Category: Encouragement

Categories
Wisdom Wednesday

Anxiety Brings Me Closer to God

Since I was seven years old, anxiety has manifested in my body in a variety of ways: from stomach pains, to headaches, to chest pains, to nausea, to insomnia, to simply obsessing over a thought…I’ve felt like I could never catch a break!  Some of my close friends and family members also suffer from PTSD, OCD, and GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder).  It is not only a struggle to suffer from anxiety; it is also a struggle to watch others suffer with it.

I conducted a poll on my Twitter, and even though only 16 people voted, I want to give a voice to the 94% who suffer from anxiety to some degree (including 44% who consider anxiety a daily struggle).  Based on this poll, it’s safe to say that anxiety looks different for everyone.  Some people get anxious in certain situations, such as going on a plane or speaking in front of a large crowd.  Other people have difficulty controlling their thoughts and emotions, so their thoughts and emotions control them on a regular basis.

Truthfully, I wish I had a cure-all answer for anxiety.  However, there is no blanket statement, no perfect pill, no secret diet that can make anxiety disappear.  I can only speak from my own personal experience, and offer a voice of encouragement to help those who may be plagued with anxious thoughts, or who don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel.

After all that I’ve been through, I’ve learned that my anxiety brings me closer to God.

This isn’t the typical Christian answer to anxiety.  When I tell people I’m feeling anxious, they quickly whip out Philippians 4:6.  Anxiety, I’ve been told, is a sin, and must never be entertained in the mind of a believer.

When I mentioned this to one of my pastors, he let me borrow the book God Will Make a Way by Henry Cloud & John Townsend.  The book mentions that fear is not all bad.  As a matter of fact, fear can be a good thing, as long as it does not debilitate you from living.  For example, if you’re in an area of the world that experiences tornadoes, if you see a dark cloud forming in the distance, your natural instinct is not to say, “Wow, look at that!  What a pretty cloud.”  Your reaction is to panic, grab all you need, and hide in a safe place.  When traumatic things happen to us, it is natural and correct to freak out and try to figure out how to get our lives back to equilibrium.

My life hasn’t been exactly easy.  Lysa TerKeurst’s book Uninvited encouraged me to think about how I’ve suffered as a child, a teen, and an adult.  Between the death of my grandma, breaking my elbow, dealing with an abusive step family, and loved ones moving out of state, I really wondered how I made it through.

By the grace of God, around that time is when I remember learning that it is possible to trust God.  Literally a week before my grandma died, I read in a fiction book that a girl was going to trust God with whatever situation she was facing.  It was such a foreign concept to me, to trust someone who was so far away and yet seemed so interested in my life.  However, taking the responsibility off of myself in these difficult circumstances and putting my trust in God gave me such overwhelming peace that I was able to overcome my pain, and even forgive those who have wronged me.

Knowing what I know about anxiety, it makes so much sense that I reacted to most of these occurrences in fear.  My grandma died unexpectedly; I missed her, and seeing my mom upset affected me as well.  Breaking my elbow caused me to miss a lot of school, resulting in lost contact with a few of my friends, and falling behind on my school work.  Having a verbally abusive stepfather instead of a loving father in my house caused me to question what family is supposed to look like.  But I didn’t stay in fear.  I cried, I journaled, I prayed, and I trusted that God would be glorified in this experience.  Here I am today, twelve years later, thankful that God did not disappoint.

So, if you’re facing anxiety, I applaud your body for reacting in a way that is natural given your circumstances.  But don’t stay there.  Whatever you are facing, ask yourself what is triggering your anxiety.  Are you about to do something out of your comfort zone? Are you currently in the midst of a conflict with a loved one?  Are you overwhelmed at your job or at school?  Pinpoint exactly what makes you anxious.

Then, pray about it.  Be absolutely honest with God; He can handle how you really feel! If you are comfortable, share your anxiety with a trusted friend.  Sometimes, just saying the fear out loud decreases its power over me.  After you’ve confessed the fear, take your mind off of it by focusing on the Word of God.  Memorize Bible verses.  Listen to a worship song that is based on Scripture.  Watch a sermon online.  Do a Bible study with a support group.  You might not get the instant results that you crave, but over time, you will notice your anxiety losing its grip over your life.

