Categories
Marriage

Travel is the Best Marriage Therapy

My husband and I just came back from a weekend in Ohio, just to meet my favorite band, For King and Country! Lenny knew that I’ve wanted to see them in concert since I started dating him, so we took time and money just to have this special weekend together. He found this concert and saw that the platinum package came with a meet and greet. When he asked if we could spend our vacation this year on this concert, my answer was a wholehearted yes!

As much as I tried to play it cool when I met them, my voice went up a few octaves once it was finally our turn in line. I was so excited, not just because they’re a great group, but also because they rarely come to New York, so we had to take the eight-hour drive just to get the chance to see them in concert. The concert itself was wonderful as well. They are a fun group, in addition to the other bands that were there.

Okay, maybe you didn’t catch it, so in case you didn’t, yes, we drove EIGHT HOURS to Ohio and then EIGHT HOURS back to Long Island. We were on the same road for about 450 miles, between three different states. On the long drive back home Sunday, staring at the fifteen trillionth patch of grass in Pennsylvania, I realized how much my love has grown for my husband through this vacation. I felt so close to him, not just because he helped me to accomplish my dream of seeing my favorite band, but because he was all I had on this trip.

Road trips do wonders for your love life.

There’s nothing wrong with our marriage, except that it’s new. As with anything in life, there is always room for improvement. A thriving marriage is one that grows more and more each day, so since we’ve only been married for about two years, it will only get better from this point on.

One way where I personally needed to grow was trust. There is no better way to build trust than to put yourself in a situation where you have no choice but to trust your spouse. Lenny and I drove down a road that had exits every 10 miles (which, for Long Islanders, is basically like saying you’re in the middle of nowhere). If we broke down on one of those streets, we would only have each other. We would have to survive together. I know that is a morbid thought, and probably a little overreacting, but when you have anxiety, these thoughts are pretty normal. You always want to have a back-up plan. You always want to have a way out of the situation in case the worst happens.

As we drove, I realized that I kind of liked being alone with Lenny. We were in the middle of nowhere and we were in unfamiliar territory, but we were together, and that made it special. I truly learned the meaning of “Home is where the heart is” through this time. It didn’t matter how long we were in the car together. We learned to conquer traffic, making our snacks last the whole trip, impatience over driving in Pennsylvania for hours, and waiting for rest stops to stretch our legs, together. Sorry, Pennsylvania, but you’re too big. I still love you, though!

Through knowing no one but Lenny, he became my familiar territory. While having one of the coolest experiences of my life, meeting my favorite band, I was able to share that unique and fun experience with my husband. And, of course, the only thing I said to them was that “This is Love” (one of their songs) was our first dance at our wedding. So if Joel and Luke only know one thing ever about me, it has to do with Lenny. We’re a team.

The long drive also taught us to, as the old cliche says, stop and smell the roses. Pennsylvania was very big, and it took us about six hours to drive through all of it, but it was beautiful. Between every “We’re still in Pennsylvania?” we added a “Wow, what a beautiful mountain range!” We danced to the radio and made fun of the silly town names we found along the way. We learned to take a normally mundane task (driving) and make it fun.

So, on a serious note, I highly recommend taking a long trip with your spouse. See what negative emotions arise as you’re confined to a small space together. Be quick to forgive when your spouse grows impatient from hunger, thirst, or fatigue. Be honest about how you feel, and practice thankfulness and positivity along the way.  After all, in marriage, you are on a journey together.

Photo by Octavio Fossatti on Unsplash

Categories
Book Update

4 Myths & 1 Truth of Freelance Working From Home

Having worked as a freelance writer and editor now for three months, I can say I’m finally a novice at this! Much of freelance work and working from home is discipline and determination. I thank God that I have both of these gifts, or else I would never be able to do this. I also would never be able to do this without the loving support of my husband, Lenny, who encourages me every day to pursue my dreams.

Over the past couple of months, I’ve heard some myths about what it’s like to work from home. I have experience working in stores, offices, and schools, and working from home is a totally different experience. If you’re curious about what I do, check out what I’ve learned so far about being a work-from-home freelance writer and editor.

