Tag: Christian living

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Marriage

My Husband is Not My Everything

About a year ago, my husband (who was my fiance at the time) woke up with a serious migraine.  He had never had a migraine before, so his mother and I brought him to Urgent Care to make sure he was okay.  The physician gave my husband a shot that was supposed to help his headache, but ended up making him nauseous.  I wanted to be there for him, but I have a fear of throwing up that makes it traumatic for me to even listen to someone gagging.  Knowing this, my husband told me to leave the room because he felt like he was going to throw up.  I didn’t want to leave him.  I wanted to prove that I could be there to support him.  I wanted my love for him to be stronger than my limits.  I wanted everyone to know that I was willing to be my husband’s everything.

But the minute he started to gag, I involuntarily bolted out of the room before he could start vomiting.

The rest of the day, I felt so guilty for leaving him there.  He ended up having to go to the hospital because they couldn’t figure out what was wrong with him.  When I found out, I was on my way to my sister’s house to celebrate Father’s Day with my family.  There was nothing I could do but pray and enjoy my time with my dad and siblings.  Eventually, I did get to see my husband in the hospital, bring him some pizza, and keep him company.

This may be an extreme example, but God used this moment to teach me a valuable lesson: I’m not meant to be my husband’s everything.  God used my husband’s parents, the doctors, and our family members to minister to my husband in a way that I was not able to at the time.

It’s a cute idea to say that my husband completes me.  But do you realize what that looks like?  Just think about what it would be like for my husband to be everything for me.  He would be a mind-reader so that I feel understood, a fitness instructor to motivate me to work out, a literary coach to make sure that my writing is top notch, a pillow for when I can’t sleep at night, my alarm clock for when I want to sleep all day, my chauffeur, my chef, my resume-builder, and of course, the guy that helps me know I’m loved!

So basically, if my husband were my everything, I would have no responsibility, and I would have no need for anyone else in my life.

But that’s not how God created us.

You see, my husband can’t be my number one, because God is my number one.  God is the only One who can complete me.  Colossians 2:10 says that I are complete in Christ.  Second Corinthians 1:3 says that God comforts me when I need to be comforted.  Matthew 22:37 says that I am to love the Lord with all I am first, and then I love others and myself.  The love that I have for my husband is just an overflow of the love that God has given me.  God is love, and I love because He first loved me.

A relationship with God is most important in order to find contentment, peace, and joy in your life.  Only after establishing your relationship with God can you then have a successful relationship with your spouse.  If you try to put your husband first, you will end up looking to him for things that only God can perfectly give you.

An example of this in my own marriage is quality time.  My husband and I spend plenty of time together, but I still get sad whenever he leaves for work or whenever he wants to see his friends.  It’s obvious that quality time is my love language!  When I feel lonely and expect my husband to stay home with me, I take out my Bible or my journal and I pour my heart before the Lord, knowing that He will never leave me or forsake me.

Gaining insight from other people also helps my marriage in addition to my well-being.  I have a small group of women that I can call when my husband just isn’t understanding girly issues.  My husband has friends that understand his love for video games and can just chill with him.  When we spend time with other people, we take the load off of each other, and have more to talk about when we actually do spend time together! (For more information, check out my blog on separation here).

May you be united to the Lord in love and peace, and may your union to Him bring you even closer to your spouse!

 

Photo by India Tupy on Unsplash

Categories
Throwback Thursday

#Tbt to When I Discovered My Worth

Three years ago, God taught me a beautiful lesson when I went on a walk around where I used to live:

Apart from Christ, I can do nothing.  But through Christ, I can do everything.

You see, I was walking around my old house when I saw a shiny penny on the ground.  At the time, I was unemployed and had to pay student loans, so I saved every penny (literally) that I could find.  I thanked God profusely for providing this tiny little miracle, the proof that God could take care of my needs in any way He chose to do so…even make money fall out of the sky.

But it gets better.  I turned the corner and looked down again.  This time, I saw a beat-up penny, and next to it was a shiny quarter.  God had provided twenty-seven whole cents to provide for my needs.  It may not seem like a lot to you, but when you have no source of income, any amount of money is a lot.