When you decide to give your anxiety to God, He uses your difficult circumstances to draw you closer to Him. Life with Jesus is the most beautiful adventure I’ve ever had.  Trust Him today, and see how He moves in your life!

(If you would like to see other posts about my journey with anxiety, please type “anxiety” in the search bar on the left side of the page).

Photo by Milada Vigerova on Unsplash

Sources:
Cloud, Henry & Townsend, John. “Fear and Anxiety.”  God Will Make a Way. Brentwood, TN: Integrity Publishers, 2002.  Print.

TerKeurst, Lysa. Uninvited Study Guide. Nashville: Nelson Books, 2016.  Print.

Categories
Marriage

Why Those You Love Most Hurt the Most

Why is it so easy to be hurt by the ones who love us most?

Nothing gives me more heartache than hurting or bothering those I love.  This is mainly due to the fact that I unintentionally hurt them.  Sometimes I say things with the purest intentions–making a joke, stating the facts, or relaying a message–and the ones I love leave the conversation confused, angry, or sad.

When my husband hurts me, intentionally or unintentionally, it hurts.  When I hurt my husband, intentionally or unintentionally, it hurts.  We both feel the hurt, whether we’re the victim or the attacker.  When one of us is hurt, there is no victory; there’s just pain that needs to be healed.

One night after a tiny squabble, I lay in bed with my arms folded over my chest and my knees curled into my stomach.  Any touch from my husband would just make me withdraw within myself.  My stomach was turning and my mind was racing.  If I moved a muscle, my husband might try to reach over and touch me.  I didn’t want him close because I knew I was wrong.  As a result of my fear, he was deprived of the attention that he craved.  However, I knew I hurt him, and any interacting with my husband would remind me of my shortcomings.

Those close to us are meant to make us better people by pointing out our shortcomings in love.

I was talking about this idea with one of my co-workers when I first got married.  Why is it that people we live with get on our nerves the most?  He reminded me of Proverbs 27:17: “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another” (NIV).  If you look up videos on what it looks like to sharpen iron, a lot of them involve loud noises, fire/coals, and a giant metal object getting all of up in the face of the piece of iron.  To put it in human terms, a person gets in your face and points out your flaws, brings out something ugly in you, and (ideally) helps you deal with your weaknesses.  And who do you trust enough to get that close to us and see us in our most vulnerable state?

Your spouse.

Unfortunately, your spouse will hurt you.  Unfortunately, you will hurt your spouse.  But when either of you feel hurt, you can use it to bring you closer to God and to each other. Pray that God uses this pain to heal and transform your marriage.  Be honest with Him about the severity of your pain or frustration, but trust that God is able to redeem your situation for His glory.  Trust your spouse to speak the truth in love, and pray about how to respond to his/her admonishing.  In the same way, if something bothers you about your spouse, pray about how to tell him/her what you notice in a loving, gracious manner.

Humans were never meant to complete us.  We are all fallen images of perfection, and we unfortunately make mistakes that affect the ones we love.  In the midst of these shortcomings, we can trust that God will never fail us.

Photo by freestocks.org on Unsplash

Categories
Wisdom Wednesday

Wisdom vs. Discernment

At church a few weeks ago, our pastor gave a message on faith.  He taught us that faith doesn’t just believe; it also acts.  He challenged us with a question: “Are we asking in faith, or are we just asking God to fix it?”

When I first heard the pastor’s question, I thought to myself, Aren’t those both the same thing?  Don’t we ask in faith when we can’t fix it ourselves?  Don’t we trust that God is going to fix our situation because He has greater strength and resources than we do?

Almost as soon as I began to think about this, I realized the answer: Yes, but you need discernment to know when you’re boldly asking for God’s will to be done and when you’re just cowering in fear because you don’t want to go through pain.

Merriam-Webster defines “discernment” as “the quality of being able to grasp and comprehend what is obscure.”  When you first start reading the Bible, it appears to contain obscure and almost contradictory statements.  You are saved by faith, but you need to do works to show your faith, but don’t do works just to look like a good person.  If you save your life, you will lose it.  Bad company corrupts good character, but go into the world and preach the gospel to those who are far from God.  Be all things to all people in order to win some, but do not love the world or anything in the world.  Although these statements look like they contradict each other, they are all true and they all exist in perfect harmony.  However, you need discernment to comprehend the meaning behind the text, as well as to know how to apply the text to your life.

