Tag: motivation

Categories
anxiety

Hope in the Storm

The images of Hurricane Sandy are still in my mind.

In October 2012, nearly eight years ago, Hurricane Sandy wreaked havoc on the east coast. If you live in this area, words may flash through your head to describe the experience.

Tragedy.

Destruction.

Nightmare.

Apocalyptic.

Even after the storm had run its course, we still suffered the consequences. Lines at the gas station clogged traffic for miles. Our homes were without power for weeks. Trees were everywhere, knocking down sheds and crushing cars. And I know that all I need to do is type the word flood for every Long Islander to shudder.

Are We Still in a Storm?

If you’re not from the east coast, you may not believe that some of us are still suffering from the effects of Hurricane Sandy. Some homes, especially near the water, are still being rebuilt. Those looking for homes need to consider property taxes and the massive flood insurance tacked onto the price of a house. Many of us live in fear of another destructive storm wiping away everything we ever knew.

I could argue that we are in a storm right now. But instead of a visible storm, it’s one where we can only see its effects. This post isn’t to make light of the severity of the situation. We have enough people making jokes about stores running out of toilet paper or the President cancelling student loan interest. This post isn’t to ignore what has already been said about how to respond. We should keep washing our hands and staying alert as the world tries to navigate this virus. But what I don’t see a lot of right now is hope. And I want to encourage you to look for hope, even in the midst of isolation, fear, and uncertainty.

Allow me to do that by sharing my experience during Hurricane Sandy.

What Happened to Me?

In 2012, I was in my junior year at Nyack College. I was dorming with my best friend in an all-girls hall. Besides my roommate, I didn’t really talk to the other ladies on my floor, except in passing. I had no reason to leave my personal bubble to pursue a friendship with any of them.

Suddenly, the news in the dining hall warned us that a storm was coming our way. The rain, wind, and darkness came almost as soon as the warnings. Before we knew it, classes were cancelled and we were asked to find shelter. We waited days that turned into weeks for our life to go back to normal.

Lots of Darkness, Wind, and Uncertainty

If I could describe my entire experience during Hurricane Sandy, it was what I saw out of my window each morning. From the third floor corner room, a tall, thick tree swayed in the wind. Every day, I wondered if the wind would eventually rip it up from the ground and send it flying into our window. But even after the storm, it stood strong and in place.

That’s how I want to be in the middle of life’s storms.

Even though classes were cancelled, we were required to complete homework assignments and midterms. When I tried to flick on the light in my dorm room, I was only met with darkness. Oh no. The power was out. It was dark in my room, and I was alone.

Until I opened up the door to my room and discovered the hallway light was on.

Coming Out of Hiding

Apparently, the other ladies on my floor had this same thought. We all ended up sitting outside our bedrooms, our laptops plugged into outlets in the hallway. And suddenly, we started talking to one another.

Our conversation started out as complaining about the weather and the spotty internet. But then it got deeper, and as the winds and rains pounded on our windows, we were laughing at each other’s jokes and playing UNO on the floor.

We made a daily habit of hanging out in the hallways. We worshiped louder and stronger than ever before, because we had a reason to believe that God is faithful in every season of our lives. Even the ones where the darkness overshadows the sunlight.

The Silver Lining in the Dark Cloud

During Hurricane Sandy, I made some of the best friends I’ve ever had. I would’ve never paid any attention to them if it wasn’t for the tragedy that we all shared together. Even after the sun came out, we chatted with each other on the way to class and ate meals together in the cafeteria.

The images of Hurricane Sandy were brutal, but they were also beautiful. In the midst of darkness and depression, I discovered true friendship. While eating microwaved bean burritos in the dining hall and covering myself in blankets to keep warm, I found joy. Even though my school made an announcement that we should go home in this state of emergency and my home was without power, I learned how to be strong in the face of fear.

Hope in the Storm

So while we are washing our hands and stocking up on essentials, like we should, we should also be aware that these storms are part of life. After this coronavirus has ended, we’ll face another one in a couple of years. I know this because we’ve been through a number of storms in the past few decades. I mean, have you seen the news? Violence, destructive weather, and deathly illnesses have been on our headlines for centuries. We’ve gone through storms before, and we’ll get through this one.

I’ve gone through some storms in my personal life, as well. These personal storms that may seem small to you, but were catastrophic to me. But, like the tree that rocked back and forth in the harsh wind, God kept me grounded and secure.

May God strengthen us and give us hope even in the midst of these uncertain times. I thank God for all the medical staff and experts who know how to handle this virus better than I can ever imagine. But I know that we will see the end to this.

