Tag: inspiration

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Throwback Thursday

#ThrowbackThursday to My Trip to Spain

This past week, we had Vacation Bible School at our church.  On my Facebook memories, I found out that I posted an article about Vacation Bible School, Escuela Biblica de Verano, when I went to Spain four years ago.  It was a beautiful eye-opener to see how God has taken my life and brought me on this interesting detour.

You see, I started this blog with a five-year plan.  My plan was to get my TESOL certification, go to South Korea for two years and teach English (to pay off my loans), get my Masters in Intercultural Studies/TESOL, meet my husband in seminary, get married, and go back to Spain!  It’s almost been five years since I made this plan, and let me tell you: I’m nowhere near where I would have been today if God had not thrown me a curveball.

It all started with a text message.  On a Sunday.

I came home from a meeting at church to find a text message on my cell phone from my Bible study leader.  She said that the church was looking to hire an Administrative Assistant that basically fit everything I did in college (working with Publisher, editing, writing, answering phone calls, and basically being nice to people).  I told the staff up front that I wanted to go to South Korea, but I would come in for an interview.

Little did I know that accepting that job would literally change the course of my life.

I got hired in December, then met my husband in February.  Do you know how I met him?  I wrote about our college-age Bible study in the church’s bulletin.  His aunt read about our upcoming meeting and told him to check it out.  Then I answered the phone when his mother just happened to be calling about the Bible study.  I probably would have stayed home that day, because I was so tired, if I hadn’t gotten the call that someone new would be coming to the group.  My would-be husband fell in love with me instantly (graciously accepts all applause with a humble curtsy) and continued to come to Bible study because he wanted to meet me, and he eventually made friends with the other attendees of the group as well.

I want to point out that while marrying my husband was one of the best blessings I’ve gotten from God, this is not the only blessing that came out of being in the United States as opposed to overseas.  You see, my husband was going to church and had been a believer for most of his life, but he wasn’t taking his faith seriously.  God used me and the other people at the Bible study to encourage him to get more into the Word.  Now, he’s doing the same for others at the same Bible study.

In addition to the growth I’ve seen in my husband, I’ve seen so many blessings come out of working at a church.  The way I met my husband gives you an idea of how something as simple as answering the phone or printing out the church bulletin could alter my life in some way.  I’ve seen a pamphlet that I’ve printed, data that I entered in our database, and even speaking nicely to someone who comes into the office, make a difference in others’ lives.  I also see a change in my own life, as I’ve learned to love others more fully and to forgive and be forgiven by those with whom I thought I had burned bridges.

As much as I want to be in Spain, ministering to the family I met that is so close to trusting in Jesus, I have a ministry field here.  God loves the people in Spain much more than I do, and He has a plan to speak to them in a way that only He can.  As a matter of fact, my friend from Spain is working on becoming a missionary in her own country.   Instead of God sending me over there to do the work, He is leading me to encourage her and my other Spanish friends to be His instrument in their native land.

God is growing me and shaping me into the woman He wants me to be, but ultimately, it is for His glory.  He has a plan for this world, and as much as I think I know what’s best for me, God knows a plan even better than that.  I’m not on my schedule at all, but I’m right on time when I follow God’s will for my life.

I say this all not to build me up (as much as I need to hear this encouragement sometimes!).  I say this to hopefully encourage you to trust God’s plan for your life.  You may be single and wonder when God is going to bring that special someone.  You may be in a dead-end job and you’re looking for a way to your dream career.  You may be scrolling through social media and you see people doing exactly what you want to do.  You may be a missionary in one country, but your heart is in another.  You may have a five-year plan and God is throwing you a curveball.

At the restroom at Trader Joe’s (of all places!), I saw a sign that had the words that captured my heart: “Life takes us to unexpected places, but love takes us home.”  God knows what is best for us, and what is best for His creation.  We may only see what is right in front of us, but God can see an aerial view of everything in the universe, throughout all time.  He is concerned with growing our character more than making us feel good.  God has brought me home by surrounding me with love, encouragement, and accountability.  Who knows what life would’ve given me?  All I know is that my life is now in God’s hands.

