Tag: Jesus

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anxiety

How Exercise Has Helped My Anxiety

At the beginning of this year, I made a commitment to lose weight that I’ve gained over the past couple of years. Since starting (and finishing!) the 21-Day Fix from Beachbody, I’ve been able to not only shed some pounds, but shed some bad habits as well.

My anxiety stems from emytophobia and agoraphobia. Although no one likes vomiting, I have such an intense fear of it that I avoid certain foods that could make my stomach hurt. I didn’t realize until I was required to fuel my body that I was also afraid of being full. I thought it meant I was sick, and it would scare me. But now that I’m burning calories and gaining muscle, I need to be full more than ever. And, thankfully, I’m learning to eat the right foods, rich in nutrients, so that I could have a satisfied tummy rather than a sick tummy.

Agoraphobia is the fear of being stuck somewhere. I get it when I’m at work, at a party, out with friends, you name it. Wherever I don’t feel in control is where I have anxiety. In an indirect way, working out has helped me to feel more in control. When I do anything out of my comfort zone, I think to myself, “If I can do a 30-minute workout this morning, I can do anything!” When I feel anxiety come on, I remember to breathe and get myself in a healthy mindset.

I’m not paid by Beachbody or anyone to say how I feel about the 21-Day Fix, but if you happen to be Google searching the program and stumble upon this post, my takeaway is that the workouts are awesome. Each week, I could feel and see myself getting stronger, so I knew it was working. However, the recommended nutrition plan didn’t work for me, as it didn’t allow me to eat enough calories. I ate a little extra carbs, and I used MyFitnessPal to keep track of my calories and nutrients. I also don’t plan on doing the Fix again for a couple of months, but most people get results by doing the program several times.

For those of you who want to incorporate exercise into your life in order to improve your physical, mental, and emotional health, here are some ways that have helped me stay on track.

Decide. You can start working out at any time, but no matter when you work out, you need to commit to a program. Whether you do a workout program, go to the gym, or follow a fitness instructor on YouTube, choose a program that works for you. You may think to yourself, “I’ll give it a try, and if I mess up, oh well.” Get that thinking out of your head! During the 21-Day Fix, I kept telling myself, “You can do this. It’s only three weeks.” I didn’t allow myself to quit because I knew that after the 21 days, I would see results, and I would be proud of myself for sticking with it.

Get an accountability partner/group. Over the summer, my friend would help me stay accountable to my running goals. There were days when I didn’t feel like working out, but I knew I had to text her to update her, and I honestly didn’t want to disappoint her! While working out, you’ll need people to encourage you. You also need people to tell you when you’re working yourself too hard and when you should take a break.

Do it first thing in the morning. I do my workout first thing in the morning because: a) I don’t have any excuses first thing in the morning; b) I usually work out on an empty stomach; c) It fuels me for the rest of the day. Set an alarm, roll out of bed, have your workout clothes folded next to your bed, suit up, and get started!

Push yourself, but don’t hurt yourself. I usually make excuses during my workouts because I have a screw in my elbow. Although I push myself beyond what I think I can do, that doesn’t mean I’m invincible! Push-ups are still hard, and using heavy weights can be a burden. If you’re finding yourself wondering when to push yourself, remember why you’re working out in the first place. You may want to lose weight, but the main goal is to take care of yourself.

The # 1 way that exercise has helped my anxiety is that it has changed my thought life. I catch myself thinking negative thoughts about my body, my personality, and my circumstances. That negative thinking is not going to get me the results I want. Instead, I think about what God says about me, and I look to Him to guide me for the rest of the day.

Photo by rawpixel on Unsplash

Categories
anxiety

The Worst Kept Secret: Depression

I guest posted on Crystal Twaddell’s Made to Brave blog this week about depression during the holidays. Unfortunately, it is a sad reality that more people are depressed/suicidal/anxious during this time of the year than any other time. As I’ve said before, depression and anxiety go hand in hand. Anxiety is high energy fear of the future, while depression is low energy fear of the past.

