Category: Marriage

Categories
Marriage

Baby Steps

We have no news. And that’s okay
My life doesn’t always have to be on display
I don’t always have interesting things to say
But I love my life; nothing I would change

I’ve said this many times before, but being a millennial newlywed couple is hard. Social media makes it nearly impossible to enjoy your own marriage. And when you finally have good news to post, people get excited for a few minutes and then move on to the next best thing.

Did you ever notice how excited people get when a baby takes even one step? The baby is never a professional walker at first, but each step is exciting and new. Even when the baby falls, we encourage him to get up and try again. It’s amazing how, as the baby gets older and becomes an adult, we forget the excitement of each step that follows after our first.

The motto of my life is to find contentment in the now. I’ve lived much of my life waiting for the next thing. I’ll be happy when I graduate high school. I’ll be happy when I leave the country. I’ll be happy when I get through this semester. I’ll be happy after going on the mission trip. I’ll be happy when I graduate college. I’ll be happy when I get a job.

But I’ve had all of those things, and the things I wait for never satisfy me. They only steal my joy of what is right in front of me.

Let me tell you about what is going on right in front of me. My husband and I have been cooking together. We have been slowly unpacking our stuff from our apartment. We are advancing in our careers. We’re making decisions to eat healthier and be more active. And we are still very much in love.

We’re taking baby steps; each step is small, but it is forward.

Ultimately, our contentment is found in God. As I shared last week, when we put God at the center of our lives, He helps us. God has helped me find joy in life. If I don’t have joy, what is the purpose for what I am doing? Placing my hope in God has allowed me to give the little things in my life permission to be what they were made to be. When things don’t go my way, I’m not shaken. But when things go great, it’s just icing on the cake.

If you are waiting for the next big thing to happen in your life, I encourage you to praise God for the baby steps that you’ve taken so far. What are five things you are thankful for right now? What are three things about this season that are unique to any other season you’ve undergone? What victories has God allowed you to experience this past week?

Let’s all celebrate together as we take little steps on this walk of life!

Photo by Marc A. Sporys on Unsplash

Categories
Marriage

Lift Your Hands to God

I forever want to brag on my husband, so this post is going to do just that, while of course giving glory to God. It’s easy to say nice things about a husband who truly loves me and who makes me feel so special on a daily basis!

My husband treated me exceptionally well this weekend. He surprised me by planning a date night for us on Friday by making me dinner and dessert. This weekend truly showed me that I married the right guy. I’ve never doubted that he truly is the one for me, but there are moments when he exceeds my expectations and makes me extremely happy.

Yesterday, I went to church with my husband. He is in the choir, so I usually sit in a spot where I can see him. During the choir song, I looked up and saw my husband, worshiping freely and joyfully. At one point in the song, he raised his hand as a declaration to his belief in the words of the song. The song was about giving all the praise and all the glory to God. In that moment, God spoke to me: “No matter how many nice things your husband does for you, that is the reason why he is your husband.”

In other words, without our unwavering devotion to God, our marriage would not be as wonderful as it is now.

My husband and I do not have the perfect life. We fight, we exhaust ourselves, we criticize other people, and we compare. But when we have our eyes fixed on Jesus, we realize that in the midst of the disappointments, in the midst of the failures, in the midst of our insecurities, we have hope that God will give us strength to overcome. No matter if we fight or not, God will give us both clarity to stay united with one another. No matter what decisions we have to make, God will give us wisdom to trust His plan and to make decisions according to His will. No matter what we do, God will bless us in our marriage, because we have made a decision to glorify Him in our marriage.

So, how do you put God in the center of your marriage? First of all, pray. When I say pray, I mean be totally honest with God. If you do not normally pray, tell God how you feel. If you are frustrated with your husband, tell Him. If you are happy, thank Him. Start with honesty. Then, listen. Read God’s Word, listen to some sermons, and seek wise counsel from godly people you know. Prayer is a conversation with God. Not only does it involve talking to God; it also involves God talking to you.