Wisdom involves the tools you need to live righteously; discernment is the way in which you use those tools.  But how do you get discernment?

  • The Holy Spirit.  Ultimately, the Holy Spirit is the one who opens the eyes of our hearts and helps us to live righteously.  Peter knew that Jesus was the Christ because God revealed it to him (Matt. 16:17).  When Jesus resurrected on the third day, He revealed the Scriptures (and who He truly was) to some of His disciples (Luke 24:31-32).  When you need help understanding the Scriptures, and in turn understanding God’s will for your life, you can depend on the Holy Spirit to guide you.
  • The Bible. Despite what people may tell you, the Bible does not contradict itself. When you read a passage that does not make sense, read it in light of the context in which it was written, as well as in light of the rest of Scripture.
  • Wise Counsel (Accountability). I love the fact that there are people around me to help me interpret the Bible and to unpack what I feel God is saying to me.  You don’t have to live life alone; you were created to live in community.  If you are struggling with discovering where God is leading you, call a friend that you trust to encourage you to walk in faith in God.
  • Sermons/Devotionals. There are pastors, writers, and teachers who have dedicated much time and energy to studying and applying discernment.  Listen to what they have to say.  Spend some time praying over what God has spoken to their hearts, and see how those words can apply to you as well.  It is also helpful to do a devotional in community, so that you can come up with ideas together that you would not be able to on your own.

These beautiful words from the Apostle Paul summarize my prayer for those who read this blog:

“And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.” – Philippians 1:9-11

This featured image has been uploaded to Subsplash by Diz Play.

Categories
Marriage

Marriage is Like a Mission Trip

Marriage is an Adventure

From the moment we said “I do,” my husband and I embarked on a journey of becoming one.  We have been out of the country and to multiple states together, but the ultimate journeys have taken place at home.

You see, the journey for us is not where we go, but what we learn.  I’ve learned so much about my husband from the habits he’s formed, the family he grew up with, and the way that he worships God.  I know he’s learned about me from observing me and asking me questions as well.

Since 2008, I’ve had the desire to travel around the world.  I was blessed with the opportunities to travel to West Virginia, Texas, Spain, and Haiti on trips to serve others and bring glory to God.  Little did I know that I would not have to travel to a foreign land to get a full-time cross-cultural and God-honoring experience.

Stages of Cross-Cultural Adjustment

In my college classes, I learned about the four stages of cross-cultural adjustment.  I have seen these stages played out in my marriage, as well as in others.

Although this stage did not make the cut, the preparation stage is important to bring up in this article.  When going on a cross-cultural trip, you always want to prepare in some manner.  Whether you spend time reading the Bible, or you learn the language, you want to be as ready as possible for this new adventure.

Before marriage, couples spend time getting ready for their wedding day and beyond.  They attend pre-marital counseling, gain wisdom from mature couples, and discuss expectations.  They also invest time and money in the wedding day.

The first stage of cross-cultural adjustment is the honeymoon stage.  When the plane glides to the ground after a perfect flight, the feeling of euphoria is incomparable.  You are a tourist: you want to take pictures, you’re fascinated by the food, and you’re in love with the people.  In this new culture, you’re in your happy place, and nothing can get in the way of your enjoyment.

A married couple shares a similar experience during their first few years of marriage. After that seal of the marriage with a kiss, all they can see before them is endless possibilities.  They love everything about each other, and nothing can pop the bubble of their love.

The second stage is culture shock, the time when the euphoria fades.  It seems almost instant that the culture which was once beautiful and perfect is now distorted and wrong.  The food makes you sick, the weather is irritating, and the people don’t make sense.  The most difficult part of culture shock is the language barrier.  It can be exhausting and frustrating learning the language, and even more tiring is the hidden context behind the words.  You may understand the literal definition of the words you hear, for example, but you might not be able to pick up the sarcasm or the background behind it.

It can be exhausting trying to decipher the inside jokes, sarcasm, or traditions of your spouse’s family and friend group.  Although you may speak the same language, your sense of humor, your circle of friends, and your slang may be totally different.  You may find yourself having to stop the conversation a few times and say “OK, what’s going on?  Who’s so-and-so?  Why is this so funny?  What does this mean?”  You may get impatient, but please remember to be patient with yourself.