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Wisdom Wednesday

Choose Your Wisdom

You guys have known me long enough for me to say this: I’ve been struggling with making decisions lately.  This isn’t the first time I’ve had this problem, but nowadays, it takes me even longer to feel peace about the decisions I’ve been making.  And after several months of praying, waiting, and hearing mixed messages, I realize the reason behind the confusion.

I need to choose my wisdom.

Now, this is not a new idea, but because of social media, TV programs, and extended families, we now have a lot of people trying to pour into our lives.  Losing weight, planning vacations, making a family, and choosing careers have never been more difficult.  We have so much information available to us that we don’t even know where to start.

We’re getting bombarded by “wisdom.”

As a Christian, I believe that true wisdom comes from knowing God and studying His Word.  I wrote last week about the importance of reading the Bible every day.  We receive wisdom from God when we read His Word and apply it to our lives.  When we read/listen to the Bible in the morning, we gain wisdom for the day ahead of us.  With every decision that comes our way, we can hold the “wisdom” we hear from others against the perfect wisdom of God.

If I read Colossians 3:23 about working for the Lord, I will choose to give my best at work and not slack off on the job.  If I read Philippians 2:14, I know not to join in on complaining with others.  If I read Proverbs 20:19 and I hear my friends gossiping, I won’t jump into the conversation.

So why is it so difficult to make decisions, if all I have to do is read the Bible to know what is right?

The wisdom of this world, the popular wisdom, does not always correlate with God’s wisdom.  Instead, the wisdom of this world correlates with human emotion and what feels right.  When God says that we get wisdom from spending time with Him, the world says, “No, you can get wisdom over here too, away from God.”

This earthly wisdom can come from a Facebook article that sounds so cleverly and creatively crafted.  This earthly wisdom can come from a news reporter who is “just trying to state the facts” (AKA their opinion).  This earthly wisdom can even come from a family member who genuinely wants to see you happy and successful.

But this earthly wisdom, in the end, will lead you down a path that could bring you  away from God’s plan for your life.

The wisdom of this world is transient.  What works for me might not be right for you.  One example of this is with weight loss.  There are so many diets out there; they can’t all be right!  One diet says to eat all carbs and no fat, one diet says to eat all fat and no carbs, and one diet says to eat fat, carbs, and protein, as long as you keep it balanced!  For me, I’ve discovered that eating less carbs has helped with bloating and hunger, but maybe for someone else, fats make them feel, well…fat.  If I follow the wisdom of everyone else, I will end up discouraged.

Instead of choosing wisdom, I’ve been grabbing onto any wisdom that floats my way.  Anytime someone offers me what appears to be wise, I chew on it for a little bit and consider what they’re saying a possibility.  Then someone else comes along and says something different but also considerably wise, and I am conflicted with two pieces of information that cannot both be right.  I’ve been so obsessed with appeasing the voices around me that I’ve lost touch with the voice that’s whispering within me.

It may take time, but I will hear the voice of God again, and I will feel the peace of God that only He can give me.

Although the Bible may not explicitly explain how to handle each and every task, I know from experience and from hearing others’ testimonies that once we put God first, once we make it our mission to please Him over everyone else, once we pray in Jesus’ name for God’s will to be done…then everything else falls into place.

And I mean, everything.

Whether you’re deciding what to make for dinner or where to go to college, choose the wisdom that aligns with the wisdom of God.  Surround yourself with encouraging, wise people who can offer you advice that correlates with God’s Word.  Just because it’s on social media doesn’t mean that it’s advice that’s been tested or researched.  Choose wisdom, and choose wisely!

 

Categories
Marriage

What’s Better than Lovey Dovey Feelings?

You typically feel those feelings when you’re first flirting with a guy and/or first dating.  If you so much as touch hands without trying, it’s like an electric spark gets sent straight through your arm.  The thrill of the moment is so exhilarating, and all you can think about in that moment is spending the rest of your life with that person.

I truly believe that God gave us these feelings to help us build a foundation of unity early on in our relationships.  If you took away all those mushy gushy feelings you had for your partner, especially in the beginning of the relationship, your partner would be no more than just another human being.  Even if you had the same likes and dislikes, you would probably not want to be more than just friends, and you’d both be OK with that.

