Category: Encouragement

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Throwback Thursday

#ThrowbackThursday to My Trip to Spain

This past week, we had Vacation Bible School at our church.  On my Facebook memories, I found out that I posted an article about Vacation Bible School, Escuela Biblica de Verano, when I went to Spain four years ago.  It was a beautiful eye-opener to see how God has taken my life and brought me on this interesting detour.

You see, I started this blog with a five-year plan.  My plan was to get my TESOL certification, go to South Korea for two years and teach English (to pay off my loans), get my Masters in Intercultural Studies/TESOL, meet my husband in seminary, get married, and go back to Spain!  It’s almost been five years since I made this plan, and let me tell you: I’m nowhere near where I would have been today if God had not thrown me a curveball.

It all started with a text message.  On a Sunday.

I came home from a meeting at church to find a text message on my cell phone from my Bible study leader.  She said that the church was looking to hire an Administrative Assistant that basically fit everything I did in college (working with Publisher, editing, writing, answering phone calls, and basically being nice to people).  I told the staff up front that I wanted to go to South Korea, but I would come in for an interview.

Little did I know that accepting that job would literally change the course of my life.

I got hired in December, then met my husband in February.  Do you know how I met him?  I wrote about our college-age Bible study in the church’s bulletin.  His aunt read about our upcoming meeting and told him to check it out.  Then I answered the phone when his mother just happened to be calling about the Bible study.  I probably would have stayed home that day, because I was so tired, if I hadn’t gotten the call that someone new would be coming to the group.  My would-be husband fell in love with me instantly (graciously accepts all applause with a humble curtsy) and continued to come to Bible study because he wanted to meet me, and he eventually made friends with the other attendees of the group as well.

I want to point out that while marrying my husband was one of the best blessings I’ve gotten from God, this is not the only blessing that came out of being in the United States as opposed to overseas.  You see, my husband was going to church and had been a believer for most of his life, but he wasn’t taking his faith seriously.  God used me and the other people at the Bible study to encourage him to get more into the Word.  Now, he’s doing the same for others at the same Bible study.

In addition to the growth I’ve seen in my husband, I’ve seen so many blessings come out of working at a church.  The way I met my husband gives you an idea of how something as simple as answering the phone or printing out the church bulletin could alter my life in some way.  I’ve seen a pamphlet that I’ve printed, data that I entered in our database, and even speaking nicely to someone who comes into the office, make a difference in others’ lives.  I also see a change in my own life, as I’ve learned to love others more fully and to forgive and be forgiven by those with whom I thought I had burned bridges.

As much as I want to be in Spain, ministering to the family I met that is so close to trusting in Jesus, I have a ministry field here.  God loves the people in Spain much more than I do, and He has a plan to speak to them in a way that only He can.  As a matter of fact, my friend from Spain is working on becoming a missionary in her own country.   Instead of God sending me over there to do the work, He is leading me to encourage her and my other Spanish friends to be His instrument in their native land.

God is growing me and shaping me into the woman He wants me to be, but ultimately, it is for His glory.  He has a plan for this world, and as much as I think I know what’s best for me, God knows a plan even better than that.  I’m not on my schedule at all, but I’m right on time when I follow God’s will for my life.

I say this all not to build me up (as much as I need to hear this encouragement sometimes!).  I say this to hopefully encourage you to trust God’s plan for your life.  You may be single and wonder when God is going to bring that special someone.  You may be in a dead-end job and you’re looking for a way to your dream career.  You may be scrolling through social media and you see people doing exactly what you want to do.  You may be a missionary in one country, but your heart is in another.  You may have a five-year plan and God is throwing you a curveball.

At the restroom at Trader Joe’s (of all places!), I saw a sign that had the words that captured my heart: “Life takes us to unexpected places, but love takes us home.”  God knows what is best for us, and what is best for His creation.  We may only see what is right in front of us, but God can see an aerial view of everything in the universe, throughout all time.  He is concerned with growing our character more than making us feel good.  God has brought me home by surrounding me with love, encouragement, and accountability.  Who knows what life would’ve given me?  All I know is that my life is now in God’s hands.

Categories
Wisdom Wednesday

Choose Your Wisdom

You guys have known me long enough for me to say this: I’ve been struggling with making decisions lately.  This isn’t the first time I’ve had this problem, but nowadays, it takes me even longer to feel peace about the decisions I’ve been making.  And after several months of praying, waiting, and hearing mixed messages, I realize the reason behind the confusion.

