Tag: God

Categories
Marriage

Struggles in Marriage

When I was on my honeymoon with my husband, I knew that life could not get any better.  We were sipping piña coladas at no additional cost.  We were warm under the beautiful Bahamas sun.  We woke up at 5:40AM and went to bed at 8:00PM.  One day, we went to bed at 6PM and missed our 7:30PM dinner reservations.  But guess what?  We didn’t care!

Only fourteen months later, while the honeymoon feelings are still there (we are holding onto them as long as we can!) our lives are not as warm and fuzzy as the Bahamas sun.

Life is hard.  The money runs out, the work day is stressful, and the demands of life are more than the average person can handle.  All of those things can cause us to take out our anger on our spouses if we are not careful.

I want to offer a bit of encouragement to those who are going through a difficult season.  Regardless of where you are in life, you may be in a place where you’re tempted to fight against your spouse rather than with your spouse.  Your spouse is your life partner and journey sharer, the one who God has chosen to love you and to encourage you on your journey.  God has chosen you to do the same for your spouse.  You and your spouse are a team, a force that is more powerful together than apart.

The Bible says that two people are better than one.  That passage in Ecclesiastes talks about one person falling into a hole and another person pulling him out, and a person who is cold and has someone to keep him warm in bed.  Those are both two difficult situations that are made easier when there are two people struggling rather than one.

The same is true for marriage.

Married friends, your spouse is meant to help you through the difficult times.  Do not see your spouse as an enemy, but as a partner in crime.  Pray together and let God speak through both of you.  You will be amazed at the confirmation you receive from God as a result of what He tells you and your spouse.

Yesterday, when I was at work, I had a lot of time to think about the situation we are currently facing.  For several months, we have been praying about a specific problem that we have been having.  An idea popped into my head and wouldn’t stop nagging me. It seemed like a good idea, but it was completely against what we have been planning all this time.  To convince my husband to get on board with my idea, after I spent all this time trying to convince him otherwise, would have been difficult and would have made me look fickle.  I prayed that God would give me wisdom.

At home, while we were talking about our situation, I proposed my idea to him.  He smirked when I finished talking.  “It’s amazing that I was thinking the same exact thing today,” he said.  God spoke to both of us about an idea that we were completely against a few days ago.

Through this struggle we’ve been having, I have never seen my husband pray more.  I have never seen my husband have more faith in God’s plan and God’s timing.  My husband has done such an incredible job of encouraging me in our struggle.  And I’ll admit that I haven’t been as positive as I usually am, but I pray that God has grown me through this and that the growth is evident in my life!

Let’s face it: Life is not a beautiful trip to the Bahamas.  Instead of asking God to take away your struggle, ask God to use this struggle to bring you closer to Him.  When you trust God and trust your spouse in the midst of struggle, God will grow you and your marriage.  You will look back on this difficult season and know that God used it to fulfill His plan and purpose in you and your spouse’s lives.

Photo by Zoriana Stakhniv on Unsplash

Categories
anxiety

What to Pray When You’re Anxious

Update from last week: I decided to take my own advice and to make time for myself. Last week was more than I could handle, and instead of moving around like clockwork, I knew I needed to pause and do something for myself. My husband had gotten me a gift certificate to get a foot massage. Sunday seemed like the perfect time to get one! After doing nothing but get my feet rubbed for one whole hour, I realized that I very rarely do nothing anymore. I made a decision to make time to do nothing more often. I will consciously put away my phone, put down the book, and just let my mind wander for a set amount of time. It’s a discipline, but it is so totally worth it!

Before I met Jesus, I didn’t know how to pray when I needed help. I thought that God was staring down at me from Heaven, angrily waiting for me to concoct the perfect prayer while I stammered anxiously. As a perfectionist, I wanted to give God the best prayer to help me in my need. However, the process of trying to make up a great prayer left me too scared to even pray.