MYTH: You get to work in your pajamas all day

This is the statement I get most often from people when I tell them I work from home. While it is true that I can work in my pajamas all day, I don’t prefer to do so. Christy Wright writes in her book Business Boutique that we should dress for success. Like when you get ready for work to go to an office or a place away from your home, you need to establish a routine so that you can start your day with motivation. There are days when I feel like hanging out in my pajamas, but those days I don’t get anything done. If I equate those outfits to sleeping, I’m not thinking about working; I’m thinking about sleeping! I usually have my outfit picked out the day before, so that I could get dressed and go right to work.

MYTH: You’re lonely

I am an introvert, so I love being alone. I have to be intentional about leaving my house and spending time with friends and family, but quality time with loved ones has turned into a joy. I’m now seeing them because I want to, not because I have to since I work with them or because it’s another thing on my to-do list. I also want to take a moment and challenge all offices: I’ve heard many a story of people who show up to work and don’t speak to a single person all day. Sure, you’re surrounded by people, but you’re still lonely. To me, that’s worse than isolating myself in my home office. If you work in an office, reach out to someone new today. You never know what struggles people are carrying.

MYTH: You don’t get anything done

Studies produced from the last couple of years have shown that the average person only gets about 2 hours and 53 minutes of work done in an 8-hour work day, and that doesn’t include the hour-long commute most of us have to travel to and from work. So if I work 3 intentional hours from home, I’m working more than you, office worker. And since I’m my own boss, I can create my own schedule, which includes personal time. I make time to eat an hour-long lunch, go for a walk, clean the house (as needed), and read. I set a timer on my phone for one hour at a time, and then I put my phone on the other side of the room. I don’t do anything but edit, write, or read a book about writing until the timer goes off. When we’re intentional about our work, we get more done.

MYTH: You don’t make a lot of money

At first, this is true. When you work an office or retail job, you get a contract and a salary and benefits and all that. When you are starting your own business, you start with $0. When you put yourself on the internet and say, “Hey, I have a new business!” no one knows you who are. But when you apply those discipline techniques into your work, you will see more of a clientele over the next couple of months. As the Bible alludes to on multiple occasions, you reap what you sow. When you put work into your business, you will see the fruit of that work.

Truth: It is a fun adventure

I love what I do, so much. I have the opportunity to create my own schedule and workload. I create my own vacation time. It’s not that I don’t have a boss, but I am my own boss. There is a difference. I’m not where I want to be yet, but I’m closer than I was a few days ago. Working from home has been such a blessing, and I can’t wait to see how God grows the vision that he has given me.

Photo by rawpixel on Unsplash

Categories
anxiety

How to Speak Clearly and Effectively

Well, I said I’d do it. So here it is, a blog post on how to speak clearly and effectively with others.

Speaking clearly is difficult for me. I’m afraid of how the other person will react, so I usually cover it up with side comments, filler words, and half-truths. I’m not very clear because I want to protect the person in front of me. Little do I know that I’m setting myself up for failure when I have to hurt both of us by eventually telling her the truth.

Being clear is important for those of us who suffer with anxiety because when we have anxiety, we tend to have a problem figuring out what’s going on inside of us. We usually don’t know how to communicate what we’re feeling, what happened, or what symptoms we’re experiencing. Then, when we finally figure out our triggers, it is difficult for us to communicate with those who’ve hurt us, if necessary.

Now, before I discuss how to speak more clearly, it is worth mentioning that communication is a two-way street. There have been times when I’ve said all that I’ve needed to say in as eloquent a matter as possible, only to be met with two blank eyes staring back at me. When listening, here are some things to consider:

  • Be present : Just because you are hearing does not mean you are listening. Instead of getting distracted, be intentional about giving the speaker your full, undivided attention.
  • Don’t listen to respond; listen to understand : You may have a lot to say about what the speaker is telling you, whether to defend yourself or to contribute to the conversation. However, the speaker may have some valuable information that can be helpful or interesting to you.
  • Repeat for comprehension : To make sure you are on the same page, you might want to repeat what you’ve heard. Ask, “Are you saying that…?”
  • Be patient : Let the person speak. It is difficult to communicate from the heart, and if he has to do that, give him some time. Don’t be quick to judge or defend, but truly seek out a healthy relationship.