God used this small little blessing to teach me to always remember that I need God every minute of my life.  No matter what blessings come my way, no matter how successful I become, no matter how much “I got it,” I still need God.  Apart from Him, I don’t have blessings.  Apart from Him, I don’t have success.  Apart from Him…I’m lost and confused.

But with Him…even twenty-seven cents can be used in a mighty way for His glory.  With Him…even my life, a small blip on the spectrum of all of humanity, can be used in a might way for His glory.

Now that I’m #blessed with a job, a husband, and an apartment, it is so tempting to forget that I still need God.  Just as easily as God blessed me with these provisions, He can also take them away for whatever reason.  God is fully in control of my life because I’ve surrendered to Him.

Knowing that God is in control has helped me tremendously with my anxiety.  People have anxiety for multiple reasons, but my anxiety really stemmed from not feeling in control.  Growing up, I didn’t feel secure.  I didn’t feel safe.  I woke up every day, knowing that anything could happen, but not sure what that “anything” involved.

When I surrendered my life to God, I learned to trust the One who was now completely in control of my life.  I’ve learned that He’s in control, but He’s not an evil tyrant who wants to make my life miserable.  Rather, He’s a loving father who loves His creation and knows what’s best, not just for me, but for the whole world.  Since He knows what’s best, and since He loves me…I feel secure.  I feel safe.  I wake up every day, knowing that anything could happen, and that “anything” would be a new, exciting adventure.

Every day with Jesus is a beautiful adventure.

Sometimes I feel like that beat-up penny.  Sometimes I feel like I’m worth close to nothing.  Sometimes I feel like no one will notice me if they’re walking past me on the side of the road.

But then I realize that I’m standing with Christ by my side, who is worth much more than a quarter.  As Christ strengthens me, I have confidence to conquer any trial that comes my way.  As Christ affirms my identity in Him, I have the courage to dispel any insecurity that wells up within me.  I am free to live the life that God has created me to live.

If you’re doubting your worth today, know that God is not finished with you yet.  Trusting in God is not always easy, but it is worth it.  God will provide what you need when you need it, and He will accomplish mighty things through you if you let Him.

Photo by Jay Castor on Unsplash

Categories
Marriage

Marrying into the Family

Growing up, I was always proud to say that I am one of seven children.  Now, I can proudly say that I have one husband, one sister-in-law, three brothers-in-law, two significant others of siblings that are like family to me, three brothers, three sisters, two grandmas, three moms, three dads, nine aunts, six uncles, twenty-two first cousins (that includes one that will be joining the family soon!), at least four second cousins, three nephews, and two nieces.

We have marriage to thank for that.

They say that when you get married, you don’t marry one person; you marry the whole family!  I had never anticipated having in-laws.  To be honest, I thought that either my husband was going to simply get absorbed into my family, or we were going to live in our own bubble in a different state or country.  Little did I know that I wouldn’t only be inheriting another set of parents, but a boat load of family members!

Remember when I told you that I’m one of seven?  Well, my mother-in-law is also one of seven.  So, mathematically speaking, my family doubled the minute my husband and I exchanged vows.  My siblings also married, so I have in-laws within my own “blood” family as well.  It is such a blessing that I consider all of my family members family, despite the fact that we’re not all blood related.

This family dynamic might sound like a sit-com to you, but it actually is a miracle. God used our family to show my husband and I that we were meant for each other.  When I first told my mom that “I met someone,” she instantly burst into tears.  “I have been praying for your husband for years,” she sobbed, “and now he is finally here!”  At the time, it seemed a little dramatic, but her acceptance of my then-boyfriend made it easier for me to date him.  In addition to that, I met my mother-in-law before I even met my husband!  She tells me to this day that the moment she met me, she knew there was something special about me.  My dad met my husband before I did too!  He helps usher at church, and he remembers walking my husband and his family to their seats.  The fact that our parents accepted us individually, positively affected our relationship.

Our extended family also eased the atmosphere.  We may do things totally differently, but when we’re together, it’s like we’re, well, family.  I first met my husband’s extended family on his twenty-first birthday, before it was even announced that he was interested in me (or maybe everyone knew besides me, I don’t know), his family was already showing me love and acceptance.  My husband also passed the test of my side of the family.  My siblings liked him right away, and my nieces and nephews joked around with himm which is their way of saying, he’s on the team!  My husband and I are thankful that, although we don’t see eye-to-eye on everything with our family members, they are all close to us.

