Tag: Encouragement

Categories
Marriage

Love Unites

Who’s been waiting for this one? Raises hand. I’m so excited to finally delve into this topic of scorekeeping in marriage.

Did anyone keep boyfriend or girlfriend points when they were dating? This habit is behavior modification for your significant other. If your girlfriend does something good, you give her some girlfriend points. If your girlfriend does something bad, she’s able to use the points that she earned from doing something good so that you can’t get mad at her. Same is true for boyfriends.

Not surprisingly, this concept of keeping score in marriage is not biblical. Love does not keep score. Love does not keep a record of wrongs. Love does not seek to be right, to get even, or to insist on its own way.

My husband and I are both very competitive. Our families love to play games, and for some reason, they think it’s funny to pitch us against each other. People think I’m joking when I say that we will tear each other apart, but I’m pretty serious. In competitions, there is no love. There’s only rising to the top, beating down anyone who tries to get in our way.

For our marriage’s sake, we typically play group games where my husband and I are on a team together. Otherwise, my husband gets his feelings hurt when he loses to me (haha)! But seriously, we dominate when we are put on a team together. With my husband’s ability to think outside the box and quick reflexes, and my book knowledge and uncanny ability to guess when I don’t know the answer, we work so well together as a team. We are both independent and able to plan our own strategies, but we know that we can do better when we work together.

Because of the competitiveness of our world, it’s easy to keep score, to save a spouse’s mistake in your back pocket for when he’s mad at you, to prove that you’re right. However, that is not how God intended for us to live. He created us for community, so that we can work together and get even more accomplished. Scorekeeping divides, but love unites.

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity” (Colossians 3:12-14, NIV).

In this passage, Paul uses the imagery of clothing. In the previous part of the chapter, we are told to put off our old ways and to put on these new attributes described above. My previous co-worker and I would make a practice out of pretending to put on new clothes as we listed each one: compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, forgiveness, love. Love binds all these attributes together. Scorekeeping divides, but love unites.

So, when I am dealing with my spouse, whom I am called to love, I must actively pursue the attributes listed in this verse. It is like getting dressed in the morning, an act that involves taking off my pajamas and putting on my #ootd. When I was in sin, those old habits (anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language) served to keep me in my sinful ways, but now that Christ’s death and resurrection has made me a new creation, it’s time to wake up. I must change out of my lazy pajamas and put on the clothes that show I’m ready to seize the day, confidently walking in the light of the Lord.

We are called by God to deal with others as God has dealt with us. “Forgive as God has forgiven you.” It’s hard to read verses that quote Jesus saying that God will not forgive us if we do not forgive others. He alludes to this idea several times in Scripture. If God has forgiven me from all my sin, why should I not forgive my husband for unintentionally hurting me one time? And if I don’t forgive my husband for ruffling my feathers a little bit, what does that say about my attitude toward God forgiving me for turning my back on Him and messing up so many times? Scorekeeping divides, but love unites.

Do not let bitterness keep you from loving your spouse the way that God calls you to love him/her. Be quick to forgive, talking to each other when necessary. You’ll know when it’s necessary, because you won’t be able to sleep at night. Instead of competing with one another, work together. Trust me when I say that you can accomplish much more together than separately.

Photo by Photos by Lanty on Unsplash

Categories
anxiety

Dealing with Your Feelings

Since anxiety is a feeling, I don’t like dealing with the negative emotions that surface in my heart. While God has given me the ability to feel anger, sadness, and fear, I don’t like to admit when I have those feelings. Little do I realize on a daily basis that my anxiety stems from the bottling up of my emotions, until that uncontrolled energy explodes out from within me in the form of a panic attack, an angered outrage, or isolation.

From childhood until the present day, I’ve enjoyed writing in my journal. It has always been a way for me to process my emotions without being judged, criticized, or punished. I would write about everything, from my daily activities to the things that made me angry, sad, afraid, happy, surprised, or excited. I looked forward, I dreamed, I looked back, and I remembered. If you want to really know me, better than I know myself sometimes, read my journals.