For now, let us be grateful for the chance to rest, for the opportunity to connect with family, and for the promise that God is doing something so great in our midst that we can’t even comprehend it.

An Ever-Present Help

Psalm 46 is a reminder that God is in control and He is with us:

“God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
Therefore, we will not fear, though the earth gives way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.

“There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy place where the Most High dwells.
God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.
Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
he lifts his voice, the earth melts.

“The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.

“Come and see what the LORD has done,
the desolations he has brought on the earth.

“He makes wars cease
to the ends of the earth.
He breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
he burns the shields with fire.
He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”

“The Lord Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.”

Amen.

Categories
anxiety

Update for You!

FINALLY! I have time and energy to update you all on my life.

Well, as of about four weeks ago, I started a position at an online marketing company. If you’ve been following me on Instagram, you know that I’m working from home and having the time of my life. I can officially say, after years of praying, waiting, and hustling, that I’m a full-time freelance writer and editor!

Guess what I’m doing? Writing longform content for websites!

Yep, that’s right. I’m writing blog posts.

All day.

Every day.

So that’s why my personal blog posts have been lacking.

For those of you who don’t know, longform content is writing more than 2000 words on a website’s page. I have only explored the tip of the iceberg that is longform content, but what I’ve discovered so far is that longform content helps you rank better on Google. That’s why you see those long articles before a recipe for baked zucchini chips. OK, we get that your family loves them and that you and your husband took a trip to Italy to taste delicious zucchini. But there’s a reason why Google put that recipe on its first page for “recipe for baked zucchini chips.”

My desire to write to you all has been here the entire time. I’ve wanted to update you on my third wedding anniversary as well as on how God has been teaching me more about anxiety. So, as of now, here is my plan:

  • Write a blog post once a month.
  • I want to hear from you! Please reach out to me regarding what topics you want to read. I’ll also be sharing a survey soon.
  • I’m going to be doing some short stories to get you all excited for my book. I’m working on a lot of books, but before I released one, I wanted you to get accustomed to how I write and to my genre. So, tell me, do you like short stories?

My job as a freelance writer and editor (full-time!) is ultimately growing me as a writer. For now, my priorities are in a different spot, but it’s exciting.

One of these days, I’m going to get back into my routine. But between writing a novel, writing at least 10,000 words a week for businesses, and having a life, blog writing will take some time.

Until then, tune in next week for my Marriage Monday post about how leather perfectly describes my marriage!

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

Categories
anxiety

where is your ship?

A couple of weeks ago, my husband and I took a little canoeing trip. Although it was supposed to be relaxing, when we first got into the boat, we were freaking out. The boat was much smaller, and much less stable, than we had expected. This thing was supposed to carry the two of us down a river? To top it off, I also struggle with emetophobia, and the last time I threw up, I was on a boat. So, as only people afraid of throwing up would understand, I was certain I would get sick on this rickety little canoe.

My husband, being much more calm than I am, took no more than five minutes to fully get over it. I, on the other hand, felt nauseous, then started hysterically crying and asking if we could go home. I negotiated with my husband, politely asking him to turn the boat around. Then I threatened my husband, reminding him that I was also carrying an ore and would bring this canoe right back to the dock (which, by the way, was only a couple of feet away).

To get me to go further out into the river, Lenny started to challenge me. “Let’s make it to that boat up ahead. If you still want to go home, we can go home after that.” I made it to the next boat. And the next one. And past a bird. And past the dock. And past that patch of low tide where we pitched our boat for a couple of minutes to catch a breather. Lenny ultimately wanted to go to a bird sanctuary that was at least forty minutes away. I was scared, but I wanted him to enjoy himself. I also wanted to show my anxiety who’s boss!

After about a half hour, my anxiety had fully subsided. Birds flew overhead, and the only sound we could hear was our ores swimming in the river. It was so calm and peaceful, I wanted to stay outside all day. We even thought about the possibility of buying a boat!

Going out on the canoe for the first time, I didn’t understand how the disciples did it. I didn’t know how Peter had the audacity to step out of the rocky boat and attempt to stand on the stormy waters (see Matthew 14). I couldn’t comprehend how these men could earn their living catching fish, spending most of their waking hours rocking back and forth in the choppy sea.

But then I understood.

John A. Shedd wrote, “A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.” Ships are incredibly dangerous. Not only can you get seasick (which is scary enough for me to avoid a cruise), but the weather is also out of your control, and you can get lost at sea. Have you ever seen a movie where there’s so much fog, and the boat is so far out, that the people in the boat can’t see land in their field of vision? Ugh, I’m shuddering just thinking about it!