When there are moments we don’t get along, however, my husband and I do what we can to maintain our unity.  While family can be a bridge that helps you grow closer to your spouse, some family members can also try to disturb your relationship with your husband.  As Romans 12 says, do whatever you can to live at peace with everyone; however, make sure that your marriage is united.  You might have to set some boundaries to preserve your marriage, but do whatever you do in love.

Families don’t come in neat packages.  They come in all different shapes and sizes, with a plethora of personalities that cannot be contained.  Some family members might offend you, while some might become some of your best friends.  No matter what your relationship is like with your in-laws, my prayer is that you would see that in-laws are just more people with whom you have the opportunity to give love and receive love.

Photo by Tom Pumford on Unsplash

Categories
Church

Renewing Your Love for the Church

The usual alarm wakes me up.  It’s the same time I usually wake up for work, except this time, I’m not going to work.  It’s Sunday…time for church.

I want to hit the “Snooze” button, but it’s church.  I can’t skip out on my obligation to show God He matters to me.  Truthfully, what really motivates me to get out of bed is the promise that I’ll be able to take a nap after the service.

My husband and I leave the house a few minutes late.  We have a squabble about the importance of hearing the first song, how it sets the mood for the rest of the service, and if we show up late we’ll not only miss the song but will receive judgmental stares from the congregants who do not want to be interrupted during the first song.  With this new anxiety in mind, we speed our way to church, yelling at cars that are safely driving but are in our way.  We make it into the parking lot on time, but we still have to park the car, get out of the car, walk into the church building, say hello to the greeters, get a bulletin, and find a seat. By the time we get to our seats, the first song is half-way over.  We are officially late to church.

After the usual announcements and the rest of the songs, we sit down, ready to critique the message, hoping it was worth the stress it took to get to church this morning.  The pastor stands up and begins his message talking about Christians all over the world who are being persecuted for their faith.  He looks right at me, as if he knows what I’m thinking, and says, “Praise God for the freedom we have to come to church every morning.”

In the hustle and bustle of the day, in the craziness of my week, I missed the point of going to church.

Needless to say, I made sure I paid extra attention to the message that day!  It was the 4th of July service at our church, and after the crazy week I’d had (conveniently while working at a church during VBS week!) the only thing I wanted to do was crawl back into bed.  I’d confessed my desire to my husband, and prayed that God would change my heart.  I knew it was wrong to not want to go to church, but knowing that did not increase my interest in going to church.

There are a ton of reasons why people (especially but not limited to millennials) are leaving the church in droves.  You can read about those on your own.  Most of them blame pastors/church leadership, and while I agree that pastors should be held to a high standard, completely putting the responsibility on pastors completely takes the responsibility off of everyone else.

My job is to encourage others through writing.  So instead of beating you over the head and telling you to go to church, let me encourage you with some stories that my friends have shared on social media regarding why they call their church home:

“I would have to say the messages of truth. But there is so much more. The warm godly people that I get to call my brothers and sisters. The beautiful worship music we sing to our Lord. The transparency of our church and the dedication of the staff. It is home to me. To Him be the glory in the church.”

“The thing I love most about church is the people. Knowing that people truly care about you, pray for you and want the best for you. I also love being there for others, praying for them, and serving them. There’s no other place like the Lord’s house.”

“This is tough, but I think I’d have to say my pastor. He’s always in the hallway after the service greeting and shaking hands with everyone, and just how real he is. He’s not afraid to speak Biblical truth and he doesn’t shy away from talking about areas in his life where he has failed. Like, he’s honest about his life before coming to Christ and he doesn’t put up a front of having everything figured out. And just his passion for the Lord.”

“My favorite thing about [the church I attend] is feeling at home there. It’s exactly where God wants me to be.”

“What I love about my church is that one member or office is not held in higher regard than the other. We are all servants of Christ and the glory goes to God for any achievements. This is HUGE…The sense of community is awesome. I have so many friends that I do things with outside of church that go to [the church I attend].”

Overall, they feel like home.  They like hearing the truth.  They like not having to compete, to just be themselves, and to feel welcome somewhere.*

Isn’t that what this every broken heart needs?  A place to belong?  A good dose of truth?  A sense of acceptance?