When going through culture shock, experts suggest taking naps and eating healthy.  I would suggest the same for married couples trying to merge their lives together.  It is healthy to spend time with family, but you also need a break from other people (and that may or may not include a nap!).  After spending time with either of our families, I like to spend a few hours with my husband processing our experiences.  We ask each other questions about jokes, pieces of information, or activities that we did not fully understand.  It not only helps us grow closer to our in-laws, but it helps us understand each other better as well.

Over time, the traveler transitions into the adjustment stage.  You learn to adapt to the culture, and you even appreciate some aspects of this new culture more than your home culture.  Although you’re not completely satisfied, you make the most of it.  Deciding to adjust and adapt is a willing decision that any traveler must make in order to survive.

My husband and I have decided to be committed to each other, no matter what problems we face.  We are attempting to create our own traditions and our own “culture.” Marriage definitely feels weird (since neither of us have been married before!), but we are making the most of it.

Finally, you feel the “at home” stage.  You can now comfortably say that you fit in to this new culture.  It feels as much as home to you as your home culture does.  You aren’t in love with the culture as you were in the honeymoon stage, but you are able to appreciate the culture and adjust to what you don’t like.

My husband and I can confidently say that we’ve made ourselves feel at home in our marriage.  Are we perfect?  Absolutely not, and we never will be. However, we are able to appreciate each other and to overlook what we do not like.

Marriage is a Missions Trip

So, if marriage is like a missions trip, what is our mission?

Above all, a marriage is meant to bring glory to God.  The relationship we have with our spouse is a mere symbol of the unconditional love and grace that Christ extends to us.  Even when we have communication troubles, even when there are qualities of our spouses that are not appealing, we are still called to share love, grace, and forgiveness with them.  By making Jesus the mission of our marriage, we can bless each other and be a blessing to those in our sphere of influence—no matter if we’re in our home culture or in a foreign land!

 

My featured image was brought to you by Unsplash.

 

Categories
Throwback Thursday

#ThrowbackThursday to When I Wanted to Give Up

I remember when I wanted to quit my retail job three years ago.

Let’s just say, my calling was definitely not folding clothes and handling money all day.  I had a Teaching English as a Foreign Language Certificate and a Bachelor of Arts in Intercultural Studies under my belt, and I was itching to travel, teaching English and writing for God’s glory.  If I could do the exact opposite of that, I felt like it would have been something similar to folding clothes and handling money!

Eventually, my time at the mall came to a close, and I was on to bigger and better things.  I started working at a bookstore, and then at my current job as an Administrative Assistant.  Despite my disgust at the minimum wage jobs that I had in the past (except for my job as a Consultant at the Writing Center!) I thank God that He used each of those transitional jobs to bring me one step closer to the person that He has called me to be.

I feel like we are trained to always wait for the next best thing.  From an early age, we go from preschool to kindergarten, then prepare for elementary school in kindergarten, then prepare for middle school in elementary school, then prepare for high school in middle school, then prepare for college in high school, then prepare for grad school in your undergrad, and then prepare for your full-time career in college.  We’re always preparing, but what are we preparing for?

The point of the article I wrote a few years ago was that no matter what season we are in, we should always give our best.  If you have senioritis and just want to graduate, take a deep breath and pause.  You only get to be a high school/college senior once; live it up!  If you are single and just want to find someone, take a deep breath and pause.  Once you are married, you have a long life ahead of you with that person; learn to take advantage of your free time and wholehearted devotion to God. If you are in an in-between job and just want to quit, take a deep breath and pause.  God has given you a unique opportunity right where you are, and He is training you through it!

So, how can we give our best in the season we are in, even if we don’t feel our best?

Be thankful.  God is sovereign and God is faithful.  He has allowed you to have this job/relationship status/apartment/time at school for a reason.  Think about what blessings can come out of the situation.

Be honest.  It may be difficult for you to praise God for this season.  Let Him know that!  He loves you.  He would rather have an honestly angry person than a fake happy person.  Plus, sharing your struggles with God brings you closer to Him.  Continue to stay connected with God, even when you don’t understand where He’s leading you.