But when you have those feelings, you are suddenly attached.  You’re like a duck imprinted on the first person you saw the minute you came out of your egg.  Suddenly, you want to impress this potential mate.  You might lose weight or start working out more. You might start reading to appear smarter.  You might rearrange your schedule so that you have enough time to spend together.  No matter what, your goal is to be united, and to make sure that nothing gets in the way of that union.

I used to be afraid that my lovey dovey feelings would fade.  After all, the lovey dovey feeling was all I knew!  The farthest I’ve ever been with someone (before marriage) was that cute electric stage.  Plus, growing up on fairy tales and romantic comedies, I didn’t know what to expect after the “happily ever after.”  If the “happily ever after” didn’t last forever, what would become of my marriage?  I couldn’t imagine life without feeling “in love” forever with someone, especially my husband!

My husband and I have only known each other for about 2 1/2 years, so our feelings are still in the honeymoon stage.  However, between our married small group, our friends that are married, and pre-marital counseling, we’ve heard the cold hard truth that the honeymoon stage of our marriage does not last forever.  One day, we will “wake up” and smell the morning breath that suddenly doesn’t smell so beautiful anymore.  One day, we will make plans without each other, and may go days without having quality time together.  One day, the veil will be taken off of our eyes, and we will see each other as imperfect, human beings.

I don’t know how that’s supposed to be appealing to anyone.  If that were all there was to marriage, why would anyone want to get married?

I’ll tell you.

My love with my husband is growing.  Flirting is always a mystery, but my husband’s love for me is not.  I never have to wonder if my husband loves me.  Even when we have busy schedules and aren’t able to have dinner together, even when he has a different definition of “quality time,” even when I mess up a meal and try to compromise, I know that at the end of the day, he’s still coming home with me.  And he still manages to give me butterflies by surprising me, spending time with me, and overall making me feel special.

Our love isn’t a lovey dovey kind of love.  It’s a secure, protecting, committed love.  And I’d take that over the spark any day.

If you’re afraid of your feelings fading, remember this: lovey dovey love is a seed that has to die for your committed love to grow into a strawberry bush.  The “honeymoon” love is what helps your relationship take root, but the commitment produces fruit that will sustain your marriage for many years to come.  Let your love grow, no matter the season of your love.

Categories
Marriage

5 Gifts You Can Give the Newlyweds You Love

Marriage is two people with two different pasts, likes, dislikes, hurts, family traditions, work habits, personality types, cravings, and desires, trying to live together in harmony.  I don’t even have harmony with myself sometimes; how can I have harmony with another person who isn’t even like me?  Glory to God, for only He can take a cube block and a rectangle block and make them both fit inside a cylinder block.

Having gone to several weddings over the years, and having seen many a couple get engaged and get married, I realize how much a marriage is affected by the environment in which it grows.  Friends and family can literally make or break a marriage, especially if the husband and wife do not adopt a team mentality.  I’ve seen friends bet on how long the couple would last together, during the pair’s first dance!  I’ve heard family members tell wives that their husbands are dirty lowlifes who do not deserve to be married to them, and those wives have gone on to divorce their husbands.  Do you want to help your newlywed friends/family have a miraculously successful marriage, or do you want to watch them crumble and fall right before your eyes?

If you want to be the one to encourage a godly relationship instead of try to tear it apart, here are the best gifts that you can give newlyweds during their first few years of marriage:

  • Prayer: Even though I’ve only been married for a little less than eight months, I already know that the hand of God is on my relationship with my husband.  God has literally stopped us from fighting just after we prayed.  True wisdom comes from knowing and obeying God.  To help us out, send us an encouraging Bible verse, and pray for us.  I’m sure that we can speak for a lot of couples when we say that we have prayer requests!  If you want to help us out, close your eyes and bow your head in prayer to God.  And be around to watch what God does because of your prayers!
  • Support: Divorce and separation seem to be the norm these days.  Although we can’t fix every marriage, I know for certain that trashing a marriage with our words definitely does not help it last!  Talk nicely about the newlyweds you know.  They’re trying to figure it out, and the last thing they need is for you to tell them that they are doing it all wrong.  What they need instead is for you to tell them that life is a process, and that eventually, they will figure it out (and while they figure it out, go back to point #1 and pray for them!).  And if either of them–which could be your son/daughter, sibling, or best friend–come to you to tell you something bad the other one did, do not take it personally!  Although you want to protect your loved one, you need to protect the commitment that he/she made to the love of his/her life.  Support for the marriage can be the best gift you can give the ones you love.
  • Patience: The most difficult part of marriage for us has been keeping up with all of our families.  We both have big families, and all of our family members are scattered across the tri-state area and beyond.  Every holiday, the question stands: Where are we going?  Of course, all of our family members want to see us, but it is literally impossible to have all of our family members together under one roof…and I don’t want to spend every holiday running around so that everyone else is happy while I’m a tired nervous wreck.  One of these days, I even want to spend a holiday with just the two of us!  So we have to compromise, and that usually means telling one side of the family that we can’t see them.  And we hate that, so so much. We are trying to make time for everyone, but there are only so many hours in the day.  Have patience with us.  We will reach out to you when we can.
  • Example: I am a firm believer in practicing what you preach.  Do not try to give me marriage advice without showing me how that works in your marriage.  But on a more positive note, if your marriage is working out, tell me why it’s working out. In a society that promotes divorce and separation, we want to see proof that marriage can end in a happily ever after.
  • Space: When newlyweds are in that honeymoon stage, all they want to do is spend time with each other.   This is not only important physically, but also emotionally.  When I’m at work, I sit at my desk and think about how I can’t wait to go home and talk to my husband about my day.  We usually play a game or watch a TV show or eat dinner together after a stressful day at work.  Although it’s hard to be “replaced” by your son/daughter/best friend/sibling/cousin’s spouse, this phase (I’ve heard) does not last forever.  It’s not that we don’t care about you; it’s that we need time for our relationship to grow.  So please, encourage us to spend time together, and watch our love flourish.  We will come to you (I say that from my own experience; on this point, I cannot speak for all couples).

Thank you for taking the first step in supporting the newlyweds that you love! Newlyweds, let us know if there are any other gifts you would like to add to this list.

Categories
Wisdom Wednesday

Looking Through Hurt-Colored Glasses

How do you respond when you are an overall kind person, but people take advantage of your kindness?  What if your kindness was misunderstood by those close to you?  What if a misunderstood act of kindness deeply hurt your friendship/relationship?

We’ve all been there.  Whether it’s a patron at the restaurant where you serve food who is testing your patience (and thus threatening your chance of getting a good tip at the end of the meal), or it’s your guy friend who thought that you were flirting with him when you were just trying to be nice, kindness is not always well understood.  We misunderstand each other all the time!  We’re all imperfect human beings that are trying to communicate in ways that we understand, but that others might not.

I’ll admit that I misunderstand others quite often.  When everyone at the dinner table is laughing at an inside joke except for me, it’s easy for me to believe that they’re laughing at me and my ignorance.  When I see on Facebook that all my friends are hanging out and I didn’t even get an invite, I wonder if my friends purposefully avoided me.  I show kindness to others, but I don’t see the fruits of that kindness.  People show kindness to me, and I can’t receive it because I don’t know if it’s genuine.

Sometimes, I wish I could pause reality for just one minute and ask everyone to explain their intentions for saying or doing what they just said/did.  Why are you laughing?  Why wasn’t I included?  Why can’t I be nice to you without you thinking I’m flirting?  Why are you calling me to complain about your order when it wasn’t my fault?  And now that I’m thinking about it, I’m sure that others wish that they could do the same for me.

Personally, when I misunderstand a situation, I always assume that people think the worst of me.  However, it is selfish of me to believe that the people I encounter on a regular basis wake up in the morning with the specific intention to make me feel miserable.  Nevertheless, my past hurts tempt me to believe that since I’ve been hurt before, I’m doomed to a life of perpetual hurt.

As finite human beings who have been hurt, we’re led to believe that our hurt will always define us.  We’re led to believe that we’ll be doomed to let that one guy who broke our heart one time ruin our chance of ever finding love again.  We’re led to believe that we’ll be doomed to let that one condescending statement our family member said to us define our very identities.  And when we see people or circumstances that remind us of the people/circumstances that hurt us in the past, we cower for fear that we will get hurt yet again.