I need to choose my wisdom.

Now, this is not a new idea, but because of social media, TV programs, and extended families, we now have a lot of people trying to pour into our lives.  Losing weight, planning vacations, making a family, and choosing careers have never been more difficult.  We have so much information available to us that we don’t even know where to start.

We’re getting bombarded by “wisdom.”

As a Christian, I believe that true wisdom comes from knowing God and studying His Word.  I wrote last week about the importance of reading the Bible every day.  We receive wisdom from God when we read His Word and apply it to our lives.  When we read/listen to the Bible in the morning, we gain wisdom for the day ahead of us.  With every decision that comes our way, we can hold the “wisdom” we hear from others against the perfect wisdom of God.

If I read Colossians 3:23 about working for the Lord, I will choose to give my best at work and not slack off on the job.  If I read Philippians 2:14, I know not to join in on complaining with others.  If I read Proverbs 20:19 and I hear my friends gossiping, I won’t jump into the conversation.

So why is it so difficult to make decisions, if all I have to do is read the Bible to know what is right?

The wisdom of this world, the popular wisdom, does not always correlate with God’s wisdom.  Instead, the wisdom of this world correlates with human emotion and what feels right.  When God says that we get wisdom from spending time with Him, the world says, “No, you can get wisdom over here too, away from God.”

This earthly wisdom can come from a Facebook article that sounds so cleverly and creatively crafted.  This earthly wisdom can come from a news reporter who is “just trying to state the facts” (AKA their opinion).  This earthly wisdom can even come from a family member who genuinely wants to see you happy and successful.

But this earthly wisdom, in the end, will lead you down a path that could bring you  away from God’s plan for your life.

The wisdom of this world is transient.  What works for me might not be right for you.  One example of this is with weight loss.  There are so many diets out there; they can’t all be right!  One diet says to eat all carbs and no fat, one diet says to eat all fat and no carbs, and one diet says to eat fat, carbs, and protein, as long as you keep it balanced!  For me, I’ve discovered that eating less carbs has helped with bloating and hunger, but maybe for someone else, fats make them feel, well…fat.  If I follow the wisdom of everyone else, I will end up discouraged.

Instead of choosing wisdom, I’ve been grabbing onto any wisdom that floats my way.  Anytime someone offers me what appears to be wise, I chew on it for a little bit and consider what they’re saying a possibility.  Then someone else comes along and says something different but also considerably wise, and I am conflicted with two pieces of information that cannot both be right.  I’ve been so obsessed with appeasing the voices around me that I’ve lost touch with the voice that’s whispering within me.

It may take time, but I will hear the voice of God again, and I will feel the peace of God that only He can give me.

Although the Bible may not explicitly explain how to handle each and every task, I know from experience and from hearing others’ testimonies that once we put God first, once we make it our mission to please Him over everyone else, once we pray in Jesus’ name for God’s will to be done…then everything else falls into place.

And I mean, everything.

Whether you’re deciding what to make for dinner or where to go to college, choose the wisdom that aligns with the wisdom of God.  Surround yourself with encouraging, wise people who can offer you advice that correlates with God’s Word.  Just because it’s on social media doesn’t mean that it’s advice that’s been tested or researched.  Choose wisdom, and choose wisely!

 

Categories
Marriage

What’s Better than Lovey Dovey Feelings?

You typically feel those feelings when you’re first flirting with a guy and/or first dating.  If you so much as touch hands without trying, it’s like an electric spark gets sent straight through your arm.  The thrill of the moment is so exhilarating, and all you can think about in that moment is spending the rest of your life with that person.

I truly believe that God gave us these feelings to help us build a foundation of unity early on in our relationships.  If you took away all those mushy gushy feelings you had for your partner, especially in the beginning of the relationship, your partner would be no more than just another human being.  Even if you had the same likes and dislikes, you would probably not want to be more than just friends, and you’d both be OK with that.

But when you have those feelings, you are suddenly attached.  You’re like a duck imprinted on the first person you saw the minute you came out of your egg.  Suddenly, you want to impress this potential mate.  You might lose weight or start working out more. You might start reading to appear smarter.  You might rearrange your schedule so that you have enough time to spend together.  No matter what, your goal is to be united, and to make sure that nothing gets in the way of that union.