But as I grew to know Jesus as Savior, to understand that He is a Person who genuinely cares about me, that’s when my prayers began to change. I began to read His Word and to study more about who Jesus is and God’s plans for my life. Prayer became talking to God. Just like I talk to my earthly father, I can talk to my Heavenly Father with even more love and peace, knowing that He cares deeply about me and only wants the best for me. I received that privilege as a child of God through Jesus’ sacrifice of dying on the cross and forgiving me of my sins. Now I trust in Him as my Lord and Savior.

When I am in need of a Savior, I know I can call on the name of Jesus.

No matter how long or short my prayers are, they have turned into genuine prayers that cry out to Jesus for help. Sometimes I just whisper His name, and sometimes I say, “Please, Lord, help me.” I trust that He is able to help me when I need Him.

Jesus truly has a beautiful name. When He came to Earth, His name was very common. But the meaning behind it is what has shaken the atmosphere and has caused us to live in new hope, power, and life. The name “Jesus” means “our God saves.”

Jesus was sent by God to save the world.

The angel Gabriel came to Earth and told Mary and Joseph to name their son Jesus. Names were very important during that time. Your name represented your identity. Jesus’ identity is Savior. Jesus points us back to God and reminds us that He alone is our salvation.

Do you trust in His name? Do you trust in His saving power? When we know that His name has power and we trust him to meet us in our moments of deep weakness, He will meet us in His strength to change the world. When we speak the Word of God over our situations, we know that He will use His promises to bring healing and redemption into our mess.

We will trust in his name as the One who saves.

So when you are anxious, you don’t have to concoct the best prayer. You don’t have to have it all figured out. You just have to ask for His help. It doesn’t get more simple than that: just trust in Him, and call on His name. Let Him speak to your heart in your anxious moments.

Jesus, please help me.

By speaking those words, you trust that Jesus is able to help you.

I can tell you from many years of past experience that whenever I call on the name of Jesus, He answers me and helps me in my weakest moments. May the Prince of Peace become the Lord of your life that will never leave you or forsake you!

Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

Categories
anxiety

Make Time for You

A few months ago, I experienced what it’s like to have literally nothing left.

I was in a difficult season where every single minute of my life had been assigned to an activity.  Even when I was napping, I would read a book or I would scroll on my phone.  I desired a break, even a day off, but I didn’t know how to have one.

That day, I had come home from work with a migraine and severe muscle pain.  We were in the process of moving at work, and I had over-exerted my energy.  I felt like someone had beat me up.  I felt like I had literally been run over with a truck.  The last thing I wanted to do was drive home.  But once I got home, I put lavender in my oil diffuser, put on my pajamas, and sprawled out across my bed that was covered in fluffy pillows.

For the first time that I could remember, I did absolutely nothing for the rest of the night.  I didn’t really have much of a choice. But looking back, I desperately needed it.

Why do we exhaust ourselves?  I know for me, it’s the fear that I’m not getting enough done.  When God rested, it indicated that He was satisfied with His work.  When we rest, we trust that we have completed the work that God has called us to do.

God knows you have limits, and He does not expect you to go beyond your limits in your own strength.  When I go on a plane, which makes me anxious, it takes so much emotional energy out of me that even if I come home early in the day, I always take off the next day of work so that I can recharge and relax.  But sometimes God calls me to trust His strength in the busy seasons.  I need eight hours of sleep, maybe even nine at this point of my life.  If I have to do something that requires me to stay up all night or to get up earlier than is comfortable for me, that means I need God’s strength, and I might need to make some adjustments to my schedule later.

You may be at a very busy season of your life.  However, God calls us to rest, just as He rested, and He calls us to make time for ourselves.  If you don’t have time, make time.  That may mean calling out sick to work one day.  That may mean letting your husband watch the kids while you do what you want.  That may mean even going on vacation for a few days and leaving your cell phone in your hotel room while you relax on the beach.

Is your schedule really more important than your mental, physical, and emotional health?

