Category: Encouragement

Categories
Marriage

When We Disagree

Unfortunately, our society has made us feel like when we disagree, we cannot love each other and we cannot work through our differences. When someone disagrees with us, we feel personally offended, like all the hard work and research that we put into our opinions were squashed by one sweeping blow of another person’s opinion. But that’s not the way that God intended us to live in community. We are all made in God’s image, and through that we each display unique attributes that all help us see God in humanity.

How do you and your spouse handle disagreements in your marriage?

Based on what I have heard from counselors and other people who have experience with disagreement (everyone but us, of course!), here are some practical tips for dealing with disagreement:

  1. Submit to one another. Ephesians 5 says that we should submit to one another.  That means that when you’re in a disagreement, one of you needs to “give up” and let your spouse win.  I’ve heard conservative couples say that the wife should always submit to the husband, but sometimes the wife has some valid points that the husband needs to consider, so he shouldn’t have the mindset that his opinion is the only one that matters.
  2. Look at the bigger picture. Prayer helps us have a better perspective on the issues that we face. Is it really life-threatening that he wants a blue rug, but she wants an orange one? Is it really going to destroy your marriage if he wants to go to Puerto Rico on vacation and she wants to go to the Bahamas? There are obviously more serious disagreements, such as where you are going to live and how you’re going to spend your money, but above everything else, you need to remember to make a decision together. There is no perfect decision, but there is always a way to make a decision that makes you both comfortable.
  3. Write a pro-con list. You can’t ignore the facts. If one person wants to move out of state and the other doesn’t, for example, look at the benefits (saving money, getting a bigger house, more work opportunities) and the threats (smaller salaries, being away from family, having to move your child out of school) of making either decision. You may think your way is better, but listen to your spouse and look at the facts together. Be open to changing your mind.
  4. Avoid trigger words. It is only natural for us to be personally offended when someone disagrees with us. But don’t let it happen. Don’t let your personal feelings get in the way of a decision that is being made.  Avoid phrases such as “What are you talking about?” “What is your problem?” and “What is wrong with you?”  I don’t care who is right in this situation.  If you talk to your spouse like that, he/she will definitely tune out and not give your idea even a second thought.

The most important thing to remember is that disagreement does not equal fighting. At least, it doesn’t have to involve fighting.  According to the Bible, when a man and a woman get married, they become one flesh.  We are called to consistently and continually become one throughout our marriage. We learn to compromise, we learn to communicate, and we learn to make decisions together. It is a practice that takes time, but must not be detrimental to the marriage.

What tips do you agree with?  What tips would you add to this list?

Photo by Luiz Hanfilaque on Unsplash

Categories
anxiety

When to Go and When to Stay

As a young person (under the age of 30), a huge source of anxiety has come from when to take the next step.  When do I get married?  When do I move?  When do I take that job?  When do I have children?  The instant gratification world that we live in answers all these questions with right now.  Do what makes you happy right now, no matter what it costs.

However, when we follow God, we have to ask ourselves, and God, the question: What does God want for my life?

Our default answer with God is to wait.  Most of the time, in the Bible, God asks His people to wait.  Joseph had to wait 40 years before his childhood dream of ruling would come to fruition.  The Israelites had to wait 400-plus years to be set free from their slavery in Egypt.  Paul the apostle had to learn and grow for several years before he began his missionary journey, and he had to wait several years in jail for God to be glorified in his situation.

Despite these valuable stories, I believe that some people use “the call to wait” as an excuse not to have the faith and the courage to move forward.  We think that just because we are comfortable that we are in God’s plan for our lives.  But behind closed doors, we worry that God will call us out of our comfortable lives and allow us to experience inconvenience.

There is a time and a season for everything. We are called to enjoy each season but to trust God with every season. We cannot wait and say that we are currently enjoying this season and do not want to move on to the next one. We cannot tell God that it is inconvenient to move right now. God gives us peace, and when we don’t feel His peace, we know it’s time to change something.

And once we change according to his will, he gives us peace, and that peace is beautiful.