I didn’t realize how important it was for me to journal until I wasn’t able to do so a few years ago. When life gets busy, all of your priorities and hobbies get pushed to the side. I replaced the outpouring of my heart with the hardening of it as I would fight work anxiety, do my homework, or walk from class to class. If journaling wasn’t required for a few of my classes, I would have never journaled until I would graduate college. Then, what would it take for another obligation to fill that empty space again?

You see, when I got to college, I realized that my emotions were scary. I held on to a lot of bitterness and hurt from my childhood. I didn’t realize that my life wasn’t normal until I went off to college and met “normal” people, people from homes that were peaceful and encouraging. I didn’t want to talk about my feelings to anyone for fear of judgment. I couldn’t talk to my friends, because they couldn’t possibly understand. I couldn’t talk to my family, because I didn’t want to bring up old memories between us. I feared tension, I feared conflict, and so I did whatever it took to avoid the feelings of anger, sadness, and fear in my heart.

I would run from my emotions like I was an Olympic athlete competing in the 800m. Instead of facing my anger, I would fill my day with busy activities. Instead of dealing with my sadness, I would work out. Instead of dealing with my fear, I would isolate myself. As long as I kept the smile on my face, no one had to know the pain that I carried inside of me.

Jesus says in Matthew 15 that it is not what goes into you that is unclean (meaning food), but what comes out of you (meaning bitterness, hatred, and hypocrisy). Modern day psychologists have described humans as a filled cup. If the cup is filled with anger, that’s what is going to come out if it’s tipped. If the cup is filled with love and compassion, that’s what’s going to come out. Basically, what I’m trying to say is, I couldn’t hide from these feelings, even if I tried. Eventually, trials would come, and my raw emotion would be exposed.

My raw emotion did come out, through panic attacks. I wasn’t able to control myself around anyone. I was embarrassed, ashamed, and exposed when I knew I couldn’t hide anymore.

Eventually, I asked to see a counselor, and I reached out to some of my friends for support. Slowly, I learned how to journal again, and I learned how to ask for help from a healthy community. I still have feelings of anger, sadness, and fear, but I’ve learned to control them by remembering that they are indications and not dictations about my life.

Emotions may seem scary, but they don’t have to be. If you don’t learn how to control your emotions, your emotions will control you. Make time to rest and process how you are feeling these days. If you have been feeling extra anxious lately, take some time to journal and figure out why. When you read through the pages of your journal, after you’ve calmed down, you can have better insight into your emotions. You can also call up a friend or family member and ask if you can vent (ask first, though!). Making a daily habit out of journaling or talking to a trusted friend can help you better control your emotions, and take action when you need to make reconciliation with someone.

Photo by Joel Filipe on Unsplash

Categories
Marriage

Self is Blinding

I was not fully aware of the fact that I was that bad until I got married.

Before I got married, I didn’t have anyone in my life to “tell it like it is,” to make me aware of things I needed to improve in my attitude, behavior, or way of thinking. Of course, people tried, but I would justify my actions and wave away their suggestions. When you’re married, however, you can’t justify your actions as easily.

The best cure for selfishness is to take advice from the only person who knows what your morning breath smells like.

Since being married, I’ve learned that I talk a lot about myself, I overfill the garbage can, and I don’t listen as well as I’d like. Sometimes I can be grumpy, and sometimes my words can offend people. When my normally-quiet husband talks to me in general, I treasure his few words like gold. But when he says things about me that rub me the wrong way and make me uncomfortable (but are true), I have to hold that with the same weight that I hold his compliments.

There’s this running joke among married people that the things that were cute little quirks about your boyfriend or girlfriend are the things that bother you the most when you’re married. We laugh about it, but I believe that there is a purpose for this. It reminds me of our relationship with God. When God draws us into a relationship with Him, He accepts us, flaws and all. But as we grow closer to Him, He begins to show us things in our lives that we need to change.

