Categories
Throwback Thursday

#ThrowbackThursday to When I Wanted to Give Up

I remember when I wanted to quit my retail job three years ago.

Let’s just say, my calling was definitely not folding clothes and handling money all day.  I had a Teaching English as a Foreign Language Certificate and a Bachelor of Arts in Intercultural Studies under my belt, and I was itching to travel, teaching English and writing for God’s glory.  If I could do the exact opposite of that, I felt like it would have been something similar to folding clothes and handling money!

Eventually, my time at the mall came to a close, and I was on to bigger and better things.  I started working at a bookstore, and then at my current job as an Administrative Assistant.  Despite my disgust at the minimum wage jobs that I had in the past (except for my job as a Consultant at the Writing Center!) I thank God that He used each of those transitional jobs to bring me one step closer to the person that He has called me to be.

I feel like we are trained to always wait for the next best thing.  From an early age, we go from preschool to kindergarten, then prepare for elementary school in kindergarten, then prepare for middle school in elementary school, then prepare for high school in middle school, then prepare for college in high school, then prepare for grad school in your undergrad, and then prepare for your full-time career in college.  We’re always preparing, but what are we preparing for?

The point of the article I wrote a few years ago was that no matter what season we are in, we should always give our best.  If you have senioritis and just want to graduate, take a deep breath and pause.  You only get to be a high school/college senior once; live it up!  If you are single and just want to find someone, take a deep breath and pause.  Once you are married, you have a long life ahead of you with that person; learn to take advantage of your free time and wholehearted devotion to God. If you are in an in-between job and just want to quit, take a deep breath and pause.  God has given you a unique opportunity right where you are, and He is training you through it!

So, how can we give our best in the season we are in, even if we don’t feel our best?

Be thankful.  God is sovereign and God is faithful.  He has allowed you to have this job/relationship status/apartment/time at school for a reason.  Think about what blessings can come out of the situation.

Be honest.  It may be difficult for you to praise God for this season.  Let Him know that!  He loves you.  He would rather have an honestly angry person than a fake happy person.  Plus, sharing your struggles with God brings you closer to Him.  Continue to stay connected with God, even when you don’t understand where He’s leading you.

Be surrounded.  As a woman in my mid-20s, I know I’m not alone in my struggle to find contentment.  People my age are all in different stages of life.  Some are single, while others are married with kids.  Some are stuck in part-time jobs, while others are well into their careers.  Some can travel, while others are trying to budget.  When I surround myself with Christian women who are fighting the same fight as me, it encourages me not to give up.

Be joyful.  Even in the midst of trials, we are called to be joyful.  Joy, I’ve learned, is meant to be shared.  If you’re at a job that isn’t exactly your calling, it might be a challenge to always have a smile on your face.  However, joy changes the atmosphere.  As God changes your perspective, others will notice, and they will be encouraged to find joy as well.

All of these points focus on becoming.  Through trials and transitions, we become more thankful, we become more honest, we become more encouraged, and we become more joyful.  God is more focused on changing our hearts than changing our circumstances.  Let Him grow you through these uncomfortable times.

 

Thank you to Unsplash for always providing great stock photos for me to use for my Featured Image.  This one was by Dhruva Reddy on Unsplash

 

Categories
Wisdom Wednesday

Heaven on Earth

I have good news to share with you all:

The Kingdom of God is here!

I’m so excited that this is a reality, that this is the good news that we are called to share.  The gospel is not simply a one-way ticket to Heaven (although it is an important part of the Christian faith).  The gospel is not a way for God to remove all the pain and suffering from my life (although I believe God has the ability to heal me and give me a life free from suffering if He wanted!).  No, the gospel is God meeting us where we are right now and setting the world free by destroying death and redeeming His creation.

Do you want to be a part of it?

I’ve been reading the book Surprised by Hope by N.T. Wright*, and that book has changed my entire perspective on my life as a Christian.  On Monday, my friend and co-worker shared a sermon from John Ortberg* with me that was about the kingdom of God, and the fact that eternal life begins here and now.  So, I felt like there was a pattern in what God was teaching me, and I would like to share what I learned with you today.

