singleness – Elisabeth Warner

Over the summer, we’ve seen so many of our friends and family go through various life events, including buying houses and having children. We are genuinely happy for them. We know some of their stories, and the hard work and grace it took to get to where they are today, and we are so proud of them and so thankful to God for His faithfulness. But, although I still don’t want these things yet, as strong as my contentment is, the temptation is still there to want what everyone else has.

What about me?

If you feel overlooked because of your waiting period, here are some ways that I’ve learned to find contentment in this season:

Think about what you have. Last week, I struggled with contentment, and with the belief that I’m not enough. I realized how many people have what I want, and how I just can’t seem to get there. When I prayed, God asked me to focus on what I have instead of what I don’t. Later, in the car, Lauren Daigle’s “You Say” came on the radio. The first line of the song? “I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I’m not enough.” In that moment, God showed me that He sees me and He knows me. He asked me to focus on what I have, and what I have, no matter what season I am in, is His Presence. He is always with me, no matter what I have, no matter how I feel. Do you have the assurance of God’s continual presence? If you struggle with contentment, take some time to think about how God has been faithful to you.
Celebrate those around you who have what you want. You may feel like you’re not enough or you don’t have enough, but you have everything you need. Often, we need to step outside of ourselves and give ourselves a little pep talk. David did this all the time in the Psalms, when he would command his soul to bless the Lord (see, for example, Psalm 103). His soul didn’t feel like blessing the Lord all the time, but he knew it was the right thing to do. Sometimes, we have to fight to do the right thing. It is right to rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep. When your friend tells you good news about what is happening in her life, be happy for her, even if it is exactly what you wanted.
Talk about it and pray with a friend. Contentment truly is a fight in this progressive, ever-changing world. But we don’t have to fight alone. My husband has been my number-one partner in fighting against contentment. I often add my own fears to the situation, but my husband, the voice of reason, helps me see what is real and what is simply based on what’s inside my own head. Thankfully, I also have friends who understand me, who can also get inside my own head and my heart and feel what I am feeling. Those friends have prayed for me and have helped me love where I am in this season.

The final point is to remember your prayers. I had asked God for a chill year this year. (Please, no major life events in 2019!). Witnessing how good and faithful He has been these last couple of years, I know He could give me a brand new house, an army of kids, and a super-successful business in the snap of His finger, but He was faithful to answer the deepest prayer of my heart: rest. Help me find meaningful rest. These last couple of years have been like a whirlwind, and I’ve barely had time to process it all. I realize that this season is so essential for me, because, when I do have all those other things, I will need to know how to find meaningful rest.

What have you been asking God for lately? What is truly the deepest desire of your heart? Remember what you prayed for, and believe that God is working on it!

Photo by Emiliano Vittoriosi on Unsplash

Your Spouse’s Spiritual Journey

I have to make a confession that I cringe every time I hear the term “unequally yoked.” The Bible is clear against marrying unbelievers. However, we have also swung to the other side of the pendulum, where people expect their potential partners to know the Bible inside and out and to actually be flawless. Women want men who are going to be the spiritual leaders of the household, and what that actually means is that they want their men to be responsible for the women’s relationships with God. I’m here to share that my husband and I weren’t “equally yoked” in that sense of the word when we first started dating.

You see, when I first met my husband, he wasn’t what I would call “more spiritual” than I am. He didn’t know the Bible as well as I did. He didn’t even know his testimony! Over time, I thought that I had made a mistake and was wondering what to do about the situation.

However, after spending more time with him, I realized that he had such great faith. He served faithfully in the choir. He made the decision himself to be baptized. He prayed with me and helped me in ways that I couldn’t help myself grow closer to the Lord. He served as a leader in the College Ministry. Love exuded from his spirit as he served and interacted with others. It was like he had the faith, but he didn’t have the resources to express his faith until recently. Since I’ve been with my husband, I have watched him grow in ways that have just been beautiful and miraculous. I’ve seen God answer our prayers together, as well as our prayers separately.

I would have never been involved in God’s miracles if I had believed that we were unequally yoked.

Instead of expecting your husband to be the spiritual leader, I first want to challenge you to think of what that really looks like. What if you are equally yoked? What if you expect your husband/future husband to read the Bible every day, and you haven’t touched yours in months? Before playing the blame game, I want you to take the focus off of the other person and put it right back on yourself. Just as it says in Luke 6:37, the judgment that you use to judge others will be used to judge you in the same measure. Make sure that you are right with the Lord before you accuse your current or potential spouse of being spiritually weak.

Second, I want you to understand that spiritually mature looks different for everyone. I mean, there are some people that you know are not quite right, and that’s because the Holy Spirit is telling you to stay away. You must see evidence of the fruit that God has produced in their lives, especially through love. My husband has always been incredibly generous, which demonstrates humility and kindness, and that’s how I see his spiritual maturity. A spiritually mature person doesn’t have to be a pastor. A spiritually mature person doesn’t have to lead worship every Sunday. A spiritually mature person doesn’t even have to talk all that much. We all have different spiritual gifts, and while some are amazing prayer warriors, and some are wonderful teachers, and some are songwriters for the Lord, there are some who have gifts that aren’t as noticeable.

For those who are married and are waiting for their spouses to spiritually “grow up,” I challenge you to look at your own heart. Where are you lacking in your faith? What are some ways where you can grow in your walk with the Lord? Are you really spiritually mature? Because if we’re honest, we are never fully matured. We still have much to learn. So learn to appreciate the growth that you see in your spouse, and use your faith to pray that he/she grows to be the person that God created him/her to be.

Photo by Mantas Hesthaven on Unsplash