I got saved at the church I attend.  I had many life-changing experiences at the church I attend.  I got baptized at the church I attend.  I learned how to pray, I met my husband, and got married at the church I attend.  It is rare that I have had so many life experiences at my church, especially since I live in a transient area.  Nevertheless, I keep coming back.  God is doing amazing things in His church, and I want a front-row seat to the action!

If you are sick of church, I pray that God draws you back.  Whether it’s the church you last attended, or a church that you’ve never tried before, I pray that you feel welcome, accepted, and loved.  But please, please, be patient as well.  People who lead and serve in churches are broken, imperfect people.  It may take time for you to feel at home.  But if you want hope, encouragement, and guidance, check out what God is doing at the local church near you.

*There was one person who commented on the question I posed on Facebook whose answer I did not use.  This person expressed the difficulty of finding a good church to attend.  Although I did not quote this person’s answer in this article, I believe that this person is also looking for a place to call home, a good dose of truth, and a sense of acceptance.

Photo by Luca Baggio on Unsplash.

Categories
Wisdom Wednesday

Anxiety Brings Me Closer to God

Since I was seven years old, anxiety has manifested in my body in a variety of ways: from stomach pains, to headaches, to chest pains, to nausea, to insomnia, to simply obsessing over a thought…I’ve felt like I could never catch a break!  Some of my close friends and family members also suffer from PTSD, OCD, and GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder).  It is not only a struggle to suffer from anxiety; it is also a struggle to watch others suffer with it.

I conducted a poll on my Twitter, and even though only 16 people voted, I want to give a voice to the 94% who suffer from anxiety to some degree (including 44% who consider anxiety a daily struggle).  Based on this poll, it’s safe to say that anxiety looks different for everyone.  Some people get anxious in certain situations, such as going on a plane or speaking in front of a large crowd.  Other people have difficulty controlling their thoughts and emotions, so their thoughts and emotions control them on a regular basis.

Truthfully, I wish I had a cure-all answer for anxiety.  However, there is no blanket statement, no perfect pill, no secret diet that can make anxiety disappear.  I can only speak from my own personal experience, and offer a voice of encouragement to help those who may be plagued with anxious thoughts, or who don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel.

After all that I’ve been through, I’ve learned that my anxiety brings me closer to God.

This isn’t the typical Christian answer to anxiety.  When I tell people I’m feeling anxious, they quickly whip out Philippians 4:6.  Anxiety, I’ve been told, is a sin, and must never be entertained in the mind of a believer.

When I mentioned this to one of my pastors, he let me borrow the book God Will Make a Way by Henry Cloud & John Townsend.  The book mentions that fear is not all bad.  As a matter of fact, fear can be a good thing, as long as it does not debilitate you from living.  For example, if you’re in an area of the world that experiences tornadoes, if you see a dark cloud forming in the distance, your natural instinct is not to say, “Wow, look at that!  What a pretty cloud.”  Your reaction is to panic, grab all you need, and hide in a safe place.  When traumatic things happen to us, it is natural and correct to freak out and try to figure out how to get our lives back to equilibrium.

My life hasn’t been exactly easy.  Lysa TerKeurst’s book Uninvited encouraged me to think about how I’ve suffered as a child, a teen, and an adult.  Between the death of my grandma, breaking my elbow, dealing with an abusive step family, and loved ones moving out of state, I really wondered how I made it through.

By the grace of God, around that time is when I remember learning that it is possible to trust God.  Literally a week before my grandma died, I read in a fiction book that a girl was going to trust God with whatever situation she was facing.  It was such a foreign concept to me, to trust someone who was so far away and yet seemed so interested in my life.  However, taking the responsibility off of myself in these difficult circumstances and putting my trust in God gave me such overwhelming peace that I was able to overcome my pain, and even forgive those who have wronged me.

Knowing what I know about anxiety, it makes so much sense that I reacted to most of these occurrences in fear.  My grandma died unexpectedly; I missed her, and seeing my mom upset affected me as well.  Breaking my elbow caused me to miss a lot of school, resulting in lost contact with a few of my friends, and falling behind on my school work.  Having a verbally abusive stepfather instead of a loving father in my house caused me to question what family is supposed to look like.  But I didn’t stay in fear.  I cried, I journaled, I prayed, and I trusted that God would be glorified in this experience.  Here I am today, twelve years later, thankful that God did not disappoint.