It seems that it’s more socially acceptable to be anxious. After all, if you have a busy schedule to be anxious about, doesn’t that make you important or popular? But if you’re depressed, it means (supposedly) that you’re ungrateful for everything in your life, and no one wants to invite you to parties because you drag the mood down. I’m not downplaying the severity of anxiety, but I do believe we as a society talk about anxiety more than we talk about depression. It’s time to continue the conversation by discussing what happens when your anxiety disappears: it is often replaced with depression.

Anxiety is a large part of us. For some of us, it’s who we are. If you struggle with anxiety, can you even think of a time in your life when you weren’t anxious? Although we want to be set free from it, when we finally get better, we sometimes get worse. The hole that anxiety leaves in our lives is big and loud and aggravating. If we’re not anxious, then who are we?

That’s when depression kicks in. When we don’t have something to worry about, we get depressed. When our schedule isn’t filled to the brim, we get depressed. When we don’t have our usual five o’clock panic attack, we get depressed. Not because we miss our anxiety, but because we don’t know how to move forward. I know, because I’ve experienced this big time over the last couple of years.

During the holidays, we expect that Santa Claus and the smell of pine and gingerbread cookies and all the sugar will make of our problems go away. But they don’t. As a matter of fact, the holidays often make things worse for us. Some of us have to see family members we don’t like. Why do we have to sit across the dinner table from the people we haven’t spoken to in twenty years because of a fight that happened over a shovel? Some of us put our hope in gifts only to be sorely disappointed when we unwrap all the presents just to find our hearts as empty as ever. Did you really think that a new computer would make you feel more fulfilled?

With that logic, it’s no wonder that so many people kill themselves or die of natural causes during this time of year. Depression hangs in the air like the frost that comes out of our mouths when we’re whispering in the cold.

But depression is not the final word.

I encourage you this Christmas season to start by being honest. If you’re depressed, please get help. Reach out to a friend. Go to church. Even comment on this post. Be honest about how you feel and why you feel that way. Our emotions are not the truth, but they are an indication that something in your life needs to be fixed. It is essential for you to get the help and answers that you need in order to move on with your life and to enjoy the many blessings of the Christmas season.

This year, I feel like more than ever we’re trying to get back to the true meaning of Christmas, Jesus coming to Earth to bring us peace with God, with others, and with ourselves. If you focus on the other stuff, I cannot guarantee that you will feel peace at the end of the day. However, I am a living testimony that Jesus is the giver of life, not just eternal life when we die, but abundant life while we are still breathing. There have been times where I’ve wondered what the point of life is, and I’ve felt God’s peace saying that He has a purpose for me here. The same is true for you. You may feel depressed, hopeless, even meaningless, but God has a different story for you. The hope of Christmas is that you’re not alone, and that your life is worth living.

Photo by Jilbert Ebrahimi on Unsplash

Categories
Books

A Review of the Dystopian Novels in My Bookshelf

The novel I’m writing has taken an interesting turn. I went to ReNEW again this year, and I met with a literary agent, who read the first six pages of my book and gave me feedback. My takeaway from meeting with him was that my writing style is great, but that my book lacked direction. He asked me what genre it was, and honestly, I had no idea. It was sort of contemporary fiction, but there was a king involved, so was it fantasy?

When I got home from the retreat, I thought more about the direction of my novel. Experts suggest that to improve your writing, you should read. I acquired a free trial of Kindle Unlimited and decided to read whatever Amazon suggested to me.

The #1 book on my Kindle Unlimited suggestion list was A Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood. After reading it, I wondered why Amazon thought I was twisted enough to enjoy this story! Professors and the like have advertised this book to me as a Christian society gone wrong. However, it was not a Christian book at all. Atwood’s society uses the Bible to manipulate people, but I do not believe the government is Christian. They are so far removed from God that Offred doesn’t even know how to pray! Although it was not my favorite story, this tale encouraged me to explore the idea of what it would be like for God to actually be in this story. In a dystopian society, God is often removed, so is it possible for a dystopian society to exist if God is in control and He is going to redeem us before all of that happens?