Now, what I just described is not unique to married people. Everyone needs to pray and read the Bible in order to grow in their faith and in their relationship with God. But that’s what you need to have a healthy marriage. You need faith in God. You need the love of God in order to love your spouse when you don’t want to love him. You need the peace of God when you are both struggling in a busy season. You need the joy of God when you go through tough times. Really, in order to have God in the center of your marriage, you need God at the center of your life.

If you are already doing this as an individual, great! As you both become one, you will experience some friction as you both have unique ways of worshiping the Lord. Even your quiet time with the Lord in the morning may get interrupted. But God is not just a God who requires excellence; He is also a God of grace, grace that will see you through the confusion and discomfort in the beginning stages of your marriage. Even in the friction, seek God, and trust Him to make you one. After all, He brought you two together; He knows how to keep you together too!

Photo by Jeremy Perkins on Unsplash

Categories
Marriage

Seasons Repeat

I cannot believe it is already Spring tomorrow!  It felt like it was just Christmas. Spring is my favorite season, since I was born in Spring, and I absolutely hate the cold. During this time, I am intentional about the time I spend outside and the enjoyment of the warmth, because I know that winter will be back again in a few months.

You have been with me during my first year of marriage and beyond as I’ve learned to be a good wife to my husband and to honor God in doing so. Since God has allowed me to gain so much insight and wisdom early on in my marriage, it is tempting for me to say that I’m an expert in marriage (if you laughed out loud, I know you thought that about yourself too!). But as I’m beginning to see, just as Christmas comes every year, marriage consists of unique seasons that cycle between a husband and wife multiple times throughout their lives.

Thanks be to God, newlyweds and seasoned couples alike have benefited from my blog posts.  These couples go through similar seasons and need similar advice. While newlyweds may be learning how to communicate and how to become one for the first time, seasoned couples need refreshers on the basic things they’ve learned through multiple counseling sessions, marriage retreats, and days of living together.

We’ve only been married for one year, four months, and two weeks (but who’s counting?), but we can already see that we need refreshers. Even though we’ve acquired so many tools for our marriage, we have to juggle these tools in the real world. Between having jobs, seeing family, and completing household chores, it is easy for these tools to get lost in the sauce. That’s why we have to intentionally make time for our marriage and continue to build on the foundation we formed in the beginning.

In each season, there are aspects of our marriage that are great and aspects that are not so great. In our current season, we have found it easier to communicate and open up to each other, but we haven’t been spending as much consistent time together as we used to when we were in our first months of marriage. Seasoned couples still need to make time for their spouses. “Expert” couples still need to practice their spouses’ love languages. Couples in each season of their lives still need to know how to have healthy conflict and how to check in with each other. It is helpful to do an evaluation every week or so to see what is working for your marriage and where you need improvement.

There are difficult seasons and there are smooth seasons; there are busy seasons and there are boring seasons. However, don’t fall into the trap of thinking that you have overcome a step in your marriage, for there is always room for improvement.

Photo by Joshua Hoehne on Unsplash

Categories
Marriage

Aw, I want one!

It is amazing how quickly we can go from being happy for someone’s success to being bitter about what we don’t have. Your friends that are your age have a house, so you want a house. Your friends that are your age have babies, so you want a baby. You forget the plans you make with your spouse, and the visions that God reveals to you about your future, when you focus on what everyone else has.

Since a lot of women around me are having kids (there’s definitely something in the water!), everyone else has been asking me when it’s my turn. It’s crazy that right after a pregnancy announcement, someone will turn to me and ask if I have any news too, as if I would steal that woman’s thunder. But to be honest, when I see what everyone else has, I’m tempted to wonder why God hasn’t called me or my husband to be part of this baby bandwagon. My husband and I have a plan and that we are working on our marriage before we take any next steps, and that God has given us peace about this plan. However, the baby showers, gender reveal parties, and birth announcements on Instagram cause my peace to waver a little bit sometimes.