So, if you’re facing anxiety, I applaud your body for reacting in a way that is natural given your circumstances.  But don’t stay there.  Whatever you are facing, ask yourself what is triggering your anxiety.  Are you about to do something out of your comfort zone? Are you currently in the midst of a conflict with a loved one?  Are you overwhelmed at your job or at school?  Pinpoint exactly what makes you anxious.

Then, pray about it.  Be absolutely honest with God; He can handle how you really feel! If you are comfortable, share your anxiety with a trusted friend.  Sometimes, just saying the fear out loud decreases its power over me.  After you’ve confessed the fear, take your mind off of it by focusing on the Word of God.  Memorize Bible verses.  Listen to a worship song that is based on Scripture.  Watch a sermon online.  Do a Bible study with a support group.  You might not get the instant results that you crave, but over time, you will notice your anxiety losing its grip over your life.

When you decide to give your anxiety to God, He uses your difficult circumstances to draw you closer to Him. Life with Jesus is the most beautiful adventure I’ve ever had.  Trust Him today, and see how He moves in your life!

(If you would like to see other posts about my journey with anxiety, please type “anxiety” in the search bar on the left side of the page).

Photo by Milada Vigerova on Unsplash

Sources:
Cloud, Henry & Townsend, John. “Fear and Anxiety.”  God Will Make a Way. Brentwood, TN: Integrity Publishers, 2002.  Print.

TerKeurst, Lysa. Uninvited Study Guide. Nashville: Nelson Books, 2016.  Print.

Categories
Marriage

Why Those You Love Most Hurt the Most

Why is it so easy to be hurt by the ones who love us most?

Nothing gives me more heartache than hurting or bothering those I love.  This is mainly due to the fact that I unintentionally hurt them.  Sometimes I say things with the purest intentions–making a joke, stating the facts, or relaying a message–and the ones I love leave the conversation confused, angry, or sad.

When my husband hurts me, intentionally or unintentionally, it hurts.  When I hurt my husband, intentionally or unintentionally, it hurts.  We both feel the hurt, whether we’re the victim or the attacker.  When one of us is hurt, there is no victory; there’s just pain that needs to be healed.

One night after a tiny squabble, I lay in bed with my arms folded over my chest and my knees curled into my stomach.  Any touch from my husband would just make me withdraw within myself.  My stomach was turning and my mind was racing.  If I moved a muscle, my husband might try to reach over and touch me.  I didn’t want him close because I knew I was wrong.  As a result of my fear, he was deprived of the attention that he craved.  However, I knew I hurt him, and any interacting with my husband would remind me of my shortcomings.

Those close to us are meant to make us better people by pointing out our shortcomings in love.

I was talking about this idea with one of my co-workers when I first got married.  Why is it that people we live with get on our nerves the most?  He reminded me of Proverbs 27:17: “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another” (NIV).  If you look up videos on what it looks like to sharpen iron, a lot of them involve loud noises, fire/coals, and a giant metal object getting all of up in the face of the piece of iron.  To put it in human terms, a person gets in your face and points out your flaws, brings out something ugly in you, and (ideally) helps you deal with your weaknesses.  And who do you trust enough to get that close to us and see us in our most vulnerable state?

Your spouse.

Unfortunately, your spouse will hurt you.  Unfortunately, you will hurt your spouse.  But when either of you feel hurt, you can use it to bring you closer to God and to each other. Pray that God uses this pain to heal and transform your marriage.  Be honest with Him about the severity of your pain or frustration, but trust that God is able to redeem your situation for His glory.  Trust your spouse to speak the truth in love, and pray about how to respond to his/her admonishing.  In the same way, if something bothers you about your spouse, pray about how to tell him/her what you notice in a loving, gracious manner.

Humans were never meant to complete us.  We are all fallen images of perfection, and we unfortunately make mistakes that affect the ones we love.  In the midst of these shortcomings, we can trust that God will never fail us.

Photo by freestocks.org on Unsplash

Categories
Throwback Thursday

#ThrowbackThursday to When I Wanted to Give Up

I remember when I wanted to quit my retail job three years ago.