Through much of this blog, I have gone through several transitions in jobs, living situations, and relationship status.  Leaving what I can tolerate for something that can fulfill me is so difficult, but it has always been worth it.  I do not regret agreeing to my husband’s marriage proposal six months after knowing him.  I do not regret taking a job offer from my church the day I was sitting in my kitchen eating cereal, thinking I was going to be teaching English overseas in the near future.  I do not regret every opportunity God has pushed me to make a decision quickly, because when God leads me, I feel His peace.  When He pushes me and I don’t move, I feel a burden in my soul that cannot be quenched.

The Bible also includes times when God pushes His people to move.  God told Abraham, without warning, to leave his family behind and start a new legacy on Earth.  God spoke to Gideon to take an Israelite army against the Midianites, as Gideon was hiding from the enemy in a cave.  God told Cornelius to talk to Peter so that he could receive the gospel and find healing.  If any of those people had waited, God wouldn’t have been glorified in those situations in the way that He intended.

How do you know when it’s time to go and it’s time to stay? Well, I could give you practical tips. I could tell you step-by-step ways to know. But God doesn’t work like that. Sometimes his plan doesn’t make sense.  Seek God’s peace through reading His word and sharing your feelings with other people.  When you know it is time to move, you will know.  When it is not time to move, you will know that as well.  Whether God calls you to stay or to go, trust Him in the process.

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Categories
Marriage

Struggles in Marriage

When I was on my honeymoon with my husband, I knew that life could not get any better.  We were sipping piña coladas at no additional cost.  We were warm under the beautiful Bahamas sun.  We woke up at 5:40AM and went to bed at 8:00PM.  One day, we went to bed at 6PM and missed our 7:30PM dinner reservations.  But guess what?  We didn’t care!

Only fourteen months later, while the honeymoon feelings are still there (we are holding onto them as long as we can!) our lives are not as warm and fuzzy as the Bahamas sun.

Life is hard.  The money runs out, the work day is stressful, and the demands of life are more than the average person can handle.  All of those things can cause us to take out our anger on our spouses if we are not careful.

I want to offer a bit of encouragement to those who are going through a difficult season.  Regardless of where you are in life, you may be in a place where you’re tempted to fight against your spouse rather than with your spouse.  Your spouse is your life partner and journey sharer, the one who God has chosen to love you and to encourage you on your journey.  God has chosen you to do the same for your spouse.  You and your spouse are a team, a force that is more powerful together than apart.

The Bible says that two people are better than one.  That passage in Ecclesiastes talks about one person falling into a hole and another person pulling him out, and a person who is cold and has someone to keep him warm in bed.  Those are both two difficult situations that are made easier when there are two people struggling rather than one.

The same is true for marriage.

Married friends, your spouse is meant to help you through the difficult times.  Do not see your spouse as an enemy, but as a partner in crime.  Pray together and let God speak through both of you.  You will be amazed at the confirmation you receive from God as a result of what He tells you and your spouse.

Yesterday, when I was at work, I had a lot of time to think about the situation we are currently facing.  For several months, we have been praying about a specific problem that we have been having.  An idea popped into my head and wouldn’t stop nagging me. It seemed like a good idea, but it was completely against what we have been planning all this time.  To convince my husband to get on board with my idea, after I spent all this time trying to convince him otherwise, would have been difficult and would have made me look fickle.  I prayed that God would give me wisdom.

At home, while we were talking about our situation, I proposed my idea to him.  He smirked when I finished talking.  “It’s amazing that I was thinking the same exact thing today,” he said.  God spoke to both of us about an idea that we were completely against a few days ago.

Through this struggle we’ve been having, I have never seen my husband pray more.  I have never seen my husband have more faith in God’s plan and God’s timing.  My husband has done such an incredible job of encouraging me in our struggle.  And I’ll admit that I haven’t been as positive as I usually am, but I pray that God has grown me through this and that the growth is evident in my life!

Let’s face it: Life is not a beautiful trip to the Bahamas.  Instead of asking God to take away your struggle, ask God to use this struggle to bring you closer to Him.  When you trust God and trust your spouse in the midst of struggle, God will grow you and your marriage.  You will look back on this difficult season and know that God used it to fulfill His plan and purpose in you and your spouse’s lives.