Your kids would not appreciate it if you were taking care of them, but you were exhausted and therefore short-tempered.  Your work would not appreciate it if you worked overtime every day, but you didn’t get any work done because you were so drained.  It’s hard to admit, but we all have limits.  We all get spent.  And we all have different limits and tolerances.

You know you need a break when you start exhibiting any of the following symptoms:

  • Fatigue
  • Irritability
  • Memory loss
  • Insomnia
  • Short-temper
  • Depression/loss of joy of life

If you have any of these, look back on your schedule for this week and see where you need to cut back.  Don’t be afraid to admit that you just need some down time.  Do what you love, and don’t feel guilty about it.  Whether it is writing, reading, getting a massage, even coloring, then do it for a few hours.  You would be amazed at what even taking a night off will do for you.  Then, when you are finished relaxing, you will have less stress and more enjoyment of your life.

Photo by Alexandru Zdrobău on Unsplash

Categories
anxiety

Plan to Live, or Live to Plan?

My one and only Christmas present that I asked for this year, without anyone asking me leading questions, was a day-by-day journal planner.  I really want to get more into my writing this year, and having one of these planners will help me prioritize and lay out what exactly needs to get done.

Several weeks after Christmas, I’m still obsessing over this cute, purple planner!  I have different colored pens that I use to write my tasks in order of urgency.  Each month is also represented by a uniquely colored page.  Also, after watching my friend Christa’s workshop on time management, I’m ready to boss my time around in 2018!

But quickly after beginning to organize my planner, I felt a deep sense of emptiness.  Where was my family in this multi-colored book?  Where was my time with my husband?  Where were the fun outings and the vacations and the free time?  Time management is a beautiful thing, but it cannot replace what I have prioritized and what gives me life.

The point of life is not to plan.  The point of life is to enjoy.  The wisest man who ever lived, Solomon, concluded in Ecclesiastes that life’s purpose is to enjoy life and to obey God’s commandments.  After seeing the meaninglessness of everything else in the world, that was what Solomon concluded had the most meaning in life: joy and obedience.

“Now all has been heard;
    here is the conclusion of the matter:
Fear God and keep his commandments,
    for this is the duty of all mankind.
For God will bring every deed into judgment,
    including every hidden thing,
    whether it is good or evil.”

-Ecclesiastes 12:13-14

We plan so that we can enjoy life.  We save up money so we can go on vacation.  We get fancy planners so we can make time to do the things we love.

Do not fall in love with the plan.

Do not fall in love with saving money.

Do not fall in love with the fancy planners!

I plan so that I can make time for my family and husband.  I plan so that I can be prepared and not be anxious when unexpected events come my way.  I plan so that I can feel like I’m in control.  For those who struggle with anxiety, we all know how scary it can feel to not be in control.  Planning helps me feel like I have some grasp on my life, at least with the free time I have.

If you have anxiety, it’s okay to plan.  But don’t let the planning distract you from the tasks that you enjoy.  Plan time to relax.  Plan a budget that causes you to save for activities you love.  Dream and be optimistic instead of expecting the worst to happen in the future.  Do all of these things, but realize that ultimately, our lives are in God’s hands.

Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast in your arrogant schemes. All such boasting is evil.  If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them.

-James 4:13-17, NIV

Fall in love with life, because that is what gives our plans meaning.  At the end of the day, if our plans fail, we still have each other.  We still have hope.  When you live your life, don’t focus on the plan.  Focus on enjoying life and obeying God’s commandments.

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

-John 10:10

Photo by Estée Janssens on Unsplash

Categories
Marriage

Your Spouse’s Spiritual Journey

I have to make a confession that I cringe every time I hear the term “unequally yoked.”  The Bible is clear against marrying unbelievers.  However, we have also swung to the other side of the pendulum, where people expect their potential partners to know the Bible inside and out and to actually be flawless.  Women want men who are going to be the spiritual leaders of the household, and what that actually means is that they want their men to be responsible for the women’s relationships with God.  I’m here to share that my husband and I weren’t “equally yoked” in that sense of the word when we first started dating.