We have been taught from an early age that the gospel is simply believing that Jesus died so that you can go to Heaven.  We have this mentality that Christianity is all about what Jesus can do for me, and whatever I suffer in this life, I will never have to deal with it in the next.  It doesn’t matter if I sin, it doesn’t matter if I’m mean to people, it doesn’t matter if others hurt me…my ultimate hope is going to Heaven when I die.

Sadly, I spent much of my Christian life like this.  As one who tends to avoid pain and responsibility, I like the idea that Jesus died so that I can never be hurt, so that there will always be sunny skies and comfy pillows and blessings.  I guarded my heart, protecting myself from the world, believing that if I just held on long enough and kept myself free from sin, I would be able to enjoy sitting on fluffy clouds, eating ice cream with no calories, and partying with my relatives who had gone before me.

This was my gospel; it was the gospel centered around me.

Although this life sounds pretty great, the life that Jesus promises is even better.  His plan involves helping us see beyond ourselves.  His plan involves restoration, redemption, and revival…and we are able to be a part of it.  Jesus did not come just to protect you from this “evil” world; He came so you could help Him in restoring all of creation to what it used to be.

It starts when we accept Jesus into our hearts.

This means recognizing the work Jesus did on Earth, believing that His sacrifice was enough to save your sins, and then submitting to God’s will.  Having a relationship with Jesus is asking Him what He desires, knowing full well that He loves us, and trusting Him to not only provide for your needs, but for the needs of all of His creation.

When we accept God’s will for us, we begin to pray as Jesus taught us to pray: “Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven.”

After that, we trust in faith that God will provide us the guidance and wisdom to know how to live in Heaven on Earth.  Whether it’s caring for someone who is sick, advocating the rights of the poor, or even smiling at a friend who needs encouragement, you can assist in bringing the Kingdom of God to Earth. And since God is a good God, we know that His Kingdom will make the world a better place, one soul, one smile, one prayer at a time.

Are you fixing your eyes on the problems in this world and losing hope, or are you hoping that Jesus comes back soon so that He could clean up all of our mess?  I have even greater news for you than either of those two options: Before Jesus comes back, we have the opportunity to bring Heaven to Earth through our worship, our service to God, and overall, through His love flowing out of us.

 

 

Sources:

bd daniel. “John Ortberg The Kingdom of God Pepperdine University
2014.”  Online video clip. YouTube. 10 April 2015. Web. 17 July 2017.

Wright, N. T. Surprised by Hope: Rethinking Heaven, the Resurrection,
and the Mission of the Church.  New York: Harper Collins, 2008.  Print.

Categories
Marriage

Separating From Your Spouse

On Saturday, my husband and I did not wake up together.

I told him I wanted to sleep in after not sleeping well this past week.  He, on the other hand, was up before seven.  I knew he was up right away; not only am I a light sleeper, but he was also staring at me sleep!  Grumpily, I commanded him to find a new place to hang out until it was time for me to wake up. I did not arise until two hours later, and by the time I was ready to see him again, he was playing an hour-long game on his computer (his way of relaxing).

So, my husband started his morning playing video games, while I started mine reading a book (my way of relaxing).

Henry Cloud and John Townsend, most known for their Boundaries series, have written much about the four stages of growth: boundaries, separation, distinguishing right from wrong, and maturing into adulthood.  Although I’m not a scholar on psychology or on marriage, I have seen these stages of growth affect marriage as well.

In the beginning stages of marriage, boundaries are essential to making the marriage work.  The couple are so used to being two separate humans that they do not know how to come together as one.  The husband and wife need to establish boundaries within the marriage as well as outside of the marriage to protect their unity.  One boundary that we’ve established is to not talk about our spouse with anyone else without letting our spouse know (even if it’s as simple as “My husband made me lunch today”).  We’ve seen secrets destroy relationships, and we didn’t want to let anyone come in between ours.  Even when I write about my husband on this blog, I let him read it first, so that he does not think I’m telling you things that he doesn’t already know.

As I’ve written in my post about the lovey-dovey phase, in the beginning stages of a relationship, we have these tingly feelings that make it impossible for us to separate.  I firmly believe that God gave us those feelings so that we could establish our unity right from the start of our relationship.  My husband and I, without a doubt, are a team.  Everyone knows that; we’ve made sure they do!