I used to be afraid that my lovey dovey feelings would fade.  After all, the lovey dovey feeling was all I knew!  The farthest I’ve ever been with someone (before marriage) was that cute electric stage.  Plus, growing up on fairy tales and romantic comedies, I didn’t know what to expect after the “happily ever after.”  If the “happily ever after” didn’t last forever, what would become of my marriage?  I couldn’t imagine life without feeling “in love” forever with someone, especially my husband!

My husband and I have only known each other for about 2 1/2 years, so our feelings are still in the honeymoon stage.  However, between our married small group, our friends that are married, and pre-marital counseling, we’ve heard the cold hard truth that the honeymoon stage of our marriage does not last forever.  One day, we will “wake up” and smell the morning breath that suddenly doesn’t smell so beautiful anymore.  One day, we will make plans without each other, and may go days without having quality time together.  One day, the veil will be taken off of our eyes, and we will see each other as imperfect, human beings.

I don’t know how that’s supposed to be appealing to anyone.  If that were all there was to marriage, why would anyone want to get married?

I’ll tell you.

My love with my husband is growing.  Flirting is always a mystery, but my husband’s love for me is not.  I never have to wonder if my husband loves me.  Even when we have busy schedules and aren’t able to have dinner together, even when he has a different definition of “quality time,” even when I mess up a meal and try to compromise, I know that at the end of the day, he’s still coming home with me.  And he still manages to give me butterflies by surprising me, spending time with me, and overall making me feel special.

Our love isn’t a lovey dovey kind of love.  It’s a secure, protecting, committed love.  And I’d take that over the spark any day.

If you’re afraid of your feelings fading, remember this: lovey dovey love is a seed that has to die for your committed love to grow into a strawberry bush.  The “honeymoon” love is what helps your relationship take root, but the commitment produces fruit that will sustain your marriage for many years to come.  Let your love grow, no matter the season of your love.

Categories
Marriage

5 Gifts You Can Give the Newlyweds You Love

Marriage is two people with two different pasts, likes, dislikes, hurts, family traditions, work habits, personality types, cravings, and desires, trying to live together in harmony.  I don’t even have harmony with myself sometimes; how can I have harmony with another person who isn’t even like me?  Glory to God, for only He can take a cube block and a rectangle block and make them both fit inside a cylinder block.

Having gone to several weddings over the years, and having seen many a couple get engaged and get married, I realize how much a marriage is affected by the environment in which it grows.  Friends and family can literally make or break a marriage, especially if the husband and wife do not adopt a team mentality.  I’ve seen friends bet on how long the couple would last together, during the pair’s first dance!  I’ve heard family members tell wives that their husbands are dirty lowlifes who do not deserve to be married to them, and those wives have gone on to divorce their husbands.  Do you want to help your newlywed friends/family have a miraculously successful marriage, or do you want to watch them crumble and fall right before your eyes?

If you want to be the one to encourage a godly relationship instead of try to tear it apart, here are the best gifts that you can give newlyweds during their first few years of marriage:

  • Prayer: Even though I’ve only been married for a little less than eight months, I already know that the hand of God is on my relationship with my husband.  God has literally stopped us from fighting just after we prayed.  True wisdom comes from knowing and obeying God.  To help us out, send us an encouraging Bible verse, and pray for us.  I’m sure that we can speak for a lot of couples when we say that we have prayer requests!  If you want to help us out, close your eyes and bow your head in prayer to God.  And be around to watch what God does because of your prayers!
  • Support: Divorce and separation seem to be the norm these days.  Although we can’t fix every marriage, I know for certain that trashing a marriage with our words definitely does not help it last!  Talk nicely about the newlyweds you know.  They’re trying to figure it out, and the last thing they need is for you to tell them that they are doing it all wrong.  What they need instead is for you to tell them that life is a process, and that eventually, they will figure it out (and while they figure it out, go back to point #1 and pray for them!).  And if either of them–which could be your son/daughter, sibling, or best friend–come to you to tell you something bad the other one did, do not take it personally!  Although you want to protect your loved one, you need to protect the commitment that he/she made to the love of his/her life.  Support for the marriage can be the best gift you can give the ones you love.
  • Patience: The most difficult part of marriage for us has been keeping up with all of our families.  We both have big families, and all of our family members are scattered across the tri-state area and beyond.  Every holiday, the question stands: Where are we going?  Of course, all of our family members want to see us, but it is literally impossible to have all of our family members together under one roof…and I don’t want to spend every holiday running around so that everyone else is happy while I’m a tired nervous wreck.  One of these days, I even want to spend a holiday with just the two of us!  So we have to compromise, and that usually means telling one side of the family that we can’t see them.  And we hate that, so so much. We are trying to make time for everyone, but there are only so many hours in the day.  Have patience with us.  We will reach out to you when we can.
  • Example: I am a firm believer in practicing what you preach.  Do not try to give me marriage advice without showing me how that works in your marriage.  But on a more positive note, if your marriage is working out, tell me why it’s working out. In a society that promotes divorce and separation, we want to see proof that marriage can end in a happily ever after.
  • Space: When newlyweds are in that honeymoon stage, all they want to do is spend time with each other.   This is not only important physically, but also emotionally.  When I’m at work, I sit at my desk and think about how I can’t wait to go home and talk to my husband about my day.  We usually play a game or watch a TV show or eat dinner together after a stressful day at work.  Although it’s hard to be “replaced” by your son/daughter/best friend/sibling/cousin’s spouse, this phase (I’ve heard) does not last forever.  It’s not that we don’t care about you; it’s that we need time for our relationship to grow.  So please, encourage us to spend time together, and watch our love flourish.  We will come to you (I say that from my own experience; on this point, I cannot speak for all couples).