For the speakers, here is how to speak more clearly and be understood:

  • Write down/rehearse : Especially if you are anxious, write down your thoughts. It’ll help clear your head and find the main idea. For your own benefit, you can write down what you need to communicate and the feelings behind that message. If someone hurt you, why did it hurt you? If you have something important to say to your boss, why is it important to you?
  • Stick to the main idea : It is possible to talk a lot and yet communicate nothing. Remember the point and stick to it.
  • Line your words up with your actions : If you communicate your desires, your boundaries, or your feelings, make sure you follow through with your actions. Parents know this better than anyone. When you take the time to effectively communicate to your children why you are not letting them have dessert because of how they misbehaved, but they give you the teary eyes and you cave and let them have dessert anyway, you are not communicating clearly.
  • Be patient : The listener may not understand right away, but keep trying. Be patient with yourself as well as the listener. Your message is worth saying, and worth hearing.

The Bible speaks against giving a false testimony to your neighbor, so it is highly valuable to communicate as truthfully as possible without sugar coating anything. Overall, be patient with one another. Even if you both speak the same language, you have two different mindsets. Effective communication takes time to learn; that’s why it’s called a skill.

Photo by Trung Thanh on Unsplash

Categories
Book Update Marriage

Make Your Own Dream

When you first get married, you think that you will always agree with your husband. Let’s pop that bubble right now: You’re going to disagree, and it will probably be messy.

I can only speak from a woman’s perspective, but I was taught that my wedding day would be the greatest day of my life, where all my dreams will come true. But it wasn’t. Why? Because my dream wasn’t my husband’s dream. We both had a say in our wedding, so we mixed both my vision of what the perfect wedding would look like, and his, and formed our own special day. That vision required compromise from both of us.

As a couple, you will have to make a ton of decisions together. When are we getting married? Where are we going to live? When are we having kids? How are we going to raise our kids? Whether long-term or short-term, you will have to work together to make decisions on a regular basis.

Currently, our next major decision is buying a house. We still have a couple of months before we can afford a down payment, but we’re taking the time we’re waiting to figure out what we want before we buy the first house we see. We’re finding that our ideas of a dream house are both totally different. For example, I want a big backyard with a ton of lawn space, while Lenny wants to cover our front yard and backyard with cement and pavers! I grew up with a big backyard, so I’ve always imagined our kids running around a safe grassy space (Barefoot, probably, because who doesn’t love the feeling of grass on their bare feet?). Lenny, on the other hand, wants a lot of cars, so he wants to have enough driveway space for his possessions. I’m not saying my way is right and his way is wrong, or vice versa, but that we obviously have a different way of looking at our space.

How are we going to make this decision? Well, like every other decision, here is what we’ve committed to do as a couple:

  • Be clear. I could write a blog post alone about how to be clear. But before you could decide what you both want together, you have to decide what you both want individually. Like my example of finding our dream house, I generally want a space big enough for our future family, but specifically, I know that I want a big backyard, hardwood floors, and an open concept to our house. That’s pretty clear. And Lenny can work with that.
  • Make a list. I love lists! They help to make things even more clear, and they provide a visual. Write down everything you want in your dream house. I recommend making your lists in separate locations (you sitting on your couch and your husband sitting at your dining room table, for example) so you don’t influence each other’s preferences.
  • Circle similarities. Find a common ground. We both want a safe neighborhood and a good school district. We both have the same housing budget. We both have the same location desires. Those are our starting points. Those are non-negotiable. Everything else will have to be discussed.
  • Discuss everything else on the list. For whatever else is on your list, you both need to decide how necessary the other items are. How important is it for me to have a big backyard? If there is a park nearby, can I take my kids there to play instead of using our backyard space? What about for Lenny? If the current driveway is big enough, maybe we won’t need to completely get rid of the grass in the front yard. Regardless, you must talk about each point with your spouse and see how necessary it is.

If you can’t agree, don’t make a decision yet. We need to wait. Circumstances may change our mind over time. Maybe our kids will be allergic to grass, for example. Keep praying and wait it out. Don’t compromise your marriage for any decision. Whatever you do, make sure you put God first, your marriage second, your kids third, and everything and everyone else, last. You can disagree with me, but then we’ll just have to agree to disagree.

Photo by Andre Revilo on Unsplash

Categories
Books

“We are the Dreamers” – Book Review of “Get Weird”

#Sponsored by FaithWords

Once I saw the description of the author, which began with the words “Armed with the wit of a native New Yorker,” I knew this was going to be a fantastic book. As a native New Yorker, sarcasm is my native language! Nice to see a fellow New Yorker writing a book. He’s even from Long Island!

