Tag: Christian

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Wisdom Wednesday

Choose Your Wisdom

You guys have known me long enough for me to say this: I’ve been struggling with making decisions lately.  This isn’t the first time I’ve had this problem, but nowadays, it takes me even longer to feel peace about the decisions I’ve been making.  And after several months of praying, waiting, and hearing mixed messages, I realize the reason behind the confusion.

I need to choose my wisdom.

Now, this is not a new idea, but because of social media, TV programs, and extended families, we now have a lot of people trying to pour into our lives.  Losing weight, planning vacations, making a family, and choosing careers have never been more difficult.  We have so much information available to us that we don’t even know where to start.

We’re getting bombarded by “wisdom.”

As a Christian, I believe that true wisdom comes from knowing God and studying His Word.  I wrote last week about the importance of reading the Bible every day.  We receive wisdom from God when we read His Word and apply it to our lives.  When we read/listen to the Bible in the morning, we gain wisdom for the day ahead of us.  With every decision that comes our way, we can hold the “wisdom” we hear from others against the perfect wisdom of God.

If I read Colossians 3:23 about working for the Lord, I will choose to give my best at work and not slack off on the job.  If I read Philippians 2:14, I know not to join in on complaining with others.  If I read Proverbs 20:19 and I hear my friends gossiping, I won’t jump into the conversation.

So why is it so difficult to make decisions, if all I have to do is read the Bible to know what is right?

The wisdom of this world, the popular wisdom, does not always correlate with God’s wisdom.  Instead, the wisdom of this world correlates with human emotion and what feels right.  When God says that we get wisdom from spending time with Him, the world says, “No, you can get wisdom over here too, away from God.”

This earthly wisdom can come from a Facebook article that sounds so cleverly and creatively crafted.  This earthly wisdom can come from a news reporter who is “just trying to state the facts” (AKA their opinion).  This earthly wisdom can even come from a family member who genuinely wants to see you happy and successful.

But this earthly wisdom, in the end, will lead you down a path that could bring you  away from God’s plan for your life.

The wisdom of this world is transient.  What works for me might not be right for you.  One example of this is with weight loss.  There are so many diets out there; they can’t all be right!  One diet says to eat all carbs and no fat, one diet says to eat all fat and no carbs, and one diet says to eat fat, carbs, and protein, as long as you keep it balanced!  For me, I’ve discovered that eating less carbs has helped with bloating and hunger, but maybe for someone else, fats make them feel, well…fat.  If I follow the wisdom of everyone else, I will end up discouraged.

Instead of choosing wisdom, I’ve been grabbing onto any wisdom that floats my way.  Anytime someone offers me what appears to be wise, I chew on it for a little bit and consider what they’re saying a possibility.  Then someone else comes along and says something different but also considerably wise, and I am conflicted with two pieces of information that cannot both be right.  I’ve been so obsessed with appeasing the voices around me that I’ve lost touch with the voice that’s whispering within me.

It may take time, but I will hear the voice of God again, and I will feel the peace of God that only He can give me.

Although the Bible may not explicitly explain how to handle each and every task, I know from experience and from hearing others’ testimonies that once we put God first, once we make it our mission to please Him over everyone else, once we pray in Jesus’ name for God’s will to be done…then everything else falls into place.

And I mean, everything.

Whether you’re deciding what to make for dinner or where to go to college, choose the wisdom that aligns with the wisdom of God.  Surround yourself with encouraging, wise people who can offer you advice that correlates with God’s Word.  Just because it’s on social media doesn’t mean that it’s advice that’s been tested or researched.  Choose wisdom, and choose wisely!

 

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Marriage

5 Gifts You Can Give the Newlyweds You Love

Marriage is two people with two different pasts, likes, dislikes, hurts, family traditions, work habits, personality types, cravings, and desires, trying to live together in harmony.  I don’t even have harmony with myself sometimes; how can I have harmony with another person who isn’t even like me?  Glory to God, for only He can take a cube block and a rectangle block and make them both fit inside a cylinder block.