Whether your husband leaves his dirty socks all over the floor, talks with his mouth full, or always leaves late, you may think it’s a funny trait at first, a quirky part of him that you can deal with. In the beginning, you are infatuated with everything about that person, even habits that you never put on your “list” for a potential mate. However, over time, as you’re picking up his socks, becoming nauseated by the food hanging out of his mouth, and arriving to events late, you may discover that these “little” things that bother you are not so little anymore. These are things that may bother you because they need to change. You can find healthy and polite ways to share your frustrations with your spouse in love. Then, when you share the things that bother you to your spouse, it is up to your spouse to make the decision to change. You don’t have to parent him and make him follow your every command.

Admittedly, it’s more fun to be on the giving end of criticism than on the receiving end. However, both sides are important, and need to be dealt with in love. If I’m giving criticism to someone else, I need to make sure that my words are not condemning or insulting. There’s a difference between, “Why don’t you pick up your socks? You’re so lazy!” and “Honey, I notice that you leave your socks on the floor, and I would appreciate if you put them in the hamper.”

If I’m accepting criticism from my spouse, I cannot harden my heart. I have to trust that my husband loves me enough to tell me the truth. Although it feels like his criticism of me is an attack, his criticism is simply a way for me to grow. If I disagree, I don’t have to snap at him. If I want to explain myself, I should use my words wisely.

In both of these situations, we should be praying. We love because God first loved us (1 John 4:19). Therefore, God will show us how to love our spouses, no matter if we’re pointing out a flaw, or accepting criticism about one of our own flaws. Remember that the ultimate goal is to grow closer together so that you can serve God better together.

Photo by Suhyeon Choi on Unsplash

Categories
anxiety

Does the Word “Busy” Make You Sick, Too?

I’ve been so busy these past few years (yes, years), that the word “busy” makes me want to gag. “Oh, Elisabeth, I know you’re busy, but…” is how so many of my friends and family have approached a conversation with me lately. It wasn’t until recently that I learned that I have control over my schedule, and I can schedule periods of rest.

Like so many of you, I feel guilty when I take a break. My husband works forty hours a week, drives through an hour of traffic each way every day, and comes home with only a few hours to rest before bed. We are also both involved in ministries at church, we have family events, and we obviously want to spend time together. So, it seems natural to have a little bit of guilt to carve out a nap in the middle of the day while my husband can’t do that.

However, like all of us have unique triggers to our anxiety, we also have unique limits to our energy and unique requirements for rest. Studies say that young adults need 7-9 hours of sleep each night. You might only need 7 hours and 15 minutes, but I might need 8 hours and 45 minutes. (I haven’t quite figured out that magic number yet, but when I do, I will let you know).

God has been making it abundantly clear that I need to rest these days. I’ve been trying to develop a workout routine, start my own business, keep the house clean, maintain a blog, write a novel, and have somewhat of a social life. If you don’t work out regularly (like me), you might not know that it is important to take rest days so that your body’s muscles can recover from the intensity of lifting weights, running, or contorting into shapes that you didn’t think were possible. As a writer, I need mental and emotional rest days so I can recover from the emotional outpouring of my heart and mind into a story for all to read. When I’m editing, I also need to emotionally recover from the remorse I feel for the characters when a story ends. Practically, rest days are suggested, but biblically, rest days are required.

When you struggle with anxiety, it’s hard to know when to rest. Sometimes, even when you stop working, your mind still races a mile a minute. So, let’s talk about what it means to rest and when you should make time to rest.

