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Marriage

Busy seasons in your marriage

I haven’t been posting nearly as often as I should. I’ve been working on my novel. Lately, I’ve discovered that I’m really good at writing words, but what my readers want is quality words strung together into a beautiful narrative. And hey, by the way, I know I normally write non-fiction on here, but if you also read fiction, can you let me know? I’m trying to figure out how to best serve my audience.

In addition to this, my husband has also been working a tremendous amount of overtime hours. Of course I am thankful for this. My husband’s company has been very gracious in letting him work overtime and making sure he’s putting money away toward our down-payment-for-a-house fund. And my husband has done a great job in showing up, being present at his job, and giving his best.

Our marriage is not suffering. We don’t have any problems. But we have big-kid responsibilities now, like paying rent (and taking care of our apartment), buying a house, starting a family, and (gulp) paying taxes!

If you’re in a busy season like we are, don’t be afraid. Your marriage is not in jeopardy. You just need to be intentional with your spouse about the time you spend together and the love in your marriage. Here are some points to remember!

This is a season. Before we even started dating, Lenny and I had conversations about our dream jobs and what it would look like for us to pursue them. At the time, we were in great jobs, we had no idea that Lenny would be doing IT for a law firm and I would be working in the editing field. But even at the beginning, we made it clear to each other that we would never let our jobs come before each other. We would never spend so many hours in the office that our marriage or our future kids suffer. And while I was tempted for a while to fear that it was happening, that we were placing our jobs above our marriage, I realize that it is just a season. We are busy now, but we won’t always be. We are saving for a house, and we are building wealth for our future. We’re living that DINK (Dual Income No Kids) life. And, quite honestly, staring googly eyed at each other isn’t going to pay the bills. We need to be busy right now, in this season, so that we can survive and enjoy the blessings God has given us. If you’re in a busy season, do not let it become a lifestyle. If you have years where you are busy, maybe you need to sit down and reevaluate your priorities.

Your marriage isn’t taking a back seat. If I really sat down and thought about why I write, it’s because I enjoy writing. My writing doesn’t necessarily help my husband, but it helps me express myself in a way that makes me happy. Happy wife, happy life. When I wake up in the morning, the first thing I do is start working on my manuscript. No questions asked. But I get up before my husband is awake, so that when he is awake, I can make sure he has what he needs to get to work, and I make sure I can give him my attention. While my husband loves his job, he’s not working just because he likes to work. He’s also working because he wants to fund our future, because he believes in my dream as a writer and he’s helping me be able to make time for that, while also saving for a house. No matter what your job is, remember that you are working to support you and your spouse. May that fuel you to work your best and be intentional at your job.

Make time for each other. No matter how busy we are, Lenny and I always have one meal together each day. We sit down and read the Bible and a book on marriage. One day this week, when he was gone for more than twelve hours, he wasn’t hungry, so we just sat on the couch and watched a TV show. I know all the marriage counselors frown at couples watching TV together, but…You try talking to your spouse when he’s been working ten hours straight, and then had to sit in an hour of traffic. At that point, he just wants to decompress and sit with me. And I’m happy to do that. Besides, if you know me, you know that I talk through the whole show anyway! (Blame the writer in me that sees every plot hole and can’t sit still until it’s resolved!). Since my love language is quality time, it is essential for us to have at least an hour a day to sit together and talk.

What do you do when you and your spouse are in a busy season?


Photo by Glenn Carstens-Peters on Unsplash

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Trying on New Clothes: You Can’t Go Around It

Transitions are those moments in life that are in between two seasons.  In a lifetime, one has many seasons.  In college, these seasons are packaged tightly into neat packages called semesters.  After college (for me), seasons are more disorganized, and transitions are more drastic.

Transitioning from a college student to a…well, a non-college student…has been difficult.  It seems like I had let go of so many great opportunities after I had walked across that stage.  At the same time, I now have access to even greater opportunities that lie ahead of my path.  I said goodbye to some wonderful friends, only to say hello to new co-workers and deeper relationships with people I knew before college.  It has felt like trying on new clothes.  The clothes feel clean and refreshing, but there was nothing wrong with my old comfortable clothes.  At this point in my life, I am trying to discover what to wear, what to throw out, and what to save for later.  As I grow, the clothes that were once comfortable may become itchy, worn out, or tight.

Transitions between seasons are difficult, but they are worth it.  They can come in numerous forms, from graduation to getting a job promotion to losing a loved one.  The temptation is to try to avoid transitions.  It is possible to go from one season to another without taking the time to grieve what was lost, process what was gained, and make a plan for the future.  However, inevitably, you will hit a bump in the road and will have to go back to deal with what you did not process before.

Journey with me as I process through my transitioning from a college student to whatever else God has for me.  This time in my life is different, because I have never done it before, but I believe that there is hope at the end of this.  Life is a process that takes time to unfold, and we need to take the time to understand what we are facing.  I am thankful for those who have taught me the importance of reflection, grieving, and hope.  I hope that this blog series will not only help me verbalize my feelings, but will also encourage anyone else who is moving from one stage of life to another.