others and writing him notes (as a writer, what better way to show my affection to my husband than to do what I love?).

The Bible says that God is love. God is the only one who can be infinitely and perfectly kind (see Titus 3:4-6). When we want to argue with or act selfish toward our spouses, we can rely on God to give us the grace we need to be kind. When we’re tired and don’t have an ounce of energy to do for our spouses, we can rely on God to fill us with love for our spouses and empower us to show kindness to them. May our desire for love ultimately lead us to the Savior, who loves us with an everlasting love.

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Categories
anxiety

What You Can Control

I woke up this morning feeling nauseous, in pain, and tired. This meant that I could not do the things that I planned to do today (you know, like finally submit my book to a literary agent!). I had everything set up to submit, and all I had to do was do a final run-through and e-mail it. Unfortunately, all I could do was stay in bed and hold my stomach, as if holding my stomach would somehow relieve the pain. I couldn’t control my health, and I couldn’t control my schedule, but I could control the food I ate and the books I read while lying down.

I heard a sermon a few years ago where the pastor told us that we are responsible for our bodies and our choices. I was taken aback by that comment. I couldn’t control my body! I have anxiety. Anxiety controls me.

Or does it?

One of the fruits of the Spirit is self-control. That means that God empowers us to control ourselves. Addiction may be tough to beat, but God gives us the strength and the willpower to stop. The same is true for anxiety. Anxiety wants you to think that you don’t have control, but the reality is, you do have control.

When life gets overwhelming, it feels like I’m not in control. However, since one of the fruits of the Spirit is self-control, that means we have a responsibility for something, and that is ourselves. We are in control of the self when we practice self-control.

I may not be able to control what people say to me, but I can control how I respond. I may not be able to control my noisy neighbors (do your kids have to scream at the top of their lungs in the middle of the day?), but I can control my approach to the situation. I may not be able to control people’s expectations of me, but I can control how I spend my time and the choices I make with my habits and activities.

When anxiety strikes, you have a choice. It may feel like you can’t breathe, but you have a choice to take deep breaths and to practice positive self-talk. You may have a stomachache and feel like you’re going to throw up, but you have a choice to pray and to take your mind off of the pain. My therapist told it to me this way, “No one ever died from a panic attack.” Remember that your anxiety will pass. Don’t do anything to harm yourself physically or to talk down to yourself. Find healthy coping mechanisms such as memorizing Scripture, journaling, deep breathing, or talking it out with someone. Over time, your anxiety attacks will be more manageable.

In the long run, take a look at your life and see what is causing you anxiety. Is it your job, family, living situation, health, free time, relationships, or something else? Any and all of these things can cause us stress. Before trying to take control, identify which of these aspects of your life you can control and which you cannot. You can switch jobs, set boundaries with your family, move out, take care of your body, plan activities that fuel you rather than drain you, and pray about how to approach the conflicts in your life.

Unfortunately, sometimes life isn’t always that easy. Money isn’t always in our favor, families aren’t always that understanding, and medical conditions may cause difficulties in maintaining a healthy weight or working out efficiently. As my friend used to say in high school, “Do your best, and let God do the rest.” Focus on what you can control, and surrender to God what you can’t control. Do what you can control well, and trust God to do His part in your life.

Self-control is a fruit of the Holy Spirit. We are not able to control ourselves without God’s help. Pray today for wisdom in how to control yourself, your anxiety, and your life.

“No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” – 1 Corinthians 10:13

Photo by Wilco Van Meppelen on Unsplash

Categories
anxiety

Clutter Wears You Out

We covered in the last post the idea that clutter negatively affects your mental health; it adds unnecessary stress to your life and causes a loss of concentration and an increase in mental fatigue. In this post, we will discuss the effects of clutter on your physical health.

Your Muscles and Your Breathing

It takes an unnecessary amount of physical labor to move your stuff out of the way while you look for the stuff you actually need. I just spent an hour replacing our cardboard boxes of junk with plastic bins of junk, and then lifting them off the ground to get the junk out of the way. Out of sight, out of mind. Well, sort of. This junk has affected my arms, all the muscles that are involved in lifting and moving items (cue medical friends!) and of course my breathing since it takes a lot of energy to move these things. Although you rarely think of it, clutter physically makes you tired.

In terms of time clutter, when we pack up our schedules, we have to run from one activity to the other. Since I live further away from where I work now, I feel the urge to speed when I’m cruising from home to work, and then work to whatever night activities I have. Instead of giving 100% to one activity, we spread ourselves thin and give 10% to ten activities. I pack my schedules so that I have no time to breathe in between activities.

(Hey, let me pause this for a second and give YOU a minute to breathe. As I wrote that word before, I took in a deep breath, and it felt so good! Deep breath IN through your nose…hold it…deep breath OUT through your mouth).

Anyway…financial clutter also physically exhausts you because you have to work harder to get more money. That could mean working overtime and getting less sleep. That could mean driving from one job to the next day in and day out. That could mean more physical labor at work to build up your weekly inventory quota. Taking the time to budget could seriously give you more energy and make you more productive.

Decluttering and Physical Health

You can turn the decluttering process into a workout! I know my friends that work out at the gym are totally cringing right now. However, I don’t have time or money to work out at the gym, so I have to get creative when it comes to making a workout that actually works. Think about the physical activity it takes to move your stuff from one place to the next. Do some squats and pick up some boxes. Do some bicep curls and throw your unwanted items into boxes. Any amount of clutter you can purge will allow you to have more energy to do what you love, including working out at the gym.

Physical Health and Anxiety

Since my blog is for those who suffer with anxiety, it is also fit to mention that exercise helps with anxiety by allowing you to have a positive outlet to releasing the negative energy that anxiety brings. By having more energy and feeling more awake, your mind will be alert and will not be subject to the schemes of the enemy of our souls. Next week, we will discuss this topic more as we discover how decluttering improves our spiritual health.

Photo by Maria Fernanda Gonzalez on Unsplash