Thank you for taking the first step in supporting the newlyweds that you love! Newlyweds, let us know if there are any other gifts you would like to add to this list.

Categories
Wisdom Wednesday

When You Don’t Have Time to Read the Bible

Reading the Bible is what makes us successful in our fight against the devil’s schemes.  When we memorize and recite (read it out loud) Scripture, we proclaim God’s promises and truths. Reading the Bible is, quite literally, life-changing.  The world would be a completely different place if Christians read the Bible and applied the Word of God to their thinking, actions, and beliefs.

And yet, despite the Bible’s life-altering, God-breathed, power-harnessing qualities, the book continues to collect dust on our shelves as we’ve moved on to “bigger and better things”.

I used to hardcore judge people who didn’t have time to read the Bible.  In college, I had a full schedule; between classes, studying, social events, running errands, and working, I barely had any free time.  Nevertheless, every morning, I rolled out of bed, sat on the floor, and opened up my Bible.  I would spend an hour completely focused on God: journaling, highlighting Bible verses, praying out loud, and even coloring if I felt led.  When I graduated college, I had even more time to spend with God, especially since I didn’t have a full-time job yet.  People I knew would tell me how difficult it was to give God even five minutes of their day.  Really?  The One who gave you life isn’t worth five minutes of your time?

Now that I’m “adulting,” my life is literally planned out to the minute.  I find it difficult to give God the time I used to when I had plenty of time to give.  Often, I’m too tired, distracted, or burnt out to read the Bible.

I pray that God can remind us of the truth, that time with Him is more valuable than time anywhere else.

I’ve thought about the excuses I use when I decide not to read the Bible.  Here are the reasons that I’ve actually said (or heard people say) about reading the Bible.  If it is difficult for you to keep a quiet time, I encourage you to take one step toward making a consistent time with God a priority:

  1. I get bored: Thanks for your honesty!  God knows your heart, and He would rather have you spend time with Him being genuine than being  complacent.  If the idea of reading the Bible bores you, start off praying that God would renew your love for His Word.  I also learned in college that there are different ways to study the Bible.  You can do a full-on inductive Bible study where you study a whole chapter or book of the Bible, or you could meditate on a short passage of Scripture in prayer.  Start small for now, but the important thing to do is to be consistent.  Lately, it has been so freeing for me to know that God does not expect me to spend my whole day reading the Bible.  As long as I have intentional, consistent prayer time with Him, my faith grows.
  2. I don’t understand it: The Bible is a complex book, that’s for sure!  It has been translated into hundreds of languages around the world, and there are multiple commentaries written on each book of the Bible.  The best way to understand the Bible is in community.  Let your small group or your church help you.  Even if you read a commentary or do a Bible study on a topic, check your facts with a small group.  There are a lot of different interpretations of the Bible out there, and not all of them are accurate!  Connecting with others can hold you accountable and help you keep your theology in check.
  3. I do a lot of driving:  The struggle is real when it comes to sitting in traffic!  But here are some tips for you if this is your excuse.  First of all, audio Bibles are $30 online.  If your car has a CD player, pop a CD of Genesis into the player and listen to the Bible on your morning commute to work.  Some apps on your phone can also play an audio recording of the Bible.  If you get distracted by road raging drivers, make a commitment to listen to worship music on your commute instead.  Worship songs are based on Scripture, so singing along is like memorizing Scripture.  I’ve also found that uplifting worship music keeps my road rage at bay 🙂
  4. I have too much to do: Let me reiterate this, not to condemn you, but to make you realize the severity: Without God’s love and mercy, you wouldn’t have life.  God is in control; He gives and He takes away.  The least you could do is thank Him for what you have by giving Him a few minutes of your day.  Even if you are involved in ministry, nothing is more important than making that time with God a priority.  If it really is a struggle to make time for God, maybe you should reevaluate your schedule and see what you need to take a break from doing.  As I said, even if you’re doing a good thing, no thing should come before God.
Categories
Marriage