You see, when I first met my husband, he wasn’t what I would call “more spiritual” than I am.  He didn’t know the Bible as well as I did.  He didn’t even know his testimony!  Over time, I thought that I had made a mistake and was wondering what to do about the situation.

However, after spending more time with him, I realized that he had such great faith.  He served faithfully in the choir.  He made the decision himself to be baptized.  He prayed with me and helped me in ways that I couldn’t help myself grow closer to the Lord.  He served as a leader in the College Ministry.  Love exuded from his spirit as he served and interacted with others.  It was like he had the faith, but he didn’t have the resources to express his faith until recently.  Since I’ve been with my husband, I have watched him grow in ways that have just been beautiful and miraculous.  I’ve seen God answer our prayers together, as well as our prayers separately.

I would have never been involved in God’s miracles if I had believed that we were unequally yoked.

Instead of expecting your husband to be the spiritual leader, I first want to challenge you to think of what that really looks like.  What if you are equally yoked?  What if you expect your husband/future husband to read the Bible every day, and you haven’t touched yours in months?  Before playing the blame game, I want you to take the focus off of the other person and put it right back on yourself.  Just as it says in Luke 6:37, the judgment that you use to judge others will be used to judge you in the same measure.  Make sure that you are right with the Lord before you accuse your current or potential spouse of being spiritually weak.

Second, I want you to understand that spiritually mature looks different for everyone.  I mean, there are some people that you know are not quite right, and that’s because the Holy Spirit is telling you to stay away.  You must see evidence of the fruit that God has produced in their lives, especially through love.  My husband has always been incredibly generous, which demonstrates humility and kindness, and that’s how I see his spiritual maturity.  A spiritually mature person doesn’t have to be a pastor.  A spiritually mature person doesn’t have to lead worship every Sunday.  A spiritually mature person doesn’t even have to talk all that much.  We all have different spiritual gifts, and while some are amazing prayer warriors, and some are wonderful teachers, and some are songwriters for the Lord, there are some who have gifts that aren’t as noticeable.

For those who are married and are waiting for their spouses to spiritually “grow up,” I challenge you to look at your own heart.  Where are you lacking in your faith?  What are some ways where you can grow in your walk with the Lord?  Are you really spiritually mature?  Because if we’re honest, we are never fully matured.  We still have much to learn.  So learn to appreciate the growth that you see in your spouse, and use your faith to pray that he/she grows to be the person that God created him/her to be.

Photo by Mantas Hesthaven on Unsplash

Categories
anxiety

STOP! What are You Doing?

One day in college, I was thinking about the day I had ahead.  I had a test in one class that I was extremely anxious about, work after the test, and then other classes throughout the day.  I came out of the shower with the jitters, my mind running a mile a minute.

STOP!

The voice was louder than all the sirens of obligation, worry, and anxiety blaring in my ear.

What are you doing?

I believe this voice was God.  Only He could give me peace, and only He could speak in a way that I could understand so clearly.

At the time, I was blow drying my hair.  I pulled at the tangled strands.

Your job is to focus on the next ten minutes, and that’s it. Do you have a test in ten minutes? No.  Do you have to eat in ten minutes?  No.  Do you have any classes in ten minutes?  No.  You have hair to dry.  Start drying.

It was very matter-of-fact, but it was clear, unlike the other voices I heard telling me I had to do something very quickly or else.  Whatever that meant.

So I decided to listen to the clear, peaceful, peace-giving voice that blurted out truth in my mind.

Those next ten minutes were the most peaceful ten minutes of my life.  I stroked my hair with the brush.  I listened to the whir of the blow dryer.  I hummed a tune knowing that no one else could hear me.  I was content for ten whole minutes, about the time it took for me to finish blow drying my hair.

Finally, I turned off the blow dryer.

Now what?  I thought.  I looked at the clock.  I still had to get my bag ready before I went to class.  I had to focus on the next ten minutes, nothing more.