While on Goodreads, I searched “Christian dystopian” to find an answer to my question. There’s not much of it out there, but after doing some research and asking my bookworm friends, there definitely is a hunger for it. One book from that genre was Counted Worthy by Leah E. Good. I was able to see the opposite of what I struggled with: The story was captivating in and of itself, but she does silly things like explain her jokes and include a preachy character (preachy characters are the ultimate downfall of Christian fiction). Reading this book confirmed that this genre would be a challenge, but it would be fun and appropriate for me to write.

After reading A Handmaid’s Tale and Counted Worthy, I realized that the only book that I enjoyed reading in high school was 1984 by George Orwell. I still had my copy from when I had read it in high school. Through this book, I thought again about what would happen if Winston was a Christian. I’m actually exploring the scene in Room 101 for my main character, who is a Christian and has just been charged by God to stand up for the truth no matter what. Would she still stand if they tortured her with her worst fear or her deepest grief? 1984 also taught me that a dystopia looks different for every generation. For the people who would have read 1984, which was written during World War II, a dystopian society looked a lot like socialism. For the people who would have read A Handmaid’s Tale, which was written in the 1980s, a dystopian society looked like women losing the rights they just fought for in the Feminist movement of the 1960s. What type of dystopian society would scare the masses today?

An obvious dystopian fiction series that I would read next was The Hunger Games. I learned a lot from this series about the structure that I’m supposed to use in the dystopian fiction genre, and how to craft a society that is purely evil but thinks everything is okay. I love how The Hunger Games ends, but the rest of the books sort of fall apart. Even though I didn’t enjoy the other two books in the series, I learned not to cut corners when writing dystopian fiction. You have to have a strong plot, and you have to carry it through until the end. You have to write what makes sense given the situation. Spoiler alert: They do not need to have a happy ending, and as a matter of fact, most of the time, they don’t.

I’m currently reading a novel that I consider Christian dystopian but is actually more SciFi because it involves human cyborgs and nanotechnology. I cannot wait to write about it next week! But until then, please send me recommendations so that I can continue to improve my craft. On my “to-read” list is the Divergent series, Brave New World, Animal Farm, and the Left Behind series.

Do you enjoy dystopian fiction? Why or why not? What is your favorite dystopian novel and why?

Photo by Jez Timms on Unsplash

Categories
anxiety

My Song for the Season: “Here Comes Heaven”

Every year, I focus on a different aspect of Christmas. I’ll usually hear a song on the radio that sticks out to me and reminds me to be conscious of whatever God is teaching me. Listening to actual Christmas music about the birth of Christ and not about drinking hot cocoa and waiting for Santa Claus is so refreshing for my soul!

The last couple of years, God has put it on my heart to pay attention to the fact that Jesus came to us. Before the Christmas season even started, I listened to Elevation Worship’s new CD Hallelujah Here Below on Spotify. On my phone, if I’m listening to a particular CD, sometimes Spotify will throw in songs from the artist that are on a different album. When the song “Here Comes Heaven” came on, I thought it was from a Christmas album. But that’s the beauty of Christian music: when we have Christ in our hearts, it is Christmas every day. This song brought tears to my eyes when I first listened to it. I knew this is what God wanted to teach me this year.

Before Christ came to Earth, the people of God did not hear a prophecy or any word from the Lord for 400 years. For centuries, people waited for salvation and peace with God. They performed their rituals in hopes that they were pleasing God, waiting to hear from Him. Little did they know that He was preparing the way for Heaven to come to Earth.

In the ninth chapter of his book, Isaiah prophecies what it would be like for the Messiah to come to Earth:

“the people walking in darkness
    have seen a great light;
on those living in the land of deep darkness
    a light has dawned” (Isaiah 9:2, NIV).

When I was a kid and would have panic attacks, I would run to my parents and ask them to help me. Instead of addressing it, sometimes they would just tell me to think about something else. If I couldn’t sleep, my dad would tell me to dream of going to Florida on vacation. Just putting my attention on something else brought me such peace.

This Christmas season, I want to focus my attention on Christ. During the most depressing time of year, it is easy to get caught up in buying the right presents, filling our schedules with parties, and forcing ourselves to interact with family members we don’t like. But that’s not what Christmas is about. In fact, it’s not about us at all. Christmas is about Jesus coming to Earth, giving us peace with God, peace with others, and ultimately, peace with ourselves.