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Categories
anxiety

What to Pray When You’re Anxious

Update from last week: I decided to take my own advice and to make time for myself. Last week was more than I could handle, and instead of moving around like clockwork, I knew I needed to pause and do something for myself. My husband had gotten me a gift certificate to get a foot massage. Sunday seemed like the perfect time to get one! After doing nothing but get my feet rubbed for one whole hour, I realized that I very rarely do nothing anymore. I made a decision to make time to do nothing more often. I will consciously put away my phone, put down the book, and just let my mind wander for a set amount of time. It’s a discipline, but it is so totally worth it!

Before I met Jesus, I didn’t know how to pray when I needed help. I thought that God was staring down at me from Heaven, angrily waiting for me to concoct the perfect prayer while I stammered anxiously. As a perfectionist, I wanted to give God the best prayer to help me in my need. However, the process of trying to make up a great prayer left me too scared to even pray.

But as I grew to know Jesus as Savior, to understand that He is a Person who genuinely cares about me, that’s when my prayers began to change. I began to read His Word and to study more about who Jesus is and God’s plans for my life. Prayer became talking to God. Just like I talk to my earthly father, I can talk to my Heavenly Father with even more love and peace, knowing that He cares deeply about me and only wants the best for me. I received that privilege as a child of God through Jesus’ sacrifice of dying on the cross and forgiving me of my sins. Now I trust in Him as my Lord and Savior.

When I am in need of a Savior, I know I can call on the name of Jesus.

No matter how long or short my prayers are, they have turned into genuine prayers that cry out to Jesus for help. Sometimes I just whisper His name, and sometimes I say, “Please, Lord, help me.” I trust that He is able to help me when I need Him.

Jesus truly has a beautiful name. When He came to Earth, His name was very common. But the meaning behind it is what has shaken the atmosphere and has caused us to live in new hope, power, and life. The name “Jesus” means “our God saves.”

Jesus was sent by God to save the world.

The angel Gabriel came to Earth and told Mary and Joseph to name their son Jesus. Names were very important during that time. Your name represented your identity. Jesus’ identity is Savior. Jesus points us back to God and reminds us that He alone is our salvation.

Do you trust in His name? Do you trust in His saving power? When we know that His name has power and we trust him to meet us in our moments of deep weakness, He will meet us in His strength to change the world. When we speak the Word of God over our situations, we know that He will use His promises to bring healing and redemption into our mess.

We will trust in his name as the One who saves.

So when you are anxious, you don’t have to concoct the best prayer. You don’t have to have it all figured out. You just have to ask for His help. It doesn’t get more simple than that: just trust in Him, and call on His name. Let Him speak to your heart in your anxious moments.

Jesus, please help me.

By speaking those words, you trust that Jesus is able to help you.

I can tell you from many years of past experience that whenever I call on the name of Jesus, He answers me and helps me in my weakest moments. May the Prince of Peace become the Lord of your life that will never leave you or forsake you!

Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

Categories
Marriage

Women Need Women

Before I got married, I lived in a house full of women. The only man in the house was our male cat, Tyler. Given the fact that my mom, my sister, and I lived in close quarters together, we would talk about everything. My mom was a nurse and had a lot of unique experiences, so I felt comfortable asking her for advice about pretty much everything. My sister knows a lot about fashion, and she loves to encourage people, so I always send her pictures when I’m shopping to see what she thinks of my outfit. I’m a great listener, and I like going deep with people emotionally, so both my mom and my sister have had great chats with me about their feelings, their faith, and how to resolve conflict. We were a great team, and we worked together really well.

My mom was the first one to get a man and cause a shift in this woman-only house. Not even six months later is when I met my husband, and a few months after my sister started dating her now fiance. While in the honeymoon stage, we all focused very seriously on our partners like we were supposed to do. Although we were close before, and still were close while we were focusing on our relationships, we made boundaries of not sharing our personal problems with each other.

My mom started dating her boyfriend in August 2014. I started dating my boyfriend in June 2015. My sister met her boyfriend in August 2015.

My mom got engaged in April 2015. We got engaged in December 2016. My sister got engaged in December 2017.

My mom got married in September 2017. We got married in November 2016. My sister is planning her wedding now but is getting married soon.

After being married for about a year and a half, I’ve learned one thing: I still need my mom and my sister. I still need to ask my mom advice or even just vent to her. I still send my sisters pictures of my outfits that I’m trying on at in the fitting room. I still call them all the time and catch up with them.