We begin to look at the world through hurt-colored glasses.  

We misunderstand because we assume people are trying to hurt us like we’ve been hurt before.

On my drive home this evening, I realized how blessed I really am.  I have a family that cares about me, a job that pays the bills and allows me to grow, friends that make me feel special, and a husband that never lets me feel alone (he’s even sitting by my side as I’m typing this!).  Unfortunately, I can’t see the blessing because I’m either going through a rough emotional season or I’m afraid that a conflict will come and demolish all of the good that I have in my life. I have a difficult time showing kindness to others and feeling the kindness of others because  I’m so fearful of getting hurt and being misunderstood. 

But there is a way out of the “perpetual” hurt.

I can’t change the way that people talk to me.  I can’t sit every person down I meet and ask them why they said something that hurt me.  But I can look at my own heart and see what needs to change in me.

Showing kindness and mercy to those around me starts with my my relationship with God.  Jesus gave us two commandments that are simple to memorize, but difficult to live out: Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength…and love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:37-39).  When I understand how much God loves me, that helps me to love myself (not in a self-centered way, but in a way that encourages me to live a healthy and confident life), and finding my worth in Christ and not in other people helps me to love people and not depend on people.

If I cling to my hurt and let my past define me, I have no space for the love that God wants to pour into me…and therefore, I have no love to give to others.  When I remove the hurt-colored glasses, that’s when I can see how much God really loves me.

If you are feeling hurt and misunderstood, take off the hurt-colored glasses.  Let God’s love define you, and let that love overflow to the people in your life—even the people who misunderstand you.

Categories
Book Update

Why I Write (Book Update)

The book To the King has taken an interesting turn.  I thought I was ready to have it published.  I thought I was going to have an answer from a literary agent by now.  But I was wrong on both of those points.  Although I’ve been working on my book since I started this blog (yes, three years ago!) I’m still not ready to publish it.

And guess what?  It’s OK with me.

You see, there’s a part about writing that I forgot to calculate.  There’s an element of my story that’s missing.  There’s a piece of the puzzle that I didn’t think was necessary, but without it, the picture would not make sense!

That oversight, that missing element, that piece of the puzzle…is you.

Over the past few weeks, I’ve excitedly entered into the world of social media.  I’ve invested my time heavily into Facebook, Twitter (@writing_free1) and now Instagram (@writing_free1). Through these avenues, I’ve met so many interesting people, and I’ve seen how people like you think.  I’ve seen the conversations that have been trending, the shows that people are watching, the blunders that “famous people” (let’s just call them that) have been making…and overall, it has shifted the way my book was headed.

For those of you who don’t know, during my last week of college (a few short days away from graduation), my friend gave me a parting gift: a journal.  Actually, it was a group of my friends who signed it and blessed me with encouragement toward my writing.  I made a decision to write my heart out in that journal, and when I would write on the last page…whatever I had written would be published.

Well, that plan started off as a great idea…but then I realized: if I wanted to write a book for me, this would work.  But ultimately, my dream of writing a book is not simply about me.  Especially this week, God put it on my heart that my true mission is to be a voice of hope, encouragement, and light in the midst of negativity, hopelessness, and darkness.

This week, I’ve seen celebrities and public figures misrepresented in the media.

This week, I’ve seen people my age post about how they’re “done” and how their lives are falling apart.

This week, I’ve seen people I follow on Twitter and Instagram deal with the same issues that I’ve dealt with in life…the very same issues that are highlighted in my book.

This week, I’ve been reminded of God’s redemptive work in my life: the work that took what was dead, broken, and hopeless and made it alive, free, and whole.  I may not be able to fix the world, but through my writing, I can point people to the one who IS able to heal all broken hearts and unite us together in love.

In order to do that in my novel, my book needs a little bit of redemption as well.  The book is not all garbage; as I said, it was just written to me.  So now, I’m taking the time to write it thoroughly and with you in mind.

You, my audience, are what inspires me to keep writing.  Stay tuned for my book to be finished. It may take longer, but if I do it this way, it will help more people.  And THAT is why I write.

 

I love hearing feedback on my writing.  If you have anything you would like me to write about, or would like to throw some encouragement my way, please comment on my posts (whether it be on social media or on WordPress). 