“Here Comes Heaven” is about how peace has finally come. We don’t have to strive anymore. We don’t have to wait anymore. While we shop and wait and traffic and wear our ugly Christmas sweaters to different events, we can trust that the work is finished. Jesus already took care of everything that needed to take place.

What is our response to Christ coming to Earth? Worship. Praise. Recognition. It is okay to enjoy different Christmas traditions, but at the end of the day, we need to remember the One who took away our grief, our confusion, and our enmity with God. We can now have all the fruits of the Spirit.

This year, consider what it means for Heaven to come to Earth in your life. While God has a global (universal!) perspective of His creation, He also values you and has a unique and specific plan for you. If Heaven came to you this year, what would that look like? How would your life be different? What fears wouldn’t make sense anymore? What mourning would be lifted from you? What wait will finally be over?

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Categories
Marriage

Preparing for Marriage

Preparing for your marriage is vital for success. During engagement, you and your betrothed are laying the foundation for the rest of your marriage. If you get off on the wrong foot, of course, God is still able to help you and heal you. But while you have the tools now, why wait until things get worse to make them better? If you don’t want the house of your marriage to crumble, make sure you have a strong foundation, one that is built on Christ and His teachings.

Here are the ways that we prepared for marriage, and specifically, how they have helped us thus far:

Deciding you are a team. Lenny and I are a team, as we have been since we made our relationship official. Knowing we were a team made it easier to make decisions, and to show respect to one another. Your finances are connected, your boundaries are connected, and you are connected. Marriage connects you to your spouse on a physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual level. Get accustomed to practice being a team, even as an engaged couple.

Pre-marital counseling. I struggled with pride big time in the beginning of my relationship with Lenny, so getting a diagnostic test of how well they thought we would do as a couple was both intimidating and eye-opening. It is a counselor’s job to be neutral, but reflective. If you get your pre-marital counseling from a pastor, you will get counsel from a person who loves you and cares about you, but will know how to keep it biblical rather than personal. We also had our pre-marital counseling at an office about forty minutes from where we lived, so we had the opportunity to catch up before our session, and then process on the way home. Most churches require you to have pre-marital counseling in order for you to get married there, but even if you aren’t required, I encourage you to find a local Christian counselor who can start you and your betrothed off on the right foot.

Other married couples. From the moment we got engaged, we were blessed with so much encouragement from more mature couples. A week after our engagement, one of our small group leaders saw me from across the atrium at church and invited us to their group specifically for newlywed and engaged couples. Since that invitation, we have connected with our small group, as well as other young married couples in the church who are just a little bit more mature in their marriage than us. It has been great simply to have people who understand what we’ve gone through, especially in a world that says that marriage is when your life ends. You would not believe how many people told us that we’d have a couple of good years, and then it would get very difficult and we wouldn’t be as close as we are now. Two years later, I’m not saying that marriage is perfect, but it has not been as bad as people had warned. I’m thankful for the people who have spoken life into our marriage rather than declaring our marriage a curse from the beginning. For those who are married, speak life into these newlywed and engaged couples, instead of setting them up for failure. For those who are engaged, find couples who will speak life into you and your betrothed.

Marriage devotionals. Lenny and I both like to read. In our small group, we’ve done several marriage Bible studies, that have each spoken to us in different ways and have helped us in each season so far. We also do marriage Bible plans on the YouVersion app and pray together as a couple. But we started that when we were engaged, seeking God’s will and blessing for our future marriage. You can search for marriage plans on the YouVersion app, or you can study a topic together from the Bible to increase your faith and grow in God together.

The heart behind Marriage Monday is to show you how to have hope and love in your marriage through the power of God. Lenny and I thank God that we have seen God’s power and blessing in our marriage, because we have chosen to honor Him from the very beginning. We challenge you to make the same decision. Put God first in your marriage, and everything else will fall into place. It may not be perfect, but it will be much easier and more fun with God on your side. I pray that the posts that follow and that I have written about marriage will encourage you in this next step toward your marriage. In this next season, have fun preparing for marriage!