And yet, there’s something within all of us that desires to go through it anyway. We desire to do the impossible, the scary, the dangerous. That’s because we, like ships, were not created for “safe” lives. We were created to make a difference. We were created to glorify God by doing the impossible through His strength.

Although God has an adventure of a life for all of us, He also is the only one that allows us to have true peace. We can plow through white water rapids, or we can keep our ores still as we soak up the sun and float over calm waters. Each season of life provides a new way for us to travel on this river of a race that God has marked out for us (see Hebrews 12:1).

So, where is your ship today? Is it safe in the harbor, is it sailing the rough seas (even making you a little queasy), or is it simply enjoying the ride?

Photo by Vidar Nordli-Mathisen on Unsplash

Categories
anxiety

Afraid of Success

In the beginning of the summer, I started my career as a freelance writer and editor. I didn’t sign a contract, nor did I get any sort of salary or benefits. My husband and I made the decision to start my business up from the ground.

Over these last couple of months, I’ve had plenty of doubts. What if my book never gets published? What if no one ever gives me business? What if people hear my pitch, see my passion, and still reject me? What if I never make another dime in my life?

As Sophie writes in Letters to Juliet: “‘What’ and ‘If’ are two words as non-threatening as words can be. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life: What… if? What, if? What if…?”

To be honest with you, I’m not pursuing this career path for the money. I’m doing this because I love to write, and you can’t put a price tag on what you love. On a laborious commute home about a year ago, I heard a sermon from Craig Groeschel, during his series “Divine Direction.” His intro wasn’t related to his sermon (it was more of an announcement), but what he said stuck with me. He asked the congregation if they would be willing to keep their current jobs if they were guaranteed $10,000 more. Then he asked if they were guaranteed $20,000, then $100,000, then $1 million. Some people would violently nod their heads in agreement, but to me, the money isn’t worth it if you don’t like what you do. Time is also a valuable resource, and if you spend 40+ hours a week doing something you don’t like (in addition to the hours you spend thinking and talking about your job), you’re wasting your time. I thank God for the opportunity to do what I love, without looking at my salary.

Although my fear of failure is slowly dissipating, these last couple of weeks, I’ve realized that I have a fear even deeper than my fear of failure. I have a fear of success.

I’ve dreamed of staying at home as a writer since I was six years old, before I even knew it was possible. All I knew was that I loved sitting on my computer all day and typing stories. I loved to write, and as God came into my life and changed my heart, I started to love encouraging the hopeless with my writing as well. Given all the enemy threw at me to make me unsuccessful, here I am, in the battle arena, waiting to mount onto the victor’s pedestal.

What if all the hopes and dreams that I’ve wanted to see come to fruition, aren’t as great as I think they’re going to be?

Despite what Shia LaBeouf may say, it often is better for your dreams to be dreams. Dreams can be whatever you want them to be, with no interruptions. Once your dream is voiced, it suddenly clashes with reality, and now you have to deal with the rubber meeting the road, the flying car crashing onto the paved road on the ground.

That is the same for my writing. My dream is to be a published author with tons of books, traveling and spreading hope to my adoring readers, for the glory of God. I want to make a living as a writer. I totally believe that’s possible, but what if it’s not all that it’s cracked up to be? What if my dream isn’t as beautiful and wonderful as I had always hoped?

The joy in this message is that our success is never going to be as satisfying as we expect. God has given us a passion for Him and for His kingdom, for Heaven. While we can enjoy a taste of the blessings He has for us in the next life, nothing on Earth is ever going to satisfy us apart from God. All we can do is work as hard as we can for God, and to pursue the dreams that He has birthed in us. Through prayer and wise counsel, you can find that dream job, and you can be successful, no matter what you do. And you don’t have to be afraid of success or failure.

Photo by Bruno Nascimento on Unsplash

Categories
anxiety

Write Down to Calm Down

It’s no coincidence that I have anxiety and I love to write. When I’m anxious, I could spend hours writing in my journal, processing my thoughts, making sense of the world around me. I can articulate my emotions and better communicate them to people when I write. As a result, I’m able to maintain my anxiety. I’ve noticed that when I don’t make time to journal, I’m more restless and I’m not as in tune with my emotions.

Truthfully, I haven’t journaled in the past couple of days, so I’m finding it hard to sit still as I’m typing this. My mind is also swimming with ideas to a point where I don’t know what’s going on up there. So maybe this advice is just as important for me in this moment as it is for you.