God commands us to have a Sabbath rest, which is modeled after the fact that He rested on the seventh day of creation. The Sabbath shows a satisfaction in creation. God saw all that He created, and it was very good, so He rested. He didn’t have to do any more work. We should have that same mindset. If we are working 24/7 and are actually doing well at what we do, we should make time to rest, to celebrate what we’ve already done and to anticipate what we are going to do. The Sabbath was also established in the Old Testament to remind Israel that they are no longer slaves of Egypt. God had set them free, so the only master they needed to serve was Him. If you feel like a slave to your commitments, maybe you need to take time to rest.

God set up this time for us as a symbol of our need for rest. But what does it mean to rest? Like me, there are some people who cannot sit still without falling asleep. Some people have to go out for a run or draw or read a book. I believe that rest is making time for you to recharge, however you do that. Pastors Pete Scazzero and Rich Vallodas of New Life Fellowship in Queens have a video that helped me learn the idea of biblical Sabbath, and what you should do on the day that you designate to be your Sabbath.

Although we should physically rest from our jobs, our chores, and our workouts, true rest is not just a ceasing of activity; it is ultimately having inner peace. When we cease from the mundane projects that we do each day, we are reminded that our identity is not found in these things. God says that we are enough, just as we are, because of all the work that He has done for us. Do you believe that God is enough for you? Then take time to rest this week. You don’t have time? Make time. You can skip the meeting. You can call a babysitter. You can show up a few hours late to that party. Make time for you to recharge, reflect, and celebrate what God is doing in your life.

Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

Categories
Marriage

Showing Honor to Your Spouse

“I see London, I see France, I can see your underpants!” My aunt sang as I hid my three-year-old face into the couch after a temper tantrum. It seemed that the skirt of my dress had lifted up and my white underwear was exposed for all to see. I had brought dishonor on my parents, who had taken the time to dress me properly and who had taught me never to show my underpants to anyone in public.

The English word for “honor” connotes giving respect to those in authority over us. We honor our parents and grandparents. We honor our teachers. We honor our governing officials. We honor our bosses. However, how do we show honor to our spouses, who are supposed to be equal to us?

The Greek word that is used in 1 Corinthians 13:5 for “dishonor” (aschemonei) is translated as “acts unbecomingly.” Strong’s Greek Concordance uses the definition “to prepare disgrace for another,” while HELPS Word-Studies describes the Greek word for “dishonor” as “to lack proper form.” It turns out that my little reveal as a three-year-old was the perfect example of showing dishonor. I lacked the proper form of how a little girl should act. I was preparing disgrace for my parents as well as myself by exposing my little booty.

The only other time that this Greek word is used in Scripture is in 1 Corinthians 7, when Paul talks about an engagement relationship: “If anyone is worried that he might not be acting honorably toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if his passions are too strong and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married” (v 36, NIV). The word has nothing to do with how the “other” is acting in this case; it only deals with the self. If you are not doing what you are supposed to do, you are showing dishonor. This thinking reveals that we should lay down our pride so that we can show honor to our spouses.

Practically, if you are not in a marriage relationship, but you are acting like you are (if you know what I mean), you are showing dishonor to your significant other. It is not a sin to get married, but it is a sin to act like you’re married when you aren’t. Everyone who has ever gotten married knows the pressure to have the biggest, most expensive wedding. However, there is no wedding more beautiful than a couple who puts all that glamour and glitz off the pedestal and focuses on showing honor to each other.

In February of 2016, my husband and I had to choose between waiting two years and waiting nine months to get married. We realized that if we kept waiting, we could have compromised, and we could have shown dishonor to one another by acting like we were married when we weren’t. We were married in November of 2016 with no regrets and with anticipation of starting our lives together.

If you are married, you can show honor to your spouse through the dictionary definition of showing honor, acting true to the form of a good spouse. Remember that the world is watching you, and they are looking for an example of what a God-centered marriage looks like. How are you going to show them that God is at the center of your marriage?

Honoring always involves looking up. Although our spouses are equal to us, we all have a standard to follow. God gives us a standard for how we should treat our spouses in Ephesians 5: women are to submit to their husbands, and men are to love their wives. That is how you show honor to your spouse.