Photo by Daniel McCullough on Unsplash

Categories
Books

Beyond Blessed: Give Your Budget a Heart Check

This post was #sponsoredbyfaithwords. I was not required to give a positive review, so my review is my honest take on the book Beyond Blessed: God’s Perfect Plan for No Financial Stress by Robert Morris.

I’m so thankful for the opportunity from Faithwords to read this book for free! I’ve enjoyed the other books that they’ve recommended to me as well, such as Pull it Off by Julianna Zobrist, Get Weird by CJ Casciotta, and You Are Enough by Mandy Hale.

Out of all the books I could have picked to review, I picked this one because it included a foreword from Dave Ramsey. My husband and I have followed Dave Ramsey’s financial advice since about a month before we got married. Because of his teaching, we’re debt free, and we’re making excellent progress saving for a down payment for our future house. Any book recommended by Dave Ramsey is a book for me!

Since I got the book before it was released, Dave Ramsey’s foreword wasn’t in it. However, I did enjoy reading the introduction from Robert Morris, founding senior pastor of Gateway Church in Dallas-Forth Worth. Beyond Blessed is a follow-up to Pastor Morris’ book The Blessed Life. Honestly, it was so refreshing to read a book from a megachurch pastor who didn’t preach the prosperity gospel. I’ve seen so many pastors pray over their wallets and ask for a donation to make their big church even bigger. Instead, Pastor Morris writes about his journey from humble beginnings to a church of over 39,000 active members.

God certainly has blessed Pastor Morris with an ability to teach us about our finances while also reminding us of our identity in Christ. He starts each chapter off with a word-picture, a parable, to introduce the topic. In each chapter, he debunks the myths of what the world says and what we’ve even been taught in church about money. While we all strive to be rich, he writes, “The rich are more likely to be on antidepressants or antianxiety medications than average working-class folks. Millionaires and billionaires commit suicide with shocking regularity” (15).

Pastor Morris spends the beginning of the book laying down the foundation of what it means to steward God’s money well. God owns everything, but He has entrusted His people with resources to be a part of His Kingdom. “Your little enterprise is an important part of a much larger conglomerate” (79). God has given us all responsibility over the resources, people, time, and energy with which He has blessed us. With this mindset, there is no comparison and no ownership.

While Dave Ramsey talks more about the financial aspect of money than the spiritual (although his teaching is biblical), Pastor Morris’ book truly digs deep into what the Bible says about how we should take care of our money. Using charismatic language that I personally agree with, he even discusses the demonic spirits that try to entice us to worship money rather than God. His teaching opened my eyes to what the Scriptures say about money, and how my perspective on money needs to change.

My favorite quote of the book, and a good summary of the book, is how Pastor Morris explains the gospel: “You see, contrary to what many would have us believe, the gospel is not a poverty gospel. Nor is it, as some preachers and teachers would have us think, a prosperity gospel. No, the good news of life in Jesus Christ is a provision gospel” (63). Praise God that He gives us enough. We don’t have to be rich or poor; we just have to have enough.

I recommend this book to anyone who has even a dollar to his/her name. Although I’ve written notes in it, I’m giving it to my husband so that we can talk about it and do a heart check about our finances. Beyond Blessed will be available on January 8, 2019. You can pre-order the book and also be entered to win a free copy here.

Categories
Marriage

Be a Team Player

You may be wondering how Lenny feels about me writing about our marriage. Do you really think that I’m venting about my husband without his permission?

On this blog, I really don’t talk about deep issues in our marriage. I don’t believe an online platform is the place to do that. As a matter of fact, I don’t believe I should be complaining to my husband or my marriage about anyone. For those who like to vent about their significant others to your parents or your siblings or your best friend or even his parents (seriously?), read this clearly: STOP! Fighting in marriage should be like sex in marriage. Everyone knows you do it, but no one is involved in the details. When I share something about Lenny, I always ask his permission first, or I use an insignificant detail, like him leaving his socks on the floor (which he never does!).

You know why? Because we’re a team.

When we first got engaged, we spent a LOT of time preparing for marriage. We joined a Bible study for newlywed and engaged couples. We went through eight sessions of premarital counseling. We read whatever we could. And we prayed. A lot.