I spent the rest of the day like that, and it was wonderful. The voices that were screaming in my head ended up shutting up by the time I made it to my test.  I spent the rest of the day in a discipline of rest.  Even though I was not resting (doing nothing) I was controlling my mind and telling myself to just focus on the next ten minutes.

A lot can change in ten minutes.

Now that I’m out of college and “adulting,” a lot of voices tend to get in the way of my enjoyment of what is right in front of me.  My followers know that I just came out of a busy season, and now I’m in a waiting period.  We’re waiting to start our careers, feeling discontentment about our jobs.  We’re waiting to buy a house, feeling discontentment from renting.  We’re waiting to have kids, honestly because we just don’t want kids right now.  We’re waiting for a sense of satisfaction, a sense of contentment, and because of that, we’re anxious.

When are we going to get new jobs?

When are we going to have a house?

When are we going to have kids?

And because of all the “When’s” in our lives, there has been a lot of preparing and planning.  When we have new jobs, we will do things this way.  When we have a house, we’re going to decorate it that way.  When we have kids, we’re going to raise them in this manner.  But honestly, God convicted me this morning with James 4.  We don’t know what’s going to happen even next week!  How do we know what our lives will be like when we go through these changes?  We didn’t know how we would meet.  We didn’t know how we would get our current apartment.  We didn’t know how we would get married and even when we would get married when we first met.  God’s timing is perfect; ultimately, only He knows what will happen next year.

All we know…is what is going to happen in ten minutes.

So, my anxious friends, those who like to plan like me, I challenge you to only focus on the next ten minutes of your life.  It is not a selfish thing to do.  It is not wrong.  It is a way for you to feel a sense of control over your life. I know as Christians we should be relying on God to control our lives, but He has also given us responsibility over our lives, and it is human nature to want to have control of something.  May I remind you that one of the fruits of the Spirit is self-control.  When you are anxious, you are not in control.  Take a deep breath and plan the next ten minutes of your day.  Does it involve doing your hair?  Does it involve journaling?  Does it involve spending ten precious minutes with the one who loves your soul?  Beyond that is where your trust in God comes in.  Trust that God will provide what you need, when you need it.  Only God knows what will happen beyond ten minutes from now.  Will you trust in mere humans who are pressuring you to get your life together, or will you trust in the One who has given you your life and has spent all of eternity planning your future?

Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.”  As it is, you boast in your arrogant schemes. All such boasting is evil.  If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them. 

-James 4:13-17

Photo by Kai Pilger on Unsplash

Categories
Books Marriage

How to Pray for Your Husband

This is actually a book review for the book The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian.  This book was recommended to me by several people, especially those who saw me reading it.  I’ll admit that because of the high expectation that I had of the book based on the high praises I received about it, I did not find the book to match up to my expectations.  Overall, it had a lot of great ideas for how to pray for my husband, and it was formatted in a way that made it easy for me to plan my prayers.  But it sort of seemed like the author had her own way of dealing with her husband, in terms of how she presented herself and what pleased her husband, that she portrayed as necessary for all women to have to do.  All men are different, and while they might have similarities, they do not all have the same needs and there is no textbook answer of how to meet our husband’s needs.

Nevertheless,  I did learn some good points that I believe will strengthen my marriage and help me to be more strategic in my prayers.  One thing I learned is to “shut up and pray.”  I’ve learned from experience that when my husband is struggling with something, he gets upset at me if I tell him what to do.  He does not want me to belittle him; he wants me to trust him.  When I can’t trust him, I pray, because I can trust God to intervene.  Either God will change my husband’s mind, or He will soften my heart to the issue.  It is better to pray for my husband and to let God be the one to tell him what to do.  Instead of criticizing everything he does wrong, when I see him doing something I don’t like, I should let God speak.  What he is doing may be totally wrong, or it might be exactly what God wants him to do, but I have to let God make that decision, not me.