Be surrounded.  As a woman in my mid-20s, I know I’m not alone in my struggle to find contentment.  People my age are all in different stages of life.  Some are single, while others are married with kids.  Some are stuck in part-time jobs, while others are well into their careers.  Some can travel, while others are trying to budget.  When I surround myself with Christian women who are fighting the same fight as me, it encourages me not to give up.

Be joyful.  Even in the midst of trials, we are called to be joyful.  Joy, I’ve learned, is meant to be shared.  If you’re at a job that isn’t exactly your calling, it might be a challenge to always have a smile on your face.  However, joy changes the atmosphere.  As God changes your perspective, others will notice, and they will be encouraged to find joy as well.

All of these points focus on becoming.  Through trials and transitions, we become more thankful, we become more honest, we become more encouraged, and we become more joyful.  God is more focused on changing our hearts than changing our circumstances.  Let Him grow you through these uncomfortable times.

 

Thank you to Unsplash for always providing great stock photos for me to use for my Featured Image.  This one was by Dhruva Reddy on Unsplash

 

Categories
Wisdom Wednesday

Heaven on Earth

I have good news to share with you all:

The Kingdom of God is here!

I’m so excited that this is a reality, that this is the good news that we are called to share.  The gospel is not simply a one-way ticket to Heaven (although it is an important part of the Christian faith).  The gospel is not a way for God to remove all the pain and suffering from my life (although I believe God has the ability to heal me and give me a life free from suffering if He wanted!).  No, the gospel is God meeting us where we are right now and setting the world free by destroying death and redeeming His creation.

Do you want to be a part of it?

I’ve been reading the book Surprised by Hope by N.T. Wright*, and that book has changed my entire perspective on my life as a Christian.  On Monday, my friend and co-worker shared a sermon from John Ortberg* with me that was about the kingdom of God, and the fact that eternal life begins here and now.  So, I felt like there was a pattern in what God was teaching me, and I would like to share what I learned with you today.

We have been taught from an early age that the gospel is simply believing that Jesus died so that you can go to Heaven.  We have this mentality that Christianity is all about what Jesus can do for me, and whatever I suffer in this life, I will never have to deal with it in the next.  It doesn’t matter if I sin, it doesn’t matter if I’m mean to people, it doesn’t matter if others hurt me…my ultimate hope is going to Heaven when I die.

Sadly, I spent much of my Christian life like this.  As one who tends to avoid pain and responsibility, I like the idea that Jesus died so that I can never be hurt, so that there will always be sunny skies and comfy pillows and blessings.  I guarded my heart, protecting myself from the world, believing that if I just held on long enough and kept myself free from sin, I would be able to enjoy sitting on fluffy clouds, eating ice cream with no calories, and partying with my relatives who had gone before me.

This was my gospel; it was the gospel centered around me.

Although this life sounds pretty great, the life that Jesus promises is even better.  His plan involves helping us see beyond ourselves.  His plan involves restoration, redemption, and revival…and we are able to be a part of it.  Jesus did not come just to protect you from this “evil” world; He came so you could help Him in restoring all of creation to what it used to be.

It starts when we accept Jesus into our hearts.

This means recognizing the work Jesus did on Earth, believing that His sacrifice was enough to save your sins, and then submitting to God’s will.  Having a relationship with Jesus is asking Him what He desires, knowing full well that He loves us, and trusting Him to not only provide for your needs, but for the needs of all of His creation.

When we accept God’s will for us, we begin to pray as Jesus taught us to pray: “Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven.”

After that, we trust in faith that God will provide us the guidance and wisdom to know how to live in Heaven on Earth.  Whether it’s caring for someone who is sick, advocating the rights of the poor, or even smiling at a friend who needs encouragement, you can assist in bringing the Kingdom of God to Earth. And since God is a good God, we know that His Kingdom will make the world a better place, one soul, one smile, one prayer at a time.

Are you fixing your eyes on the problems in this world and losing hope, or are you hoping that Jesus comes back soon so that He could clean up all of our mess?  I have even greater news for you than either of those two options: Before Jesus comes back, we have the opportunity to bring Heaven to Earth through our worship, our service to God, and overall, through His love flowing out of us.