The Hardest Part of Growing Old with Someone is…Growing Old

Married couples often talk about growing old with their spouses.  They daydream over the day when they will be sitting in their rocking chairs together, yelling at each other due to difficulty hearing, and holding wrinkled hands as they walk throughout the town.

But most couples don’t like to realize that one day, they will get old.  And that’s a scary thought for a young person, who believes that he/she has a full life ahead of him/her.

A few days ago was my 25th birthday.  I’m finally at the age where I admire my baby face; it makes me look like I’m 16!  To celebrate my birthday, my husband did a great job of preparing a fun-filled day for me at the amusement park.

However, for the first time in my life, it dawned on me that I am not a kid anymore.  I know I’ve been doing this thing called “adulting” for the past few years, but my heart has always been one of a child.  I played with my husband doing silly activities for my birthday, but I realize that one day we might grow old and not want to go to amusement parks or shoot water at each other from a bumper boat…or even dance in the rain!  And not always being able to do what is familiar to me, scares me.  We love to imagine that we’ll grow old together, but we don’t like to believe that it’ll actually happen.

One day, my husband and I will buy our first home together.  One day, we will have kids.  One day, we will switch jobs.  One day, we will get promoted.  One day, our kids will graduate high school.  One day, our kids will get married and have kids of their own.  One day, we will retire.  One day, our health will decline.  One day, we will leave this Earth and be with the Lord.

As a couple, we’ve already been through so much together.  I actually knew I wanted to marry my husband because he took care of me when I was sick.  When I got shingles, he was over my apartment every day, checking my rash on my stomach and comforting me when the antibiotics made me nauseous (which is the scariest feeling in the world for me!).  I helped him prepare for his interview when he was looking for a job, and I visited him when he was in the hospital because of a migraine.  Together, we’re taking care of our apartment and helping each other eat healthy(er).  Even though we have adult responsibilities, we are having fun and making the most of every opportunity.

I don’t know what growing old will specifically look like for me and my husband, but I know that God put the right man in my life to be my partner.  God knew that of all the men I could have married, my husband would stay with me through the ebbs and flows of my life.  In addition to this, God has also entrusted my husband to me to help him grow through the ebbs and flows of his life.  We’re a team, and no matter how old we get, we will stay by each other’s sides.

One day, we will walk through the store, shopping for decorations and furniture for our house.  One day, my husband will laugh with me and have such patience with me as my body changes during pregnancy.  One day, we will watch our kids’ sports games and dance recitals and graduations together.  One day, my husband will hold me as I cry with mixed emotions when my children leave the nest.  One day, we’ll visit and spoil our grandchildren.  One day, we’ll travel the world.  One day, my husband will remind me to take my pills and exercise.  One day, we’ll be holding hands, thankful for one more day of life, as each day for us in our older years will be a gift from God.

You may be afraid that you and your spouse will get boring when you’re older, or that your spouse will grow tired of you.  While I don’t know the future, I know one thing is true: faith in God is the only power that can carry us fully into adulthood and beyond.  Trust that God has given you a man/woman to help you and not hurt you.  Make a constant decision to be a team with your spouse (just the two of you!) so that your marriage will not be you vs. your spouse, but you and your spouse vs. the world.

But if/when your spouse disappoints you, remember that while people may fail, God is faithful and His love for you is everlasting. And when your wrinkles, waist size, energy, and doctor visits disappoint you, remember that your hope is ultimately in Christ, who promises to give you abundant life, from this life until the next.

So, while we may be getting older, we walk in faith, knowing that God has equipped us as a team to face any obstacle that comes our way.  Even growing old together.