The book is formatted with information about an area of life to pray for your husband, an example prayer, and finally key verses that can help guide your own personal prayers.  The book contains thirty chapters of areas to pray for your husband, one for each day of the month.  The first chapter, the longest chapter, is a prayer for his wife.  That’s me.  We often want to change our spouses, but it turns out that God is stirring in our hearts the desire to change.  We might get frustrated that our husbands do things we don’t like, especially if they did not do those things when we were dating.  But maybe the problem is not with our husbands.  Maybe it’s our perception of what he is doing that is wrong.  We should pray for ourselves first, to have an attitude that reflects Christ and a submissive heart that encourages our husband and does not tear him down.  We should also be reading the Word of God and praying the Scriptures over our husbands.  God’s Word can help guide and direct our prayers.

I believe that the point of the book is to develop a discipline of spending time in prayer with the Lord.  When your first priority is your husband, you are not inclined to make time for God.  But when your husband starts to do things that annoy you or worry you, that’s when God starts to grab your attention.  That’s when you turn to Him again.  And you can try as hard as you want to make your husband change, but only God can do that.

After reading this book, my plan is to see what my husband struggles with and pray for something new each day.  If I have to confront my husband on something, I will bring it to the Lord first.  It may involve simply praying about it.  But, with the Lord’s guiding, it may also involve having a graceful conversation about the issue.

I pray for unity in your marriage, and for God to speak to your heart as you pray on behalf of your husband.  Whether you want to change your husband’s habits, or you genuinely care about his salvation and his obedience to the Lord, God hears you and He is able to answer your prayer in such  a perfect way.

Photo by Diana Simumpande on Unsplash

Categories
Book Update

My Blog’s Best of 2017

As 2017 comes to a close, I thought it would be fun to show how my blog has grown this year.  I’ve gained a lot of support and feedback over the year, and I’m excited at how God has used it to touch lives all over the world!

This year, people from thirty different countries have viewed my blog.  I’ve always said that I wanted to be a world traveler, and it seems that my writing is doing that for me!  Glory to God!  Here are the top ten countries that have viewed my blog in 2017:

  1. United States
  2. India
  3. United Kingdom
  4. Australia
  5. Canada
  6. Thailand
  7. Germany
  8. Ireland
  9. Israel
  10. Spain

If you are from those countries or are residing in any of those countries, thank you for your support!  I pray that my blog has been able to help you overcome anxiety, put God first in your marriage, or dig deeper into His Word.

In terms of views, here are the top ten blog posts of 2017:

  1. Why the First Year is the Hardest
    My first year of marriage wasn’t hard, but it did involve a lot of surrender and a lot of changes!  Find out how we were able to cope with those changes.
  2. Feelin’ Great After Reading This Book!
    One of my friends from church wrote the book Lose Weight and Feel Great.  I believe one of the reasons why this book review was viewed so much is because my friend shared this on his Facebook page.  Shameless plug: If you read a blog post and you love it, please share it!  My goal is to encourage people all over the world, and if something I write encourages you, maybe it will encourage your friends!
  3. My Husband is Not My Everything
    As much of a shocker as it is to society, my husband is not my everything.  Having the biblical perspective of marriage has truly improved our marriage and has helped us have healthy expectations of each other.
  4. I Have the Best Husband Ever…And Here’s Why
    Find out why my husband is the absolute best.  I know all of you with husbands would disagree, but that’s actually the point!
  5. The Power of a Nagging Wife
    This was the first blog I wrote this year, actually.  This was the post that got me back into writing.  This blog post, to the glory of God, really encouraged a lot of wives who are tempted to control their husbands.
  6. What You Say When You Attend a Wedding
    After attending about five weddings last year, including our own, we learned a thing or two about what it means to attend a wedding.  It is more than just the food, the dancing, and the drinking!
  7. Finding Financial Freedom as a Couple
    We’re debt free!  It’s amazing.  We want to share with you all what we’ve learned about financial freedom and how it is possible in this expensive, manipulative world.
  8. Anxiety Brings Me Closer to God
    I’ve been asking God to remove anxiety from my life, but looking back, it seems that God has been using my anxiety to bring me closer to Him.
  9. What’s Better than Lovey Dovey Feelings?
    People have been telling us from the beginning that our love is going to fade.  What we’ve found, and what we believe, is that our love will always be strong.
  10. Wrapped in His Arms: My Story of Singleness
    I remember being single and literally crying my eyes out some days because I felt so alone.  But I realized during those difficult days that I’m never alone.