By doing this, we not only learned the value of teamwork, but we learned how to be a team. Now, in everything I do, from how I spend my money to how I conduct myself on Facebook, I have my husband in mind. I know he does the same for me.

While reflecting on what makes a good team, here are some attributes I’ve considered. I pray that you also think about making your marriage into a team effort, and that you and your spouse can both be team players.

Collaboration. In a team, each player has different strengths to contribute to the overall well-being of the group. We’ve discovered recently that we have different strengths and weaknesses, as well as different priorities. Not that we don’t care about each other, but that we are so focused on other things that we don’t think about everything. In our fight for control, we’ve learned how to let it go and let our spouse take control in the areas that matter to them. We’ve also learned not to compete in the midst of our different strengths and weaknesses. Instead of working against each other, we work with each other in order to achieve our goals together.

Respect. In a team, each player shares equal value. While my priorities may be different from Lenny’s, I respect his opinion and his feelings, as he does for me. I show respect to Lenny by listening to him, making eye contact with him when he wants my attention, and using an encouraging tone while speaking to him. He doesn’t want me to be his parent, so I shouldn’t talk to him like I’m above him.

Communication (and Prayer). I’ve always believed that communication is key in any relationship. Prayer is communication with God, and constant communication with our Heavenly Father is vital for us to have healthy relationships. Lenny and I pray on a daily basis and seek God’s will for our lives. We also talk consistently about our goals for the future and about our progress toward those goals. We discuss when incidences happen and how to avoid conflicts in the future. But even questions such as, “The dishwasher’s dirty. Can you put that dish in the dishwasher?” or “Next time you go to the store, can you pick up some more chicken?” are vital toward our marriage team. How is Lenny supposed to know I want that dish in the dishwasher if I don’t tell him? How am I supposed to know Lenny’s hungry for chicken if he doesn’t tell me? We’re not in the business of reading each other’s minds. We have to remain in constant communication, so that we can know what we’re thinking and make a game plan for the future.

Celebration. My favorite part of being on this marriage team is celebrating when we’ve done something right. We celebrate everything, from keeping our cool in front of difficult people to paying off debt. Life is so much more fun when we look back and see how far we’ve come, and how much God has done in our lives.

If you want to turn your marriage into a team effort, go for it. There is nothing stopping you from beginning this journey now. All it takes is a humble attitude, respect, communication, and celebration. Practice at least one of these attributes today, and let me know how it goes!

Photo by rawpixel on Unsplash

Categories
anxiety

Rising Above the Fear of Flying

Last week for Thanksgiving, I had the privilege of surprising my husband’s grandmother for her 80th birthday. Lenny’s entire family on his mom’s side was there, except for a few people. It was a great time hanging out with his cousins. However, since his grandmother lives in Florida, I had to take a three-hour plane ride.

The idea of taking a plane literally debilitates me. My grandfather swore he would never get on a plane, and he never did. Since I love to travel, I have decided that flying will forever be a part of my life. Now that I’ve survived taking a plane twice (as well as the one-hundred times before that!), I’d like to share with you what I’ve learned in case you also have the same anxiety.

Prepare yourself in advance. I’ve said it before and I will say it again. You are in control of your mind. The week before Thanksgiving, I was a wreck thinking about flying. All the what-ifs flooding into my mind, stealing my sleep, my appetite, and my joy. This time, I put on worship music whenever I felt anxious and remembered all the other flights where God has been with me. God is faithful. He is literally holding up the plane, and He’s got you in the palm of His hand.

Don’t think too much about it. There are a few reasons why flying debilitates me. However, knowing the reasons does not make me feel any better. This last time I got on the plane, I didn’t even have time to worry. Some people in our party wanted to get Burger King, and the line was ridiculously long. We didn’t make it to the gate for our plane until we were boarding. Normally, I would be sitting at the gate, pacing the floor and dreading my impending doom. This time, I didn’t have time to worry, and I chose to forget about it. By the time we took off, I was fine. I didn’t even feel dizzy like I normally do. If you try to rationalize while you’re on the flight, you’ll make yourself crazy. Just let it go and relax.