Because I personally had been so protective of our marriage, I had a difficult time letting my husband do the activities he enjoyed before he met me.  We don’t have the same friend group (as much as we enjoy each other’s friends!), and we don’t always have fun doing the same activities.  Since I’d become a Christian, I’d always believed that I would be doing everything with my husband, from waking up in the morning, to going to work, to resting together after a long day together.  But now that we don’t work together, serve together in all the same ministries, or even have the same interests, I’m rethinking what it looks like to be a team with my husband.

If we don’t give ourselves time to do the things we enjoy, we will become bitter and resentful of each other.  If I don’t let my husband play video games to relieve stress, he might get grumpy and see me as a tyrant.  If my husband doesn’t let me write, he might end up as the antagonist in my next novel (that was a writer’s joke!).  If we don’t let each other hang out with our own friends, not only will our friends wonder what happened, but we’ll also feel like we’re trapped within the bubble of our own marriage.  Even if we enjoyed doing the same activities, we also appreciate just taking a minute to spend time alone.  We are a team, we are one unit, but we are not the same person.

Now, I am not suggesting that our goal is to eventually grow apart from each other.  Our goal is to still be a team, while appreciating the differences that we have from one another.  I will never be exactly like my husband, and my husband will never be exactly like me.  The way that God created me, the gifts that God has given my husband, the paths where God has led us both, have shaped us into the people we are today.  We both have different passions that help us each minister to the body of Christ in unique ways.

We can still enjoy activities together, like going for walks, trying new restaurants, and visiting our families.  We can still make mutual friends and spend time with them.  We can still serve together.  But we can also communicate about what it looks like to be separate within the boundaries we have already established as husband and wife.

Categories
Throwback Thursday

#ThrowbackThursday to my #FirstWorldProblems

Looking at my memories this past week, I had to laugh at my article on first world problems.  The problems I had then were a walk in the park compared to what I deal with now.  Nevertheless, the message behind my article was important for me to remember, and for you to be encouraged.

Although I define first world problems in the article I mentioned, plainly put, they’re problems that greatly affect the outcome of our days, but put in perspective, they’re not that bad.

You can read about the first world problems I dealt with as a recent college graduate.  My greatest first world problem as an employee is the commute to and from work.  I’ve found that my commute to work is the deciding factor of how nice I’m going to behave at work.  Now that school is out of session and there are less cars on the road, my commute to work is only fifteen minutes.  I’ve noticed that I’ve definitely been more calm at work now, even cheerful. But during the school year, my commute can range from twenty to thirty-five minutes.  Although it does not sound like a long time, the fact that there is a fifteen-minute window of time (where I can be fifteen minutes early or fifteen minutes late) can make it very difficult to plan my morning schedule.

This, in essence, is a first world problem, but it’s even beyond a first world problem.  Some people in this country have to take the train, which could be a solid hour each way–as long as there are no delays.  All of you who have to commute via the train must be cracking up at my so-called misfortune of my fifteen-minute drive to work.

First world problems are entirely based on perspective.  What is a total nightmare to me, could be a wonderful opportunity for you.  Maybe a longer commute to work could mean more time to listen to your audio book. Maybe your phone charger not working could yield an opportunity to catch up with your friend face-to-face.  Maybe the fact that it’s raining when you’re about to fill up your gas tank could remind you not to run your car to the ground.

All in all, I’m thankful for my job.  I’m thankful for my husband.  I’m thankful for my family.  I’m thankful for all the things that aren’t perfect, but have made my life better.

What things in your life have you taken for granted lately?  Take some time to thank God for all the blessings He has given you.  It says in James 1:17 that every good and perfect gift is from above.  To us, our circumstances may not be perfect, but in God’s perfect plan, He has you exactly where you need to be.  And He will provide what you need, when you need it.  Through every circumstance, you can find contentment in Him.

Life as a college graduate for me was such a struggle at first.  My first twenty-something years of life had been preparing me for this moment, and yet I still had no clue what I was doing.  If I could go back three years and tell myself one thing, it would be this: it gets better.  Life takes some time to figure out, and while I can’t say I’ve completely mastered it, it seems to make a little more sense now.  I pray if you are in a transitional period of your life, you would be encouraged by the process.  You’ll get through this, and you’ll become stronger through the trials and confusions that life throws at you.  God has a plan for you, and you have plenty of time and plenty of grace to navigate through it!