Categories
Wisdom Wednesday

Looking Through Hurt-Colored Glasses

How do you respond when you are an overall kind person, but people take advantage of your kindness?  What if your kindness was misunderstood by those close to you?  What if a misunderstood act of kindness deeply hurt your friendship/relationship?

We’ve all been there.  Whether it’s a patron at the restaurant where you serve food who is testing your patience (and thus threatening your chance of getting a good tip at the end of the meal), or it’s your guy friend who thought that you were flirting with him when you were just trying to be nice, kindness is not always well understood.  We misunderstand each other all the time!  We’re all imperfect human beings that are trying to communicate in ways that we understand, but that others might not.

I’ll admit that I misunderstand others quite often.  When everyone at the dinner table is laughing at an inside joke except for me, it’s easy for me to believe that they’re laughing at me and my ignorance.  When I see on Facebook that all my friends are hanging out and I didn’t even get an invite, I wonder if my friends purposefully avoided me.  I show kindness to others, but I don’t see the fruits of that kindness.  People show kindness to me, and I can’t receive it because I don’t know if it’s genuine.

Sometimes, I wish I could pause reality for just one minute and ask everyone to explain their intentions for saying or doing what they just said/did.  Why are you laughing?  Why wasn’t I included?  Why can’t I be nice to you without you thinking I’m flirting?  Why are you calling me to complain about your order when it wasn’t my fault?  And now that I’m thinking about it, I’m sure that others wish that they could do the same for me.

Personally, when I misunderstand a situation, I always assume that people think the worst of me.  However, it is selfish of me to believe that the people I encounter on a regular basis wake up in the morning with the specific intention to make me feel miserable.  Nevertheless, my past hurts tempt me to believe that since I’ve been hurt before, I’m doomed to a life of perpetual hurt.

As finite human beings who have been hurt, we’re led to believe that our hurt will always define us.  We’re led to believe that we’ll be doomed to let that one guy who broke our heart one time ruin our chance of ever finding love again.  We’re led to believe that we’ll be doomed to let that one condescending statement our family member said to us define our very identities.  And when we see people or circumstances that remind us of the people/circumstances that hurt us in the past, we cower for fear that we will get hurt yet again.

We begin to look at the world through hurt-colored glasses.  

We misunderstand because we assume people are trying to hurt us like we’ve been hurt before.

On my drive home this evening, I realized how blessed I really am.  I have a family that cares about me, a job that pays the bills and allows me to grow, friends that make me feel special, and a husband that never lets me feel alone (he’s even sitting by my side as I’m typing this!).  Unfortunately, I can’t see the blessing because I’m either going through a rough emotional season or I’m afraid that a conflict will come and demolish all of the good that I have in my life. I have a difficult time showing kindness to others and feeling the kindness of others because  I’m so fearful of getting hurt and being misunderstood. 

But there is a way out of the “perpetual” hurt.

I can’t change the way that people talk to me.  I can’t sit every person down I meet and ask them why they said something that hurt me.  But I can look at my own heart and see what needs to change in me.

Showing kindness and mercy to those around me starts with my my relationship with God.  Jesus gave us two commandments that are simple to memorize, but difficult to live out: Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength…and love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:37-39).  When I understand how much God loves me, that helps me to love myself (not in a self-centered way, but in a way that encourages me to live a healthy and confident life), and finding my worth in Christ and not in other people helps me to love people and not depend on people.

If I cling to my hurt and let my past define me, I have no space for the love that God wants to pour into me…and therefore, I have no love to give to others.  When I remove the hurt-colored glasses, that’s when I can see how much God really loves me.

If you are feeling hurt and misunderstood, take off the hurt-colored glasses.  Let God’s love define you, and let that love overflow to the people in your life—even the people who misunderstand you.

Categories
Wisdom Wednesday

It Takes Time (And Grace) to Figure it Out

I’ve been doing a series on how to find rest in the midst of our busyness.  I’m doing this series because, ultimately, I need this advice more than anyone else.  I do my devotionals in the morning, but honestly, I just can’t relate to what I’m reading.  All I can think about is the endless list of tasks I have to complete, the people I have to see, and the events I have to attend.  Whenever I have any amount of free time, it usually involves catching up on what I put to the side, what I promised I would do whenever I had time.  What I really need more than anything else is for someone to give me practical tips on how to be still even though I’m busy.

If I had to give advice to myself, I would say this: I’m being too hard on myself.