 

 

Sources:

bd daniel. “John Ortberg The Kingdom of God Pepperdine University
2014.”  Online video clip. YouTube. 10 April 2015. Web. 17 July 2017.

Wright, N. T. Surprised by Hope: Rethinking Heaven, the Resurrection,
and the Mission of the Church.  New York: Harper Collins, 2008.  Print.

Categories
Marriage

Separating From Your Spouse

On Saturday, my husband and I did not wake up together.

I told him I wanted to sleep in after not sleeping well this past week.  He, on the other hand, was up before seven.  I knew he was up right away; not only am I a light sleeper, but he was also staring at me sleep!  Grumpily, I commanded him to find a new place to hang out until it was time for me to wake up. I did not arise until two hours later, and by the time I was ready to see him again, he was playing an hour-long game on his computer (his way of relaxing).

So, my husband started his morning playing video games, while I started mine reading a book (my way of relaxing).

Henry Cloud and John Townsend, most known for their Boundaries series, have written much about the four stages of growth: boundaries, separation, distinguishing right from wrong, and maturing into adulthood.  Although I’m not a scholar on psychology or on marriage, I have seen these stages of growth affect marriage as well.

In the beginning stages of marriage, boundaries are essential to making the marriage work.  The couple are so used to being two separate humans that they do not know how to come together as one.  The husband and wife need to establish boundaries within the marriage as well as outside of the marriage to protect their unity.  One boundary that we’ve established is to not talk about our spouse with anyone else without letting our spouse know (even if it’s as simple as “My husband made me lunch today”).  We’ve seen secrets destroy relationships, and we didn’t want to let anyone come in between ours.  Even when I write about my husband on this blog, I let him read it first, so that he does not think I’m telling you things that he doesn’t already know.

As I’ve written in my post about the lovey-dovey phase, in the beginning stages of a relationship, we have these tingly feelings that make it impossible for us to separate.  I firmly believe that God gave us those feelings so that we could establish our unity right from the start of our relationship.  My husband and I, without a doubt, are a team.  Everyone knows that; we’ve made sure they do!

Because I personally had been so protective of our marriage, I had a difficult time letting my husband do the activities he enjoyed before he met me.  We don’t have the same friend group (as much as we enjoy each other’s friends!), and we don’t always have fun doing the same activities.  Since I’d become a Christian, I’d always believed that I would be doing everything with my husband, from waking up in the morning, to going to work, to resting together after a long day together.  But now that we don’t work together, serve together in all the same ministries, or even have the same interests, I’m rethinking what it looks like to be a team with my husband.

If we don’t give ourselves time to do the things we enjoy, we will become bitter and resentful of each other.  If I don’t let my husband play video games to relieve stress, he might get grumpy and see me as a tyrant.  If my husband doesn’t let me write, he might end up as the antagonist in my next novel (that was a writer’s joke!).  If we don’t let each other hang out with our own friends, not only will our friends wonder what happened, but we’ll also feel like we’re trapped within the bubble of our own marriage.  Even if we enjoyed doing the same activities, we also appreciate just taking a minute to spend time alone.  We are a team, we are one unit, but we are not the same person.

Now, I am not suggesting that our goal is to eventually grow apart from each other.  Our goal is to still be a team, while appreciating the differences that we have from one another.  I will never be exactly like my husband, and my husband will never be exactly like me.  The way that God created me, the gifts that God has given my husband, the paths where God has led us both, have shaped us into the people we are today.  We both have different passions that help us each minister to the body of Christ in unique ways.

We can still enjoy activities together, like going for walks, trying new restaurants, and visiting our families.  We can still make mutual friends and spend time with them.  We can still serve together.  But we can also communicate about what it looks like to be separate within the boundaries we have already established as husband and wife.

Categories
Throwback Thursday

#ThrowbackThursday to my #FirstWorldProblems

Looking at my memories this past week, I had to laugh at my article on first world problems.  The problems I had then were a walk in the park compared to what I deal with now.  Nevertheless, the message behind my article was important for me to remember, and for you to be encouraged.

Although I define first world problems in the article I mentioned, plainly put, they’re problems that greatly affect the outcome of our days, but put in perspective, they’re not that bad.