Having gone to several weddings over the years, and having seen many a couple get engaged and get married, I realize how much a marriage is affected by the environment in which it grows.  Friends and family can literally make or break a marriage, especially if the husband and wife do not adopt a team mentality.  I’ve seen friends bet on how long the couple would last together, during the pair’s first dance!  I’ve heard family members tell wives that their husbands are dirty lowlifes who do not deserve to be married to them, and those wives have gone on to divorce their husbands.  Do you want to help your newlywed friends/family have a miraculously successful marriage, or do you want to watch them crumble and fall right before your eyes?

If you want to be the one to encourage a godly relationship instead of try to tear it apart, here are the best gifts that you can give newlyweds during their first few years of marriage:

  • Prayer: Even though I’ve only been married for a little less than eight months, I already know that the hand of God is on my relationship with my husband.  God has literally stopped us from fighting just after we prayed.  True wisdom comes from knowing and obeying God.  To help us out, send us an encouraging Bible verse, and pray for us.  I’m sure that we can speak for a lot of couples when we say that we have prayer requests!  If you want to help us out, close your eyes and bow your head in prayer to God.  And be around to watch what God does because of your prayers!
  • Support: Divorce and separation seem to be the norm these days.  Although we can’t fix every marriage, I know for certain that trashing a marriage with our words definitely does not help it last!  Talk nicely about the newlyweds you know.  They’re trying to figure it out, and the last thing they need is for you to tell them that they are doing it all wrong.  What they need instead is for you to tell them that life is a process, and that eventually, they will figure it out (and while they figure it out, go back to point #1 and pray for them!).  And if either of them–which could be your son/daughter, sibling, or best friend–come to you to tell you something bad the other one did, do not take it personally!  Although you want to protect your loved one, you need to protect the commitment that he/she made to the love of his/her life.  Support for the marriage can be the best gift you can give the ones you love.
  • Patience: The most difficult part of marriage for us has been keeping up with all of our families.  We both have big families, and all of our family members are scattered across the tri-state area and beyond.  Every holiday, the question stands: Where are we going?  Of course, all of our family members want to see us, but it is literally impossible to have all of our family members together under one roof…and I don’t want to spend every holiday running around so that everyone else is happy while I’m a tired nervous wreck.  One of these days, I even want to spend a holiday with just the two of us!  So we have to compromise, and that usually means telling one side of the family that we can’t see them.  And we hate that, so so much. We are trying to make time for everyone, but there are only so many hours in the day.  Have patience with us.  We will reach out to you when we can.
  • Example: I am a firm believer in practicing what you preach.  Do not try to give me marriage advice without showing me how that works in your marriage.  But on a more positive note, if your marriage is working out, tell me why it’s working out. In a society that promotes divorce and separation, we want to see proof that marriage can end in a happily ever after.
  • Space: When newlyweds are in that honeymoon stage, all they want to do is spend time with each other.   This is not only important physically, but also emotionally.  When I’m at work, I sit at my desk and think about how I can’t wait to go home and talk to my husband about my day.  We usually play a game or watch a TV show or eat dinner together after a stressful day at work.  Although it’s hard to be “replaced” by your son/daughter/best friend/sibling/cousin’s spouse, this phase (I’ve heard) does not last forever.  It’s not that we don’t care about you; it’s that we need time for our relationship to grow.  So please, encourage us to spend time together, and watch our love flourish.  We will come to you (I say that from my own experience; on this point, I cannot speak for all couples).

Thank you for taking the first step in supporting the newlyweds that you love! Newlyweds, let us know if there are any other gifts you would like to add to this list.

Categories
Wisdom Wednesday

When You Don’t Have Time to Read the Bible

Reading the Bible is what makes us successful in our fight against the devil’s schemes.  When we memorize and recite (read it out loud) Scripture, we proclaim God’s promises and truths. Reading the Bible is, quite literally, life-changing.  The world would be a completely different place if Christians read the Bible and applied the Word of God to their thinking, actions, and beliefs.

And yet, despite the Bible’s life-altering, God-breathed, power-harnessing qualities, the book continues to collect dust on our shelves as we’ve moved on to “bigger and better things”.

I used to hardcore judge people who didn’t have time to read the Bible.  In college, I had a full schedule; between classes, studying, social events, running errands, and working, I barely had any free time.  Nevertheless, every morning, I rolled out of bed, sat on the floor, and opened up my Bible.  I would spend an hour completely focused on God: journaling, highlighting Bible verses, praying out loud, and even coloring if I felt led.  When I graduated college, I had even more time to spend with God, especially since I didn’t have a full-time job yet.  People I knew would tell me how difficult it was to give God even five minutes of their day.  Really?  The One who gave you life isn’t worth five minutes of your time?