Faithwords describes the book this way: “CJ Casciotta will help you identify your God-given uniqueness and teach you how to use your individuality to impact the world.” As a society, we’ve been taught that weird is a bad thing. Casciotta actually challenges us to think about how often we use the word “weird.” When we say that word, it usually implies something is not easily explained. Even though for us we consider that a negative thing, according to Casciotta, being “weird” isn’t necessarily wrong.

The book serves as a challenge for those who are sick of living complacent lives. They are sick of the Same. As a matter of fact, Casciotta wants us to challenge the Same (which he capitalizes throughout the book). He wants us to pursue the Sacred Weird, the other-wordliness that humans were created to possess.

Get Weird is split into three parts, which go by different names in the book but are described as the following: “It’s OK to be weird,” “We need your weird,” and “Go be weird.” The first part of the book illustrates our individual need to express ourselves in our own creative weirdness. The second part demonstrates how society needs weird people, highlighting specific people who were weird and yet changed the world through it. The third part encourages the reader to make a difference in her own unique way, embracing her weird, and fulfilling God’s calling on her life.

The word “weird” grabbed my attention when I first looked at the cover. However, as I’m reading the book, there is still a connotation that “weird” invokes in my brain. It’s different, but it’s strange. It’s awkward. It doesn’t make me comfortable. As much as I don’t like those feelings, Casciotta claims that those feelings change the course of history. Martin Luther King rubbed people the wrong way with his talks of diversity and acceptance of other people. Mister Rogers was unlike his contemporaries who hit each other with pies on television. Even Jesus, the hero and foundation of our faith, refused to be like the culture in which he was raised, teaching His disciples to live holy lives, “other” lives. I don’t like the look, the smells, the taste that “weird” invokes, but the story that God is writing in all of us is that the people who are least expected to succeed will transform our cultures and lead us into victory.

While I read the book, I unexpectedly received some free parenting advice. Children have this innate desire to be creative. Their minds are forming, and their imagination takes them on wild rides on a minute-by-minute basis. There is no limit to what their minds can accomplish, because they haven’t been taught that their ideas are “weird” (the bad connotation of weird). My one take-away from this book is to encourage creativity in my future children and the children that I oversee in our church’s girls ministry.

There is a cute viral video of a two-year-old baking a cake with her mom. When I first watched the video, I had my skeptic thoughts, the most prominent being, “She’s making a mess!” But after I read this book, I watched the video again. As the little girl poured an two entire containers of sprinkles on a tiny cake, I realized that she was using her creativity. She wanted a cake with lots of sprinkles on it, so she made a mess to make that happen, but she did it. I applaud her mother for letting her do that, and I applaud any parent that encourages creativity in their children. We’re so afraid of children making messes that we squash their creativity in the process. I’m choosing now to allow my children and the girls entrusted to me to be freely creative and freely weird.

CJ Casciotta has a ton of resources on his website. You can also get his book, which will be released September 11th, on the FaithWords website.

Categories
anxiety

Stop Shaming People with Anxiety

I read an article yesterday about Christians who struggle with anxiety. As I was reading it, one thought came to mind: anxiety is a shameful thing. Those of us who suffer with anxiety face a lot of shame when we act out of anxiety instead of rational thought.

I know what the Bible says about anxiety, what I’m supposed to do. But sorry to say it, sometimes my body does what my mind and soul know it shouldn’t. Didn’t Paul struggle with that in Romans 7? I’m not talking about sin. I’m talking about the fact that when I have a panic attack, I can’t move. I can’t trust. I can’t do anything.

I know I’ll be fine when I go on a plane. I graduated number 12 in my high school class, and I graduated with a 3.9 GPA in college. I’m not stupid. I don’t need statistical facts to get over my anxiety. No matter what I do in my mind, anxiety still comes. Every time I get on that plane, my muscles shake uncontrollably and I start to cry. I don’t need people telling me to stop crying and get over it. All I need in that moment is to be validated, and to feel safe.