You can read about the first world problems I dealt with as a recent college graduate.  My greatest first world problem as an employee is the commute to and from work.  I’ve found that my commute to work is the deciding factor of how nice I’m going to behave at work.  Now that school is out of session and there are less cars on the road, my commute to work is only fifteen minutes.  I’ve noticed that I’ve definitely been more calm at work now, even cheerful. But during the school year, my commute can range from twenty to thirty-five minutes.  Although it does not sound like a long time, the fact that there is a fifteen-minute window of time (where I can be fifteen minutes early or fifteen minutes late) can make it very difficult to plan my morning schedule.

This, in essence, is a first world problem, but it’s even beyond a first world problem.  Some people in this country have to take the train, which could be a solid hour each way–as long as there are no delays.  All of you who have to commute via the train must be cracking up at my so-called misfortune of my fifteen-minute drive to work.

First world problems are entirely based on perspective.  What is a total nightmare to me, could be a wonderful opportunity for you.  Maybe a longer commute to work could mean more time to listen to your audio book. Maybe your phone charger not working could yield an opportunity to catch up with your friend face-to-face.  Maybe the fact that it’s raining when you’re about to fill up your gas tank could remind you not to run your car to the ground.

All in all, I’m thankful for my job.  I’m thankful for my husband.  I’m thankful for my family.  I’m thankful for all the things that aren’t perfect, but have made my life better.

What things in your life have you taken for granted lately?  Take some time to thank God for all the blessings He has given you.  It says in James 1:17 that every good and perfect gift is from above.  To us, our circumstances may not be perfect, but in God’s perfect plan, He has you exactly where you need to be.  And He will provide what you need, when you need it.  Through every circumstance, you can find contentment in Him.

Life as a college graduate for me was such a struggle at first.  My first twenty-something years of life had been preparing me for this moment, and yet I still had no clue what I was doing.  If I could go back three years and tell myself one thing, it would be this: it gets better.  Life takes some time to figure out, and while I can’t say I’ve completely mastered it, it seems to make a little more sense now.  I pray if you are in a transitional period of your life, you would be encouraged by the process.  You’ll get through this, and you’ll become stronger through the trials and confusions that life throws at you.  God has a plan for you, and you have plenty of time and plenty of grace to navigate through it!

Categories
Wisdom Wednesday

What Wisdom Do You Share?

Talking (or posting on social media) does not always produce wisdom. Proverbs 10:19 says that where words are many, sin is not absent.  The more we talk, the more likely we are to sin.

Are you sinning with your words?

Here are some reasons why people generally post on social media, or give advice that may or may not be helpful:

  • I want to be heard. Social media makes it so easy for us to feel important. When we receive information, we have a desire to share it, simply so that we can hear the sound of our own voices.  Have you ever talked and thought to yourself, “I have no idea what I’m even saying, but if I stop now, it will look awkward”?  You’re the type that has a lot to say, but may not be saying much at all. You may be motivated by the desire to feel significant, which, in and of itself, is not a bad desire. However, when you seek approval from others, it not only puts an unhealthy responsibility on them, but also an unhealthy attachment in you.
  • I want to put someone down.  So that I do not act as a hypocrite, I will not call anyone out when I bring up this point. However, I challenge you to ask yourself: When you post on social media, when you retaliate, when you wave your finger at another person, what good comes out of putting that person down?  You claim you’re trying to educate the ignorant ones in your sphere of influence, but the minute you start insulting them, they don’t want to listen to you.  You will no longer be teaching them, but using them as a sounding board to express your own frustrations and sound important (see previous bullet point).
  • I want to promote my business.  In essence, there is nothing wrong with this.  I mean, how else are you going to get the word out and make money?  As a writer and a blogger, I have to somehow weave my writing into conversations so that others will know about it and read it.  But I, along with my fellow artists and business owners, must consider my motivation behind promoting my products.  I write to encourage those around me to find freedom in Christ, especially from anxiety and discontentment (two struggles that I have overcome through Christ).  Fitness trainers can promote their services, not just to make money, but to provide others with the tools they need to live a healthy lifestyle.  Business owners can promote their products, not just to meet a quota, but to improve the lives of others through what they sell.  Advertising is not unwise, as long as the person comes before the product.