We see the picture-perfect family, the picture-perfect marriage, the picture-perfect house, and the picture-perfect children, and we want those things for ourselves. We don’t see the hard work and dedication that goes into keeping a marriage afloat and into raising a child to be obedient. We don’t see the fights, the slamming of doors, the screaming and saying things that you should never say to your husband. We don’t see the snotty faces, the sleepless nights, the times that you wish you could take back what you said to your child. We don’t see that God has chosen a different path for us, a path that perfectly aligns with His story for our lives.

Ultimately, if we looked down deep into our soul, we want happiness on our terms. We want a husband that we can control, that will perfectly fit our every need. We want a child that we can snuggle, that will be everything we’ve ever wanted and more. Whatever we lack, we think that will make us happy. But only God can truly satisfy our soul, and any desire we have that is not from Him distracts us from what He has for us.

I saw a skit that represented the blessing of God. A woman receives a gift that God had hand-picked for her: a soda can. The woman is so excited to receive the soda can from God that she tells everyone she knows about her precious gift. However, her excitement instantly vanishes when she sees what God has given her friend: a soda bottle. She begins to wonder if God really loves her, and what she did wrong to only receive a soda can.

The woman in the story missed the point; it’s not about what God gives you, but about the fact that God loves you enough to give you a gift that He carefully picked out just for you. You may not have what your friend has, but you have what God has provided for you for this season, and for that reason, you can rejoice.

Pray that God would renew your joy for the things He has given you. Think of five things that you are thankful for in this season right now, and thank God for giving them to you. When your friends share their good news, be happy for them, but don’t forget that God is doing wonderful things in your life too. You don’t have to have what your friends have in order to be content; you only need to have what God has provided for you during this season of your life.

If you truly are discontent about an area of your life, be honest with God about it. Tell God how you feel, and ask God to show you the plans that He has for you. God will show you your heart, your faith (or lack thereof), and where your treasure truly lies.
“Take delight in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.” -Psalm 37:4

Photo by Caitlyn Hastings on Unsplash

Categories
Marriage

Marriage on Autopilot

My husband and I have some exciting news.  We just moved into our new apartment!  We are so incredibly blessed and we are so thankful for all the help that we received from our friends and family with the move.  We ultimately thank God for providing this place for us after we looked for weeks to find the right living situation.

Before we moved, we had a lot of packing to do.  The packing involved decluttering, mustering up some boxes, organizing our stuff in designated boxes, filling up the U-Haul with all our stuff, taking the stuff out of the car and bringing it into our new apartment, and eating pizza with our friends after we (edit: they) finished all the heavy lifting.  We still have to unpack and clean a bit, but are taking it one box at a time.

After working really hard the past few weeks, move-in day was an absolute breeze.  All the hard work that we had put into the packing process helped us to have a better handle on what is normally a crazy day.  It was like we were on auto-pilot.  I realize when I am stressed, I sort of turn off my emotions and just go.  It makes it easier to focus on what I’m doing instead of how I’m feeling at the moment.  Then, after we get through everything, no matter if I’m happy, sad, angry, or whatever, I start hysterically crying (be prepared for a blog post when that day comes!).

I feel like marriage can be like that sometimes.  I know I’ve talked about how you have to make time to connect with your spouse and there are times when you have to remember why you fell in love.  But after moving, I have been thinking about how some moments just require you to move without thinking, to just get the work done.  You just need to get the boxes inside your new home.  You just need to get to your destination when you’re on vacation.  You just need to get your kids to school in the morning.  You want to be intentional in those moments, but with the nature of how quickly things need to get done, you are sort of in go-mode.

We should not be like this most of the time.  While there are families that move often, most people are not moving out of their house every day.  While people are busy and schedules are packed, our spouse should not come second to these experiences.  These experiences where we are on auto-pilot should be the exception, not the routine.