Categories
Wisdom Wednesday

What Wisdom Do You Share?

Talking (or posting on social media) does not always produce wisdom. Proverbs 10:19 says that where words are many, sin is not absent.  The more we talk, the more likely we are to sin.

Are you sinning with your words?

Here are some reasons why people generally post on social media, or give advice that may or may not be helpful:

  • I want to be heard. Social media makes it so easy for us to feel important. When we receive information, we have a desire to share it, simply so that we can hear the sound of our own voices.  Have you ever talked and thought to yourself, “I have no idea what I’m even saying, but if I stop now, it will look awkward”?  You’re the type that has a lot to say, but may not be saying much at all. You may be motivated by the desire to feel significant, which, in and of itself, is not a bad desire. However, when you seek approval from others, it not only puts an unhealthy responsibility on them, but also an unhealthy attachment in you.
  • I want to put someone down.  So that I do not act as a hypocrite, I will not call anyone out when I bring up this point. However, I challenge you to ask yourself: When you post on social media, when you retaliate, when you wave your finger at another person, what good comes out of putting that person down?  You claim you’re trying to educate the ignorant ones in your sphere of influence, but the minute you start insulting them, they don’t want to listen to you.  You will no longer be teaching them, but using them as a sounding board to express your own frustrations and sound important (see previous bullet point).
  • I want to promote my business.  In essence, there is nothing wrong with this.  I mean, how else are you going to get the word out and make money?  As a writer and a blogger, I have to somehow weave my writing into conversations so that others will know about it and read it.  But I, along with my fellow artists and business owners, must consider my motivation behind promoting my products.  I write to encourage those around me to find freedom in Christ, especially from anxiety and discontentment (two struggles that I have overcome through Christ).  Fitness trainers can promote their services, not just to make money, but to provide others with the tools they need to live a healthy lifestyle.  Business owners can promote their products, not just to meet a quota, but to improve the lives of others through what they sell.  Advertising is not unwise, as long as the person comes before the product.

As I shared in my post last week, true wisdom comes from knowing Jesus Christ personally and learning the Word of God (the Bible).  That being said, here are the ways you can share godly wisdom with your loved ones:

  • Encourage them with Scripture. I want to stress the importance of keeping Bible verses in context.  Jesus promises to reward the faithful, for example, but in light of the rest of Scripture, that reward is not monetary.  There are plenty of examples of Scripture that has been used out of context, but if you do your research, you’ll be able to understand how to share Bible verses with others.
  • Humbly give your testimony. Sometimes the greatest evidence of our wisdom is our own personal experience.  On college essays or in debates, personal experience is considered a reasonable source.  You may not be an expert on psychology, but you can share how deep breathing or self-affirmation has helped you cope with anxiety.  Please keep in mind, what works for you might not work for others.  All you can do is tell them what has helped you, and hope that your advice at least points them in the right direction.
  • Pray. James 1:5 says that God freely gives wisdom to those who ask.  Your friend who is earnestly seeking wisdom could receive guidance and counsel if you simply lifted him/her up in prayer.
  • Nothing.  When you don’t know what to say, don’t say anything.  It is better to say nothing than to say something foolish and steer them in the wrong direction.  Sometimes the only support your friend needs is a listening ear, a hug, or a fun activity to get his/her mind off of the situation.

Colossians 3:14 tells us to do all things in love. No matter if you’re giving advice, receiving advice, or simply being there for a friend, do everything with the knowledge that God loves you and with the charge from God to love others.

Categories
Marriage

What’s New? Nothing, and That’s OK.

It seems like everyone is getting engaged and having babies, and I’m all like

IMG_20170705_220846_834
My sink is clean!

 

Seriously, my husband and I are both incredibly happy for the people in our lives that are getting engaged, getting married, getting pregnant, and having babies (even having a second child!).  We have grown to appreciate and celebrate with the people who have exciting things going on around us.  Thank you for sharing your blessings with us!

After not seeing my family or friends for a while, they ask the question: “What’s new?”  It may be my own insecurity, or it may be the way our society is nowadays, but I never feel content unless I actually give them some news about what’s going on in my life.