I know I mention this a lot, but my life has been busy since I graduated college.  I wrote a post when I graduated college about how I didn’t know what God had planned for me.  About six months later, the roller coaster began.  You can read about the ups and downs of my life in other posts, especially this one.  For the sake of this post, I will let you in on my current situation.  My husband and I have been married for almost seven months. Due to the fact that we both have full-time jobs and long commutes to and from work, we are exhausted by the time we get home.  Not to mention we are both involved in various ministries during the week that allow us just enough time to stop home and eat a quick bite for dinner.  Oh, and yeah, I’m trying to publish a book, which involves proposing to various literary agents.

The residual effects of our busyness are why I feel so guilty for being constantly on-the-go.  We don’t get to see our families on a regular basis, and the desire and obligation to see them hangs over our heads.  Our place of living is not as spotless as it was when I had all the time in the world to clean it.  Seeing crumbs on the floor, piles of laundry on our bed, and dishes in the sink makes me feel like I’m not taking care of the place that God has given me.  Plus, the overarching nagging of my responsibilities causes me to be irritable and impatient.  I constantly hear this ringing in my ear, telling me that I should be doing things more efficiently, that I’m not being a good wife or a good family member or a good employee.

So, I shall take this moment to ask myself: What is the problem here, the busyness, or that little voice in my head telling me I’m not good enough?

My husband and I are still newlyweds.  My apartment is still new to me.  I’m still trying to figure out my schedule.  And in the midst of all of the “newness,” God’s grace is with me.  He is not angry at me for failing to understand everything right away.  It takes time to learn how to be a great wife, an efficient house-cleaner, a brilliant employee, and all of the other roles that God has entrusted to me.  For now, all God expects of me is to lean on Him and be patient with myself.

If you find yourself feeling guilty for not having everything figured out, my word of encouragement to you is to be patient with yourself.  Even if others expect you to be an expert (fill in the blank), you cannot be without practice.  It may involve making mistakes; you may have to discover several ways that don’t work before you discover the one way that works for you.  All that matters is: you’re not alone, and you will get through this.

My challenge this week for you is to affirm yourself.  Instead of focusing on what you are doing wrong, write down what you are doing right. Thank God for the ability to do those things well.  I would also challenge you to ask God to help you in the process of figuring it out.  It will take time.  Be patient with yourself and humbly ask God for strength to endure the transitional period.  God, through Jesus Christ, understands our weaknesses and gives us grace and mercy when we need it.  Ask God for that grace when you hear that voice that says you are not good enough.

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Wisdom Wednesday

Relying on God for Strength

A few months ago, I wrote about how I was going to reevaluate my responsibilities and pull back from a few things.  I earnestly asked God to show me what He wanted me to change, because I was sure that He would tell me I needed to do less.  Unfortunately for my fatigue, I had a different realization: God was calling me to do even more.

You see, I wanted the world to stop so that I could finish working on my book.  But as I’ve tried to take breaks and slow down, the reality is: the world will never slow down for me.  If I want to make my dreams a reality, I have to fight through the struggle instead of waiting for the struggle to stop.

The greatest struggle I face on a daily basis is waking up.  I don’t know if it’s because my bed is so comfy or because I’m just so tired, but I cannot get up like I used to.  My entire life, I was a morning person.  Now that I’m married and I have a comfy bed, I don’t want to get up early.  But alas, I have work, and work is what wakes me up at six-thirty, with a jolting panic that is sort of like getting ice water dumped on my face.

One day, I came into work, already overwhelmed by all the stuff going on in my life.  We’d had a busy week, and my weekend did not allow me time for rest (it very rarely does).  Now, it was Monday, and I wanted nothing more than to restart the weekend and get another break.

I dragged my feet toward my desk, knowing another crazy week was just beginning.  I had all these thoughts in my head, but the main prayer of my mind was: Take this from me, Lord.  I want to have a day free from stress, busyness, and conflict.

After praying, my day was even more hectic, busy, and full of tears.  I spent the day angry at God for not answering my prayers.  I just wanted a break, but instead, I received more responsibility.  Unfortunately, this was not the right way to look at my day.  God was blessing me with a chance to grow my faith, and I was trying to do it all by myself.

What I needed to pray was: God, give me Your strength to overcome this day, no matter what comes my way.

Typically, when I am overwhelmed, I want to remove any and all objects, ideas, and people from my surroundings.  When I’m having a panic attack, I need to leave the room, close the door, shut my eyes, and breathe; by doing so, I ignore every negative voice that tries to scream at me in my head. When there’s conflict between two or more people in front of me (even if the conflict is not including me), I walk away to ignore the people I can’t control.  When I had a long work week, I typically want to spend my weekend doing absolutely nothing.