During our routine, we should be pouring into our marriage, so that when we are on auto-pilot, our love and respect for each other should be ingrained into everything we do.  Create healthy habits every day so that when the stress comes and you find yourself slipping away from your emotions, you can still fall back on those habits. These habits include praying daily for your spouse, controlling your anger, speaking clearly, being thankful for one another, and being quick to forgive.  During those stressful times, these habits will be like a breath of fresh air to your situation.

When we are stressed, the last thing we want to do is be nice to anyone.  As the most impatient person I know, I can be very short-tempered when I have multiple items on my to-do list.  Unfortunately, I don’t practice those habits that I shared when I’m feeling stressed, except praying a quick “God, I need you.”  That’s why I try to keep my stress to a minimum.  The people I love do not deserve to be disrespected, misunderstood, and taken for granted.  I need to practice love, patience, and self-control in every situation, and I can cultivate those fruits in both the calm times and the storms of life.

While we want to constantly have lovey-dovey feelings for our spouses, the reality is that life gets in the way sometimes.  Instead of acting like storms and busyness will never happen, we need to prepare ourselves for when they do.  Make time to connect and relax most of the time, and when you anticipate life is about to get stressful, create a plan that will help to minimize stress.  Ultimately, trust God to prepare you for what is to come.

Photo by Mitchel Boot on Unsplash

Categories
Marriage

The Rings

Yes, this is my engagement ring! My hubby is a keeper.

When my husband proposed, he gave me a ring he picked out all by himself.  I didn’t give him any hints; I trusted his judgment and I knew he could make a good choice.  I was pleasantly and appropriately surprised when he opened the ring box and revealed a beautiful ring with a blue diamond as the center stone.  He loves my eyes, and he said this ring reminded him of my eyes.  He put a lot of thought and love into this ring, and two years later, I still love it.

While the ring is not the most important element of our marriage, the wedding ring is a visual reminder of the covenant we made together at the altar.  When my husband and I exchanged vows, our pastor explained that the ring is a symbol of our love.  We recited the traditional vows, that we would love each other and be committed to each other through every season of life, no matter what happened.

I still remember the exact vow I made to my husband as I put the ring on his finger: “With this ring, I thee wed, and with all my wordly possessions I thee endow.”  Isn’t that such an interesting vow?  Of all the things I could have promised my husband, I promised to give him all my stuff!

After doing some research, I found out that the full traditional vow is: “With this ring, I thee wed; with this body, I thee worship; and with all my worldly possessions I thee endow.”  Obviously, we only worship God, so I’m glad that our pastor took that part out of the vow.  But the sentiment behind the whole vow is that we are to put each other before ourselves.  I don’t own anything; we share everything.  I don’t get to choose when I’m my own person and when I’m my husband’s wife; I’m always his wife, and he’s always my husband.

Every time I look at my ring, I remember that day I made that first commitment to my husband.  I’ll admit that it is easy to forget my commitments when conflicts arise and when difficulties meet us in our marriage.  I forget that I sacrificed my life to love and to serve my husband and to surrender my own will to the well-being of our marriage.  But the ring is meant to remind me that through every season of life that I promised to love my husband with everything I have, and that includes when I didn’t feel like it.  That includes when he makes me mad.  That includes when we don’t see eye-to-eye.  Even when we go through rough patches, we still love each other and are still called to treat each other with respect.  Our rings serve as reminders of that.

Whether you’re in a dry season or a difficult season in your marriage, look down at your left hand and see the symbol of your spouse’s love for you.  Your ring is a symbol of how much your spouse loves you.  If the storms of life caused you to lose your ring, I encourage you to find a visual reminder that you can put somewhere you will always see it.  As another visual reminder, we have our wedding photos all over our apartment.  Sometimes when we’re fighting, I’ll look at our photos, see our smiling innocent faces, and instantly melt.  How could we be so mad at each other when we were once so enchanted by each other?  Those visual reminders encourage me to pray for my marriage and to put my husband before myself.