Let’s just say, my calling was definitely not folding clothes and handling money all day.  I had a Teaching English as a Foreign Language Certificate and a Bachelor of Arts in Intercultural Studies under my belt, and I was itching to travel, teaching English and writing for God’s glory.  If I could do the exact opposite of that, I felt like it would have been something similar to folding clothes and handling money!

Eventually, my time at the mall came to a close, and I was on to bigger and better things.  I started working at a bookstore, and then at my current job as an Administrative Assistant.  Despite my disgust at the minimum wage jobs that I had in the past (except for my job as a Consultant at the Writing Center!) I thank God that He used each of those transitional jobs to bring me one step closer to the person that He has called me to be.

I feel like we are trained to always wait for the next best thing.  From an early age, we go from preschool to kindergarten, then prepare for elementary school in kindergarten, then prepare for middle school in elementary school, then prepare for high school in middle school, then prepare for college in high school, then prepare for grad school in your undergrad, and then prepare for your full-time career in college.  We’re always preparing, but what are we preparing for?

The point of the article I wrote a few years ago was that no matter what season we are in, we should always give our best.  If you have senioritis and just want to graduate, take a deep breath and pause.  You only get to be a high school/college senior once; live it up!  If you are single and just want to find someone, take a deep breath and pause.  Once you are married, you have a long life ahead of you with that person; learn to take advantage of your free time and wholehearted devotion to God. If you are in an in-between job and just want to quit, take a deep breath and pause.  God has given you a unique opportunity right where you are, and He is training you through it!

So, how can we give our best in the season we are in, even if we don’t feel our best?

Be thankful.  God is sovereign and God is faithful.  He has allowed you to have this job/relationship status/apartment/time at school for a reason.  Think about what blessings can come out of the situation.

Be honest.  It may be difficult for you to praise God for this season.  Let Him know that!  He loves you.  He would rather have an honestly angry person than a fake happy person.  Plus, sharing your struggles with God brings you closer to Him.  Continue to stay connected with God, even when you don’t understand where He’s leading you.

Be surrounded.  As a woman in my mid-20s, I know I’m not alone in my struggle to find contentment.  People my age are all in different stages of life.  Some are single, while others are married with kids.  Some are stuck in part-time jobs, while others are well into their careers.  Some can travel, while others are trying to budget.  When I surround myself with Christian women who are fighting the same fight as me, it encourages me not to give up.

Be joyful.  Even in the midst of trials, we are called to be joyful.  Joy, I’ve learned, is meant to be shared.  If you’re at a job that isn’t exactly your calling, it might be a challenge to always have a smile on your face.  However, joy changes the atmosphere.  As God changes your perspective, others will notice, and they will be encouraged to find joy as well.

All of these points focus on becoming.  Through trials and transitions, we become more thankful, we become more honest, we become more encouraged, and we become more joyful.  God is more focused on changing our hearts than changing our circumstances.  Let Him grow you through these uncomfortable times.

 

Thank you to Unsplash for always providing great stock photos for me to use for my Featured Image.  This one was by Dhruva Reddy on Unsplash

 

Categories
Wisdom Wednesday

Heaven on Earth

I have good news to share with you all:

The Kingdom of God is here!

I’m so excited that this is a reality, that this is the good news that we are called to share.  The gospel is not simply a one-way ticket to Heaven (although it is an important part of the Christian faith).  The gospel is not a way for God to remove all the pain and suffering from my life (although I believe God has the ability to heal me and give me a life free from suffering if He wanted!).  No, the gospel is God meeting us where we are right now and setting the world free by destroying death and redeeming His creation.

Do you want to be a part of it?

I’ve been reading the book Surprised by Hope by N.T. Wright*, and that book has changed my entire perspective on my life as a Christian.  On Monday, my friend and co-worker shared a sermon from John Ortberg* with me that was about the kingdom of God, and the fact that eternal life begins here and now.  So, I felt like there was a pattern in what God was teaching me, and I would like to share what I learned with you today.

We have been taught from an early age that the gospel is simply believing that Jesus died so that you can go to Heaven.  We have this mentality that Christianity is all about what Jesus can do for me, and whatever I suffer in this life, I will never have to deal with it in the next.  It doesn’t matter if I sin, it doesn’t matter if I’m mean to people, it doesn’t matter if others hurt me…my ultimate hope is going to Heaven when I die.