Now that I’m “adulting,” my life is literally planned out to the minute.  I find it difficult to give God the time I used to when I had plenty of time to give.  Often, I’m too tired, distracted, or burnt out to read the Bible.

I pray that God can remind us of the truth, that time with Him is more valuable than time anywhere else.

I’ve thought about the excuses I use when I decide not to read the Bible.  Here are the reasons that I’ve actually said (or heard people say) about reading the Bible.  If it is difficult for you to keep a quiet time, I encourage you to take one step toward making a consistent time with God a priority:

  1. I get bored: Thanks for your honesty!  God knows your heart, and He would rather have you spend time with Him being genuine than being  complacent.  If the idea of reading the Bible bores you, start off praying that God would renew your love for His Word.  I also learned in college that there are different ways to study the Bible.  You can do a full-on inductive Bible study where you study a whole chapter or book of the Bible, or you could meditate on a short passage of Scripture in prayer.  Start small for now, but the important thing to do is to be consistent.  Lately, it has been so freeing for me to know that God does not expect me to spend my whole day reading the Bible.  As long as I have intentional, consistent prayer time with Him, my faith grows.
  2. I don’t understand it: The Bible is a complex book, that’s for sure!  It has been translated into hundreds of languages around the world, and there are multiple commentaries written on each book of the Bible.  The best way to understand the Bible is in community.  Let your small group or your church help you.  Even if you read a commentary or do a Bible study on a topic, check your facts with a small group.  There are a lot of different interpretations of the Bible out there, and not all of them are accurate!  Connecting with others can hold you accountable and help you keep your theology in check.
  3. I do a lot of driving:  The struggle is real when it comes to sitting in traffic!  But here are some tips for you if this is your excuse.  First of all, audio Bibles are $30 online.  If your car has a CD player, pop a CD of Genesis into the player and listen to the Bible on your morning commute to work.  Some apps on your phone can also play an audio recording of the Bible.  If you get distracted by road raging drivers, make a commitment to listen to worship music on your commute instead.  Worship songs are based on Scripture, so singing along is like memorizing Scripture.  I’ve also found that uplifting worship music keeps my road rage at bay 🙂
  4. I have too much to do: Let me reiterate this, not to condemn you, but to make you realize the severity: Without God’s love and mercy, you wouldn’t have life.  God is in control; He gives and He takes away.  The least you could do is thank Him for what you have by giving Him a few minutes of your day.  Even if you are involved in ministry, nothing is more important than making that time with God a priority.  If it really is a struggle to make time for God, maybe you should reevaluate your schedule and see what you need to take a break from doing.  As I said, even if you’re doing a good thing, no thing should come before God.
Categories
Marriage

The Hardest Part of Growing Old with Someone is…Growing Old

Married couples often talk about growing old with their spouses.  They daydream over the day when they will be sitting in their rocking chairs together, yelling at each other due to difficulty hearing, and holding wrinkled hands as they walk throughout the town.

But most couples don’t like to realize that one day, they will get old.  And that’s a scary thought for a young person, who believes that he/she has a full life ahead of him/her.

A few days ago was my 25th birthday.  I’m finally at the age where I admire my baby face; it makes me look like I’m 16!  To celebrate my birthday, my husband did a great job of preparing a fun-filled day for me at the amusement park.

However, for the first time in my life, it dawned on me that I am not a kid anymore.  I know I’ve been doing this thing called “adulting” for the past few years, but my heart has always been one of a child.  I played with my husband doing silly activities for my birthday, but I realize that one day we might grow old and not want to go to amusement parks or shoot water at each other from a bumper boat…or even dance in the rain!  And not always being able to do what is familiar to me, scares me.  We love to imagine that we’ll grow old together, but we don’t like to believe that it’ll actually happen.

One day, my husband and I will buy our first home together.  One day, we will have kids.  One day, we will switch jobs.  One day, we will get promoted.  One day, our kids will graduate high school.  One day, our kids will get married and have kids of their own.  One day, we will retire.  One day, our health will decline.  One day, we will leave this Earth and be with the Lord.