But do you want to know my honest answer?  Nothing.

The past two years we’re literally an emotional roller coaster for me and my husband.  Between transitions in our jobs, places of residence, marital status, and physical health, it’s as if we’ve lived three lives together in the two-and-a-half years we’ve known each other.  Every week, we had new news.

“I’m moving into my first apartment.”

“I just started a new job.”

“I just got promoted.”

“I have shingles.”

“We’re engaged.” (And all the news that comes with planning a wedding).

“I have a new job.”

“We have new friends.”

“We’re involved in new ministries at the church.”

“We’re married.”

“We’re going on vacation.”

“We have a new apartment.”

“I’m getting a promotion.”

Because of all these changes, we have become discontent with waiting, as we’ve been trained by our experiences to always anticipate the next best thing.  Our prayers have transitioned from “Thank you, God,” to “What next, God?”  And after praying for several months, God has finally answered the cry of our hearts for His direction:

“It’s OK to be normal.”

We don’t feel led.  We don’t have enough money.  We don’t have enough time.  We have our hands full.  These are all excuses that people use to not live their dreams.  But what if God has so crafted our circumstances–our limited budget, our busy schedules, our responsibilities, His silence in our prayers–so that we could step back and see that we have enough right where we are?

My exciting news is that I don’t have dishes in the sink. My exciting news is that we’re cleaning out our closet and getting rid of clothes we haven’t worn in several years.  My exciting news is that we spent half of what we thought we would while grocery shopping.  My exciting news is that I rewrote a chapter of my book today.  Our exciting news is that every day is a beautiful adventure, where we learn more about each other through household chores, grocery shopping, and living normal.

And that’s OK.

If you find you’re discontent, if you don’t hear God answering your prayers, may you find encouragement in the normal.  Whether you’re single, engaged, newlywed, trying to have kids, struggling to keep up with your numerous kids, an empty nester, or beyond, you have a reason to celebrate.  That celebration might not be over the opportunity to travel, finding out the gender of your baby, or exchanging rings with the love of your life, but if God is with you, you can celebration that you literally have everything you need in this very moment.  God is enough; maybe you needed to read that in this very moment!

On Thursday, I’ll be talking more about this in the context of a post I wrote in 2014.

Categories
Throwback Thursday

#ThrowbackThursday to My Trip to Spain

This past week, we had Vacation Bible School at our church.  On my Facebook memories, I found out that I posted an article about Vacation Bible School, Escuela Biblica de Verano, when I went to Spain four years ago.  It was a beautiful eye-opener to see how God has taken my life and brought me on this interesting detour.

You see, I started this blog with a five-year plan.  My plan was to get my TESOL certification, go to South Korea for two years and teach English (to pay off my loans), get my Masters in Intercultural Studies/TESOL, meet my husband in seminary, get married, and go back to Spain!  It’s almost been five years since I made this plan, and let me tell you: I’m nowhere near where I would have been today if God had not thrown me a curveball.

It all started with a text message.  On a Sunday.

I came home from a meeting at church to find a text message on my cell phone from my Bible study leader.  She said that the church was looking to hire an Administrative Assistant that basically fit everything I did in college (working with Publisher, editing, writing, answering phone calls, and basically being nice to people).  I told the staff up front that I wanted to go to South Korea, but I would come in for an interview.

Little did I know that accepting that job would literally change the course of my life.

I got hired in December, then met my husband in February.  Do you know how I met him?  I wrote about our college-age Bible study in the church’s bulletin.  His aunt read about our upcoming meeting and told him to check it out.  Then I answered the phone when his mother just happened to be calling about the Bible study.  I probably would have stayed home that day, because I was so tired, if I hadn’t gotten the call that someone new would be coming to the group.  My would-be husband fell in love with me instantly (graciously accepts all applause with a humble curtsy) and continued to come to Bible study because he wanted to meet me, and he eventually made friends with the other attendees of the group as well.

I want to point out that while marrying my husband was one of the best blessings I’ve gotten from God, this is not the only blessing that came out of being in the United States as opposed to overseas.  You see, my husband was going to church and had been a believer for most of his life, but he wasn’t taking his faith seriously.  God used me and the other people at the Bible study to encourage him to get more into the Word.  Now, he’s doing the same for others at the same Bible study.