Make Time to Write
The #1 response I hear to why people don’t journal is, “I don’t have time.” The truth is: We don’t have time for everything. Life is busy, but I believe it’s because we want to be at all places at all times, but we can’t. God gave us twenty-four hours in a day, no more and no less. If journaling is something you want to try, you should make it a priority to carve any amount of time out for your day.

Think about the things that consume your time. You say you don’t have time, but you unwind by watching Netflix or scrolling any one of your social media sites. You make time to spectate other people’s lives, and yet you don’t make time to process your own. If you want a better life, make time to assess where you are now and make measurable goals of where you want to be later. Journaling is the perfect first step for that.

Face Your Fear of Yourself
Before I had a dishwasher, I used to dread washing the dishes. Days would go by and my dishes would pile up. At the end of the week, I wouldn’t want to know what disgusting crusts and smells would arise when I would finally turn on the hot water and start rinsing off my old plates. Although the process was nauseating and painful (I would often burn my hands in the hot water), I would get through washing the dishes and would have sparkling clean dishes.

Similarly, I don’t want to journal when I know I’ll be confronted with my depression or anxiety. I have this fear that I’ll process my feelings for hours only to find out that I’m overreacting and that, overall, I’m a mess. I’m comforted by the fact that God doesn’t look at me that way. God does not despise my broken and contrite heart. He accepts me with my mess, and He helps me sort through the murky waters of my emotions.

If you are afraid of what you will find when you journal, start by affirming yourself with Scripture. God has a lot of great things to say about you in His word. Psalm 139 has been my anthem lately as I’ve struggled with truly feeling beautiful in God’s eyes. God had me in mind before I was even born, and He crafted me to beautifully reflect His glory. Knowing this, I feel less disgusting as I search the depths of my heart.

Journaling Prompts
Pinterest has plenty of prompts to help you start your journaling journey. I’ve taken a few and created my own list. Keep in mind that I assume you’re journaling in the morning when you first wake up, because that’s when I normally do so. If you journal at night before bed, replace “yesterday” with “today,” and “today” with “tomorrow.” Let me know which prompt resonated most with you, and which one you want to try! I think I’m going to try a few of these!

  1. Where did you see God show up in your life yesterday? How are you expecting Him to meet you today?
  2. What success happened yesterday that you would want to achieve again today?
  3. What makes you feel most loved? When was that need met/not met recently?
  4. If you knew God would give you whatever you requested, what would you pray? (Forget what you’re not “allowed” to pray for, like a million dollars or for your ex-boyfriend to break up with his girlfriend. This is your journal, and if the desire of your heart is to win a million dollars or to see your ex-boyfriend suffer, God wants you to be honest with Him. I’m not saying He’ll answer your prayer, but He will give you clarity in how to align your desires with His will).
  5. Write a letter to your past self (at any age, or at a point during a traumatic experience in your life).

Your turn:
-If you’ve never tried journaling, what is stopping you from trying? Is it intimidating or boring?
-What prompts would you try from this list?
-What prompts would you add?

Photo by Lonely Planet on Unsplash

Categories
Throwback Thursday

#ThrowbackThursday to When I Wanted to Give Up

I remember when I wanted to quit my retail job three years ago.

Let’s just say, my calling was definitely not folding clothes and handling money all day.  I had a Teaching English as a Foreign Language Certificate and a Bachelor of Arts in Intercultural Studies under my belt, and I was itching to travel, teaching English and writing for God’s glory.  If I could do the exact opposite of that, I felt like it would have been something similar to folding clothes and handling money!

Eventually, my time at the mall came to a close, and I was on to bigger and better things.  I started working at a bookstore, and then at my current job as an Administrative Assistant.  Despite my disgust at the minimum wage jobs that I had in the past (except for my job as a Consultant at the Writing Center!) I thank God that He used each of those transitional jobs to bring me one step closer to the person that He has called me to be.

I feel like we are trained to always wait for the next best thing.  From an early age, we go from preschool to kindergarten, then prepare for elementary school in kindergarten, then prepare for middle school in elementary school, then prepare for high school in middle school, then prepare for college in high school, then prepare for grad school in your undergrad, and then prepare for your full-time career in college.  We’re always preparing, but what are we preparing for?

The point of the article I wrote a few years ago was that no matter what season we are in, we should always give our best.  If you have senioritis and just want to graduate, take a deep breath and pause.  You only get to be a high school/college senior once; live it up!  If you are single and just want to find someone, take a deep breath and pause.  Once you are married, you have a long life ahead of you with that person; learn to take advantage of your free time and wholehearted devotion to God. If you are in an in-between job and just want to quit, take a deep breath and pause.  God has given you a unique opportunity right where you are, and He is training you through it!