From the time I was in high school until I was out of college (approximately 2010-2015), I couldn’t watch any movies that contained any form of sexual contact. Even kissing was out of the question. My friends would roll their eyes as I would hum and cover my face to avoid hearing or seeing anything. When I was alone, any time someone outside of marriage got physical, I would cry hysterically and turn off whatever I was watching. Although it looked like I was just judging premarital sex on the outside, on the inside, I was terrified. Only recently did I discover why I was so disgusted and horrified by people willingly or unwillingly giving up their virginity on the big screen, but at the time, I needed people to love me instead of judge me.

In a situation like that, it would be easy for anyone to shame me. “They’re just kissing, get over it.” “Why do you have to ruin the movie?” “Why can’t you just grow up?” “What are you so afraid of?” I’m thankful none of my friends actually said that, but it was what I was feeling. The voices in my head said it enough.

If you know people who suffer from anxiety, your job is not to fix them. Your job is not to point out the obvious and show them how wrong it is to have anxiety. Your job, if you have one at all, is to walk alongside them. Love them through the pain. Help them to see that they are not alone, because anxiety can truly make you feel like you’re alone.

Anxiety is irrational. Anyone with anxiety can tell you that. Every time I have a panic attack I get so angry at myself because I honestly should have seen it coming. The last thing I need is someone telling me that what I’m thinking makes sense. The worst thing about anxiety is that you know it’s irrational, you know it’s stupid, but your body does what your mind says not to do.

Paul talks about how foolish it was for new believers to think that food sacrificed to idols was unclean. There were people who couldn’t eat food sacrificed to false gods. Instead of condemning those people, Paul encourages the believers who didn’t have this problem to not be a stumbling block. People with a “weak conscience” in this passage were those who used to sacrifice food to idols before they became followers of Jesus. God was working on them, but for those who had already “possessed the knowledge” that God is the only true God and no other god exists, they were charged not to cause their brothers to stumble (1 Corinthians 8).

I believe the same is true for those who suffer from anxiety. Anxiety does not come from God, but it comes from circumstances of our past, before we knew God. While I do not believe anxiety is a sin, I believe that God can heal us from anxiety over time. Until then, we cannot shame people who still struggle with anxiety. If anything triggers anxiety in your friend, from talking on the phone to getting on an airplane, do not shame her. I’ve heard of people being afraid of buttons. Why? It doesn’t matter; my job is to love them. When someone is acting out of anxiety, do not give him statistical evidence. Do not tell her to get over it. Do not roll your eyes.

If you really care, then love your friend enough to help him, not to fix him.

Photo by Caleb Woods on Unsplash

Categories
Marriage

Check Out My Guest Blog on Inspire Your Marriage

Happy Labor Day to all my fellow workers! I have been blessed these past couple of weeks to have my articles featured on other blogs. This one is on a marriage blog. John Thomas interviewed me about some communication issues I was having with Lenny in the beginning of our marriage. Communication is an ongoing skill that we always have to improve. I thank God that we’ve gotten much better at it. I feel like we are on the same page, and we love each other more deeply through our understanding of each other. Check out Inspire Your Marriage for our story and for more marriage advice:

https://www.inspireyourmarriage.com/2018/08/27/life-example-conflict-in-marriage-by-talking-too-soon/

It’s always nice hearing another perspective on marriage. Tune in next week for more content of how God is working in my marriage with Lenny. Have a great day!

Categories
Books

“You Don’t Have to Like it; You Just Need to Appreciate It”-Book Review of “Pull it Off”

#Sponsored by FaithWords

I read Pull it Off by Julianna Zobrist in approximately one day (give or take a couple of hours). I was hungry for what this book had to tell me. I mean, listen to the tagline: “Removing Your Fears and Putting on Confidence.” BAM! Who wouldn’t use a little extra dose of confidence in their lives? Here is how it is summed up by FaithWords: “Singer of the hit song ‘Shatterproof,’ Julianna Zobrist digs deep into her own life to reveal how we can maximize our true identities and lean into our unique gifts.” The cover design displays how fun and creative the author is, and how she has used her platform to speak a message that any woman who breathes in fear and breathes out Jesus needs to hear.

For those who don’t know, Julianna Zobrist is a writer, music artist, fashion muse, and social media influencer, among other things. She’s got this Color Kids thing going on that you should check out. You baseball fans might know her as Ben Zobrist’s wife. How does she pull it off? Julianna confesses that she gets this question a lot. She wears funky outfits, writes great music, shows up to her husband’s baseball games, and raises three kids. How does she pull it off? Well, she’s asking herself the same thing, because there are days when she didn’t feel like she was good enough. As you’ll see when you read this book, Zobrist has learned to put fear in the backseat and rely on God to provide her strength and confidence.