As a couple, we’ve already been through so much together.  I actually knew I wanted to marry my husband because he took care of me when I was sick.  When I got shingles, he was over my apartment every day, checking my rash on my stomach and comforting me when the antibiotics made me nauseous (which is the scariest feeling in the world for me!).  I helped him prepare for his interview when he was looking for a job, and I visited him when he was in the hospital because of a migraine.  Together, we’re taking care of our apartment and helping each other eat healthy(er).  Even though we have adult responsibilities, we are having fun and making the most of every opportunity.

I don’t know what growing old will specifically look like for me and my husband, but I know that God put the right man in my life to be my partner.  God knew that of all the men I could have married, my husband would stay with me through the ebbs and flows of my life.  In addition to this, God has also entrusted my husband to me to help him grow through the ebbs and flows of his life.  We’re a team, and no matter how old we get, we will stay by each other’s sides.

One day, we will walk through the store, shopping for decorations and furniture for our house.  One day, my husband will laugh with me and have such patience with me as my body changes during pregnancy.  One day, we will watch our kids’ sports games and dance recitals and graduations together.  One day, my husband will hold me as I cry with mixed emotions when my children leave the nest.  One day, we’ll visit and spoil our grandchildren.  One day, we’ll travel the world.  One day, my husband will remind me to take my pills and exercise.  One day, we’ll be holding hands, thankful for one more day of life, as each day for us in our older years will be a gift from God.

You may be afraid that you and your spouse will get boring when you’re older, or that your spouse will grow tired of you.  While I don’t know the future, I know one thing is true: faith in God is the only power that can carry us fully into adulthood and beyond.  Trust that God has given you a man/woman to help you and not hurt you.  Make a constant decision to be a team with your spouse (just the two of you!) so that your marriage will not be you vs. your spouse, but you and your spouse vs. the world.

But if/when your spouse disappoints you, remember that while people may fail, God is faithful and His love for you is everlasting. And when your wrinkles, waist size, energy, and doctor visits disappoint you, remember that your hope is ultimately in Christ, who promises to give you abundant life, from this life until the next.

So, while we may be getting older, we walk in faith, knowing that God has equipped us as a team to face any obstacle that comes our way.  Even growing old together.

Categories
Book Update

Quick Book Update: When Writing is Like Breathing

Hey, all!  I’ve got some honest news for you.  In the process of rewriting my entire book, I have no emotional energy or mental stamina to write a full update for you.  Let me just send you a big thumbs up and tell you that everything is going great!

I had to take a break from writing my book for a little bit because my husband and I went away for four days.  The drive back and forth from our destination gave me a lot of time to think and process.  From that, I was inspired to write an article that I posted on Monday night. Since then, I’ve been reading a book for my Bible study, working, straightening up the house, and mustering the strength to write a chapter of my book.  I don’t exactly have a hard deadline, but lately, I’ve been writing a chapter a day.

No one (except for myself) is pressuring me to finish this book.

For those of you who do not share my passion for writing, here is an inside look at what it’s like to value writing just as much as you value breathing.  It was very late (about ten o’clock), and my husband and I were settling down to bed.  I knew I had to get up early for work, but for some reason, I could not fall asleep.  I tried sorting out my feelings by venting to my husband, but all the poor guy wanted to do was snooze.  After a few minutes, I gave up and decided to try closing my eyes.

When I finally relaxed, a thought came to my mind. No, not just a thought…a chapter.  In the five seconds it took me to gain consciousness again, I had conjured up a full chapter outline in my mind.  All I had to do was write it down, since I knew that such a genius idea would fly out of my head quite quickly.

There was only one problem: my journal was in my purse…in the other room, and not by my bedside.

Did I really have to get out of bed to write down my fantastic ideas?

Then I remembered: we’d brought the mail into our apartment, and we received a letter that had come in an envelope.  That envelope had enough blank space for me to write the sketch of Chapter 4!

I groped around in the dark, trying to find the envelope that I had tossed on the floor.  My husband leaned over and asked what I was doing, since I was moving the bed in the process. “It’s OK, honey,” I whispered, “just trust me.”  He is not one who values writing as much as breathing, but he did respect my need to get my thoughts on paper.  Finally, I found the envelope on which I could release the thoughts that had been caged inside my mind.