Thank God for flight attendants! They are fully equipped to help you in any situation. Sometimes, I tell them that I’m scared, and they keep an eye on me during the flight. I’ve had some flight attendants stand next to me and coach me before take-off. Although I’ve never actually been sick on a plane, most (I can’t stay all because there is mixed information out there) are trained for medical emergencies and know what to do in case I’m not feeling well. On that note, please be respectful to flight attendants! They do way more than we even know.

Pray for an angel. I’m a firm believer that God provides what we need when we need it. Last year, I went to the Dominican Republic with my family. During takeoff, I prayed and asked God to help me. When the plane leveled out, I turned next to me to see a woman reading Psalms on her phone. We talked the entire flight; I didn’t even think about how high we were until the flight was over! I believed God sent her to encourage me and to show me His peace. If you’re scared, pray for God to provide exactly what you need.

Make sure you eat and drink. Since I’m afraid of getting sick on the plane, the idea of eating scares me. However, Lenny discovered on this past flight that eating actually helps me. I would choose something light, like pretzels or crackers and water. Don’t eat it all at once, but make sure you eat at least a little something during your flight.

Essential oils. I’m not a huge fan of medication, so instead of anxiety medication, I bring essential oils. This trip, I brought Lavender and Stress Away from Young Living. Put a little on your wrists and sniff your wrists when you get nervous. If you’re really inconsolable, but some lavender under your nose so you can breathe it in more accessibly.

Distraction, distraction, distraction. I love that planes have movies and even video games on their flights now. This time, I downloaded an audiobook on my phone and played a few games. It definitely made time go a lot more quickly on the plane!

What techniques help you when you’re flying? Share them in the comments below!

 

Photo by Tim Dennert on Unsplash

Categories
Marriage

Encouragement for Those Who Are Sick of “The Question”

We newlyweds get this question all the time, especially at holidays: “When are you going to have kids?” This question is particularly challenging because, I’ve noticed, there isn’t a lot of Christian material out there for just Christian wives. I’m reading a book now that talks about being a confident woman, but the author dedicates several chapters to how she feels about being a mom. Don’t get me wrong, I love free parenting advice, but it’s almost like someone sent me a text message that was meant for someone else.

As a disclaimer for some of the readers in my family who think that this is a direct attack on them, I did get asked this question a lot over the weekend, and your questions did inspire this post. I’m more comfortable with this conversation now than I was, you know, during my wedding reception. However, while talking with my family, I gleaned some encouragement that I wanted to share with the couples out there who are still rolling their eyes when people see a baby and ask when they’re going to have one. So, thanks to my family for asking the difficult questions.

Some people are selfish, but most people mean well. Most people are also genuinely interested about your plans for your life. The people in your family or at church are simply enjoying watching you grow and taking the next step of your life.

I first noticed people asking me about the next step of my life when I was trying to pick a college. During my senior year, I didn’t know where I was going to go yet, but I remember getting asked about it five times in only one day. But the questions didn’t stop there. When I decided on a college, I didn’t have a major. When I decided on a major, I didn’t have a car. When I got a car, I didn’t have a degree. When I got a degree, I didn’t have a job. When I got a job, I didn’t have a boyfriend. When I got a boyfriend, I didn’t have an engagement ring. When I got an engagement ring, I didn’t have a wedding ring. When I got a wedding ring, I didn’t have a baby. Or a house. Or another baby. And then my kids will get asked the questions.

Some of my family members are in high school now, and I ask them almost every time I see them where they’re going to college and what they want to do as a career. It may not be what they end up doing for college (they still have a couple of years), but it’s nice to see that them grown up and making big-kid decisions. So, when I get asked the question, “When are you having kids?” it’s really just the next step of life, and I’m sure the person asking me is just really happy to see me grown up and making big-kid decisions.

If you get asked this question a lot, think of it as a compliment. It means that you’re ready in the world’s eyes. It means that the person asking you sees you as a mature adult now, able to parent your own children and make big-kid decisions. Please, do not see it as an insult. You and your husband are complete without children. You and your husband are not lazy for choosing to wait. You and your husband have your priorities in order if your priorities include focusing on your marriage or saving money.

