Tag: patience

Categories
Marriage

My Husband, My Accountability Partner

This week, my husband further helped me to be the person that God wants me to be. God has gifted my husband to see things about myself that I could not even if I looked in my bathroom mirror (that lighting exposes everything!). After a little over three years (of being together), my husband can already see my limits and knows how far he could push me beyond them.

I didn’t want to have my first panic attack in front of Lenny until we had been engaged. At least. But how long was that honestly supposed to last? Really? I had my first panic attack in front of him the week after we made it official. I lasted one week without having a panic attack. Looking back, that’s pretty impressive, but that panic attack definitely wasn’t the classy lady that my boyfriend (at the time) expected me to be. God has shown me that He did not allow me to hide my anxiety from Lenny because He wanted to use Lenny to help me find healing. There is healing in community, when we bring our brokenness to one another and allow them to pray for us and meet our needs. Lenny started doing that for me after a week of dating.

As we’ve gotten to know each other and have shared our hearts with one another, we’ve both pushed each other to be more of who God wants us to be. I’ve gotten to see the culmination of our accountability through this week. Our week started with Lenny encouraging me in my career, which led me to apply for a handful of freelance jobs and to write a couple of prompts on a website I’ve joined. Our week ended with Lenny comforting me on line for a water slide.

I hate waiting on stairs. I was totally fine while we waited on the ground, but once we got to the very middle of the stairs, I couldn’t breathe. I begged Lenny to take me off the line, but I knew he wasn’t going to do that. I could tell he was frustrated with me because I picked the worst time to have a panic attack. I don’t blame him. Although he’s great at calming me down, he’s still human. He was hot, thirsty, and impatient after baking in the sun waiting for a five-second ride. He was not about to hop off the line, so he calmed me down and helped me survive the rest of the trip up the stairs. (Spoiler alert: We made it!)

I’m speaking from my own experience, but I also help Lenny accomplish his goals. Over the years, I’ve encouraged Lenny to apply for his first job, walk for college graduation, and stand up for himself. He has told me on more than one occasion that he would not be who he is today without me.

We not only hold each other accountable as individuals, but also as a couple. We read the Bible together and pray that God would keep us united. The other night, we wrote down our goals we’d like to accomplish as a couple. We attend church together every week, and we attend a small group together during the school year. At our wedding, our pastor had told us that it is impossible for us to be apart when both of our eyes are fixed on Christ. When we have the same goal, to honor God in our marriage, that goal will draw us closer together.

Your spouse is your life partner, your life coach, your accountability partner. While your spouse shouldn’t be your only accountability partner, what better person to have help you grow than the one who knows what your morning breath smells like? Lenny knows pretty much everything about me, even things I don’t know about myself, and as we discover new things together, we learn how to deal with them in time.

Your marriage should improve you and your spouse as individuals and as a couple. If it does not, maybe you can have a conversation about what’s working and what’s not. Start by creating some goals that you would like to accomplish in your individual lives as well as in your marriage. Here are some prompts to get you thinking:
-Where do you see yourself (and your family) in 5 years?
-What would your dream job be, and is it something you want to strive to get?
-What are you going to do to improve your marriage on a regular basis? (eg, date night, joining a small group, praying in the morning, etc.)
-If you don’t have children, when do you want to start a family, and how many kids do you want?
-If you have children, what goals do you have in raising them?

Photo by rawpixel on Unsplash

Categories
Marriage

Patience in Marriage

Hey everyone! I’m back. My book is edited, and I’m now in the process of researching for my book so that I can submit it to a publisher with knowledge of the market under my belt. You thought that writing a book was simply putting words on a page and selling it, but there is so much more than that. Praise God that He has taken a newbie like me and has used me for His glory!

For now, God has called me to write, and that’s why I’m here. I am going to be creating an author website, submitting my book to multiple publishers, and doing tons of praying in the coming weeks, but for now I am going to bring a blog post to you (as promised) on 1 Corinthians 13 displayed in a marriage.