In addition to the growth I’ve seen in my husband, I’ve seen so many blessings come out of working at a church.  The way I met my husband gives you an idea of how something as simple as answering the phone or printing out the church bulletin could alter my life in some way.  I’ve seen a pamphlet that I’ve printed, data that I entered in our database, and even speaking nicely to someone who comes into the office, make a difference in others’ lives.  I also see a change in my own life, as I’ve learned to love others more fully and to forgive and be forgiven by those with whom I thought I had burned bridges.

As much as I want to be in Spain, ministering to the family I met that is so close to trusting in Jesus, I have a ministry field here.  God loves the people in Spain much more than I do, and He has a plan to speak to them in a way that only He can.  As a matter of fact, my friend from Spain is working on becoming a missionary in her own country.   Instead of God sending me over there to do the work, He is leading me to encourage her and my other Spanish friends to be His instrument in their native land.

God is growing me and shaping me into the woman He wants me to be, but ultimately, it is for His glory.  He has a plan for this world, and as much as I think I know what’s best for me, God knows a plan even better than that.  I’m not on my schedule at all, but I’m right on time when I follow God’s will for my life.

I say this all not to build me up (as much as I need to hear this encouragement sometimes!).  I say this to hopefully encourage you to trust God’s plan for your life.  You may be single and wonder when God is going to bring that special someone.  You may be in a dead-end job and you’re looking for a way to your dream career.  You may be scrolling through social media and you see people doing exactly what you want to do.  You may be a missionary in one country, but your heart is in another.  You may have a five-year plan and God is throwing you a curveball.

At the restroom at Trader Joe’s (of all places!), I saw a sign that had the words that captured my heart: “Life takes us to unexpected places, but love takes us home.”  God knows what is best for us, and what is best for His creation.  We may only see what is right in front of us, but God can see an aerial view of everything in the universe, throughout all time.  He is concerned with growing our character more than making us feel good.  God has brought me home by surrounding me with love, encouragement, and accountability.  Who knows what life would’ve given me?  All I know is that my life is now in God’s hands.

Categories
Wisdom Wednesday

Choose Your Wisdom

You guys have known me long enough for me to say this: I’ve been struggling with making decisions lately.  This isn’t the first time I’ve had this problem, but nowadays, it takes me even longer to feel peace about the decisions I’ve been making.  And after several months of praying, waiting, and hearing mixed messages, I realize the reason behind the confusion.

I need to choose my wisdom.

Now, this is not a new idea, but because of social media, TV programs, and extended families, we now have a lot of people trying to pour into our lives.  Losing weight, planning vacations, making a family, and choosing careers have never been more difficult.  We have so much information available to us that we don’t even know where to start.

We’re getting bombarded by “wisdom.”

As a Christian, I believe that true wisdom comes from knowing God and studying His Word.  I wrote last week about the importance of reading the Bible every day.  We receive wisdom from God when we read His Word and apply it to our lives.  When we read/listen to the Bible in the morning, we gain wisdom for the day ahead of us.  With every decision that comes our way, we can hold the “wisdom” we hear from others against the perfect wisdom of God.

If I read Colossians 3:23 about working for the Lord, I will choose to give my best at work and not slack off on the job.  If I read Philippians 2:14, I know not to join in on complaining with others.  If I read Proverbs 20:19 and I hear my friends gossiping, I won’t jump into the conversation.

So why is it so difficult to make decisions, if all I have to do is read the Bible to know what is right?

The wisdom of this world, the popular wisdom, does not always correlate with God’s wisdom.  Instead, the wisdom of this world correlates with human emotion and what feels right.  When God says that we get wisdom from spending time with Him, the world says, “No, you can get wisdom over here too, away from God.”

This earthly wisdom can come from a Facebook article that sounds so cleverly and creatively crafted.  This earthly wisdom can come from a news reporter who is “just trying to state the facts” (AKA their opinion).  This earthly wisdom can even come from a family member who genuinely wants to see you happy and successful.

But this earthly wisdom, in the end, will lead you down a path that could bring you  away from God’s plan for your life.