Categories
Wisdom Wednesday

It Takes Time (And Grace) to Figure it Out

I’ve been doing a series on how to find rest in the midst of our busyness.  I’m doing this series because, ultimately, I need this advice more than anyone else.  I do my devotionals in the morning, but honestly, I just can’t relate to what I’m reading.  All I can think about is the endless list of tasks I have to complete, the people I have to see, and the events I have to attend.  Whenever I have any amount of free time, it usually involves catching up on what I put to the side, what I promised I would do whenever I had time.  What I really need more than anything else is for someone to give me practical tips on how to be still even though I’m busy.

If I had to give advice to myself, I would say this: I’m being too hard on myself.

I know I mention this a lot, but my life has been busy since I graduated college.  I wrote a post when I graduated college about how I didn’t know what God had planned for me.  About six months later, the roller coaster began.  You can read about the ups and downs of my life in other posts, especially this one.  For the sake of this post, I will let you in on my current situation.  My husband and I have been married for almost seven months. Due to the fact that we both have full-time jobs and long commutes to and from work, we are exhausted by the time we get home.  Not to mention we are both involved in various ministries during the week that allow us just enough time to stop home and eat a quick bite for dinner.  Oh, and yeah, I’m trying to publish a book, which involves proposing to various literary agents.

The residual effects of our busyness are why I feel so guilty for being constantly on-the-go.  We don’t get to see our families on a regular basis, and the desire and obligation to see them hangs over our heads.  Our place of living is not as spotless as it was when I had all the time in the world to clean it.  Seeing crumbs on the floor, piles of laundry on our bed, and dishes in the sink makes me feel like I’m not taking care of the place that God has given me.  Plus, the overarching nagging of my responsibilities causes me to be irritable and impatient.  I constantly hear this ringing in my ear, telling me that I should be doing things more efficiently, that I’m not being a good wife or a good family member or a good employee.

So, I shall take this moment to ask myself: What is the problem here, the busyness, or that little voice in my head telling me I’m not good enough?

My husband and I are still newlyweds.  My apartment is still new to me.  I’m still trying to figure out my schedule.  And in the midst of all of the “newness,” God’s grace is with me.  He is not angry at me for failing to understand everything right away.  It takes time to learn how to be a great wife, an efficient house-cleaner, a brilliant employee, and all of the other roles that God has entrusted to me.  For now, all God expects of me is to lean on Him and be patient with myself.

If you find yourself feeling guilty for not having everything figured out, my word of encouragement to you is to be patient with yourself.  Even if others expect you to be an expert (fill in the blank), you cannot be without practice.  It may involve making mistakes; you may have to discover several ways that don’t work before you discover the one way that works for you.  All that matters is: you’re not alone, and you will get through this.

My challenge this week for you is to affirm yourself.  Instead of focusing on what you are doing wrong, write down what you are doing right. Thank God for the ability to do those things well.  I would also challenge you to ask God to help you in the process of figuring it out.  It will take time.  Be patient with yourself and humbly ask God for strength to endure the transitional period.  God, through Jesus Christ, understands our weaknesses and gives us grace and mercy when we need it.  Ask God for that grace when you hear that voice that says you are not good enough.

Categories
anxiety

The Thrill of True Hope in a Holy Night

“You better watch out, you better not cry. You better not pout; I’m telling you why. Santa Claus is coming to town.”

On Christmas Eve, my sister and I would run up the steps and bang on the front door to Grandma’s house. Grandma would open the door to her warm, carefully-decorated house, and as we thawed from the wintry cold she would click her tongue and regretfully inform us that, just like every year, we had just missed Santa Claus.

We little girls knew that even if we missed him, he had brought us presents. After dinner, we would rip open our presents and enjoy the thrill and anticipation of each new box. My hope was in knowing that there were still plenty of boxes to unwrap.

All around me, cameras would flash and conversation would erupt over the latest news and the funniest jokes of the season. My family members would coo over the gifts I received.

Finally, my hands would grab the final gift under the tree. I would slowly rip off the paper, savoring the last bit of excitement of the evening. I would open the box, and the fun would be over.