Rings are beautiful.  Sometimes they are expensive, and sometimes you get them for a nice bargain.  Sometimes they are homemade, and sometimes they are from a catalog.  Sometimes they are passed down from a deceased relative, and sometimes they are crafted specifically for the one you love.  Regardless of how you chose your ring, or how your spouse chose your ring, wear it with the reminder that you are dearly loved by your spouse.

 

Categories
Marriage

Did You Marry Your Best Friend?

I had the idea to write this blog, but I had no idea that this topic was so controversial!  I wanted to talk about how much I enjoyed spending time with my husband, and how I consider him my best friend.  But after doing some research, I see that society is torn about whether or not your husband is your best friend.

I’m starting to realize now a year into my marriage that I don’t know everything there is to know about marriage.  I feel like the teenager that knew everything but then realized that life is not what she thought!  So, although what I have been sharing with you all is valid, there is still much I need to learn, and much that I need to learn more before I can say I’ve mastered that topic.

One of those things, apparently, is marrying your best friend.

Now, the question is not should you marry your best friend.  The question is not should your husband be your only friend (I’ve already addressed that question in this post).  The question I am posing here is: Do you enjoy hanging out with your spouse?

I’ve learned that a spouse fulfills many roles. A spouse is a business partner as you manage your finances together and give each other work advice.  A spouse is a house manager as you work together to clean, repair, and organize your living space.  A spouse is an accountability partner as you vent and he/she gives you feedback about your experiences.  A spouse is a parent as you work together to figure out how to raise your kids.

As we grow into adults and have to take on more responsibilities, we see that God intended for our spouses to truly help us live our lives.  Studies show that middle aged people experience a “dip in happiness” due to the stresses of life, but spouses can help cushion that dip with love and support.  However, my warning is to not let your spouse just be your “responsibility sharer.”  What fun would you have if you only talked about paying the bills, Johnny’s trip to the principal’s office, and what to do about the crack in the ceiling?

Before I met my husband, I knew subconsciously that I wanted a man who would be all of these things for me.  Even in my teenage years, I was praying for God to bring me a man like this.  But when I actually met my husband, these things were not on my mind.  These were the actual questions running through my head: Can I talk to him without thinking too hard about what to say?  Does he make me laugh?  Do we enjoy doing similar things?  And, of course, we had great conversations, we laughed together, and we found things to do together that we both enjoyed.

Over time, after getting to know him better, I learned that he would be a great financial adviser; he is good with money and he works hard at whatever he does.  I learned that he would be a great house manager; he looks at our living situation in a way that I don’t and he helps strategize how to best take care of it.  I learned that he would be a great accountability partner; we both follow the word of God, and he is able to tell me the truth in love.  I learned that one day, he would make a great dad; I see how he interacts with children and I know that he will be a great role model for our boys and a gentle protector of our girls.

Don’t forget to enjoy your spouse in the midst of the day-to-day responsibilities.  Go on a journey with your spouse.  Schedule time for just the two of you to have fun and relax.  And remember why you fell in love in the first place.  Marital love is not a business transaction; it is a plant that needs to be cultivated and nurtured in order for it to grow strong and produce fruit in your life.

Photo by Craig Whitehead on Unsplash

Categories
Marriage

When We Disagree

Unfortunately, our society has made us feel like when we disagree, we cannot love each other and we cannot work through our differences. When someone disagrees with us, we feel personally offended, like all the hard work and research that we put into our opinions were squashed by one sweeping blow of another person’s opinion. But that’s not the way that God intended us to live in community. We are all made in God’s image, and through that we each display unique attributes that all help us see God in humanity.

How do you and your spouse handle disagreements in your marriage?