As much as I love my husband, he wasn’t meant to be my everything. God gave him to me to be my life partner and journey sharer. But God also gave me such lovely friends and family members that have made my journey easier as well.

My husband craves time with his guy friends, so I know this is not just a woman thing. He enjoys going over his friend’s house and spending time with them. As a woman, I expect to have the same type of relationship with my female friends. I love calling one of my friends from college who lives out of state but knows just what to say to make me feel better. I love talking to my friends who are walking through life with me; I’m able to go on adventures with them and laugh about our struggles, knowing that we are not alone in our battles.

Every relationship has a place. Without stepping on your husband’s toes and on your marriage, invest in the other relationships in your life. I warn you: do not gossip to your friends/family members about your husband, but talk about how you’re feeling. Whether the world wants to believe it or not, women and men are different and have different needs. While men want to help, they’re not always able to meet our every need. Even if the women in your life can’t fix the problem, they can walk through it with you while you figure it out in time.

It’s important to build that relationship with your husband, but don’t forget about the other people in your lives. If you have friends that are married, do not gather around and bash your husbands together. Instead, share your struggles with each other so that you can all discover that you are not alone. And enjoy the bond that God has given all of you as women!

Photo by Joseph Pearson on Unsplash

Categories
anxiety

Make Time for You

A few months ago, I experienced what it’s like to have literally nothing left.

I was in a difficult season where every single minute of my life had been assigned to an activity.  Even when I was napping, I would read a book or I would scroll on my phone.  I desired a break, even a day off, but I didn’t know how to have one.

That day, I had come home from work with a migraine and severe muscle pain.  We were in the process of moving at work, and I had over-exerted my energy.  I felt like someone had beat me up.  I felt like I had literally been run over with a truck.  The last thing I wanted to do was drive home.  But once I got home, I put lavender in my oil diffuser, put on my pajamas, and sprawled out across my bed that was covered in fluffy pillows.

For the first time that I could remember, I did absolutely nothing for the rest of the night.  I didn’t really have much of a choice. But looking back, I desperately needed it.

Why do we exhaust ourselves?  I know for me, it’s the fear that I’m not getting enough done.  When God rested, it indicated that He was satisfied with His work.  When we rest, we trust that we have completed the work that God has called us to do.

God knows you have limits, and He does not expect you to go beyond your limits in your own strength.  When I go on a plane, which makes me anxious, it takes so much emotional energy out of me that even if I come home early in the day, I always take off the next day of work so that I can recharge and relax.  But sometimes God calls me to trust His strength in the busy seasons.  I need eight hours of sleep, maybe even nine at this point of my life.  If I have to do something that requires me to stay up all night or to get up earlier than is comfortable for me, that means I need God’s strength, and I might need to make some adjustments to my schedule later.

You may be at a very busy season of your life.  However, God calls us to rest, just as He rested, and He calls us to make time for ourselves.  If you don’t have time, make time.  That may mean calling out sick to work one day.  That may mean letting your husband watch the kids while you do what you want.  That may mean even going on vacation for a few days and leaving your cell phone in your hotel room while you relax on the beach.

Is your schedule really more important than your mental, physical, and emotional health?

Your kids would not appreciate it if you were taking care of them, but you were exhausted and therefore short-tempered.  Your work would not appreciate it if you worked overtime every day, but you didn’t get any work done because you were so drained.  It’s hard to admit, but we all have limits.  We all get spent.  And we all have different limits and tolerances.

You know you need a break when you start exhibiting any of the following symptoms:

  • Fatigue
  • Irritability
  • Memory loss
  • Insomnia
  • Short-temper
  • Depression/loss of joy of life

If you have any of these, look back on your schedule for this week and see where you need to cut back.  Don’t be afraid to admit that you just need some down time.  Do what you love, and don’t feel guilty about it.  Whether it is writing, reading, getting a massage, even coloring, then do it for a few hours.  You would be amazed at what even taking a night off will do for you.  Then, when you are finished relaxing, you will have less stress and more enjoyment of your life.