Throughout the pages of Pull it Off, you will find Julianna’s vulnerability and courage within every page. She doesn’t have it all figured out, but she wants to help you anyway. She doesn’t want to share her vulnerability, but she fights beyond her comfort zone to bring us a fantastic testimony. There’s even science and psychology in this book! I’m so excited!

The book is split into three parts that each address the root of our insecurities: authority, identity, and security. The underlying theme is challenging how we should think, feel, and behave. She attacks the shoulds of parenting, marriage, and being a woman. In a way, she exposes the false shoulds and replaces them with authentic shoulds, the shoulds that God says about us.

In a nutshell, I would summarize her story with this: Love my own style while appreciating others. We don’t have to conform. We don’t have to perform. All we need is to shine, because we are made in God’s image. There’s no better person to say that than a woman who wears outfits that contain every color of the rainbow! She has a style that works for her, and it’s awesome.

What she said about fashion and confidence actually hit me square in the face. I judge people all the time, and I want them to conform to my standards. On the other hand, I get upset when people judge how I dress or how I act. My takeaway from this book is to figure out what I love and learn to appreciate the style of others.

Typically, when I read a book, I usually forget most of what I read. I don’t know how Zobrist “pulled this off,” but having read the book yesterday, I can give you almost every detail of what I read. She did such a good job explaining the scientific stuff, and although it sounded repetitive at first, what she said is stuck in my brain. I’m thankful for the repetition. That will be helpful when I have to face my fears and live a confident life. Each moment we live is another opportunity to grow our courage just a little bit more.

I do not agree with everything I theologically in this book, but if you are looking for a book that isn’t preachy, I believe Zobrist did a good job of keeping it simple and easy to understand.

This book, published by FaithWords, will be on sale September 18th of this year. You can see it first on the FaithWords website.

*I put pink post-its in the book to remember parts of the book that I like, but look how nicely it matches the book?

Categories
anxiety

Afraid of Success

In the beginning of the summer, I started my career as a freelance writer and editor. I didn’t sign a contract, nor did I get any sort of salary or benefits. My husband and I made the decision to start my business up from the ground.

Over these last couple of months, I’ve had plenty of doubts. What if my book never gets published? What if no one ever gives me business? What if people hear my pitch, see my passion, and still reject me? What if I never make another dime in my life?

As Sophie writes in Letters to Juliet: “‘What’ and ‘If’ are two words as non-threatening as words can be. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life: What… if? What, if? What if…?”

To be honest with you, I’m not pursuing this career path for the money. I’m doing this because I love to write, and you can’t put a price tag on what you love. On a laborious commute home about a year ago, I heard a sermon from Craig Groeschel, during his series “Divine Direction.” His intro wasn’t related to his sermon (it was more of an announcement), but what he said stuck with me. He asked the congregation if they would be willing to keep their current jobs if they were guaranteed $10,000 more. Then he asked if they were guaranteed $20,000, then $100,000, then $1 million. Some people would violently nod their heads in agreement, but to me, the money isn’t worth it if you don’t like what you do. Time is also a valuable resource, and if you spend 40+ hours a week doing something you don’t like (in addition to the hours you spend thinking and talking about your job), you’re wasting your time. I thank God for the opportunity to do what I love, without looking at my salary.

Although my fear of failure is slowly dissipating, these last couple of weeks, I’ve realized that I have a fear even deeper than my fear of failure. I have a fear of success.

I’ve dreamed of staying at home as a writer since I was six years old, before I even knew it was possible. All I knew was that I loved sitting on my computer all day and typing stories. I loved to write, and as God came into my life and changed my heart, I started to love encouraging the hopeless with my writing as well. Given all the enemy threw at me to make me unsuccessful, here I am, in the battle arena, waiting to mount onto the victor’s pedestal.

What if all the hopes and dreams that I’ve wanted to see come to fruition, aren’t as great as I think they’re going to be?