As healthy as it is to take care of myself, it is impractical to expect the world around me to pause so that I can catch a breath.  As much as I don’t like it, society is still going to try to fill my mind with negative self-talk and fear.  As much as I don’t like it, the people fighting in front of me are still going to yell even though it makes me uncomfortable.  As much as I don’t like it, plans, and chores are still going to infiltrate my stress-free weekend, making each week blend together with the others.

All along, I felt guilty for being busy.  I thought God was angry at me for giving in to the stresses of life.  But while I’m trying to manage the crazy, the first thing I have to do is embrace it.  And God’s grace is with me while I try to figure it all out.

God grows character out of pressure.  When I’m in the fight of life, that’s when my faith grows.  When I don’t have control, that’s when God gets to reveal His strength in my life.  The best part is: God knew all of that, and He loves me enough to let me go through this crazy season so that He could show me His strength.

This week, instead of asking God to take away my busyness, I’m going to trust Him in my busyness.  My challenge this week is to pray this simple prayer once every day: “Lord, give me strength.”  Let’s see what God does when we submit to His plan for our lives.  When we let God work out our busy schedules, we may discover that we weren’t so busy after all. (I’ll talk more about that next week!).

As always, you can comment on this post, or on Facebook or Twitter.  Thanks for stopping by!

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Wisdom Wednesday

Motivation for A Busy Life

I feel like, lately, everyone is busy.  And all the busy people have advice on how not to be busy.  The #1 best-selling advice is simple: stop doing so much.  But is it really that simple when you have to put in overtime at work, when you want to invest time in healthy meals for your family instead of going to get fast food, when your house looks like a tornado blow through it, when you miss your husband because you’ve both been so busy you haven’t had a full conversation in days, when your extended family and friends are asking where you’ve been, and when the minute you actually have some free time you feel guilty doing nothing because of all the voices screaming for your attention?  Did I even mention the self-care that I must do: the time I spend with God in the morning, the 30-minute workout, journaling, doing tasks that fill me instead of drain me, eating healthy, sleeping early, drinking water at the right time (yep, that’s a thing apparently), and breathing?

In my blog, I’ve tried to be as real as possible.  I read the works of writers who have overcome all kinds of raw emotions, and I want to follow their example and pour my heart out for the world to see.  But if you asked me how I was really feeling, this is what I would tell you: I have no idea, because I’ve been too busy to sit down and actually contemplate what’s within my heart.  What’s new?  I have no idea, because everything is new.  Where do I even start?  My head is almost always spinning, and all I want is to take a giant remote, press the “pause” button, and take a nap.

To be quite honest, I want a change in my life.  I’ve been busy for about three years straight, and I’m done with being exhausted and stressed.  I’m sick of always having something to do, and never feeling like I get anything done.  Worst of all, I am frustrated because I’ve heard over and over again that God does not want us to get addicted to busyness, and yet I feel I have no choice but to jump into the current and let it take me into the chaos.

How many of you can resonate with that?

I wish the answer could be as simple as “stop doing everything.”  But life does not come with a “pause” button.  Life is coming at us fast, and all we have time to do is reflexively react to our environment.

The truth is: we all have a motivation to be busy.  There are reasons, positive and negative, why we are attracted to the busy lifestyle.  In order to “stop doing everything,” we must develop the motivation to pause, breathe, and develop a rhythm of rest.  As with most things, rest starts in the mind and the heart.

If you are like me and are tired of running around, I have one question for you: How badly do you want rest?

Over the next few weeks, I will be trying to process what motivates me to be busy.  I will be sorting through both the positive and the negative reasons that I’m attracted to the busy lifestyle.  Each week, I will give you a challenge.  You can comment on each week’s post to respond to each challenge, or you can simply contemplate it in your own way.

This week, I would like you to think about the reasons why your life is busy.  Identify whether each reason is good or bad, and why.

Here are my motivations to be busy to give you some ideas, and I will expand on these ideas throughout the week:

  1. God is calling me to rely on Him
  2. I’m in a transitional stage of life
  3. I don’t like to say “no”
  4. I like to say “yes”
  5. I want to avoid conflict
  6. I want to avoid myself
  7. I don’t want to miss out
  8. I’m afraid of failure

Join me in developing a rhythm of rest instead of a life of busyness.