Photo by Alexandru Zdrobău on Unsplash

Categories
Marriage

Just Listen

Did you ever have those moments with your spouse where you say something and get no response, so you assume he/she understood?  Then your spouse accuses you of never telling you that information, when you clearly remember communicating it to him/her.  Welcome to distracted listening, a problem that I’ve become more aware of, not just in my marriage, but in my other relationships as well.

If we gave our spouses our full attention, they would not have to repeat themselves and there would not be confusion about what was discussed.  But often because of the distractions of this world, it is hard to do that.  It is hard to sit and let your spouse express their feelings.  If you come from a home where your parents nagged you a lot, the sound of others expressing their feelings might sound like the adults from the Peanuts.  So it takes discipline and time to figure out how to connect on this level with your spouse.

Here are some ways that you can practice intentional listening in your relationships:

  • Cut out all distractions. When your spouse is talking to you, make it a point to stop what you’re doing.  Put away your cell phone.  Turn off the television.  Shut down your computer.  Stop cleaning.  Even cutting out those little distractions will help you focus on your spouse, but it will also show your spouse that he/she matters.
  • Make eye contact. This goes along with cutting out distractions.  I really like when my husband looks at me while I’m talking.  It shows that he is actively listening to me, that he is engaged with what I am saying.  Just look at your spouse.  She’s pretty, he’s handsome, something attracted you to that person.  Now’s your chance to look at him/her again!
  • Repeat back what the person was saying. You may cut out all distractions.  You may make eye contact.  But you can still let the words your spouse is saying go in one ear and out the other.  If your spouse says something, reply with, “I hear you saying…” and repeat back what you heard.  Because of how you view the world, you may also interpret what your spouse is saying as a completely different message, so it’s important to voice what you got out of the conversation as well.  A message to the talking spouse: make sure you don’t do all the talking.  Leave space for your spouse to ask questions and to communicate his/her own opinion.
  • Communicate your shortcomings. In this world, it is hard to stay focused when we talk to people.  I’ll admit that I fall short of that all the time.  If your spouse wants to talk and you are just not in the mood, be honest.  “Hey honey, I really want to listen to you today, but I had a rough day at work.  Can we continue this conversation later?”  “Hey, I hear what you’re saying, but because of my past, it sounds like you’re condemning me.”  You can’t be 100% focused 100% of the time, but you can be honest and share when you’re not at your best time to talk.

You may want to get to know your spouse better, but he/she doesn’t talk very much.  Those are when you really need to pay attention.  My husband isn’t much of a talker, but when he talks, his words are a treasure to me.  His words display his heart about his job, his family, and himself.  I pay attention, not just to what he is saying, but how he is saying it.  Doing so helps me to see him more clearly and to love him for who he really is.

Ultimately, listening to your spouse is a reflection of how God wants us to listen to Him.  We complain that God does not speak to us, but it could be that we’re not really listening to Him.  God calls us to cut out all distractions and follow Him, to fix our eyes on Jesus during our walk with Him (Hebrews 12:2).  When you are finished reading the Bible passage for the day, it is helpful to pray in response to the promises that God gives in His Scriptures.  He speaks to us clearly through His word, and when we are still and let Him speak to us, He has such wonderful things to say.

“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry…”

James 1:19

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Categories
anxiety

Plan to Live, or Live to Plan?

My one and only Christmas present that I asked for this year, without anyone asking me leading questions, was a day-by-day journal planner.  I really want to get more into my writing this year, and having one of these planners will help me prioritize and lay out what exactly needs to get done.

Several weeks after Christmas, I’m still obsessing over this cute, purple planner!  I have different colored pens that I use to write my tasks in order of urgency.  Each month is also represented by a uniquely colored page.  Also, after watching my friend Christa’s workshop on time management, I’m ready to boss my time around in 2018!

But quickly after beginning to organize my planner, I felt a deep sense of emptiness.  Where was my family in this multi-colored book?  Where was my time with my husband?  Where were the fun outings and the vacations and the free time?  Time management is a beautiful thing, but it cannot replace what I have prioritized and what gives me life.

The point of life is not to plan.  The point of life is to enjoy.  The wisest man who ever lived, Solomon, concluded in Ecclesiastes that life’s purpose is to enjoy life and to obey God’s commandments.  After seeing the meaninglessness of everything else in the world, that was what Solomon concluded had the most meaning in life: joy and obedience.