Ultimately, when we honor others, we honor God. God will show us how to honor our spouses through His Word and through the work that He does in our hearts. If you have been acting dishonorably toward your spouse, the first step is to ask for forgiveness, both from your spouse and from God. If you trust God, He will show you how to bring honor to your spouse and how to be an example of a good marriage in a world that so desperately needs love.

Photo by Jamie Street on Unsplash

Categories
Marriage

Pride: The Killer of Marriage

Pride is common, and is actually encouraged, in today’s society. Although the word “pride” has developed a connotation of its own, the pride that the Bible warns against involves making yourself look better than you actually are. Strong’s Greek Concordance translates the word for pride in 1 Corinthians 13:4 (physioutai) as “puffed up.” The phrase invokes the imagery of a balloon being inflated. On the outside, the balloon increases in size, pomp, and importance, but the inside is filled with nothing.

In marriage, pride can cause fights, arguments, and disagreement. Using the idea of pride that the Bible describes, spouses attempts to puff themselves up in competition against one another to prove why they are right. Since they are so busy pointing out their spouse’s big heads, they never see their own. Pride can never bring a couple together; it can only tear them further apart. That’s why pride is described as the marriage-killer.

This popular scenario that takes place in a marriage demonstrates how easy it is for pride to creep into your relationship. We all know that men do not listen. When women want to vent, men want to fix it. Men and women violently attack each other to prove that their side is the right side. They even call their friends together of the same gender and have an all-out battle of the sexes to defend their opinions. That in and of itself is pride, but there’s an even deeper root of pride that exists in this case.

Men have this innate desire to fix everything. Generally speaking, they have this tendency to think that they have the solution to every problem, and that if only women could see things like they do, the world would be a better place. When women are caught up in their feelings, men have to rescue them from their distorted thinking and help them see the right way (his way, of course!). Bad day at work? Husband knows how to fix it! Problems with your sister? Husband knows what to say! In every situation, the wife may say “It’s not as easy as you think,” but the husband will believe, “Of course it’s that easy! It works for me every time!”

On the other side, women have this innate desire to express their feelings. Generally speaking, they see their husbands after a long day of separation and feel the need to dump everything on them. It doesn’t matter if their husbands are tired, hungry, or need to poop. If the wife wants to talk, the husband needs to listen. Then, when the husband reacts according to his fatigue/hunger/needing to poop (AKA, says something stupid in response to this outpouring of the wife’s heart), the woman gets upset. “You didn’t talk to me like I deserve,” the wife might say. “Why can’t you talk to me like that hot guy talks to his wife in that sappy romantic movie I always make you watch?”

In Matthew 7, Jesus illustrates what pride looks like through the imagery of a piece of wood: “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye” (Matt. 7:3-5).

Like the person who Jesus describes in this parable, we tend to look at everyone else’s faults before dealing with our own. Wives, before you judge your husband for leaving his clothes on the floor, ask yourselves, “Do I put everything back in its place when I’m finished with it?” As you look around, you may find your make-up, books, or other items strewn around the house. Make sure you are clean before you criticize your husband for being dirty.

When we got married, my pastor gave my husband a wise bit of marriage advice: “These two phrases will save your marriage – ‘It’s my fault,’ and ‘I’m sorry.'” He specifically told that to my husband, but I’ve learned that I have to say it to my husband as well. When was the last time you took responsibility in your marriage? How often do you believe that it’s your spouse’s fault when something goes wrong? Make an effort to use these phrases more often. Ask God to help you see where you need work. If you cannot look past your own pride and only see the work your spouse needs, pray for your spouse. I know that, over time, God will open your eyes to see where you need work too!

Photo by Adam King on Unsplash

This article lists 10 ways that pride manifests in marriage. If you feel led, prayerfully read through this list and consider if these attributes are present in your marriage. Again, before you go complaining that your spouse is guilty of all these qualities, look in your own heart and pray about how you can change, too.