The wisdom of this world is transient.  What works for me might not be right for you.  One example of this is with weight loss.  There are so many diets out there; they can’t all be right!  One diet says to eat all carbs and no fat, one diet says to eat all fat and no carbs, and one diet says to eat fat, carbs, and protein, as long as you keep it balanced!  For me, I’ve discovered that eating less carbs has helped with bloating and hunger, but maybe for someone else, fats make them feel, well…fat.  If I follow the wisdom of everyone else, I will end up discouraged.

Instead of choosing wisdom, I’ve been grabbing onto any wisdom that floats my way.  Anytime someone offers me what appears to be wise, I chew on it for a little bit and consider what they’re saying a possibility.  Then someone else comes along and says something different but also considerably wise, and I am conflicted with two pieces of information that cannot both be right.  I’ve been so obsessed with appeasing the voices around me that I’ve lost touch with the voice that’s whispering within me.

It may take time, but I will hear the voice of God again, and I will feel the peace of God that only He can give me.

Although the Bible may not explicitly explain how to handle each and every task, I know from experience and from hearing others’ testimonies that once we put God first, once we make it our mission to please Him over everyone else, once we pray in Jesus’ name for God’s will to be done…then everything else falls into place.

And I mean, everything.

Whether you’re deciding what to make for dinner or where to go to college, choose the wisdom that aligns with the wisdom of God.  Surround yourself with encouraging, wise people who can offer you advice that correlates with God’s Word.  Just because it’s on social media doesn’t mean that it’s advice that’s been tested or researched.  Choose wisdom, and choose wisely!

 

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Marriage

What’s Better than Lovey Dovey Feelings?

You typically feel those feelings when you’re first flirting with a guy and/or first dating.  If you so much as touch hands without trying, it’s like an electric spark gets sent straight through your arm.  The thrill of the moment is so exhilarating, and all you can think about in that moment is spending the rest of your life with that person.

I truly believe that God gave us these feelings to help us build a foundation of unity early on in our relationships.  If you took away all those mushy gushy feelings you had for your partner, especially in the beginning of the relationship, your partner would be no more than just another human being.  Even if you had the same likes and dislikes, you would probably not want to be more than just friends, and you’d both be OK with that.

But when you have those feelings, you are suddenly attached.  You’re like a duck imprinted on the first person you saw the minute you came out of your egg.  Suddenly, you want to impress this potential mate.  You might lose weight or start working out more. You might start reading to appear smarter.  You might rearrange your schedule so that you have enough time to spend together.  No matter what, your goal is to be united, and to make sure that nothing gets in the way of that union.

I used to be afraid that my lovey dovey feelings would fade.  After all, the lovey dovey feeling was all I knew!  The farthest I’ve ever been with someone (before marriage) was that cute electric stage.  Plus, growing up on fairy tales and romantic comedies, I didn’t know what to expect after the “happily ever after.”  If the “happily ever after” didn’t last forever, what would become of my marriage?  I couldn’t imagine life without feeling “in love” forever with someone, especially my husband!

My husband and I have only known each other for about 2 1/2 years, so our feelings are still in the honeymoon stage.  However, between our married small group, our friends that are married, and pre-marital counseling, we’ve heard the cold hard truth that the honeymoon stage of our marriage does not last forever.  One day, we will “wake up” and smell the morning breath that suddenly doesn’t smell so beautiful anymore.  One day, we will make plans without each other, and may go days without having quality time together.  One day, the veil will be taken off of our eyes, and we will see each other as imperfect, human beings.

I don’t know how that’s supposed to be appealing to anyone.  If that were all there was to marriage, why would anyone want to get married?

I’ll tell you.

My love with my husband is growing.  Flirting is always a mystery, but my husband’s love for me is not.  I never have to wonder if my husband loves me.  Even when we have busy schedules and aren’t able to have dinner together, even when he has a different definition of “quality time,” even when I mess up a meal and try to compromise, I know that at the end of the day, he’s still coming home with me.  And he still manages to give me butterflies by surprising me, spending time with me, and overall making me feel special.

Our love isn’t a lovey dovey kind of love.  It’s a secure, protecting, committed love.  And I’d take that over the spark any day.