Today is my husband’s birthday. I’m so proud of who he has become and who God is calling him to be. When I met him, he was at the ripe young age of 21, two years shy of graduating college. As God was leading us to a dating relationship, He gave me hope that we would grow together. That young man that was about to be my boyfriend was going to go through many changes in his life, and I was about to have a front-row seat into those experiences. In the three years we’ve known each other, he has changed jobs twice, his faith has strengthened, and his boldness and self-confidence has drastically improved.

Love is patient. When we hear the word “patience,” we automatically think of waiting. It’s hard to believe that there’s waiting after the “happily ever after.” However, marriage consists of waiting, both for your spouse and with your spouse.

Just as I watched my husband grow, my husband has also been so patient with me. I am easily angered (especially after 10:00PM) and my poor husband has had to suffer the brunt of a lot of my outrages. He also lets me vent when I have a bad day and he listens to my stories even while he’s struggling to stay awake. My husband is patient with me. He waits for me to grow and to learn and to apologize. I do the same for him. We also seek to be patient with each other’s quirks, friends and family members, and schedules.

My husband and I are patient with each other right before bed. I covet my sleep; if I don’t get enough sleep, I get short-tempered and depressed. My husband can fall asleep once his head hits the pillow. When we go to bed, we both have different patterns; while I need quiet and darkness to go to sleep, my husband likes to watch videos and read articles on his phone to unwind. In the beginning of our marriage, this used to be a source of conflict for us. But as we’ve learned that we’re two different people, we’ve learned to compromise. My husband makes sure we say our prayers before he goes on his phone so I’m not waiting for him, and I make sure to face the other way and cover my eyes if needed.

I’ve written before about how sometimes we want to change or control our spouses. Maybe your spouse doesn’t see eye-to-eye with you on everything. Maybe your spouse has a short-temper or comes home too late from work. Keep praying for him/her, and ask God to give you patience. God will give you a front row seat into the work that He will do in your spouse’s life.

In marriage, a couple also needs to wait together. You may be waiting to have children. You may be waiting for financial freedom, to finally declare that you are debt free. You may be saving up your pennies to own a house one day. You may be waiting for your children to find their way in the world. Love involves patience, not just with your spouse, but with the people and circumstances that surround you and your spouse.

The Bible says that God is love. God is the only one who can be infinitely and perfectly patient (1 Timothy 1:16). When we want to scream and talk down to our spouses, we can rely on God to give us the strength we need to be patient. When we’re waiting for a season to end, or for a new season to begin, we can rely on God to lead our paths and bring us closer to our spouses through the waiting. May our desire for love ultimately lead us to the Savior, who loves us with an everlasting love.

Photo by Omar Lopez on Unsplash

Categories
Book Update

(Quick) Book Update: While I’m Waiting

Thank you for all the support I’ve received from my friends on social media, at work, and in my Bible study.  Although I’m the one who wrote the book, my book would not go anywhere if it wasn’t for your encouragement and guidance. Ultimately, to God be the glory!

To update my followers on my blog, I just submitted my book to a literary agent.  This is the first step on having my novel published.  I should be hearing back from them within eight weeks.  Until then…I’m going to make the best of my time.

What are your thoughts on these activities that I can do in eight weeks?

  • Couch to 5K: I’ve heard about this app from a few people, but my friend just told me today that I can train my body to run a 5K in just eight weeks.  Challenge accepted?
  • Read: I read for entertainment, but I’d like to develop the art of writing book reviews.  What books do you recommend?
  • Blog: This is a definite.  I’m going to continue Marriage Monday, Wisdom Wednesday, and Throwback Thursday.  What other topics would you like me to discuss?
  • Go outside: I’m inside eight hours a day, five days a week.  I need to spend more time outside.  My husband and I just bought a pass for the beach that works on state parks as well.  Do you have any favorite outdoor activities?