Categories
anxiety

Do it Scared

I am excited to announce that I am now a freelance writer and editor! This dream was birthed in me at the young age of six, when I realized I could write books for kids who loved reading, just like me. Thank you to the people in college who told me I should major in English (I didn’t listen), and to my family and friends for supporting me in this transition. While I will be writing several books and waiting for them to be selected for publication, I will also be offering writing and editing services to those who want to make their writing dreams a reality.

Although this has been a dream of mine, I woke up this morning with a sense of fear. What if I put myself out there and nobody bites? What if people don’t like me? What if they find out that I’m not perfect? The good-girl Christian in me says, “God has a plan! It’ll all work out in the end! Don’t be afraid!” We tend to be scared of being scared, so we put a spiritual band-aid on our fear and call it a day. However, I’m still afraid! I’ve never done this before. Fear is a natural response to the unknown.

To help me launch my career, my husband bought me a copy of the book Business Boutique by Christy Wright, a professional who helps women start their own businesses doing what they love. In one of the beginning chapters of the book, she wrote about fear in starting your own business. Fear is normal, and everyone experiences fear at one point or another. Her solution? “We just do it scared” (15).

As I re-read through Chapter 2, “Fear is Normal,” Wright only mentions that phrase a few times. However, after reading all 19 chapters of her book, I can clearly remember that phrase as my takeaway. If we only did things when we weren’t afraid, we would miss out on a lot of life. I’m actually more afraid of settling than neglecting my dreams. What is more fearful to you, being stuck in a job that isn’t your passion for the rest of your life, or taking a leap of faith and risking it all to pursue your dreams? Doesn’t the latter option sound like a movie?

A few people in my audience struggle with anxiety like me. I used to get scared just going out to eat with friends. You may get scared going to parties or traveling or visiting certain places or even not having plans. Going on retreats as a teenager, the staff members would tell us to aim for our yellow zone. The green zone is our comfort zone, and the red zone is our debilitating fear. While high ropes courses might be easy as pie for you, they make me nauseous and dizzy; I literally can’t move when I get to a certain height. Doing something in your yellow zone is doing something that stretches you just enough not to break you.

If you feel God calling you to do something in your red zone, which is quite possible, have grace with yourself to take baby steps there. If you are scared of publishing a book about your traumatic past, start off small by sharing your story with a trusted friend or a small group of people. No matter what you do, don’t let fear keep you from doing what you love and what you feel God is calling you to do.

Here are some quotes that I found when searching the phrase “Do it scared.” May they inspire you to pursue your passion, even if you have to do it scared:

“If you’re afraid, don’t do it. If you’re doing it, don’t be afraid!”-Genghis Khan

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” – Nelson Mandela

“What you feel doesn’t matter in the end; it’s what you do that makes you brave.” – Andre Agassi

“Courage is not the absence of fear; it is the absence of self.” – Erwin McManus

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”-Marianne Williamson

Photo by Kristina Wagner on Unsplash

Categories
Book Update

Book Update: My Journey at reNEW

Nine thousand, one hundred, and seventeen.

That’s how many pages I had written toward my third rewrite of my book.  By hand.  All my book needed was time, character development, and a meaty storyline.  I’m pretty sure God gave me all of that when I went on this retreat a few weeks ago.

I’d signed up for reNEW (retreat for New England Writing) over the summer.  One of my friends from church invited me after she saw that I wanted to pursue a career as a writer.  The three of us from church who traveled together on Columbus Day Weekend did not know what to expect.

I’d already told you about what I learned spiritually and emotionally.  You’ll be amazed to know what I learned vocationally.

The retreat took place at Holy Family Retreat Center in West Hartford, Connecticut.  Having been built in the early 1950s, this retreat center has served as a source of hope, recovery, and a renewed love for Jesus Christ.