Thanks again for helping make 2017 a great year!  For those who have been following, please let me know in the comments how this blog has impacted you this year, or if you have any feedback about how I could improve my blog in 2018.

My goals for next year are to write blogs ahead of time and have a more structured schedule.  In about 45 minutes, I’m going to watch a workshop about how to manage my time, and my husband bought me a planner for Christmas (thanks for loving the nerd in me, honey!).  My ultimate goal is to be more involved in my writing in general, but I’m at a season in my book where I’ll be doing more editing than writing, so that means more writing time to blog!  I’ll be focusing mostly on anxiety and marriage, but I’ll throw in some book reviews when I find a good read.

Happy New Year, everyone!  May God bless you abundantly in 2018.

Categories
anxiety

Jesus Gives me Peace

This week, I was worried about how Christmas Eve/Christmas would go.  I’m normally very anxious during holidays, and now that I’m seeing more people, I worry that I will upset someone or that someone will be in a bad mood.  However, this Christmas was not like that at all.  This Christmas, I had peace, and it was amazing.

On both sides of the family, we had a very mellow, chill time.  There were exciting things happening (such as my sister getting engaged!) but there was no drama, no fights, no stress.  We ended up, at both sides of the family, sitting around and talking and eating.  Isn’t that how the holidays should be?

The last few Christmases had a lot of pressure on them.  The first Christmas my husband and I spent together, we were engaged, so both sides of the family wanted to see us and had asked us a million questions about our plans.  Last Christmas, there was some tension about how we were going to spend our first Christmas as a married couple.  But this Christmas, there was no tension.  Not only was our environment at peace, but my husband and I were both at peace in our hearts.

Ultimately, peace does not come from our environment.  It comes from Christ.  Even though God provided a peaceful time for us at both of our families’ houses, we could have mentally stressed about what could have happened.  It could have been worse.  We could have had a fight.  I could have gotten sick.  Anxiety is big on playing scenarios that could happen instead of focusing on the reality that actually happens.

Anxiety causes me to focus on myself, to focus on what bothers me and what people could do to hurt me.  But when I fix my eyes on God, He shows me that the world does not revolve around me.  For the first time in three years, my focus was not on me.  It was on my sister who just got engaged.  It was on the people who were surrounding me, who were in the same stage of life as me: waiting, praying, and just plain resting.  My focus was on God, who has blessed us so abundantly this year, and who has truly allowed us to rest on Christmas.

One of the names of Jesus is the Prince of Peace.  He came to give us peace with God, peace with others, and peace within ourselves.  If you do not have peace with God, you cannot have peace with others and you cannot have peace within yourself.  I’ve tried to look for peace in what I eat, how successful I am, and how nice I am to other people.  But even if the scale says a good number, even if I’m not sick, even if everyone around me is happy, those things do not give me peace.

But the opposite is also true.  Even when there is chaos, when I can’t control my weight, when my family is all up in arms about something, when my to-do list runs off the page, I can have peace because I know that I have peace with God.

Jesus Christ came as a baby, in the humblest of forms, to bring us peace with God.  Jesus is our peace offering from God.  When we all bow before the manger in humility, we are able to have peace with one another.

Jesus came to Earth to understand us as humans.  You may feel like no one else understands, but God does. He suffered the same pain that we all suffer.  He went through everyday life on Earth just like we all did, from working a full-time job to dealing with people on the street.  Knowing that Jesus understands exactly how I am feeling, even when I am anxious, gives me peace.  Knowing that I have someone with me in the midst of the struggle gives me peace.  And having a chill Christmas does not give me hope in the candles and the table setting and even the food, but it gives me hope that every good and perfect gift is from above.