Based on what I have heard from counselors and other people who have experience with disagreement (everyone but us, of course!), here are some practical tips for dealing with disagreement:

  1. Submit to one another. Ephesians 5 says that we should submit to one another.  That means that when you’re in a disagreement, one of you needs to “give up” and let your spouse win.  I’ve heard conservative couples say that the wife should always submit to the husband, but sometimes the wife has some valid points that the husband needs to consider, so he shouldn’t have the mindset that his opinion is the only one that matters.
  2. Look at the bigger picture. Prayer helps us have a better perspective on the issues that we face. Is it really life-threatening that he wants a blue rug, but she wants an orange one? Is it really going to destroy your marriage if he wants to go to Puerto Rico on vacation and she wants to go to the Bahamas? There are obviously more serious disagreements, such as where you are going to live and how you’re going to spend your money, but above everything else, you need to remember to make a decision together. There is no perfect decision, but there is always a way to make a decision that makes you both comfortable.
  3. Write a pro-con list. You can’t ignore the facts. If one person wants to move out of state and the other doesn’t, for example, look at the benefits (saving money, getting a bigger house, more work opportunities) and the threats (smaller salaries, being away from family, having to move your child out of school) of making either decision. You may think your way is better, but listen to your spouse and look at the facts together. Be open to changing your mind.
  4. Avoid trigger words. It is only natural for us to be personally offended when someone disagrees with us. But don’t let it happen. Don’t let your personal feelings get in the way of a decision that is being made.  Avoid phrases such as “What are you talking about?” “What is your problem?” and “What is wrong with you?”  I don’t care who is right in this situation.  If you talk to your spouse like that, he/she will definitely tune out and not give your idea even a second thought.

The most important thing to remember is that disagreement does not equal fighting. At least, it doesn’t have to involve fighting.  According to the Bible, when a man and a woman get married, they become one flesh.  We are called to consistently and continually become one throughout our marriage. We learn to compromise, we learn to communicate, and we learn to make decisions together. It is a practice that takes time, but must not be detrimental to the marriage.

What tips do you agree with?  What tips would you add to this list?

Photo by Luiz Hanfilaque on Unsplash

Categories
Marriage

Struggles in Marriage

When I was on my honeymoon with my husband, I knew that life could not get any better.  We were sipping piña coladas at no additional cost.  We were warm under the beautiful Bahamas sun.  We woke up at 5:40AM and went to bed at 8:00PM.  One day, we went to bed at 6PM and missed our 7:30PM dinner reservations.  But guess what?  We didn’t care!

Only fourteen months later, while the honeymoon feelings are still there (we are holding onto them as long as we can!) our lives are not as warm and fuzzy as the Bahamas sun.

Life is hard.  The money runs out, the work day is stressful, and the demands of life are more than the average person can handle.  All of those things can cause us to take out our anger on our spouses if we are not careful.

I want to offer a bit of encouragement to those who are going through a difficult season.  Regardless of where you are in life, you may be in a place where you’re tempted to fight against your spouse rather than with your spouse.  Your spouse is your life partner and journey sharer, the one who God has chosen to love you and to encourage you on your journey.  God has chosen you to do the same for your spouse.  You and your spouse are a team, a force that is more powerful together than apart.

The Bible says that two people are better than one.  That passage in Ecclesiastes talks about one person falling into a hole and another person pulling him out, and a person who is cold and has someone to keep him warm in bed.  Those are both two difficult situations that are made easier when there are two people struggling rather than one.

The same is true for marriage.

Married friends, your spouse is meant to help you through the difficult times.  Do not see your spouse as an enemy, but as a partner in crime.  Pray together and let God speak through both of you.  You will be amazed at the confirmation you receive from God as a result of what He tells you and your spouse.

Yesterday, when I was at work, I had a lot of time to think about the situation we are currently facing.  For several months, we have been praying about a specific problem that we have been having.  An idea popped into my head and wouldn’t stop nagging me. It seemed like a good idea, but it was completely against what we have been planning all this time.  To convince my husband to get on board with my idea, after I spent all this time trying to convince him otherwise, would have been difficult and would have made me look fickle.  I prayed that God would give me wisdom.