“Now all has been heard;
    here is the conclusion of the matter:
Fear God and keep his commandments,
    for this is the duty of all mankind.
For God will bring every deed into judgment,
    including every hidden thing,
    whether it is good or evil.”

-Ecclesiastes 12:13-14

We plan so that we can enjoy life.  We save up money so we can go on vacation.  We get fancy planners so we can make time to do the things we love.

Do not fall in love with the plan.

Do not fall in love with saving money.

Do not fall in love with the fancy planners!

I plan so that I can make time for my family and husband.  I plan so that I can be prepared and not be anxious when unexpected events come my way.  I plan so that I can feel like I’m in control.  For those who struggle with anxiety, we all know how scary it can feel to not be in control.  Planning helps me feel like I have some grasp on my life, at least with the free time I have.

If you have anxiety, it’s okay to plan.  But don’t let the planning distract you from the tasks that you enjoy.  Plan time to relax.  Plan a budget that causes you to save for activities you love.  Dream and be optimistic instead of expecting the worst to happen in the future.  Do all of these things, but realize that ultimately, our lives are in God’s hands.

Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast in your arrogant schemes. All such boasting is evil.  If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them.

-James 4:13-17, NIV

Fall in love with life, because that is what gives our plans meaning.  At the end of the day, if our plans fail, we still have each other.  We still have hope.  When you live your life, don’t focus on the plan.  Focus on enjoying life and obeying God’s commandments.

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

-John 10:10

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Categories
Marriage

Your Spouse’s Spiritual Journey

I have to make a confession that I cringe every time I hear the term “unequally yoked.”  The Bible is clear against marrying unbelievers.  However, we have also swung to the other side of the pendulum, where people expect their potential partners to know the Bible inside and out and to actually be flawless.  Women want men who are going to be the spiritual leaders of the household, and what that actually means is that they want their men to be responsible for the women’s relationships with God.  I’m here to share that my husband and I weren’t “equally yoked” in that sense of the word when we first started dating.

You see, when I first met my husband, he wasn’t what I would call “more spiritual” than I am.  He didn’t know the Bible as well as I did.  He didn’t even know his testimony!  Over time, I thought that I had made a mistake and was wondering what to do about the situation.

However, after spending more time with him, I realized that he had such great faith.  He served faithfully in the choir.  He made the decision himself to be baptized.  He prayed with me and helped me in ways that I couldn’t help myself grow closer to the Lord.  He served as a leader in the College Ministry.  Love exuded from his spirit as he served and interacted with others.  It was like he had the faith, but he didn’t have the resources to express his faith until recently.  Since I’ve been with my husband, I have watched him grow in ways that have just been beautiful and miraculous.  I’ve seen God answer our prayers together, as well as our prayers separately.

I would have never been involved in God’s miracles if I had believed that we were unequally yoked.

Instead of expecting your husband to be the spiritual leader, I first want to challenge you to think of what that really looks like.  What if you are equally yoked?  What if you expect your husband/future husband to read the Bible every day, and you haven’t touched yours in months?  Before playing the blame game, I want you to take the focus off of the other person and put it right back on yourself.  Just as it says in Luke 6:37, the judgment that you use to judge others will be used to judge you in the same measure.  Make sure that you are right with the Lord before you accuse your current or potential spouse of being spiritually weak.

Second, I want you to understand that spiritually mature looks different for everyone.  I mean, there are some people that you know are not quite right, and that’s because the Holy Spirit is telling you to stay away.  You must see evidence of the fruit that God has produced in their lives, especially through love.  My husband has always been incredibly generous, which demonstrates humility and kindness, and that’s how I see his spiritual maturity.  A spiritually mature person doesn’t have to be a pastor.  A spiritually mature person doesn’t have to lead worship every Sunday.  A spiritually mature person doesn’t even have to talk all that much.  We all have different spiritual gifts, and while some are amazing prayer warriors, and some are wonderful teachers, and some are songwriters for the Lord, there are some who have gifts that aren’t as noticeable.