Despite what Shia LaBeouf may say, it often is better for your dreams to be dreams. Dreams can be whatever you want them to be, with no interruptions. Once your dream is voiced, it suddenly clashes with reality, and now you have to deal with the rubber meeting the road, the flying car crashing onto the paved road on the ground.

That is the same for my writing. My dream is to be a published author with tons of books, traveling and spreading hope to my adoring readers, for the glory of God. I want to make a living as a writer. I totally believe that’s possible, but what if it’s not all that it’s cracked up to be? What if my dream isn’t as beautiful and wonderful as I had always hoped?

The joy in this message is that our success is never going to be as satisfying as we expect. God has given us a passion for Him and for His kingdom, for Heaven. While we can enjoy a taste of the blessings He has for us in the next life, nothing on Earth is ever going to satisfy us apart from God. All we can do is work as hard as we can for God, and to pursue the dreams that He has birthed in us. Through prayer and wise counsel, you can find that dream job, and you can be successful, no matter what you do. And you don’t have to be afraid of success or failure.

Photo by Bruno Nascimento on Unsplash

Categories
Marriage

My Husband, My Accountability Partner

This week, my husband further helped me to be the person that God wants me to be. God has gifted my husband to see things about myself that I could not even if I looked in my bathroom mirror (that lighting exposes everything!). After a little over three years (of being together), my husband can already see my limits and knows how far he could push me beyond them.

I didn’t want to have my first panic attack in front of Lenny until we had been engaged. At least. But how long was that honestly supposed to last? Really? I had my first panic attack in front of him the week after we made it official. I lasted one week without having a panic attack. Looking back, that’s pretty impressive, but that panic attack definitely wasn’t the classy lady that my boyfriend (at the time) expected me to be. God has shown me that He did not allow me to hide my anxiety from Lenny because He wanted to use Lenny to help me find healing. There is healing in community, when we bring our brokenness to one another and allow them to pray for us and meet our needs. Lenny started doing that for me after a week of dating.

As we’ve gotten to know each other and have shared our hearts with one another, we’ve both pushed each other to be more of who God wants us to be. I’ve gotten to see the culmination of our accountability through this week. Our week started with Lenny encouraging me in my career, which led me to apply for a handful of freelance jobs and to write a couple of prompts on a website I’ve joined. Our week ended with Lenny comforting me on line for a water slide.

I hate waiting on stairs. I was totally fine while we waited on the ground, but once we got to the very middle of the stairs, I couldn’t breathe. I begged Lenny to take me off the line, but I knew he wasn’t going to do that. I could tell he was frustrated with me because I picked the worst time to have a panic attack. I don’t blame him. Although he’s great at calming me down, he’s still human. He was hot, thirsty, and impatient after baking in the sun waiting for a five-second ride. He was not about to hop off the line, so he calmed me down and helped me survive the rest of the trip up the stairs. (Spoiler alert: We made it!)

I’m speaking from my own experience, but I also help Lenny accomplish his goals. Over the years, I’ve encouraged Lenny to apply for his first job, walk for college graduation, and stand up for himself. He has told me on more than one occasion that he would not be who he is today without me.

We not only hold each other accountable as individuals, but also as a couple. We read the Bible together and pray that God would keep us united. The other night, we wrote down our goals we’d like to accomplish as a couple. We attend church together every week, and we attend a small group together during the school year. At our wedding, our pastor had told us that it is impossible for us to be apart when both of our eyes are fixed on Christ. When we have the same goal, to honor God in our marriage, that goal will draw us closer together.

Your spouse is your life partner, your life coach, your accountability partner. While your spouse shouldn’t be your only accountability partner, what better person to have help you grow than the one who knows what your morning breath smells like? Lenny knows pretty much everything about me, even things I don’t know about myself, and as we discover new things together, we learn how to deal with them in time.

Your marriage should improve you and your spouse as individuals and as a couple. If it does not, maybe you can have a conversation about what’s working and what’s not. Start by creating some goals that you would like to accomplish in your individual lives as well as in your marriage. Here are some prompts to get you thinking:
-Where do you see yourself (and your family) in 5 years?
-What would your dream job be, and is it something you want to strive to get?
-What are you going to do to improve your marriage on a regular basis? (eg, date night, joining a small group, praying in the morning, etc.)
-If you don’t have children, when do you want to start a family, and how many kids do you want?
-If you have children, what goals do you have in raising them?

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