As I shared in my post last week, true wisdom comes from knowing Jesus Christ personally and learning the Word of God (the Bible).  That being said, here are the ways you can share godly wisdom with your loved ones:

  • Encourage them with Scripture. I want to stress the importance of keeping Bible verses in context.  Jesus promises to reward the faithful, for example, but in light of the rest of Scripture, that reward is not monetary.  There are plenty of examples of Scripture that has been used out of context, but if you do your research, you’ll be able to understand how to share Bible verses with others.
  • Humbly give your testimony. Sometimes the greatest evidence of our wisdom is our own personal experience.  On college essays or in debates, personal experience is considered a reasonable source.  You may not be an expert on psychology, but you can share how deep breathing or self-affirmation has helped you cope with anxiety.  Please keep in mind, what works for you might not work for others.  All you can do is tell them what has helped you, and hope that your advice at least points them in the right direction.
  • Pray. James 1:5 says that God freely gives wisdom to those who ask.  Your friend who is earnestly seeking wisdom could receive guidance and counsel if you simply lifted him/her up in prayer.
  • Nothing.  When you don’t know what to say, don’t say anything.  It is better to say nothing than to say something foolish and steer them in the wrong direction.  Sometimes the only support your friend needs is a listening ear, a hug, or a fun activity to get his/her mind off of the situation.

Colossians 3:14 tells us to do all things in love. No matter if you’re giving advice, receiving advice, or simply being there for a friend, do everything with the knowledge that God loves you and with the charge from God to love others.

Categories
Marriage

What’s New? Nothing, and That’s OK.

It seems like everyone is getting engaged and having babies, and I’m all like

IMG_20170705_220846_834
My sink is clean!

 

Seriously, my husband and I are both incredibly happy for the people in our lives that are getting engaged, getting married, getting pregnant, and having babies (even having a second child!).  We have grown to appreciate and celebrate with the people who have exciting things going on around us.  Thank you for sharing your blessings with us!

After not seeing my family or friends for a while, they ask the question: “What’s new?”  It may be my own insecurity, or it may be the way our society is nowadays, but I never feel content unless I actually give them some news about what’s going on in my life.

But do you want to know my honest answer?  Nothing.

The past two years we’re literally an emotional roller coaster for me and my husband.  Between transitions in our jobs, places of residence, marital status, and physical health, it’s as if we’ve lived three lives together in the two-and-a-half years we’ve known each other.  Every week, we had new news.

“I’m moving into my first apartment.”

“I just started a new job.”

“I just got promoted.”

“I have shingles.”

“We’re engaged.” (And all the news that comes with planning a wedding).

“I have a new job.”

“We have new friends.”

“We’re involved in new ministries at the church.”

“We’re married.”

“We’re going on vacation.”

“We have a new apartment.”

“I’m getting a promotion.”

Because of all these changes, we have become discontent with waiting, as we’ve been trained by our experiences to always anticipate the next best thing.  Our prayers have transitioned from “Thank you, God,” to “What next, God?”  And after praying for several months, God has finally answered the cry of our hearts for His direction:

“It’s OK to be normal.”

We don’t feel led.  We don’t have enough money.  We don’t have enough time.  We have our hands full.  These are all excuses that people use to not live their dreams.  But what if God has so crafted our circumstances–our limited budget, our busy schedules, our responsibilities, His silence in our prayers–so that we could step back and see that we have enough right where we are?

My exciting news is that I don’t have dishes in the sink. My exciting news is that we’re cleaning out our closet and getting rid of clothes we haven’t worn in several years.  My exciting news is that we spent half of what we thought we would while grocery shopping.  My exciting news is that I rewrote a chapter of my book today.  Our exciting news is that every day is a beautiful adventure, where we learn more about each other through household chores, grocery shopping, and living normal.

And that’s OK.

If you find you’re discontent, if you don’t hear God answering your prayers, may you find encouragement in the normal.  Whether you’re single, engaged, newlywed, trying to have kids, struggling to keep up with your numerous kids, an empty nester, or beyond, you have a reason to celebrate.  That celebration might not be over the opportunity to travel, finding out the gender of your baby, or exchanging rings with the love of your life, but if God is with you, you can celebration that you literally have everything you need in this very moment.  God is enough; maybe you needed to read that in this very moment!

On Thursday, I’ll be talking more about this in the context of a post I wrote in 2014.