At home, while we were talking about our situation, I proposed my idea to him.  He smirked when I finished talking.  “It’s amazing that I was thinking the same exact thing today,” he said.  God spoke to both of us about an idea that we were completely against a few days ago.

Through this struggle we’ve been having, I have never seen my husband pray more.  I have never seen my husband have more faith in God’s plan and God’s timing.  My husband has done such an incredible job of encouraging me in our struggle.  And I’ll admit that I haven’t been as positive as I usually am, but I pray that God has grown me through this and that the growth is evident in my life!

Let’s face it: Life is not a beautiful trip to the Bahamas.  Instead of asking God to take away your struggle, ask God to use this struggle to bring you closer to Him.  When you trust God and trust your spouse in the midst of struggle, God will grow you and your marriage.  You will look back on this difficult season and know that God used it to fulfill His plan and purpose in you and your spouse’s lives.

Photo by Zoriana Stakhniv on Unsplash

Categories
Marriage

Women Need Women

Before I got married, I lived in a house full of women. The only man in the house was our male cat, Tyler. Given the fact that my mom, my sister, and I lived in close quarters together, we would talk about everything. My mom was a nurse and had a lot of unique experiences, so I felt comfortable asking her for advice about pretty much everything. My sister knows a lot about fashion, and she loves to encourage people, so I always send her pictures when I’m shopping to see what she thinks of my outfit. I’m a great listener, and I like going deep with people emotionally, so both my mom and my sister have had great chats with me about their feelings, their faith, and how to resolve conflict. We were a great team, and we worked together really well.

My mom was the first one to get a man and cause a shift in this woman-only house. Not even six months later is when I met my husband, and a few months after my sister started dating her now fiance. While in the honeymoon stage, we all focused very seriously on our partners like we were supposed to do. Although we were close before, and still were close while we were focusing on our relationships, we made boundaries of not sharing our personal problems with each other.

My mom started dating her boyfriend in August 2014. I started dating my boyfriend in June 2015. My sister met her boyfriend in August 2015.

My mom got engaged in April 2015. We got engaged in December 2016. My sister got engaged in December 2017.

My mom got married in September 2017. We got married in November 2016. My sister is planning her wedding now but is getting married soon.

After being married for about a year and a half, I’ve learned one thing: I still need my mom and my sister. I still need to ask my mom advice or even just vent to her. I still send my sisters pictures of my outfits that I’m trying on at in the fitting room. I still call them all the time and catch up with them.

As much as I love my husband, he wasn’t meant to be my everything. God gave him to me to be my life partner and journey sharer. But God also gave me such lovely friends and family members that have made my journey easier as well.

My husband craves time with his guy friends, so I know this is not just a woman thing. He enjoys going over his friend’s house and spending time with them. As a woman, I expect to have the same type of relationship with my female friends. I love calling one of my friends from college who lives out of state but knows just what to say to make me feel better. I love talking to my friends who are walking through life with me; I’m able to go on adventures with them and laugh about our struggles, knowing that we are not alone in our battles.

Every relationship has a place. Without stepping on your husband’s toes and on your marriage, invest in the other relationships in your life. I warn you: do not gossip to your friends/family members about your husband, but talk about how you’re feeling. Whether the world wants to believe it or not, women and men are different and have different needs. While men want to help, they’re not always able to meet our every need. Even if the women in your life can’t fix the problem, they can walk through it with you while you figure it out in time.

It’s important to build that relationship with your husband, but don’t forget about the other people in your lives. If you have friends that are married, do not gather around and bash your husbands together. Instead, share your struggles with each other so that you can all discover that you are not alone. And enjoy the bond that God has given all of you as women!

Photo by Joseph Pearson on Unsplash