So, how can we give our best in the season we are in, even if we don’t feel our best?

Be thankful.  God is sovereign and God is faithful.  He has allowed you to have this job/relationship status/apartment/time at school for a reason.  Think about what blessings can come out of the situation.

Be honest.  It may be difficult for you to praise God for this season.  Let Him know that!  He loves you.  He would rather have an honestly angry person than a fake happy person.  Plus, sharing your struggles with God brings you closer to Him.  Continue to stay connected with God, even when you don’t understand where He’s leading you.

Be surrounded.  As a woman in my mid-20s, I know I’m not alone in my struggle to find contentment.  People my age are all in different stages of life.  Some are single, while others are married with kids.  Some are stuck in part-time jobs, while others are well into their careers.  Some can travel, while others are trying to budget.  When I surround myself with Christian women who are fighting the same fight as me, it encourages me not to give up.

Be joyful.  Even in the midst of trials, we are called to be joyful.  Joy, I’ve learned, is meant to be shared.  If you’re at a job that isn’t exactly your calling, it might be a challenge to always have a smile on your face.  However, joy changes the atmosphere.  As God changes your perspective, others will notice, and they will be encouraged to find joy as well.

All of these points focus on becoming.  Through trials and transitions, we become more thankful, we become more honest, we become more encouraged, and we become more joyful.  God is more focused on changing our hearts than changing our circumstances.  Let Him grow you through these uncomfortable times.

 

Thank you to Unsplash for always providing great stock photos for me to use for my Featured Image.  This one was by Dhruva Reddy on Unsplash

 

Categories
Marriage

What’s Better than Lovey Dovey Feelings?

You typically feel those feelings when you’re first flirting with a guy and/or first dating.  If you so much as touch hands without trying, it’s like an electric spark gets sent straight through your arm.  The thrill of the moment is so exhilarating, and all you can think about in that moment is spending the rest of your life with that person.

I truly believe that God gave us these feelings to help us build a foundation of unity early on in our relationships.  If you took away all those mushy gushy feelings you had for your partner, especially in the beginning of the relationship, your partner would be no more than just another human being.  Even if you had the same likes and dislikes, you would probably not want to be more than just friends, and you’d both be OK with that.

But when you have those feelings, you are suddenly attached.  You’re like a duck imprinted on the first person you saw the minute you came out of your egg.  Suddenly, you want to impress this potential mate.  You might lose weight or start working out more. You might start reading to appear smarter.  You might rearrange your schedule so that you have enough time to spend together.  No matter what, your goal is to be united, and to make sure that nothing gets in the way of that union.

I used to be afraid that my lovey dovey feelings would fade.  After all, the lovey dovey feeling was all I knew!  The farthest I’ve ever been with someone (before marriage) was that cute electric stage.  Plus, growing up on fairy tales and romantic comedies, I didn’t know what to expect after the “happily ever after.”  If the “happily ever after” didn’t last forever, what would become of my marriage?  I couldn’t imagine life without feeling “in love” forever with someone, especially my husband!

My husband and I have only known each other for about 2 1/2 years, so our feelings are still in the honeymoon stage.  However, between our married small group, our friends that are married, and pre-marital counseling, we’ve heard the cold hard truth that the honeymoon stage of our marriage does not last forever.  One day, we will “wake up” and smell the morning breath that suddenly doesn’t smell so beautiful anymore.  One day, we will make plans without each other, and may go days without having quality time together.  One day, the veil will be taken off of our eyes, and we will see each other as imperfect, human beings.

I don’t know how that’s supposed to be appealing to anyone.  If that were all there was to marriage, why would anyone want to get married?

I’ll tell you.

My love with my husband is growing.  Flirting is always a mystery, but my husband’s love for me is not.  I never have to wonder if my husband loves me.  Even when we have busy schedules and aren’t able to have dinner together, even when he has a different definition of “quality time,” even when I mess up a meal and try to compromise, I know that at the end of the day, he’s still coming home with me.  And he still manages to give me butterflies by surprising me, spending time with me, and overall making me feel special.

Our love isn’t a lovey dovey kind of love.  It’s a secure, protecting, committed love.  And I’d take that over the spark any day.

If you’re afraid of your feelings fading, remember this: lovey dovey love is a seed that has to die for your committed love to grow into a strawberry bush.  The “honeymoon” love is what helps your relationship take root, but the commitment produces fruit that will sustain your marriage for many years to come.  Let your love grow, no matter the season of your love.