Sadly, I spent much of my Christian life like this.  As one who tends to avoid pain and responsibility, I like the idea that Jesus died so that I can never be hurt, so that there will always be sunny skies and comfy pillows and blessings.  I guarded my heart, protecting myself from the world, believing that if I just held on long enough and kept myself free from sin, I would be able to enjoy sitting on fluffy clouds, eating ice cream with no calories, and partying with my relatives who had gone before me.

This was my gospel; it was the gospel centered around me.

Although this life sounds pretty great, the life that Jesus promises is even better.  His plan involves helping us see beyond ourselves.  His plan involves restoration, redemption, and revival…and we are able to be a part of it.  Jesus did not come just to protect you from this “evil” world; He came so you could help Him in restoring all of creation to what it used to be.

It starts when we accept Jesus into our hearts.

This means recognizing the work Jesus did on Earth, believing that His sacrifice was enough to save your sins, and then submitting to God’s will.  Having a relationship with Jesus is asking Him what He desires, knowing full well that He loves us, and trusting Him to not only provide for your needs, but for the needs of all of His creation.

When we accept God’s will for us, we begin to pray as Jesus taught us to pray: “Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven.”

After that, we trust in faith that God will provide us the guidance and wisdom to know how to live in Heaven on Earth.  Whether it’s caring for someone who is sick, advocating the rights of the poor, or even smiling at a friend who needs encouragement, you can assist in bringing the Kingdom of God to Earth. And since God is a good God, we know that His Kingdom will make the world a better place, one soul, one smile, one prayer at a time.

Are you fixing your eyes on the problems in this world and losing hope, or are you hoping that Jesus comes back soon so that He could clean up all of our mess?  I have even greater news for you than either of those two options: Before Jesus comes back, we have the opportunity to bring Heaven to Earth through our worship, our service to God, and overall, through His love flowing out of us.

 

 

Sources:

bd daniel. “John Ortberg The Kingdom of God Pepperdine University
2014.”  Online video clip. YouTube. 10 April 2015. Web. 17 July 2017.

Wright, N. T. Surprised by Hope: Rethinking Heaven, the Resurrection,
and the Mission of the Church.  New York: Harper Collins, 2008.  Print.

Categories
Marriage

Separating From Your Spouse

On Saturday, my husband and I did not wake up together.

I told him I wanted to sleep in after not sleeping well this past week.  He, on the other hand, was up before seven.  I knew he was up right away; not only am I a light sleeper, but he was also staring at me sleep!  Grumpily, I commanded him to find a new place to hang out until it was time for me to wake up. I did not arise until two hours later, and by the time I was ready to see him again, he was playing an hour-long game on his computer (his way of relaxing).

So, my husband started his morning playing video games, while I started mine reading a book (my way of relaxing).

Henry Cloud and John Townsend, most known for their Boundaries series, have written much about the four stages of growth: boundaries, separation, distinguishing right from wrong, and maturing into adulthood.  Although I’m not a scholar on psychology or on marriage, I have seen these stages of growth affect marriage as well.

In the beginning stages of marriage, boundaries are essential to making the marriage work.  The couple are so used to being two separate humans that they do not know how to come together as one.  The husband and wife need to establish boundaries within the marriage as well as outside of the marriage to protect their unity.  One boundary that we’ve established is to not talk about our spouse with anyone else without letting our spouse know (even if it’s as simple as “My husband made me lunch today”).  We’ve seen secrets destroy relationships, and we didn’t want to let anyone come in between ours.  Even when I write about my husband on this blog, I let him read it first, so that he does not think I’m telling you things that he doesn’t already know.

As I’ve written in my post about the lovey-dovey phase, in the beginning stages of a relationship, we have these tingly feelings that make it impossible for us to separate.  I firmly believe that God gave us those feelings so that we could establish our unity right from the start of our relationship.  My husband and I, without a doubt, are a team.  Everyone knows that; we’ve made sure they do!