And now, the outline of Chapter 4* is safely written on two sides of said envelope.  Now expanding on my ideas, especially on a Thursday night, has been like pulling teeth.  But it’s fun, trust me!

 

*Chapter 4, as well as the preceding chapters, will be available to read once Chapters 5-31 are rewritten.  Stay tuned!

Categories
Wisdom Wednesday

Looking Through Hurt-Colored Glasses

How do you respond when you are an overall kind person, but people take advantage of your kindness?  What if your kindness was misunderstood by those close to you?  What if a misunderstood act of kindness deeply hurt your friendship/relationship?

We’ve all been there.  Whether it’s a patron at the restaurant where you serve food who is testing your patience (and thus threatening your chance of getting a good tip at the end of the meal), or it’s your guy friend who thought that you were flirting with him when you were just trying to be nice, kindness is not always well understood.  We misunderstand each other all the time!  We’re all imperfect human beings that are trying to communicate in ways that we understand, but that others might not.

I’ll admit that I misunderstand others quite often.  When everyone at the dinner table is laughing at an inside joke except for me, it’s easy for me to believe that they’re laughing at me and my ignorance.  When I see on Facebook that all my friends are hanging out and I didn’t even get an invite, I wonder if my friends purposefully avoided me.  I show kindness to others, but I don’t see the fruits of that kindness.  People show kindness to me, and I can’t receive it because I don’t know if it’s genuine.

Sometimes, I wish I could pause reality for just one minute and ask everyone to explain their intentions for saying or doing what they just said/did.  Why are you laughing?  Why wasn’t I included?  Why can’t I be nice to you without you thinking I’m flirting?  Why are you calling me to complain about your order when it wasn’t my fault?  And now that I’m thinking about it, I’m sure that others wish that they could do the same for me.

Personally, when I misunderstand a situation, I always assume that people think the worst of me.  However, it is selfish of me to believe that the people I encounter on a regular basis wake up in the morning with the specific intention to make me feel miserable.  Nevertheless, my past hurts tempt me to believe that since I’ve been hurt before, I’m doomed to a life of perpetual hurt.

As finite human beings who have been hurt, we’re led to believe that our hurt will always define us.  We’re led to believe that we’ll be doomed to let that one guy who broke our heart one time ruin our chance of ever finding love again.  We’re led to believe that we’ll be doomed to let that one condescending statement our family member said to us define our very identities.  And when we see people or circumstances that remind us of the people/circumstances that hurt us in the past, we cower for fear that we will get hurt yet again.

We begin to look at the world through hurt-colored glasses.  

We misunderstand because we assume people are trying to hurt us like we’ve been hurt before.

On my drive home this evening, I realized how blessed I really am.  I have a family that cares about me, a job that pays the bills and allows me to grow, friends that make me feel special, and a husband that never lets me feel alone (he’s even sitting by my side as I’m typing this!).  Unfortunately, I can’t see the blessing because I’m either going through a rough emotional season or I’m afraid that a conflict will come and demolish all of the good that I have in my life. I have a difficult time showing kindness to others and feeling the kindness of others because  I’m so fearful of getting hurt and being misunderstood. 

But there is a way out of the “perpetual” hurt.

I can’t change the way that people talk to me.  I can’t sit every person down I meet and ask them why they said something that hurt me.  But I can look at my own heart and see what needs to change in me.

Showing kindness and mercy to those around me starts with my my relationship with God.  Jesus gave us two commandments that are simple to memorize, but difficult to live out: Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength…and love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:37-39).  When I understand how much God loves me, that helps me to love myself (not in a self-centered way, but in a way that encourages me to live a healthy and confident life), and finding my worth in Christ and not in other people helps me to love people and not depend on people.

If I cling to my hurt and let my past define me, I have no space for the love that God wants to pour into me…and therefore, I have no love to give to others.  When I remove the hurt-colored glasses, that’s when I can see how much God really loves me.

If you are feeling hurt and misunderstood, take off the hurt-colored glasses.  Let God’s love define you, and let that love overflow to the people in your life—even the people who misunderstand you.