Above all, I’m going to pray and entrust my time to God.  No matter what I do, my goal is to give Him glory for using my dream of writing a book as part of His plan for the world.  I look forward to how He will grow and shape this book, as well as my passion for writing, into a piece of art that will further His kingdom.

I’ll be writing several updates about my book as well, such as questions I’ve heard regarding it, my motivation for writing it, and the journey of my story.  If you have any questions, advice, or comments about my journey, feel free to comment below or message me on any of my social media sites.  (As you can see, I’d really like to be blogging more, so if there’s anything you’d like me to write about, let me know!).

Thank you again for all of your support and prayers!  Stay tuned for Marriage Monday’s post on why those you love hurt you the most.

 

Categories
Wisdom Wednesday

It Takes Time (And Grace) to Figure it Out

I’ve been doing a series on how to find rest in the midst of our busyness.  I’m doing this series because, ultimately, I need this advice more than anyone else.  I do my devotionals in the morning, but honestly, I just can’t relate to what I’m reading.  All I can think about is the endless list of tasks I have to complete, the people I have to see, and the events I have to attend.  Whenever I have any amount of free time, it usually involves catching up on what I put to the side, what I promised I would do whenever I had time.  What I really need more than anything else is for someone to give me practical tips on how to be still even though I’m busy.

If I had to give advice to myself, I would say this: I’m being too hard on myself.

I know I mention this a lot, but my life has been busy since I graduated college.  I wrote a post when I graduated college about how I didn’t know what God had planned for me.  About six months later, the roller coaster began.  You can read about the ups and downs of my life in other posts, especially this one.  For the sake of this post, I will let you in on my current situation.  My husband and I have been married for almost seven months. Due to the fact that we both have full-time jobs and long commutes to and from work, we are exhausted by the time we get home.  Not to mention we are both involved in various ministries during the week that allow us just enough time to stop home and eat a quick bite for dinner.  Oh, and yeah, I’m trying to publish a book, which involves proposing to various literary agents.

The residual effects of our busyness are why I feel so guilty for being constantly on-the-go.  We don’t get to see our families on a regular basis, and the desire and obligation to see them hangs over our heads.  Our place of living is not as spotless as it was when I had all the time in the world to clean it.  Seeing crumbs on the floor, piles of laundry on our bed, and dishes in the sink makes me feel like I’m not taking care of the place that God has given me.  Plus, the overarching nagging of my responsibilities causes me to be irritable and impatient.  I constantly hear this ringing in my ear, telling me that I should be doing things more efficiently, that I’m not being a good wife or a good family member or a good employee.

So, I shall take this moment to ask myself: What is the problem here, the busyness, or that little voice in my head telling me I’m not good enough?

My husband and I are still newlyweds.  My apartment is still new to me.  I’m still trying to figure out my schedule.  And in the midst of all of the “newness,” God’s grace is with me.  He is not angry at me for failing to understand everything right away.  It takes time to learn how to be a great wife, an efficient house-cleaner, a brilliant employee, and all of the other roles that God has entrusted to me.  For now, all God expects of me is to lean on Him and be patient with myself.

If you find yourself feeling guilty for not having everything figured out, my word of encouragement to you is to be patient with yourself.  Even if others expect you to be an expert (fill in the blank), you cannot be without practice.  It may involve making mistakes; you may have to discover several ways that don’t work before you discover the one way that works for you.  All that matters is: you’re not alone, and you will get through this.

My challenge this week for you is to affirm yourself.  Instead of focusing on what you are doing wrong, write down what you are doing right. Thank God for the ability to do those things well.  I would also challenge you to ask God to help you in the process of figuring it out.  It will take time.  Be patient with yourself and humbly ask God for strength to endure the transitional period.  God, through Jesus Christ, understands our weaknesses and gives us grace and mercy when we need it.  Ask God for that grace when you hear that voice that says you are not good enough.