Because I personally had been so protective of our marriage, I had a difficult time letting my husband do the activities he enjoyed before he met me.  We don’t have the same friend group (as much as we enjoy each other’s friends!), and we don’t always have fun doing the same activities.  Since I’d become a Christian, I’d always believed that I would be doing everything with my husband, from waking up in the morning, to going to work, to resting together after a long day together.  But now that we don’t work together, serve together in all the same ministries, or even have the same interests, I’m rethinking what it looks like to be a team with my husband.

If we don’t give ourselves time to do the things we enjoy, we will become bitter and resentful of each other.  If I don’t let my husband play video games to relieve stress, he might get grumpy and see me as a tyrant.  If my husband doesn’t let me write, he might end up as the antagonist in my next novel (that was a writer’s joke!).  If we don’t let each other hang out with our own friends, not only will our friends wonder what happened, but we’ll also feel like we’re trapped within the bubble of our own marriage.  Even if we enjoyed doing the same activities, we also appreciate just taking a minute to spend time alone.  We are a team, we are one unit, but we are not the same person.

Now, I am not suggesting that our goal is to eventually grow apart from each other.  Our goal is to still be a team, while appreciating the differences that we have from one another.  I will never be exactly like my husband, and my husband will never be exactly like me.  The way that God created me, the gifts that God has given my husband, the paths where God has led us both, have shaped us into the people we are today.  We both have different passions that help us each minister to the body of Christ in unique ways.

We can still enjoy activities together, like going for walks, trying new restaurants, and visiting our families.  We can still make mutual friends and spend time with them.  We can still serve together.  But we can also communicate about what it looks like to be separate within the boundaries we have already established as husband and wife.

Categories
Throwback Thursday

#ThrowbackThursday to my #FirstWorldProblems

Looking at my memories this past week, I had to laugh at my article on first world problems.  The problems I had then were a walk in the park compared to what I deal with now.  Nevertheless, the message behind my article was important for me to remember, and for you to be encouraged.

Although I define first world problems in the article I mentioned, plainly put, they’re problems that greatly affect the outcome of our days, but put in perspective, they’re not that bad.

You can read about the first world problems I dealt with as a recent college graduate.  My greatest first world problem as an employee is the commute to and from work.  I’ve found that my commute to work is the deciding factor of how nice I’m going to behave at work.  Now that school is out of session and there are less cars on the road, my commute to work is only fifteen minutes.  I’ve noticed that I’ve definitely been more calm at work now, even cheerful. But during the school year, my commute can range from twenty to thirty-five minutes.  Although it does not sound like a long time, the fact that there is a fifteen-minute window of time (where I can be fifteen minutes early or fifteen minutes late) can make it very difficult to plan my morning schedule.

This, in essence, is a first world problem, but it’s even beyond a first world problem.  Some people in this country have to take the train, which could be a solid hour each way–as long as there are no delays.  All of you who have to commute via the train must be cracking up at my so-called misfortune of my fifteen-minute drive to work.

First world problems are entirely based on perspective.  What is a total nightmare to me, could be a wonderful opportunity for you.  Maybe a longer commute to work could mean more time to listen to your audio book. Maybe your phone charger not working could yield an opportunity to catch up with your friend face-to-face.  Maybe the fact that it’s raining when you’re about to fill up your gas tank could remind you not to run your car to the ground.

All in all, I’m thankful for my job.  I’m thankful for my husband.  I’m thankful for my family.  I’m thankful for all the things that aren’t perfect, but have made my life better.

What things in your life have you taken for granted lately?  Take some time to thank God for all the blessings He has given you.  It says in James 1:17 that every good and perfect gift is from above.  To us, our circumstances may not be perfect, but in God’s perfect plan, He has you exactly where you need to be.  And He will provide what you need, when you need it.  Through every circumstance, you can find contentment in Him.

Life as a college graduate for me was such a struggle at first.  My first twenty-something years of life had been preparing me for this moment, and yet I still had no clue what I was doing.  If I could go back three years and tell myself one thing, it would be this: it gets better.  Life takes some time to figure out, and while I can’t say I’ve completely mastered it, it seems to make a little more sense now.  I pray if you are in a transitional period of your life, you would be encouraged by the process.  You’ll get through this, and you’ll become stronger through the trials and confusions that life throws at you.  God has a plan for you, and you have plenty of time and plenty of grace to navigate through it!