For those of you who are sensitive about this topic, try not to answer their prying questions with too much detail. My husband and I already have a rough draft idea for our children, from when we want to start trying to get pregnant, to actually raising our kids. Hormones and circumstances could change things, but no one knows that plan but us and God. Why? Because no one will be happy (I mean 100% happy) with our plans, because they’re not their plans.

Being vague with our plans also gives God space to work. God is ultimately the giver of life. I know people who were on birth control and got pregnant anyway. I know people who used every form of fertility method and still couldn’t get pregnant. Our answer, over all, should be that we’ll have children in God’s timing. Until then, we’re serving Him as best as we can as husband and wife by loving each other and growing where we are planted.

Photo by Andrew Itaga on Unsplash

Categories
anxiety

Jesus Took Naps; Be Like Jesus

I first saw this phrase over the summer. At first, I thought it was permission to be lazy (for some of you, it might be!), but there is much to be learned from Jesus’ nap on the boat (Mark 4:35-41).

One day, Jesus took His disciples on a boat at night. After a long day with the crowds, I’m sure the disciples were looking forward to a nice relaxing night on the boat. But what is described as “a furious squall” erupts in the sky, and the wind and the waves seem to ambush the boat. How could God let this happen? His disciples actually had problems? How could it be so?!

Throughout this storm, Jesus is asleep. In the middle of the storm, when everything was going crazy, that’s when Jesus decides to take a nap. It makes sense, since He spent most of His waking hours teaching and healing people. Now that the crowds were gone, He can sleep. The gospel of Mark even says that Jesus is sleeping on a cushion! But wouldn’t He want more calming music to help Him relax, as opposed to the whistling of the wind and the crashing of the waves?

When they find Jesus, the disciples instantly wake Him up and ask Him, “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?” I believe they were right to turn to their Master, to believe that He could stop the wind and the waves from destroying the ship. And in all seriousness, they are in danger in this story. However, the stance of Jesus during the hubbub should have been a cue for the disciples to follow.

You see, by taking a nap, Jesus demonstrates that there is no reason to be afraid, even in the midst of the storm. If Jesus was worried, then the disciples should be worried. Since He is at peace, the disciples should be at peace as well. Jesus is helping to grow their faith by reminding them that they are braver than they think, and more equipped than they think.

After all, most of them are fishermen! Was that the first time they were ever in a storm? Did they know that a storm was in the forecast? Did they try to warn Jesus before getting on the storm? Why were they so afraid when they’ve done this multiple times?

Because no matter how equipped they were, they were not Jesus. Their skills were limited, while the skills of Jesus are unlimited.

Right after the disciples wake up Jesus, He rises to His feet and calms the wind and the waves in an instant. His power didn’t activate because He was awake. He had that power all along, available to Him at any moment.

The last time I was on a plane, I was incredibly nervous, especially because they didn’t assign us seats until we were boarding, and I needed to sit with my husband Lenny or I would go nuts. Thank God, we were able to sit together, but I was still a little uneasy before takeoff.  A few minutes into the flight, I look over, and my husband is asleep! Granted, it was early in the morning, but didn’t he know I needed him? When I woke him up, he looked up at me, annoyed, and said, “You’re fine. Go to bed.” My husband fell asleep because he knew I wasn’t in danger. Since he relaxed, I was able to relax, too.

Jesus didn’t nap because He was lazy. Jesus wasn’t avoiding His problems. He wasn’t waiting for the day to fast forward so that He could start over the next day. I’m guilty of taking a nap because anxiety stole my ability to solve problems, and I’m guilty of taking a nap because depression stole my ability to enjoy the day. But I’m also guilty of neglecting to rest when I think I have to do it all. Instead, I have to let Jesus take over and direct my steps. His Spirit lives in me, helping me live each day. And if He’s napping, I’m napping too!

When anxiety strikes, I instantly forget how smart I am, how brave I am, and how stupid these lies are. But when I look to Jesus, the one who is control, and I see that He was able to sleep in the midst of a scary storm, then He suddenly calms the wind and the waves in my heart.

So, on that note, even though I have a ton of things to do and I’m incredibly anxious about the next few days, I’m going to take a nap!

Photo by Ethan Sykes on Unsplash