With the last present opened, the party would cease. Family members would rub their eyes and call it a night. We would all hug each other, pack up our cars with new stuff, and go home.

Each year, I would go home feeling empty. Did we really wait all year just to go over Grandma’s house, open a few presents, and that’s it? After all that anticipation, I didn’t even get to meet Santa Claus.

“He’s making a list. He’s checking it twice. He’s gonna find out who’s naughty or nice. Santa Claus is coming to town.”

I did the best I could to be a good child. If I really thought about it, I didn’t know what was good or bad, and I didn’t know what Santa Claus really thought of me. I just did whatever my parents told me.

The fact that I received presents every year confirmed that I was doing something right. Still, I didn’t think a few nice presents were worth following a bunch of boring rules.

What I really wanted was some love and attention. I wanted to be noticed not just for what I did, but for who I was. I wanted a reward that satisfied me. Santa Claus could only offer me toys that made me happy for a few days.

“He sees you when you’re sleeping; he knows when you’re awake.  He knows when you’ve been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake!” 

Someone, somewhere, was watching me. I had a perfect image to uphold. If I made a mistake, that would be the end. And that someone watching me would remember my mistake forever.

Around Christmastime, kids care if Santa Claus is watching. But ONLY during Christmastime do they care. I have never gone to the beach on a hot July day and heard a parent threaten her kids with the notion that they may not get Christmas presents.

All year round, kids need constant attention and tender loving care. They don’t need a list of rules to follow; they need a loving protector who will watch them and guide them.

At the age of twelve, I met the One who I needed. For my whole life, I had thought that this someone was like Santa Claus, waiting for me to mess up so he could stop giving me presents. I thought He was distant and that He hated me. I thought He could never love such a stupid worthless failure like me.

But I was wrong.

“O Holy Night, the stars are brightly shining. It is the night of our dear Savior’s birth.”

As a child, I knew that story of Jesus coming to Earth. That was all it was to me, a story. As I learned the Christmas story in church, I didn’t know that one day this story would change my life.

As I entered into my tween years, I tried to control my life. In the end, I developed an anxiety disorder and lost complete control of my body and the world around me. Looking back, everything was chaotic.

I tried to make sense of it all.  I tried to express how I felt. I was surrounded by people, but I was all alone.

I desperately needed help. I would sob alone in my room, looking up at the stars brightly shining in the sky, begging someone to hear my prayers.

“Long lay the world in sin and error pining, ‘til he appeared, and the soul felt its worth.”

When I was twelve, my dad dragged me to church to attend youth group with people my age. On that night, I heard the Christmas story in a way that I had never heard it before, in a way that completely transformed my life.

The story went like this: God humbly left His heavenly throne to become a small baby that would grow up and learn about human struggles. He would heal people and share about how much God loved them. He would die a death that He did not deserve so that we could have access to God again. He would rise from the dead to prove that He is stronger than death.

Jesus came to Earth to show how much He loved us, not to show how high and unattainable He was. On that night, I accepted Jesus as my Savior. My pastor taught us a prayer, and I believe God heard it.

God showed me who He really was. He cared about me and looked out for my well-being all year round. He forgave my sins, and even though I still make mistakes, he reminds me every day that He loves me too much to hold my sins against me.

After choosing to follow Him, I’ve learned that I am valuable. Since He appeared, my soul has felt its worth.

“A thrill of hope, a weary world rejoices, for yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.”

Since I made the decision to follow Jesus, each Christmas means something to me.  We exchange gifts, and I remember the most special gift I have ever received.

Instead of feeling empty, I feel complete. Instead of feeling alone, I know the ever-present God is with me. Instead of longing for more, I remember that God is everything I need.

The past broke me and made me forget my worth, but today is a new day, a new and glorious morning.

“Fall on your knees, and hear the angel voices: O night divine, O night when Christ was born.”

What if Christmas meant more than opening gifts and waiting for Santa Claus to show us whether we have been good or bad? What if God really did come to Earth? How would your life be different if you truly believed that Jesus came to this Earth to give you hope, to fill you completely and to show you your true worth?

God came to your world to show you how much He loves you. He is offering you a free gift that will satisfy your soul. You have a choice: will you accept it, or will you be content with that small thrill of anticipation year after year?

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