For those who are married and are waiting for their spouses to spiritually “grow up,” I challenge you to look at your own heart.  Where are you lacking in your faith?  What are some ways where you can grow in your walk with the Lord?  Are you really spiritually mature?  Because if we’re honest, we are never fully matured.  We still have much to learn.  So learn to appreciate the growth that you see in your spouse, and use your faith to pray that he/she grows to be the person that God created him/her to be.

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Categories
anxiety

STOP! What are You Doing?

One day in college, I was thinking about the day I had ahead.  I had a test in one class that I was extremely anxious about, work after the test, and then other classes throughout the day.  I came out of the shower with the jitters, my mind running a mile a minute.

STOP!

The voice was louder than all the sirens of obligation, worry, and anxiety blaring in my ear.

What are you doing?

I believe this voice was God.  Only He could give me peace, and only He could speak in a way that I could understand so clearly.

At the time, I was blow drying my hair.  I pulled at the tangled strands.

Your job is to focus on the next ten minutes, and that’s it. Do you have a test in ten minutes? No.  Do you have to eat in ten minutes?  No.  Do you have any classes in ten minutes?  No.  You have hair to dry.  Start drying.

It was very matter-of-fact, but it was clear, unlike the other voices I heard telling me I had to do something very quickly or else.  Whatever that meant.

So I decided to listen to the clear, peaceful, peace-giving voice that blurted out truth in my mind.

Those next ten minutes were the most peaceful ten minutes of my life.  I stroked my hair with the brush.  I listened to the whir of the blow dryer.  I hummed a tune knowing that no one else could hear me.  I was content for ten whole minutes, about the time it took for me to finish blow drying my hair.

Finally, I turned off the blow dryer.

Now what?  I thought.  I looked at the clock.  I still had to get my bag ready before I went to class.  I had to focus on the next ten minutes, nothing more.

I spent the rest of the day like that, and it was wonderful. The voices that were screaming in my head ended up shutting up by the time I made it to my test.  I spent the rest of the day in a discipline of rest.  Even though I was not resting (doing nothing) I was controlling my mind and telling myself to just focus on the next ten minutes.

A lot can change in ten minutes.

Now that I’m out of college and “adulting,” a lot of voices tend to get in the way of my enjoyment of what is right in front of me.  My followers know that I just came out of a busy season, and now I’m in a waiting period.  We’re waiting to start our careers, feeling discontentment about our jobs.  We’re waiting to buy a house, feeling discontentment from renting.  We’re waiting to have kids, honestly because we just don’t want kids right now.  We’re waiting for a sense of satisfaction, a sense of contentment, and because of that, we’re anxious.

When are we going to get new jobs?

When are we going to have a house?

When are we going to have kids?

And because of all the “When’s” in our lives, there has been a lot of preparing and planning.  When we have new jobs, we will do things this way.  When we have a house, we’re going to decorate it that way.  When we have kids, we’re going to raise them in this manner.  But honestly, God convicted me this morning with James 4.  We don’t know what’s going to happen even next week!  How do we know what our lives will be like when we go through these changes?  We didn’t know how we would meet.  We didn’t know how we would get our current apartment.  We didn’t know how we would get married and even when we would get married when we first met.  God’s timing is perfect; ultimately, only He knows what will happen next year.

All we know…is what is going to happen in ten minutes.

So, my anxious friends, those who like to plan like me, I challenge you to only focus on the next ten minutes of your life.  It is not a selfish thing to do.  It is not wrong.  It is a way for you to feel a sense of control over your life. I know as Christians we should be relying on God to control our lives, but He has also given us responsibility over our lives, and it is human nature to want to have control of something.  May I remind you that one of the fruits of the Spirit is self-control.  When you are anxious, you are not in control.  Take a deep breath and plan the next ten minutes of your day.  Does it involve doing your hair?  Does it involve journaling?  Does it involve spending ten precious minutes with the one who loves your soul?  Beyond that is where your trust in God comes in.  Trust that God will provide what you need, when you need it.  Only God knows what will happen beyond ten minutes from now.  Will you trust in mere humans who are pressuring you to get your life together, or will you trust in the One who has given you your life and has spent all of eternity planning your future?

Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.”  As it is, you boast in your arrogant schemes. All such boasting is evil.  If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them. 

-James 4:13-17

Photo by Kai Pilger on Unsplash