May God bless you as we reflect on 2017 and as we plan ahead for 2018.  God will go before you and will meet you in the new year!

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

Categories
Marriage

Marriage Monday (on Tuesday)- What to Expect in Marriage

“One winter a Farmer found a Snake stiff and frozen with cold. He had compassion on it, and taking it up, placed it under his coat. The Snake was quickly revived by the warmth, and resuming its natural instincts, bit its benefactor, inflicting on him a mortal wound.” (Aesop’s Fables, Eliot/Jacobs Version)

Just like the snake, humans have natural tendencies toward specific behaviors because of the influences of this world.  Because of the Fall, we have tendencies to sin and to fall short of perfection.  However, we expect people to look a certain way, act a certain way, and say certain things.  We get annoyed that people don’t fit into our molds of what the perfect husband, the perfect parent, or the perfect child looks like.  But when we actually try to control them, we find out that there’s nothing we can do to change them.  Some people are just the way they are, and we can’t fix them.

I tend to be a control freak. I really like perfection, whatever that is.  And most often, my lack of perfection and the lack of perfection in others leaves me pretty dissatisfied with relationships.  I keep having the same conflicts with the same people and I keep doing the same thing to try to fix it.  Doesn’t Einstein define that as insanity?

For those who want to change their spouses, remember the analogy of the snake.  If he has been trained his entire life to run away from conflict, then don’t get mad at him when he fears you raising your voice.  If she has been influenced to clean when she’s stressed, then don’t be surprised when she can’t sit still.  We have all been influenced by the way we’ve grown up, the people we’ve met, and the experiences we have undergone.  The patterns we have developed are not going to change overnight.  If they change, they will take time.  And they will take grace.

My advice to you today is from my dear friend, Elsa: let it go.  My husband would not be happy, because he has vowed never to see this movie.  But the simplicity of the lyrics and the sweetness in Idina Menzel’s voice as she sings these words reminds me that it truly is that simple.  You can’t control when your husband likes to check his phone every night before bed, thus shining the light in your face?  Let it go.  You can’t control that your wife likes to talk a lot right before bed, thus keeping you from precious sleep?  Let it go.  Just take a deep breath and walk away.  Don’t bring it up.  Just…let it go.

If it’s really an issue that makes your blood boil, pray about it.  God can intervene, and He will either change the habit or change your heart about it.  Be open to both.

I must add that there are expectations in marriage that are normal and healthy.  You expect your husband to remain faithful to you.  You expect your wife to honor the budget that you created together.  I know gender roles have changed a little bit over the years, but either spouse or both are expected to do their share of cleaning the house, shopping, raising the kids, and keeping the romance alive.  Your spouse is supposed make you feel safe.  Your spouse is expected to seek reconciliation and peace in your marriage, not to tear you down or talk bad about you.

Just like the snake analogy, people who are abusive, unfaithful, and lazy have also been shaped by their natural tendencies and by their environments.  Jealousy may also ensue from people who have been abused, cheated on, or neglected in past relationships, and this jealousy can manifest in anger, controlling behavior, or the silent treatment.  Knowing this, it is easy to feel sympathy for those who hurt us.  We have all sinned and fall short of the glory of God.  But abuse, infidelity, laziness, and jealousy are all detrimental to a marriage, in addition to our well-being, and so they must be confronted.

If your spouse has an issue with these detrimental habits in your marriage, do not let it go.  Pray earnestly, but do not be afraid to confront your spouse.  If your spouse does not listen, consider counseling or other resources to help you deal with your spouse in a graceful manner.

Grace is God’s indescribable gift to us (2 Corinthians 9:15).  When our spouses do not meet our expectations, let us extend this same gift to them.  Instead of making them meet your expectations, let God reveal His expectations for you and your life partner.

Photo by Jeremy Yap on Unsplash