If you’re afraid of your feelings fading, remember this: lovey dovey love is a seed that has to die for your committed love to grow into a strawberry bush.  The “honeymoon” love is what helps your relationship take root, but the commitment produces fruit that will sustain your marriage for many years to come.  Let your love grow, no matter the season of your love.

Categories
Marriage

5 Gifts You Can Give the Newlyweds You Love

Marriage is two people with two different pasts, likes, dislikes, hurts, family traditions, work habits, personality types, cravings, and desires, trying to live together in harmony.  I don’t even have harmony with myself sometimes; how can I have harmony with another person who isn’t even like me?  Glory to God, for only He can take a cube block and a rectangle block and make them both fit inside a cylinder block.

Having gone to several weddings over the years, and having seen many a couple get engaged and get married, I realize how much a marriage is affected by the environment in which it grows.  Friends and family can literally make or break a marriage, especially if the husband and wife do not adopt a team mentality.  I’ve seen friends bet on how long the couple would last together, during the pair’s first dance!  I’ve heard family members tell wives that their husbands are dirty lowlifes who do not deserve to be married to them, and those wives have gone on to divorce their husbands.  Do you want to help your newlywed friends/family have a miraculously successful marriage, or do you want to watch them crumble and fall right before your eyes?

If you want to be the one to encourage a godly relationship instead of try to tear it apart, here are the best gifts that you can give newlyweds during their first few years of marriage:

  • Prayer: Even though I’ve only been married for a little less than eight months, I already know that the hand of God is on my relationship with my husband.  God has literally stopped us from fighting just after we prayed.  True wisdom comes from knowing and obeying God.  To help us out, send us an encouraging Bible verse, and pray for us.  I’m sure that we can speak for a lot of couples when we say that we have prayer requests!  If you want to help us out, close your eyes and bow your head in prayer to God.  And be around to watch what God does because of your prayers!
  • Support: Divorce and separation seem to be the norm these days.  Although we can’t fix every marriage, I know for certain that trashing a marriage with our words definitely does not help it last!  Talk nicely about the newlyweds you know.  They’re trying to figure it out, and the last thing they need is for you to tell them that they are doing it all wrong.  What they need instead is for you to tell them that life is a process, and that eventually, they will figure it out (and while they figure it out, go back to point #1 and pray for them!).  And if either of them–which could be your son/daughter, sibling, or best friend–come to you to tell you something bad the other one did, do not take it personally!  Although you want to protect your loved one, you need to protect the commitment that he/she made to the love of his/her life.  Support for the marriage can be the best gift you can give the ones you love.
  • Patience: The most difficult part of marriage for us has been keeping up with all of our families.  We both have big families, and all of our family members are scattered across the tri-state area and beyond.  Every holiday, the question stands: Where are we going?  Of course, all of our family members want to see us, but it is literally impossible to have all of our family members together under one roof…and I don’t want to spend every holiday running around so that everyone else is happy while I’m a tired nervous wreck.  One of these days, I even want to spend a holiday with just the two of us!  So we have to compromise, and that usually means telling one side of the family that we can’t see them.  And we hate that, so so much. We are trying to make time for everyone, but there are only so many hours in the day.  Have patience with us.  We will reach out to you when we can.
  • Example: I am a firm believer in practicing what you preach.  Do not try to give me marriage advice without showing me how that works in your marriage.  But on a more positive note, if your marriage is working out, tell me why it’s working out. In a society that promotes divorce and separation, we want to see proof that marriage can end in a happily ever after.
  • Space: When newlyweds are in that honeymoon stage, all they want to do is spend time with each other.   This is not only important physically, but also emotionally.  When I’m at work, I sit at my desk and think about how I can’t wait to go home and talk to my husband about my day.  We usually play a game or watch a TV show or eat dinner together after a stressful day at work.  Although it’s hard to be “replaced” by your son/daughter/best friend/sibling/cousin’s spouse, this phase (I’ve heard) does not last forever.  It’s not that we don’t care about you; it’s that we need time for our relationship to grow.  So please, encourage us to spend time together, and watch our love flourish.  We will come to you (I say that from my own experience; on this point, I cannot speak for all couples).

Thank you for taking the first step in supporting the newlyweds that you love! Newlyweds, let us know if there are any other gifts you would like to add to this list.