Believe it or not, this is what my book was missing!

As you know, my book is about a young woman who struggles with anxiety and learns to deal with the wounds from her past.  My book started as a testimony of how God healed me of anxiety.  Because I wanted to minister to a non-Christian audience (so that they can also find freedom from anxiety), I made God a symbolic, ambiguous character in the story.  When people read the story (even Christians!), they had no idea that the King was supposed to serve as the God character.

Before going on this retreat, I had been wrestling with how much of God I should put in my book.  On this retreat, I learned that God should be where he always was in my life, my marriage, and my writing: right at the center.  After walking through the Stations of the Cross, I could imagine my character walking along the trail, seeing her anxiety through the eyes of her Savior who literally moved Heaven and Earth to save her.  That experience brought healing not only to my soul, but to the soul of my main character, Tori.

If you never read anything from me again, may this message stick with you: Jesus Christ died for all of our sins, defeating death and all that it entails, and rose again three days later, carrying with him the hope of eternal life.  We think that eternal life begins when we die.  Well, we die when we surrender our lives to Christ, and He gives us new life right now.  And that’s how I was finally able to understand how to overcome anxiety, when I realized how dead I was before Jesus came and breathed new life into me.  Now my anxiety has no power over me.  And that’s the message behind my book Kingdom of Truth (title pending).

I’m thankful for the people who made reNEW possible.  I’m so blessed to have met some wonderful ladies who are now encouraging me in my writing and are giving me some interesting material to read as well!  I felt like I was a spark plug in need of an outlet, and this retreat truly helped me get connected and revived.

Now that I’m back to “the real world,” please pray that I would take the time to really invest in this book.  I have very little free time in my schedule, and when I actually have time, I’m tired and just want to curl into a ball and drink some tea.  But the desire to write has been burning within, even more now that I’ve attended this retreat.  My goal is to finish the book by the end of this year.  I’m celebrating each time I write even a hundred words (a paragraph) a day.

Thank you all for your support and prayers!

Photo courtesy of Green Chameleon on Unsplash.

 

Categories
Marriage

Standing Together

We’ve heard lots of advice when we were preparing for marriage.  Some of it was good, and some of it was just plain distasteful.  One of the best pieces of advice that we both received at the exact same time in different places is “You need to join a couples small group.”

One of the girls that I’ve watched grow up in the church told her mother that I had just gotten engaged.  Her parents had a small group for couples who were engaged and married up to five years (newlyweds).  From the other side of the Atrium, her mother called me and invited me to her group.  I instantly wanted to sign up, but I needed to get permission from my then fiance first.

My husband was in Florida, helping his grandfather who was terminally ill.  He visited his aunt’s church that Sunday.  While I was being invited to join her Bible study in New York, a woman that I had never met was praying over my husband, encouraging him to join a small group with couples so that we could learn from each other.  When I called him about the small group, he knew it was a complete confirmation.

We have been in the group for almost two years now, and it has been nothing short of a blessing.  We have a safe place where we can be real about our struggles and we can hear the struggles of others so we know that we are not alone.  When we see each other at church, we ask each other how we’re doing and we truly feel encouraged by each other’s company.  They don’t just throw advice our way; they talk to us and ask us specifically how they can pray for us (which is what newlywed couples need most).  We also go over a Bible study each year to help us center our marriages around God.

We have other couple friends who are not in our Bible study, but we see them at church and are involved in ministry with us.  We have taken a front-row seat into their marriage to see how all this theological stuff on marriage is played out in everyday life.  We have watched them interact with each other, go through the process of raising kids, engage with in-laws and relatives and friends.  All the while, they provide us advice and encouragement as well.  It is such a blessing to have them in our lives.

When we got married,  we wouldn’t have known what to expect if it wasn’t for these people in our lives.  We wouldn’t have been aware of the conflicts that would arise or the feelings we would encounter or the struggles we would face in our first year of marriage.  The couples who have blazed the trail before us were able to give us an inside look into their stories so that we could learn from them.  We are so thankful to have friends and family who are married and can simply share their lives with us.

Do you have that sort of accountability?

Find a couple in your church or in your family that is a good example of marriage to you.  Whether it’s your parents, your aunt/uncle, your cousins, your older siblings, small group leaders, or a well-respected couple in the church, you can simply start off the conversation by asking them about their marriage.  Pray that you can be real with them as they are real with you.  Then, learn from them.  Sit at their feet and see what it’s like to be married.  May they be people who give you an inside look into their marriage so that you will be prepared.  You will learn so much from their wisdom and experience.  What you learn will encourage you in your struggles and your successes as a couple.

 

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Categories
Encouragement

Step into His Rest

I woke up Tuesday morning with a sense of urgency.  I had a lot on my plate: the apartment was a mess, I anticipated a crazy work day, and, of course, I wanted to write my book and my blog with very little time to do so!

Despite all the activities that stood on the path before me, I knew what I needed to do first.  I needed to put my day in God’s hands.  On Tuesday, I sacrificed the small amount of time before I had to leave and trusted God to show me what I needed to know.

And wow, did He show me!

You’ll never guess what I learned in my devotional.  It was about rest and trusting God to do the impossible!  They alluded to the story of Jesus feeding the five thousand.  We always focus on that incredible story, but what the disciples did before this great miracle happened is just as significant.  Before sending out His disciples to encounter these hungry people, Jesus asked them to spend some time alone in prayer.  Time alone with God is so important, because it allows us to center our attention on Him.  We need to rest in God in order for Him to strengthen us to overcome whatever obstacles we face in the day ahead.

One of the most powerful things I did on the retreat this past weekend was just let God control my day.  Obviously, He’s always in control, but sometimes I like to think I’m in control.  We had a schedule that we were suggested to follow, but nothing was mandatory.  I set my alarm so that I could follow the schedule.  When my head hit the pillow, I fell asleep peacefully.

Several hours later, I detected the sun shining through the curtain.  My alarm should be going off soon, I thought, snuggling deeper into the covers, allowing myself a few more minutes to sleep.  After dozing off again, I realized that my alarm hadn’t gone off.  Is the sun really up this early?  I looked at my phone.  If I’d wanted to follow the schedule, I should have been up 45 minutes earlier.

I guess I had needed my sleep.

I decided, since I’m constantly a slave to a schedule, to let myself relax instead of rushing to each and every activity that weekend.  I did not rush through my quiet time with the Lord.  I didn’t care that I was a little late to breakfast and that I couldn’t find a seat.  I made new friends, and I had some incredible conversations with people I wouldn’t have talked to if I was on time.  Whatever I chose to do during the weekend was more meaningful; instead of attending workshops and meetings because I had to, I attended them because I knew God wanted to show me something through them.

Trusting in God’s timing shows your confidence in him, which ultimately shows your confidence in what He says about you.

While it is tempting to rush through life, God calls us to trust Him with every step.  Someone told me this weekend that the way in the right direction always involves the first step.  We get so focused on the steps that follow that we feel too numb to take the first step.  All it takes to get us started is to rely on God for that one step, and then the next step, and then the next.  One step at a time.

And step by step, God will lead us.

You don’t have to have it all figured out.  You don’t have to choose right now.  You don’t have to be a slave to your schedule or to others’ expectations of you.

During these next few weeks, I’m going to through rush out the window.  I can’t ignore the tasks that God has allowed me to do, and the activities that God has provided for me to participate in, but I can develop an attitude of rest that reminds me who is really in control.  I’m not in control.  My activities are not in control.  My blog readers are not in control.  My potential literary agents/publishers are not in control.

Ultimately, God is in control, and I rest confidently in the fact that He will guide me in this next step, and every next step to follow.

Photo by Julia Caesar on Unsplash